Pest Control Âœ” PC │010

A/N: TW!! This chapter touches very sensitive topics like s*lf h*rm, su*cidal ideation and d*pression. If you’re triggered by any of the topics mentioned above, please skip this chapter. ALSO LISTEN TO THE SONG FOR THE FEELS TYVM VOITCOJRCIJOCF

【A L V I N】

I’d finished reciting the entire events that had taken place to my friends, and they were left speechless – to say the least (see what I did there?). All jokes aside, the situation left us with so much to say but so little at the same time. That was exactly how we ended up retelling all the darkest moments we’d been through in our lives to each other. This was quite a big deal, in my opinion, because everytime I was with them, our conversations never touched topics this sensitive. 

But I was also quite thankful that we were having this conversation because I felt so much closer to them than I had ever felt before. I’d never thought just simple recollections from the past would have the power to burn such a deep, gaping hole into my heart. It made me feel helpless yet comforted at the same time, as odd as it was. 

“I regret letting their words get to me,” Antonio began after a moment’s silence with a grin on his face which reflected every kind of pain that a human could feel. “I really let somebody just as insecure as I was dictate the way I felt about myself. I really let them get to me like that.”

That left me with so much to say – I’d felt the exact same way before. Letting people’s words get to you – those people being my very own parents. I regret ever letting their words take the form of daggers which eventually made themselves known in the form of lines etched on my skin. Lines that told so many stories. Lines that would stick with me till the very end of time.

The more I thought about it, the more helpless I felt. I really let their words pick me apart piece by piece, tear me to shreds and leave me feeling like even if I were the last person on Earth along with the two of them, they wouldn’t even spare me a second’s glance – and as much as that thought used to leave my heart aching, I didn’t feel anything anymore. I felt empty at the thought of my parents. I felt lost even calling them that, it was a title they didn’t deserve in the slightest.

It was a title I’d spent my entire life wishing to give to someone else. Just the feeling of wanting to have two other people you’d rather refer to as your parents. Just the feeling of wanting to leave that place that I once called home and never wanting to return – even if I had nowhere to go. At some point I even considered letting myself rot on the streets.  Any place without them would have done just fine. 

As the conversation continued, the words faded out into the background to the point where I could no longer hear them. I was too focused on blinking away the ocean of tears that licked at the white of my eyes, threatening to spill out any second. Then, I averted my gaze to the fading scars on my wrist. The scars that were fading, yes – but would never disappear fully. 

I let out a shaky breath at the images that came flooding back to me – sitting on the floor of my bathroom with one hand pressed against my mouth to avoid the sound of my sobs spilling out with my other hand a threatening shade of crimson – that too at the ripe age of twelve. I regretted those days, I really did. 

I felt hurt, but angry at the same time. Angry at my parents and myself – the only individuals who had refused to let me live my childhood in peace. I’d spent my time after I’d moved out of there being so angry at myself for always letting them get to me, especially because I could no longer reclaim my childhood. 

But then again, I wouldn’t be me without these scars.

“I’m so glad I found you guys,” Delilah began, her voice barely above a whisper. “I never showed it but I was going through such a dark time in my life after being kicked out. I was practically homeless for a month-” she paused to let out a bitter chuckle before proceeding, “And I met Margot and she offered to let me stay at her place, then I met the rest of you.”

“I’m thankful as well,” Rowan muttered, pulling at the skin around their fingernails as a distraction from breaking down. “I don’t even know if I’d be here right now if it weren’t for you guys. You guys, dare I say, saved me in a way.”

Margot shot Rowan a sympathetic smile before reaching out and holding onto their hand in an attempt to comfort them before saying, “I know I’m not the sentimental type, but you guys are like the family I’ve never had. My childhood was practically shit and I never even considered my biological parents and siblings my family – but you guys showed me what a loving family is really like, and for that I’m so fucking thankful.”

“I hope I never lose any of you,” Antonio confessed. “This might sound cheesy, but it’d feel like you’d be taking a part of me with you if you chose to leave.”

“I feel the same way,” I finally let out. “You guys are everything I could have ever wished for and more. I’ll always love each and every one of you. Rowan, I still love you with every piece of my heart even though you say my hair looks like a porcupine. Delilah, I still love you even though you say my face looks like I was dropped at birth. Margot, I still love you even though you threaten to destroy my vital organs – and Antonio, I still love you even though you finished those damn muffins without me.”

After my humorous yet heartfelt rant, the group burst out into a fit of giggles – before the laughter finally died down and Antonio leaned closer to me with a hopeful expression on his face.

“Forever and always?” 

“Forever and always,” I confirmed.