We arrived at the Paintball field at two. As the car stopped, I shook my head thinking how bad of an idea that was. Why had I accepted? I didn’t want to play paintball, but Scott and I hadn’t shared some quality time together since I got back. Also, he didn’t seem to be angry that Faye and I left for almost a week without him knowing, and I felt like it was my duty at that point. But Jesus, it was such a bad idea. Even Mark could tell, but no one said anything out loud.
The five of us; Faye, Scott, Louise, Mike and I descended from the car.
“It’s a great day for paintball, right guys?” Scott said. He was excessively enthusiastic, yet we all decided to ignore it.
“Yeah,” Faye replied. He wrapper her in his arms and kissed her in the cheek. I sighed.
We all walked towards the entrance and as it turned out, Scott had his own Paintball gun, but unlike when we were kids, this one looked, for lack of a better word, professional. It was beautiful to look at, the metal was consistent, perfectly layered… but there was a little problem. It looked too much like an actual Bravo Assault Rifle, the only difference was the metal was a bit too light, and the paintball container on the top gave it away as a paint gun.
What made it worst, was his excessive attachment to Faye. Because let’s be honest, there is no subtle way of peeing on your wife to make sure everyone knows she’s your territory. And that’s what he was doing. He was growling at anyone who looked at her for too long. Figuratively speaking. And in that situation, the threat was me. But he never made it clear. He acted like he was just a loving husband giving his wife his full attention. That wasn’t what kicked me in the guts. It was that Faye looked so at ease with. So happy that he had his hands on her. It made me feel so… I don’t know.
Scott insisted on paying saying that it was his idea and it was only fair, which made the already tense environment even more awkward. When the guy tending the paintball shop came to hand me my gun, Scott stopped him and gave me his instead. The one that looked like a Bravo. If you’re thinking ‘That’s a weird thing to do’, imagine how I was feeling. It was like in his mind; this was some kind of gift. Some kind of acknowledgment for my years of service. Like he was congratulating me over the worst years of my entire life.
“Here, man,” he said “You can have my Alpha Black.”
I looked at his eyes trying to figure out if he was joking, but I couldn’t read him. I reached out and took the gun from his hands and for a split second, I felt my uniform weighing down on me. But when I looked up, all my friends were there, smiling, ready for action. Looking at their faces, I decided the best thing I could do was to relax.
“I know it’s a bit too much but you’ll love it I promise. Here.” Scott walked away and placed three empty cans in a row on top of a barrel twenty feet away from us. “Come on, show me what’cha got.”
My mind repeated ‘this was a bad idea’. Faye, Mark and Louise looked at each other, then at me and gave me a gaze that said, ‘you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to’, but Scott was putting so much effort into making things normal that I felt pushed into complying.
While I decided whether or not to follow through, he put his arm around Faye, pulled her closer and kissed her cheek. Jesus, man. Seriously?
I grabbed the gun. It was the first time I was using my left arm since I had removed the arm sling, but I still kept it covered, and I had already had my first session with the physician, so I was feeling good about it.
I grabbed the front of Alpha Black with my left hand for support, I couldn’t really squeeze it hard, but I could hold on to it. I flexed my legs and leaned my body forward, then I pulled the trigger missing on purpose.
“Come on, Riley,” Mark said.
“Yeah, that was disappointing,” Scott joked.
“Relax,” I answered “I was just measuring the parabolic arc of the bullet and the energy of the air compressor.”
I aimed for the cans again and took three shots, one after the other in a perfect sequence. Each can pop away from the barrel as my paintballs hit them exactly in the center.
As I lowered the Alpha Black, they all looked at each other until Mark and Faye raised their hands at the same time and said at unison, “I call dips on Riley!”
“Damn it!” Scott complained “That’s not fair!”
We laughed, we joked, we were friends again, and for a moment, it looked like all those years had never happened. They disappeared and I was happy to let them go.
They played Rock, Paper, Scissors for me and Mark won.
“Has anyone stopped to consider that maybe Riley should have a saying on whom will be teamed up will her?” Louise asked.
The three of them looked at each other and said, “No.”
Louise and I laughed.
Mark and I took the back end of the Paintball field and Faye and Scott took the north side. The game was simple; we were wearing vests sensitive to impact. Every time you were hit, your vest shines, the other teams gets a point and you’ve got fifteen seconds until the vest stops shinning and you are fair play again. Whoever gets the most points wins.
In the beginning, there was very little to do, everyone had a hiding plan and the best strategy was to split up. I took the left, Mark took the right. I ran into Faye, grabbing her from behind and shooting her in the back. She turned around saying, “That’s not fair!”
I stuck my tongue out and left while she stayed where she was for a second or two and then ran away. I could’ve stayed and follow her around until her vest stopped shinning, but what’s that for fun. Also, she could’ve easily taken a shot at me too. No, instead I went for Scott. I found him hiding behind a tree. I did my best not to make a sound but with so many rocks and twigs on the ground I couldn’t. He turned and shot me. Or well, he tried. I moved quickly and hid behind a tree too.
“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he said.
I shook my head. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
“Really? Come on, Riley” I didn’t reply and I could hear him moving trying to find me “You a coward? Is that how you managed to get back? By hiding?”
I don’t know if it was his payback for going away with Faye, or one of his dumb jokes, or simply something he didn’t quite think through, but that hurt. It hurt my pride as a Soldier. It insulted all the things I had to do to come back home. The people I had watched die, the people I had… hurt. I could hear the guns and explosions in the back of my head, almost as if it were happening again. I could hear his voice saying “Please, don’t let me die.” I could hear their cries for help. And feel the blood dripping down my arm. The shattering pain on my ribs and my legs. The numbness of my hands. It was all so vivid. I didn’t know where I was… but I was at war, and the enemy was out there.
I moved quickly, in a way I knew Scott had never seen. I tilted left and shot him. Not on the vest but on the face. Three shots in one second.
“Ow!” he yelled. He had to remove his helmet since the paint had covered the glass.
When he looked up, I took another three shots at his vest, then ran to him and kicked him in the chest throwing him onto the floor and rushed to put my knee on his neck so that I could reach for my knife. Scott’s face was horrified, but I wasn’t seeing him. In my head it wasn’t him, it was the enemy and it was kill or die.
“Riley!” Mike yelled coming to grab me from behind but he couldn’t manage to get me away from Scott.
With all the shouting, Faye tracked us down and came to help Mark pull me away from her husband. It wasn’t seeing Faye what brought me back, or watching Scott’s fear in his eyes. I regained my sanity when I reached out for my knife, and realized I didn’t have it with me. Because I wasn’t in the field. I was home, with my friends… and I had just hurt one of them again.
Once I stopped fighting, Mike and Faye let go of me and got closer to Scott. I heard Mike mumble, “Damn, you are strong.”
I glanced at Scott. He had his hand on his throat and was breathing heavily. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, man.”
“The fuck was that?” Scott asked.
“Just don’t say that again. Don’t say it again.”
I decided to call it quits and head back towards Louise. As I walked away, Faye asked, “What the hell did you say to her?”
“Nothing! What? She fucking attacked me and now it’s my fault?”
He was right, it wasn’t his fault. Yeah, sure, what he said was dumb, but saying something dumb and physically hurting someone because of it it’s a very different thing. I had every intention to kill him, because I thought he would’ve killed me. Thank God Mike arrived.
As I approached the little store outside the paintball field, Louise frowned. “What happened?”
“I fucked up, that’s what happened,” I replied handing her the Alpha Black and my gear.
I kept walking and didn’t stop to her calling my name. I just kept going, and going, and going.
I thought that day was the worst day I had had since I got back, but life has a nice way of reminding you that things are never that bad. It has this great way of opening up windows when you least expect it.
I walked for close to an hour. My phone wouldn’t stop ringing so I had to turn it off. I knew it wasn’t just the flash back that made me so violent towards Scott. I hated him for taking my girl. I hated the way Faye looked at him, the way he touched her. The way he put his arms around her. It made me sick to my stomach with jealousy.
I wandered for another hour until I shook my head and decided to go into the first bar I found. It was nearly six, so I imagined a beer would help me out.
It turned out to be a nice place, twenty people inside tops, round tables and a stage at the end. I sat by the bar, the bartender asked what I was having.
“Guinness, please.”
She frowned, but brought me my order. I sipped the cold liquid slowly. Yeah, it did help. As I drank half my beer, someone got on stage announcing the show for the night. A stand-up comedian. I hadn’t really gone to a comedy show before that night in my life, so I didn’t know what to expect, but then, the accounted said, “Put your hands together for Bill White!”
My head flipped so quickly I heard my neck crack. “Bill?” I whispered watching him get on stage.
Bill, my friend from school who said the homophobic thing and made me angry, so I said the racist thing. Jesus, I hadn’t seen that guy in ages.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name really is Bill White. It’s funny because I’m darker than sin.”
People laughed at that as he continued with his routine. Bill was funny, lighthearted and he was one of those comedians who didn’t need to insult anyone and curse a lot to be funny. Something not really popular these days, but he pulled it off.
“Am I the only person who’s cooked hotdog and forgot to take the wrapper off? I wanna know who came up with that idea!”
And then he turned to me, and he stopped talking. For three whole seconds, he stayed quiet and awkward.
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