I checked my watch for the umpteenth time. It read only a few minutes later than my last check. I glanced again in the small mirror in my living room. I didn’t know why, though. I continued to get the same image as every other time I had checked.
I tried to look at myself objectively.
I still hadn’t gotten my haircut so it had that wavy couldn’t care less look going on that some people took hours trying to project but that I got naturally. It was thick and there was a healthy shine to the very average brown color.
My eyes looked over bright tonight. It lightened the flat brown of my irises, giving them a honey warmth, I had never noticed before. The almond shape added to the unique color, making them pop. For the first time they didn’t seem quite so average.
My skin was clear, my nose still straight, my lips a darker shade of rose than usual as I had spent the past hour chewing at them in my nervousness. The darkened color flattered them in a way that made them look fuller. A little sensual.
The overall image I saw reflected back at me was different than the one I usually saw. It was still me, but it wasn’t. I looked excited. I looked more alive.
I felt it, too. Inside my chest, my heart felt strong, its beat invigorated with an anticipation I had never allowed it. My mind felt open to possibilities it usually shied away from.
I couldn’t deny I was somewhat anxious, too. My palms were a bit sweaty. My stomach felt funny. Not like I was sick but like someone was flipping pancakes repeatedly inside my tummy. It was an odd sensation. It made me antsy and I fidgeted again with the top button on my red polo.
I swiped my palms down the sides of my khakis and pat Cissero’s head as he paced beside me. He was picking up on my nervous agitation and kept shooting me looks of concern from his liquid brown eyes.
The sound of a text received dinged from my back pocket. I pulled it out to see it was from Pierce. We had agreed on Tuesday, Pierce was to text me he had arrived and I would go out and meet him to avoid my dog’s favorite game of doorbell.
[I’m here.]
I felt an extra-large flip in the region of my belly as I read his message. A small thrill zinged along my spine. Anticipation warred with nervousness. I knew which one I favored to win.
With determination to fix the fight that waged within, I leaned down and placed my forehead against Cissero’s, lying it there for a calming second before standing back up straight. One step at a time, breathing in and out, I calmly made my way to the man waiting on the other side of the door.
For our first date.
I wish I could say the first thing I saw was Pierce, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t very romantic of me, but I first zeroed in on the very large man flanking his right before they shifted a degree to land on the even larger man flanking his left. It was the same two bodyguards from the first night I had met Pierce.
My steps faltered as I walked towards Pierce. He seemed to flinch before he smoothed his expression out and stepped forward to greet me.
“You look… different,” he commented his eyes sweeping over my face and swiftly down my body before coming back up to meet my eyes again. “Good!” he laughed seeming to realize his first comment could be interpreted either way. “You always look good,” he added in a mumbling growl and I blushed.
“You look nice, too,” I answered and of course I meant it.
I didn’t think Pierce could look bad if he tried. He was dressed as casually as I was and looked relaxed. If it weren’t for the two men standing a few feet away from us I would have felt very excited to start the night.
Only they were there and they literally screamed at me the differences that were between Pierce and I. The things that had worried me before returned with a suddenness that chiseled at my new found confidence.
Despite my trying to fix the battle within, nervousness pulled ahead in the fight with a solid punch to my solar plexus. Though I still look forward to tonight, the eagerness had somewhat dimmed by the anxiety trying to slowly creep in.
“You okay?” Pierce murmured and I glanced up at him in surprise.
I had been concentrating so deeply on the unexpected dip in my anticipation that I had blanked everything else out.
“Um… yes,” I said, glancing nervously between the two waiting men.
Pierce watched me closely. I watched his eyes flicker to his men and then back to me a few times and his lips compress as he realized my reservations at their attendance. He looked angry again, like he used to when he looked at me. I hated the thought that my nervousness had ruined everything.
“Do they make you uncomfortable?”
I shook my head no. I was determined to get over it and not ruin the night. I owed it to myself to see this through. I thought of how excited I had been this week. I couldn’t let my worries interfere. Only time would tell our compatibility after all.
Giving in without at least trying seemed wrong, even though the old Jackson would probably have done without hesitation. But I was no longer the old Jackson. My eyes had been opened to things now, so much so, I didn’t even know if I could go back.
“No, I’m f…fine,” I said, wincing at the stammer. “Let’s go.”
Pierce watched my face but I met his eyes and maintained the contact until it seemed he was okay with what he saw.
“Then shall we?” he asked, indicating I should walk toward the car.
As I did so, the beefier of the two men with Pierce, held the door open for me as Pierce circled around to the other side of the car with the other man, who assisted Pierce into his seat. A few seconds later the engine purred to life and the car move forward.
Pierce looked over at me with a small smile.
“I picked a casual restaurant close to the art gallery you said you liked. I figured we could take our time over a meal then walk around the different exhibits.”
I nodded and offered a small smile. Food and art. I liked them both. This could work out after all. I knew if I could control my annoying self-doubts and itchy anxiety, it just might.
It unfortunately wasn’t easy to do.
In the car, with just the two of us, things were fine. Pierce asked me about my week and what had I done. Since he knew exactly what I did, it made the conversation interesting. He asked great questions and it was exciting to share such a special part of my life with someone else.
He also asked about Cissero and I loved that. Like me, like my dog was my motto. And Pierce genuinely seemed to.
He shared a few stories of that Saturday when he had unexpectedly been his sole care taker. I wasn’t surprised by anything he said. I knew what a goofball my dog was and loved him all the more for it. It was nice that Pierce seemed to appreciate the ridiculousness that Cissero had to offer.
Feeling more relaxed as we spoke, I was completely caught off guard by the tension I felt return when Mr. Beefy opened my door. I didn’t know why they made me feel this way. I couldn’t explain why their presence was distressing to me but it was and I kept glancing at them nervously as they escorted us up to the entryway.
Their presence seemed overkill to me. I wondered briefly if Pierce was trying to impress me but my mind quickly shied away from the thought. I couldn’t see Pierce trying to impress anyone. Still, the uncomfortable sensation they generated in me lingered even throughout the meal.
Though I relaxed enough after we sat down to enjoy the food and the company, I couldn’t quite reach the level of comfortable we had acquired in the ride over. I could tell that Pierce knew as well. He kept shooting me small looks of concern. I faked it with all my might. I really did.
I participated in the conversation. I asked Pierce questions about his likes and dislikes. I asked a lot of questions about food which made him laugh. And that led to a long back and forth exchange about our favorite dishes.
Behind it all, I was frustrated with myself. I had so looked forward to tonight and yet I felt like I was failing it. Despite my best intentions I hadn’t given it my all and I couldn’t help but worry that Pierce was disappointed as well.
And that made me even more confused.
My thoughts were so conflicted. I worried this wasn’t working because we were so different, the bodyguards unnerved me so much that I didn’t think I could function in this lifestyle, yet my mind and heart were going crazy that I was sinking this ship all on my own and they were desperately trying to free the lifeboats.
If tonight didn’t work out, I had no one to blame but myself.
“Jackson!” Pierce said and I got the feeling it wasn’t the first time.
Heat stained my cheeks.
“Sorry, what?” I asked.
Pierce stared at me, his jaw tense. I figured I had pushed him too far and this was about to be the beginning of the end.
“Let’s go!” he ordered, ushering me out into the night. The two giants were waiting and escorted us to the car. We walked in silence. It wasn’t tense but it wasn’t comfortable either.
As we settled in the backseat, Pierce glanced over at me.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to skip the art gallery and go back to my place.”
I must have looked startled because he gave his signature half smiled and clarified, “To talk.”
“Oh!” I said feeling foolish.
Thankfully he didn’t laugh, though I got the feeling he was only restraining himself for my benefit.
Twenty minutes later we pulled up outside an extremely large residence with a gated entrance. I looked out the window as we drove down a large drive and ended up in front of a house that was several times larger than my own. If I ever doubted Pierce’s wealth, I no longer could.
The entire estate was enormous. Though dark, it was well lit. I could see several trees dotting the yard, a four car garage off to the side, and a fence towards the back that no doubt housed a swimming pool and possibly more.
As we stepped out of the car, Pierce walked around and grabbed me lightly by my elbow and shepherded me into his home. Before I could really look at anything, he walked me into a small den that looked extremely cozy and well used.
He offered me a drink but I shook my head no. I didn’t know what he wanted to say and the waiting was making it worse. I would rather he just spill it all out. If this is where my new found life ended, I would rather know now.
Pierce indicated I should take a seat and he took the one opposite of me. Before he could say anything though a shuffling snort drew our attention. I turned in the direction from where the sound had come and watched in surprise as a fat mound of fur slowly rose from a fluffy bed I had not seen when I entered the room.
An English bulldog slowly ambled over to me and I stuck my hand out for it to smell. It did so at its leisure and I smiled down at the wrinkly marshmallow of fluff absorbed in my scent.
I calmed just in its vicinity. Dogs had always had that affect on me. Being close to them petting them, calmed me and soothed the hated anxiety better than any pill I had ever taken.
I glanced up at Pierce to see him watching me.
“What’s her name?”
“Ziggy.”
I smiled. It suited her.
“You really like dogs, don’t you,” Pierce said more than questioned.
“Love them,” I replied with a smile.
“I’ve never been jealous of a dog before. It’s a new experience for me,” Pierce commented softly and my eyes widened as his words penetrated.
My head shot back down to focus on Ziggy. I really didn’t know how to reply to his candor, though I couldn’t deny how happy his words made me feel. Especially considering how things had gone tonight.
I peaked up at him. I felt pulled to see what he was thinking as much as I felt pulled to hide. Since meeting Pierce, it had been a nonstop ride of emotional contradictions that I found hard to get used to but couldn’t imagine disappearing from my life.
“Jackson,” Pierce said, catching my peek and asking with my name alone to give him my full attention.
I couldn’t deny him and I finally sat back up, my hand on Ziggy’s head but my attention now on Pierce.
Pierce looked at me then inhaled deeply as if coming to a decision. His face took on a solemnly resolved expression that told me he was being serious and sincere. I unconsciously held my breath as I waited for him to speak.
“Let me tell you a story.”
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