Tempting Me Merry Christmas?

I’ve only been able to cry.

The Santoro’s said I can stay as long as I need. Apparently they had a suspicion about Scarlett and I and last night confirmed it.

That’s not really the way I wanted Scarlett to come out to her parents.

All I’ve been able to do is cry.

And wish my mother was here.

Christmas is tomorrow and I don’t care anymore.

But that’s normal, I think. Christmas hasn’t really been Christmas since she died anyway.

I was going to head to Sydney’s today seeing as I do have a room there and I’m not completely sure how comfortable the Santoro’s are with their new knowledge about their daughter and her girlfriend. But we’re in a white out. There’s already a foot of snow outside and it started at two.

“What’s up?” Scar sat down next to me on her huge bean bag chair, “I was thinking we’d go and open presents.”

I stared at her, “What presents?”

I haven’t left her room in three days. And I didn’t expect any presents.

She shrugged, “Mom went overboard before the whole thing happened so don’t think these are pity gifts.” She stood up and walked over to her white dresser, opening the top drawer, “I have something for you first.”

I stared at her as she walked back over and sat in front of me instead of back on the chair.

She held out a small red box. “It’s cute, just open it.” She looked down at her hands and I noticed how red her cheeks were.

I slowly undid the small bow and lifted the lid.

A golden ‘S’ necklace sat delicately in the box.

I looked up at her.

She pulled another box out, “I got me an ‘N’ by the way.”

I smiled and set the box gently on the ground, “I like you real bad, Scarlett Santoro.”

She blushed harder, “I like you a lot more, Natalie Wilson.”

I put my hands gently on her cheeks, admiring her face. The tiny, almost unnoticeable scar above her lip. How one of her eyes is a darker shade of blue than the other. The freckles on the very tip of her nose. “You’re so beautiful, Scarlett.”

She tried to look away as the blush took over her cheeks.

But I kissed her instead.

And it felt really nice.

We rested against each others foreheads.

She cleared her throat, “My mom made her famous hand and baked mac ‘n cheese so you better hurry up and get those pajamas on.” She stood up, “Because we have to eat dinner, open presents, and get our groove on.”

I rolled my eyes and stood up, “You’re so corny, Santoro.”

She shrugged and threw the pink penguin pajamas at me, “Hurry up.”

I sighed and quickly dressed right there.

Of course, she stared the whole time. But that’s understandable. I would stare if she changed right in front of me.

I slid the slippers on and finally exited her room. And it did smell really really nice out here.

Chip was looking directly at me from the far end of the hallway.

I braced myself for mean words or even a smug look towards me. But instead, he reached his hand out and handed me a gift card.

“There’s only $220 on there but Angie and I went half and half.” He crossed his hands over his chest and looked down, “Sorry about your Dad and shit.”

Scarlett hit his arm.

He glared at her then looked at me, “I’m letting you know that gift card is just a bride so you don’t tell anyone about these fucking pajamas.”

“Dinner is served.” Beau, the Santoro’s butler of like 36 years, looked up the stairs at us. “Please inform Angelina. I will retrieve Wolf.”

“You can just go sit down, Beau.” Mrs. Santoro came into the foyer, “Well get down here kiddos!”

Scarlett looked at me and started down the stairs.

Obviously, I followed after her.

We walked through the foyer. Then the hallway past their movie room. Around the corner through their breakfast nook. And finally into the grand dining hall.

I’m just kidding. It’s just an oversized dining room they never actually use.

Once everyone was settled, I was in between Wolf and Scarlett. Angie was directly across from me, Beau on her left and Mrs. Santoro on the right. Mr Santoro sat at the head of the table. And Chip sat on the other side.

Gordon finally stood up and cleared his throat, looking around the table, “So we usually open presents in the morning but, that one is on me.” He smiled, “Merry Christmas to my wonderful family. God, I thank you for this meal. Diane,” He looked at his wife, “I thank you for being patient with me.” He looked back at his kids, “And I love you guys. Natalie included.” He smiled at me.

I am going to cry. Again. Not only because he actually cares about his kids but also because he included me. So did Chip. I know that was hard for him especially.

When Gordon sat down, we all started to eat.

“This ham is amazing, Mrs. Santoro.” I would choose to eat this for the rest of my life.

She smiled at me, “Scarlett helped.”

I raised my eyebrows and turned to my girlfriend.

She was beet red. “You know the cheer thing I have coming up out of town, Dad?” Smooth, Scarlett.

He nodded once, “Minneapolis.”

“Nationals, Dad.”

We also have nationals coming up soon. In a few weeks. Regionals are four games. January 3rd, 5th, 9th, and 11th. Sectionals are two games. January 17th and 19th. If we make it to nationals, it’s on February 2nd.

“Natalie.” Scarlett squeezed my leg. Then I realized I zoned out. “What does your hockey schedule look like?’

I smiled knowing that’s exactly what I was thinking about. “Regionals start next Wednesday. There’s four games.”

Chip grumbled. Because his team didn’t make it to regionals. Must suck.

“You think you’re making it past those?” Gordon smiled a playful smirk at me, “The other teams are pretty good this year.”

“We’re undefeated, Mr S.”

He rolled his eyes, “Cocky.”

Diane asked Angelina a question. And the conversation about Stanley cups turned into a political debate turned into an argument turned into clearing the table.

I helped Scarlett load the dishwasher and we were finally all settled in the family room.

And boy, were there a mountain of presents.

I sat on the floor next to the fireplace.

And Wolf immediately sat in my lap.

“First one goes to…” Angelina squinted at the handwriting. “Oh it’s from Chip. Dad.” She handed Gordon a gold wrapped box.

He pulled the paper off faster than I’ve seen any adult move, “I knew it.” He smiled at his son, “Thank you for the RC car, Jonathan.”

Diane was next from Angie. Wolf from Chip. Chip from his parents. Angie from Wolf. Me.

Me from ‘The Santoros.’ A tiny green box.

I stared at it for a moment. The curl of the letters reminded me of the way Mom and I used to write Santa super fancy on all of Melly’s presents. I almost wrote it as good as her.

Diane had her camera out and I was starting to get really nervous.

I undid the wrapping paper slowly because I hate ripping open presents while everyone is staring at me. That sounds dumb but it’s an anxiety thing. It was a house key.

I looked up at them, “What is this?”

“Well we had got it for you before things got sour because we know how often you’re here and also how often Scarlett forgets her key.” Diane laughed, “We just want you to feel included.”

I’m not going to cry in front of everyone.

I am NOT going to cry.

“Thank you guys. So much.”

Diane smiled her motherly smile, “Of course kiddo.”

________

Wolf got a million new toys. Chip got a PS5 and a bunch of stuff to go with it which I can’t remember to save my life. Everyone went in on a really nice Espresso machine for Diane. Gordon got a bunch of hockey and Dad stuff. Angelina got a new dresser and a bunch of jewelry and clothes.

Scarlett also got jewelry and clothes. But she also got new tires for her car. That Gordon already put on for her. All terrain tires.

“How was it?” She looked at me.

“How was what?’ I raised my eyebrows and kept painting her nails.

She sighed, “Christmas, dork. I wanna talk talk and you just joke around every time.”

I’m not ready to talk talk.

“I don’t mean to push.”

“You’ve got to be a mind reader, Scarlett. You do it every time.”

“What do I do?”

I looked up at her all the way, “Read my mind.”

She shrugged, “You know they do say that’s a sign of true love.”

“Who says?” My cheeks were on fire.

She shrugged, “Me.” She put her hands under her fancy little nail lamp.

She talked me into letting her paint my nails. I thought she was gonna do a dark green or something for me. But she did baby pink. With daisies on the thumbs. And a white ‘S’ on both ring fingers. She said it makes sense because her initials are S.S.

So I painted her nails white with different little ladybugs on every finger. Because ladybugs are her favorite bug. And there’s an ‘N’ on her right ring finger and a ‘W’ on her left.

“This is probably the best Christmas I’ve had since-” My mom died. “Like, I was 13.” I stood up and put her nail polishes back in rainbow order on the organizer she has for them all in her ‘beauty’ closet.

She kept her hands under the nail lamp but repositioned how she was sitting so I could pick up the towel we were using to cover her bed, “I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to see Sydney.”

I shrugged, “We facetimed this morning. And I saw her yesterday when we did our little gift exchange.”

She nodded.

All of my friends were in her bedroom. And she was okay with it. After not even having her own friends over.

Sydney kept hinting at something but I still have no idea what the fuck she was talking about.

I laid down on my designated side of the bed and stared at that Lana Del Rey poster she loves so much, “I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.”

She sighed and turned the nail lamp off, facing towards me, “What are you talking about?’

“Holy shit that sounded so pick me and I apologize.” I sat up, “I’m just bad at expressing these feelings I have sometimes. And I suck at communicating when I’m upset.”

“Nattie.” She grabbed my hands and pulled them into her lap, “I know.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“I know you, silly. I know you like me and I’m okay with knowing that.” She nodded, “And you may not realize it, but you express yourself just fine. I also think we’ll get there eventually. I’m a patient person, Wilson.”

“Oh I know.”

She smiled wider, “Can you kiss me now? We don’t have to talk talk at 2:30 in the morning.”

I nodded and leaned into her, kissing her lips very gently.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and clapped her hands three times.

The lights turned dark pink.

“Scarlett.” I meant to whisper it but it came out in a pant and it made the ache between my legs worse.

She shook her head and kept kissing me. Her hands slid down my back and slowly made their way under my shirt.

Her nails gently scratched my back and I thought about her nail polish for just a moment.

But her hands quickly retracted and made their way down my arms.

She found my hands and rested her own on top of them. Then she moved my right hand, under her shirt. Slowly.

Then she stopped.

So did I. Obviously. I’m not a creep.

“What’s wrong?” I leaned back slightly, taking my hands off over her completely in case I made her uncomfortable.

She smiled at me, “I want this to happen really really really badly.”

I nodded one time.

“But not tonight.”

I nodded again, “I respect that.”

“Again, I really want this to happen. More than I think you understand. Like it’s so bad every single time I-” She cleared her throat, “You have a lot going on and I want this to… Be romantic or whatever.” A deep blush formed on her cheeks and I think she’s broken a record for how many times she’s blushed in one day.

I clapped my hands twice, turning off the lights completely. Then I grabbed her hands and laid down, “I respect that so much Scarlett. Trust me I want it to happen too but…” I looked away from her as if she could actually see my face, “I agree with you. I think it would feel wrong.”

She laid her head on my chest and we sat in silence for a moment. I honestly thought she fell asleep before she whispered, “I think this is gonna work, Nat.”

I smiled in the darkness, “Why do you say that, Scar?’

“Because I like you too much for it not to.”

I kissed the top of her head, “I agree. But I think I like you more.”

“That’s not possible.” She yawned.

I stroked her hair, “You don’t know.”

She didn’t say anything back and I noticed her breathing had slowed. She’s asleep.

I kept playing with her hair.

Because now I can’t fall asleep.

There’s a nauseous feeling in my stomach. Not sick. Not necessarily worried. That damn L word.

I always sabotage myself.

And the L word.

Fuck.

This is very very bad.