It’s early in the morning, I awoke to find her sleeping beside me. As I observed her peaceful slumber, thoughts of her actions from the previous night lingered in my mind. How did she manage to open my parent’s room? What was she searching for? Is she keeping something hidden from me?
Anong binabalak niya?
I recall hurrying walking through the stairs silently, trying to avoid making any noise that might alert her, and then pretending to be asleep to prevent her from noticing. Her behavior continues to puzzle me.
Tiningnan ko ulit ang mga mukha niyang mahimbing na natutulog. Sa maganda niyang mukha na hindi mo aakalaing sobrang lamig at sungit niya.
Kung ano man ang binabalak mo, sana malaman ko.
Bumangon ako para bumaba. Mabuti nalang at ako ang naunang nagising, kung siya kasi baka maisipan niyang magluto tapos baka pag gising ko wala na kaming bahay.
Agad akong lumabas sa kwarto at bumaba only to find Ma’am Vivien sleeping on the couch, she’s completely in slumber.
What?
Kailan pa siya bumalik?
Ala una kagabi nung nagising ako pero wala naman akong nakitang imahe niyang natutulog sa couch namin. I noticed that her arms crossed preventing her to feel the cold from the aircon. She’s wearing a brown leader jacket and a blue jeans, parang pagod pa siya at kakatulog lang. Agad akong umakyat ulit at kumuha ng comforter, tulog pa rin kasi ang isa.
I descend to offer her the blanket. Gently, I drape the comforter over her to shield her from the cold. I adjust the air conditioning, lowering it to provide warmth. Observing her asleep on the couch, a sense of concern engulfs me. She has endured much to look after me.
Really she don’t have to do this kind of stuff. I don’t want her to struggle anymore. Nadadamay pa siya sakin.
Pumunta ako sa kitchen para magluto ng breakfast. The kitchen appears neat, with everything arranged neatly. I opened the refrigerator, selecting a pair of eggs. Placing one in the pan, at nagsimula akong magluto. Alongside, I opt for a vegetable, opting to create a cucumber salad. Nagluto din ako ng omelette using egg whites, with spinach, bell pepper, and tomatoes alongside with whole-grain toast and a cup of coffee for them.
“Frey? Bakit ikaw ang nagluluto?” biglang tanong ni Ma’am Vivien sakin. Gising na pala siya, pero mukhang kailangan niya pa talaga matulog.
“I want po, matulog na muna kayo ma’am.” Sagot ko dito. Her eyes seems to need more sleep.
“No, it’s fine. Do you want a hand?” she asked, insisting to help me.
“Ah, wag na po.” Nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya. “Umupo nalang kayo d’yan ma’am, matatapos na rin naman ako.” Dagdag ko.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Opo,” with that, natapos akong magluto at isa-isa kong nilapag ang pagkain na niluto ko sa mesa.
“You didn’t told me you’re a good cook,” nakangiting sabi nito sakin habang tinitingnan ang niluto ko.
“Hindi naman po masyado, namana lang kay mom.” I answered.
“Do you recall that evening when I brought you here?” she asked.
“Hmm?” I murmured while stirring two cups of coffee.
“I did told you that I want you to cook for me when I comeback here, seems like, wish come true for me.” she stated, a smile gracing her face. Her eyes seemed weary, yet her cheerful smile towards me was evident.
Ngumiti ako, “Natatandaan ko po.” Sabay bigay ko ng kape sa kanya.
“Frey, you don’t have to do this.” She said while accepting the cup.
“Okay lang po talaga besides marami na kayong nagawa para sakin, bumabawi lang naman ako.” I smiled.
“Then I’ll cook for the lunch later.”
“Wala ba kayong duty ngayon, ma’am?”
“I took a leave. Don’t worry.” Sabi niya sabay higop ng kape.
Ginawa niya yon para sakin?
Suddenly, a woman emerged from the living room. Diretso itong pumasok sa kitchen not even uttering a single word. Kahit good morning wala. Wala yatang good sa morning niya. Pabagsak siyang umupo sa upuan at tiningnan ako nang malamig. Nagtinginan kami ni Ma’am Vivien, napailing nalang ito.
“Your coffee,” sabay bigay ko ng cup sa kanya. Hindi niya tinanggap kaya I was left hanging.
“Just put it in the table, Frey.” Ma’am Vivien intertwined. Inilagay ko nalang ang kape sa harap niya at umupo malapit kay Ma’am Vivien. Pagkakuway tumayo ito at bumalik naman agad, naghilamos yata.
We started eating, with the sole sounds of the utensils against the plates. Neither of us engaged in conversation, particularly her. Her icy stare made me uneasy. Ma’am Vivien savored her food peacefully, and I observed the her stealing occasional glances at her, her gaze intense. I simply rolled my eyes.
Kailan ba siya titigil?
Natapos kaming kumain, hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita. Inilagay ko na ang mga ginamit namin sa sink para hugasan nang pigilan ako ni Ma’am Vivien sabay hawak ng kamay ko.
“Let me,” she said, holding my hand. In my peripheral vision, nakita ko ang pagtingin niya samin tapos nakasalubong ang kilay.
“Ah e… ako na po..” I insisted.
“Ako na. You already cooked for us so might as well I’ll do the dishes.” She said. Umalis naman ang isa pero padabog. Si Ma’am Vivien na ang naghugas ng plato.
Agad akong pumunta sa itaas para hanapin siya at hindi ako nagkamali, pagkabukas ko ng pintuan bungad sakin ang matalim na titig niya habang nakahalukipkip.
Pumasok ako at pumunta sa closet nang hindi siya pinapansin.
“So, you’re giving me the silent treatment now, huh?” Her words caught me off guard.
I turned my body to face her, my movements deliberate. “Ano?” I inquired. Natigilan ako sa pinagsasabi niya.
She slowly got up from my bed where she had been sitting. “After the two of you spent time together in the kitchen, now you’re acting like I don’t exist,” she said, her tone frigid.
“What do you mean I’m ignoring you? You were the one ignoring us downstairs,” I retorted.
“Because you seemed to be enjoying yourselves!” Her voice started to rise. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
“And what’s the issue with that? It was just a normal conversation. Kalma lang,” I said, standing before her.
“That’s precisely the problem. You were having a good time with her, yet you conveniently forgot to wake me up,” she said, her voice gradually intensifying.
“You were asleep, so I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Or is it that you preferred spending time with her?” she pressed. I can’t believe this woman.
“Stop, okay? Stop.” I said calmly. Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Nagluto lang naman ako sa baba tsaka wala naman kaming ginagawang mali ni Ma’am Vivien and she’s acting like this.
“You lied.”
“In what way, huh?” kailan ba ako nagsinungaling sa kanya?
“You said you don’t have feelings for her yet you enjoy your time being with her,” she retorted. Her hands clinch.
“I don’t have. Ilang ulit ko ba dapat sabihin sayo na wala nga!” my voice started to rise.
“Just say it!”
“Nothing! Ano pa ba ang sasabihin ko sayo?” my jaw clinched, “Ma’am Vivien is here to take care of me, walang ginagawa ang tao kundi alagaan ako but you’re here putting any malice on what we normally do!” I countered. I can’t contain my emotions anymore.
She looks at me with disbelief in her eyes, eyebrows in meet again as she averted her gaze.
“That’s not a normal thing to do!” she exclaimed.
“Kung yan ang iniisip mo then that’s your problem, not mine!” I shouted, frustrated. “Look, kung meron man sana akong nararamdaman sa kanya then I wouldn’t have told you everytime that I like you. I wouldn’t gone this far to reach you if there is!”
“You always claim there’s nothing, but every time you’re around her, it feels like there is!” she exclaimed once more.
“I never bothered to pry into your relationship with that guy! I refrained from getting involved…” I clenched my fist. “Nagseselos ako, but I never resorted to such childish behavior! I even believed it was best to let your connection with him be!” I shouted, our voices clashing within my room.
“Jae-
“And now you’re here, acting impulsively! Neither Ma’am Vivien nor I did anything wrong, yet you’re here suspecting us!” I yelled again.
This behavior of hers emerged after she was the one who wanted to be here. She became enraged merely over a casual conversation between me and Ma’am Vivien. Her actions were indeed childish.
“Each time you catch me with her, you react this way, but when I witnessed you with him, I only cried and ignored the fact that you loved him,” I said slowly.
“Jael… it’s not what it is..”
“Then what, huh? What!?” Dahan-dahan akong humawak sa dibdib ko, nagsisimula na namang sumakit. I slowly fell to my knees, my breath become unstable.
“Jae-
“Frey!!?” it was Ma’am Vivienʼs voice. Mabilis itong lumapit sakin at sinalo ako sa mga kamay niya.
“Rhea, what the fuck is this!?” Ma’am Vivien swear. This is the first time I’ve heard her swear. Akma pa sanang hawakan ako ni Ma’am Rhea but Ma’am Vivien stopped her preventing her to touch me.
“Goddammit!” Ma’am Vivien exclaimed while staring at her, “Frey?” she asked me. Nakahawak pa rin ako sa dibdib ko habang nahihirapang huminga.
“Is she okay?” tanong ni Ma’am Rhea.
“How can she be okay!? What the fuck did you do to her, Rhea!?” galit na sigaw ni Ma’am Vivien.
“I-I didn’t mea-
“You always say that! You keep hurting her, are you even thinking!?” Ma’am Vivien fired back, her intense tone ringing in the air.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry won’t change anything!” Ma’am Vivien shouted. She gently placed her hand on my chest, her touch calming. “Frey, look at me,” I raised my gaze to meet hers, focusing on regulating my breathing.
“You’ll be okay. Just breathe in and out, alright?” she said with concern.
I heard the sound of footsteps, signaling someone exiting my room. It was her. Once again, she left us, she left me behind.
Hindi ko maintindihan ang katawan ko ngayon. Ang puso ko. Hindi naman ako ganito dati, hindi naman ganito ka sensitive dati. Siguro bawal na akong sumigaw that’ll cause my heart ache.
Ang hirap na. Nahihirapan na ako.
Maigi akong pinatayo ni Ma’am Vivien nang napansin niyang medyo bumabalik na ang stable na paghinga ko. She guided me to my bed, her hand gripping my arms gently.
“You okay?” she asked, her eyes painted with worries.
Tumango lang ako sa kanya. Thinking what just happened. Our exchange vocals was just useless as she left me here. I heard an engine from a car outside, so aalis siya. Nakaramdam na naman ako ng lungkot. Ganyan naman siya palagi, pagkatapos ng lahat mang-iiwan lang din.
“I’ll get you water,” sabi ni Ma’am Vivien walang ano-anoʼy mabilis itong lumabas para kumuha ng tubig. Naiwan akong nakatunganga lang sa kawalan.
Nakakapagod rin pala pero hanggang kailan ako magtitiis?
I punches the pillow besides me, to let my emotion escape. Kinuha ko ito at tinapon pero pinulot ko rin naman. Hindi ako sanay sa kalat.
Dumating naman agad si Ma’am Vivien, holding a glass of water pagkakuway binigay niya ito sakin. Inilalayan niya akong uminom. She’s treating me like a kid.
“Are you fine now? Is your breathing stable?” she inquired, halata pa rin sa mukha niya ang pag-aalala.
“Yes ma’am. Thank you.” I answered. Ngumiti ako nang pilit sa kanya. Hindi naman talaga ako okay but with her by my side payapa ang pakiramdam ko.
“Would you like to visit my house? I have a garden there, so you can breathe in some fresh air and explore around,” Ma’am Vivien proposed.
“Okay lang po?” I asked, my excitement clearly audible.
“Absolutely, I’ll inform your parents as well. You might even stay the night there,” she mentioned.
I eagerly nodded. I’m eager to wander, enjoy, and take in some fresh air, especially since I had been confined to this house since yesterday.
Ilang oras lang ang nakalipas ay bumyahe na kami ni Ma’am Vivien papunta sa bahay nila. She already informed my parents at wala naman silang naging problema, mas makakatulong daw sakin yon. Nakarating kami sa bahay niya and it’s already 11am. Agad naman naglabasan ang mga maid niya Ma’am Vivien at bumati samin.
“Take her bag and put it in the guess room.” Utos niya Maam Vivien sa katulong. Agad naman itong sumunod sa pinag-uutos at kinuha ang bag sa sasakyan tapos pumunta sa itaas.
Ma’am Vivien swifty guided me to the living room at pinaupo niya ako sa couch.
“Are you hungry?” she inquired.
“Hindi pa po ma’am,” I answered. Inilibot ko ang mga mata ko sa design ng living room nila. Ang ganda, sobrang ganda. Parang bahay ng mga taong may royal blood.
“Let me know if you’re hungry so that I’ll cook immediately.” She said, “Would you like to see your room for tonight?”
Gusto ko, “Yes po.”
“Alright, let’s go.”
Ma’am Vivien led me upstairs, and the hallways were adorned with numerous valuable items, resembling a museum. She took my hand, guiding me to a room illuminated by an elegant ceiling light. The gentle air conditioning and the spacious, inviting bed made it a comfortable space. The room boasted beautiful images of flowers and vases, permeating a delightful fragrance.
“This is where you’ll stay for the night,” she said with a smile.
I noticed a window and walked towards it, admiring the outside view. From here, the gate and the surroundings were visible. Makikita mo ang sasakyan na dumadaan.
“Do you like it?” Ma’am Vivien asked, her arms crossed as she leaned against the doorframe, observing me as I explored.
“Yes, ma’am. Ang ganda dito,” I replied.
Her eyes gleamed with her radiant smile. Nasa kama na ang bag kong may lamang gamit at iba pa kaya tinulungan ako ni ma’am na mag-arrange pagkakuway bumaba na kami para kumain ng lunch. Hindi na siya nagluto dahil inutusan na niyang magluto ang maid kasi tinulungan niya ako sa guest room.
After naming kumain ay nagpalit ako ng suot tapos bumaba. Nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa living room na may hawak na camera – a Leica S3 Dlsr.
Sa pagkakaalam ko ang mahal niyan.
“You’re here. Shall we head to my garden?” she inquired.
“Opo, let’s go, ma’am,” I replied. We stepped outside together, and she led the way to her garden.
Upon reaching the garden, I noticed an array of diverse flowers in bloom. Among them were many exquisite and costly varieties, and the garden itself was expansive. Butterflies fluttered around the flowers, creating a picturesque scene. The plants and flowers appeared to be in excellent health, as if they were meticulously tended to.
“Ang ganda dito,” nakangiting sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang mga bulaklak.
“I’m glad you like it here.” She replied. Naglakad pa ako para tingnan ang iba-ibang bulaklak sa harden niya.
May nakita akong Orchids, Moonflowers, Ficus, at marami pang iba.
“Is this a Juliet Rose!?” bigla kong sabi.
“Yes.” Nakangiting tumango ito sakin.
Hinawakan ko nang maingat ang bulaklak, “Ang mahal nito ma’am.” Sabi ko.
The Juliet Rose is one of the most expensive flower in the world tapos nasa garden niya. I can’t believe, sinampal na naman ako ng kahirapan.
“I brought that because I love flowers. I don’t care how much will it cost me. You like it then it’s worth the wallet.” She responded. Hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti sa kanya.
Patuloy pa rin akong naghahanap at tumitingin sa mga bulaklak, and one draws me in. It’s not an expensive flower, a common one but it really draws me in.
“Sunflower,” I murmured. Hinawakan ko ito at nagustuhan ko talaga. Marami akong painting ng sunflower simula nung bata ako, I recall I love this flower. Ito yong bulaklak na palagi kong pinipinta dati sa pagkakaalala ko.
“Sunflower?” she asked as I held it.
I nodded, still gently running my fingers over the petals.
“This flower suits the situation, Frey. A sunflower symbolizes hope,” she began, her voice carrying warmth. “So when you see these flowers, let them remind you to hold on to hope and believe that things will get better,” she said. Her words resonated deeply within me, wrapping around me like a comforting embrace.
Ma’am Vivien was correct. There’s always hope. Hope for the coming day, hope to start anew, and hope to carry on.
“Frey, look her!” tawag nito sakin, “Smile!” ngumiti naman ako, she’s smiling while she captures me with her camera.
“Hold that flower!” utos niya ulit, sinunod ko naman siya ang nag-pose na rin. Biglang may paru-paru na dumapo sa kamay ko kaya wala siyang sinayang na oras para hindi ako kuhaan ng picture.
“Ako naman!” nasisiyahang sabi ko. Binigay niya sakin ang camera at dahan-dahan ko naman itong tinanggap, ang mahal pa naman.
“1 2 3 smile!” I captured her smiling while posing.
“Wacky naman po!” utos ko sa kanya, agad naman itong nag peace sign tsaka tumingin sa camera.
“Lets take a picture together,” she said, natutuwang tumango naman ako. Nilagay niya ang camera sa table na nasa gitna ng harden at saka bumalik kung nasaan ako.
“I’m glad you’re smiling again..” she said habang nakatingin sakin kasabay ng pagtunog ng camera hudyat na nag-captured na.
“Thank you, ma’am. Thanks for bringing me here. Naenjoy ko po, sobra.” Pagpapasalamat ko sa kanya. I’m so thankful for her na dinala niya ako dito and she didn’t let me get stocked at the house, alone.
“I will do anything to make you happy.”
“Thank you, ma’am. I’m happy.”
“I’m glad.” She smiled.
Her smile resembled a comforting sun in the midst of chilly weather, wrapping around me with warmth. Her kind words felt like soft, gentle, and untainted like a white color. Her presence emitted a sense of tranquility akin to a soothing khaki color, instilling peace. How is it possible for this woman to be so genuinely kind to me? It’s almost as if she’s my guardian angel, prepared to rescue me from any situations or circumstances.
The evening had already descended upon us. I relished my earlier walk through her garden so much that I hadn’t noticed the darkness. Ma’am Vivien prepared the dinner, and Lohan joined us, his presence contributing to the joyful atmosphere. Laughter filled as we shared a meal, the siblings emanating a gentle and joyful aura. Lohan’s laughter was infectious, natatawa rin kami sa mga jokes niya.
As the night progressed, it was time for me to sleep. Ma’am Vivien escorted me to the guest room, making sure everything was in order and assuring me that I could call her if I needed anything. Nakaramdam ako ng matinding pagod kahit hindi naman masyadong nakakapagod ang ginawa namin kanina.
Maingat akong humiga at niyakap ang isang unan na nasa tabi ko. Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na pala ako sa tindi ng pagod na naramdaman ko.
Sa hindi inaasahan, bigla nalang akong nagising. Agad naman akong bumangon, tiningnan ang bintana dito ko lang naisip na nakabukas pala hindi ko nasarado nung chineck ko ito kanina kaya nagpadagdag ng lamig. Tumayo ako at akma na sanang isarado nang may nahagip ang mata ko mula sa gate.
Isang babae na nakasandal sa labas ng sasakyan niya. I squinted my eyes to get a clearer vision at ayon nalang ang paglaki ng mata ko.
“Ma’am Rhea!?” I abruptly said.
Anong ginagawa niya sa ganitong oras?
Napatingin ako sa orasan at nakita kong mag a-alas dose na ng madaling araw. Recalling the earlier events between us, a surge of anger coursed through me. I deliberately disregarded her presence and shut the window. Lying down on the bed, I attempted to push aside the knowledge that she was outside in her car, waiting for someone.
The thought that she was standing there, potentially feeling the chill due to her attire of a blue long-sleeve shirt and black pants, crossed my mind. She leaned against her car, her arms folded, gazing at it as I recalled the sight from earlier. Hindi ako mapakali at biglang bumangon para lumabas.
Hindi ko siya matiis.
Mabilis akong bumaba ng hagdan at lumabas. There I saw her waiting. Nang makita niya akong papalapit pa lang sa gate ay napatayo siya nang matuwid, she’s caressing her hand, nervously.
“Jael…” bungad ng malalamig na boses niya sakin.
“Ma’am? Anong ginagawa niyo dito?” I inquired, lumabas ako sa gate through the small door on it. She took a step forward to grasp my arms pero kusa akong lumayo.
“I’m sorry, please…” she murmured.
“It’s getting late. You should go home,” I stated, purposefully avoiding acknowledging her emotions.
“I can’t,” her voice carried a tone of desperation.
“Please, ma’am. Don’t complicate things for me,” I replied, deliberately averting my gaze. Looking into her eyes might weaken my resolve, and I couldn’t afford that.
“I’m sorry, please. I’m sorry. Jealousy clouded my judgment, and I didn’t think clearly. I let jealousy consume me,” her voice softened. Taking a step closer, she reached out and held my hands. Once again, I found myself stunned by her actions.
“Go home,” I stated coldly, trying to extricate my hands from her grip, but she held on tightly.
“How can I go home when you’re here?” she retorted, her voice is calm, and begging.
“Come with me… Jael.”
“No.”
“I’ll stay here until you come with me.”
“And then what? So you can act impulsively again? Is this some sort of game to you? Am I a joke?” I retorted, summoning my determination.
Yet, the truth was, I found it difficult to stand my ground when it comes to her.
“Come with me. Be with me,” she pleaded.
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