Homecoming (Lesbian) CHAPTER 31

Alright, so before we start I’d like to leave a bit of a disclaimer. This chapter is a little graphic, so read at your own discretion.  Enjoy!

I dreamed I was in a labyrinth made out of brown bricks and no light came in. I could see with the help of a lighter but to make things worse, there was something after me. I needed to find a way out of there before it caught me. I couldn’t really say what it was, the only thing I know is that it was not human.

I was terrified, trying to run as fast as I could but the labyrinth seemed endless, every turn was futile. At one point, the flame in my lighter extinguished. I tried to lite it again but it was no use. I knew what would happen to me, so I sat down on the floor and waited. I could hear it growling in the distance, moving its legs, breathing heavily, with blood dripping from the corner of its mouth. My legs were shaking as I closed my eyes and covered my ears. I didn’t want to know how close it was from me.

“Riley?” I heard. As I heard it pronounce my name, I felt a chill going down my spine. Oh, dear God. “Riley?” It repeated. “Riley, wake up.”

I sat up gasping for air. I felt a pair of hands on me, one in back chest and another one in my back, when I turned to see who it was, Faye was next to me.

“Baby, are you okay?”

I looked around, incapable of realize I was awake. It took me some time to calm myself down and remember where I was. I was with Faye, we were lying together on the bed in the shed. We’d gone there after work because Faye had a fight with Scott.

“You had a nightmare again?”

I sighed. “It’s nothing.”

“You are crying,” she stated.

I touched my cheeks with my index finger. I was crying. Or I had been while I was dreaming. “You should head home. Scott will be waiting for you.”

“Who cares? Riley, what’s going on? You are not taking your meds.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you are not. I should know, I count them.”

“You count my pills?”

“When you forget what the conversation was about after five minutes, yes, I would think it is a good idea to count the pills to make sure you are taking them.”

“My memory’s been fine.”

“Yes, because of the medicine. If you stop taking them we are back to you forgetting where you work or when you’ve got the doctor’s appointment.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

“What day is it?”

“Wedn­―”

“Of the month.”

“Uh… 10th?”

“Close, 17th. Who was our last customer today?”

“You can’t expect me to remember that.”

“I do remember.”

“You are healthy.”

“Exactly! You are not and you need to take your freaking pills.” She sighed. “What is going on Riley? You’ve been distant and… quiet lately. Just like you were right after you got back. I feel like you are hiding things from me.”

“Leave me alone!” I yelled. I didn’t mean to yell at her like that. But Faye’s expression didn’t change. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay. I’ll get going. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay? I love you, Riley.”

She kissed me on the cheek and left. How could she say that? That she loved me even when I had yelled at her like that? I didn’t deserve it, a love like that. So unconditional. I laid down on the bed for another half hour before going home. When I walked out of the shed I saw Mrs. Burton through the kitchen window. She was listening to music while she read something. Even she was able to move on after Mr. Burton died. Why couldn’t I put all of those memories behind me?

As I started walking home, it began raining. Just what I needed. I buttoned up my jacket and started walking faster. I heard thunder in the distance. I take that back; thunders… just what I needed. Ever since I got back, strong noises make me incredibly uncomfortable but since I saw Matt, everything keeps me on edge. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked faster. Another thunder resounded in the background, this one close enough to make me jolt. With my clothes soaked and the thunder noises in getting louder, I remember the explosion.

“Get up!” I yelled. “Matt, get up!” I couldn’t see because of the thick cloud of dust and debris in the air. My ears were still buzzing and although my arm tore out of the muscle, I couldn’t feel the pain yet. I was in full survivor mode. “Matt! Come on, get the fuck up, soldier! We have to get out of here.”

Matt started coughing, he regained consciousness slowly, his first question was, “What happened?”

“RPG, I think. Keep your head down,” I said dragging myself to the closest wall to lay my back on it.

I had to hold my arm up trying to stop it from tearing any further. I was numbed, I couldn’t think clearly. It all seemed so surreal that looking back on it, not even I understand my reaction. My brain was blocked, but it was smart enough to tell me to take my jacket off and cover the huge line of exposed flesh with it.

“Why am I soaked?” Matt asked. He felt his clothing sticking to his skin, especially to his right leg. Then he looked down. He had no right leg.

He began screaming, not because he actually felt pain. Just like me, his brain was in full fight or flight mode, so it blocked itself from feeling the pain of missing a leg.

“Oh, God. Oh, God” He kept repeating while gasping. The dust cloud was dissipating, so he wanted to take cover next to me. He crawled towards me to rest on the same wall. “We’re… we’re gonna die, aren’t we?”

“Don’t say that,” I murmured, so quiet I thought he hadn’t heard me.

“We’re gonna die. Fuck!”

I thought Matt was going to cry. Of course he was, he saw Death in the eye and it was calling his name. I saw it, too. And despite what movies and series would have you think, no one looks Death in the eye with grace and dignity. I closed my eyes and thought of my mom, my brother, Faye. I had to go back for them. I had to.

When I looked up, I was staring at the front entrance of my house. Matt wasn’t next to me, bleeding himself to death, and my arm had healed for the most part. As I felt my clothes soaked in water, I wondered if I would ever stop remembering, reliving what happened. Asking myself what I should’ve done differently, how I could’ve saved them, what I was and wasn’t supposed to do.

As I entered my home I saw my dad in the kitchen. He was staring at the sink, he seemed confused as to what to do. I walked up toward him and said, “Hey, dad.”

He turned to me. “Hello, honey. How was your day?”

“Where’s mom and Connor?”

“Your brother came from work and locked himself in his room, like always. I can’t really complain now since he’s paying for his room. Your mother…” he sighed, and his jaw tensed. “She went out, she should be back soon.”

“How are things between you two?”

“Oh, you know. Fine.”

“Fine…?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“As in, you are back together?”

“Well, no, but… I’m still… hoping,” he said taking his hands off the sink and shoving them into his pockets.

“Dad, hoping without action is delusion.”

He turned around and smiled. “When did you get so smart?”

I smiled back. “Thanks.”

I turned around, ready to go upstairs when he said, “Thanks for coming to talk to me. I know we really haven’t―we really aren’t―I mean―”

“Sure, dad.” I interrupted him knowing he wasn’t good with words, or feelings, or emotional situations and that had being the first real conversation between us since I’d gotten back.

As I started up the steps, I heard the front door open and close. “Hey, mom,” I said before continuing to walk up the stairs.

“Hey, honey.”

As I reached the top, I heard my dad saying, “I ―I―I saved you some spaghetti.”

God, dad, really? That’s the best gesture you have? ‘I saved you some spaghetti’? That earns you a kiss on the cheek, tops, not an ‘I’m reconsidering the divorce’.

My mother replied with an impassive voice, “No, thanks. I already ate. I’m going upstairs.”

As I sat on my bed and removed my clothes, I thought about Faye. I thought about her walking into her apartment, taking her coat off and hanging it. Walking up to the bed she shared with my ex-best friend and removing her clothes in front of him. I imagined her soft skin shining under the light from the night lamp.

I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I missed her already. I shouldn’t have yelled at her like that. She was trying to take care of me, which I needed whether I wanted to accept it or not. The last few months I had been functional, happy even, because she was there. But she couldn’t be there all the time, because she had someone waiting for her to come home. I sat up and reached out for my phone, I scrolled down until I found her phone number and dialed.

“Hey,” she picked up, her voice sounded neutral, not at all warm. I assumed it was because of what’d happened.

“You got home safe?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

In the back, I heard Scott clearing his voice. “Wait, I’m on speaker?”

She took a moment to reply, “Yeah.” Clearly, she hadn’t given her consent to put me on speaker.

Damn it. “Oh, alright. Listen, I’ve been thinking and I need your help with something.”

“Really, what?”

God damn it, Scott. I had come up with something off the top of my head, and the only thing there apart from Faye, was my dad. “It’s about my parents. I think my dad’s trying but I don’t think he is giving himself a good hand. So I was thinking maybe we could throw a party at the bookstore since we never had an inauguration party. Maybe being in a different environment from home could help them connect again.”

“Sounds great. Maybe you’re right. Maybe your dad really needs another environment. Something apart from the place that reminds them they have issues to solve.”

“Yeah, so you’re on board?”

“Of course.”

“Great.”

“Great.”

“Great.” I stopped, then added. “Faye, I’m sorry… for calling so late at night.” I was hoping she would understand that I was apologizing for the yelling in the shed.

“I know. Don’t worry about it,” the serious tone on her voice told me she understood.

After that, I hang up and went to bed. I had nightmares that night, but I cannot remember what they were about. What I do remember is I woke up gasping for air, sweating and trembling at three AM. I rolled over the bed a few times after that before falling asleep again.

The next morning, even though it had been an idea born out of necessity because of Scott’s overbearing behavior, Faye and I decided it would be good for my family to spend some time together, and the party was not that bad of an idea. So we made arrangements for an inauguration party. Almost five months after we’d open to get us a bit closer together.

Connor had “lady plans” for that Friday, so as his boss, I told him he had to go and that he could bring this “friend”. We also invited Louise and Mike but with a newborn, they didn’t really have time for anything. As the list of guests remained short, we invited Andrea, the girl from the grill next door and Oscar, the guy from the coffee shop a block away. So that they wouldn’t notice that it was, by all means, a poorly improvised party, we bought lights, a portable fridge to keep the drinks cold and a 36-inch sound bar since the audio system we had in the store wasn’t made for parties.

I would say the things I do for my parents, but they deserve this. My dad might not be the perfect man, but he loves my mom. He will always love her, even if he doesn’t necessarily deserve her, he won’t quit her. Trust me, I know. It runs in the family.

We turned the lights off and the purple light we’d bought on. It illuminated the place perfectly. We’d covered the shelves with plastic and placed everything valuable in the safe in the office. As Faye and I finished the last details, we grinned at each other feeling happy with what we’d accomplished in a couple of days.

People began arriving at nine. The music was up, the drinks were on the fridge, and by eleven, everyone seemed to be having a great time. Even Connor became in charge of the sound bar playing DJ to impress the girl he’d brought. The only person missing was my mom, but I knew she’d be late. She’d told me so, so while Faye talked to Oscar and Andrea, I went to speak to my dad.

“Enjoying the party or is the music too millennial for you?” I asked coming closer to him. He was standing by the front door, like a dog waiting for its master.

“I don’t understand that noise that you call music. But you have good beer and that is all I need.”

I smiled. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course. I… can’t really say no to you, can I?”

“What you mean?”

“This is my fault. All of it.”

Something about that bothered me. Maybe because he was trying to reduce everything to his bad parenting, or his problems, or maybe because he was making all of it about him. “Dad, I really don’t wanna have this conversation. Let’s just wait for mom, okay? Once she gets here, you two can talk a little and―”

I couldn’t finish my sentence, as I spoke, my mother walked through the door… hanging from another man’s arm.

He was attractive for a man close to his fifties. Tall, gray hair; he was wearing an Armani suit, a watch that looked as expensive as our house and a movie star smile. As my mother saw us, she came closer. My dad, feeling defeated, turned around and walked away.

“Riley,” my mom said, “This is Tom.”

“Hello,” Tom said extending his hand to shake mine.

It took me a moment to put aside my feelings about it and realize that I still had to be kind to him. Not for him, I couldn’t possibly care less about that guy, but my mom was smiling. I hadn’t seen her smile for a long time, and if he made her happy, I would swallow my feelings and bury them deep down. I was getting good at it.

I shook his hands, and replied. “Riley.”

“It’s quite the place you’ve got here.”

“Thanks.”

“Tom, could you get us something to drink, please?” my mother asked. Tom nodded and went off.

“Mom, what the hell? You are seeing someone?”

“I know, I know, honey. I was… not expecting this. I went to school with him and then he moved away for college. I never thought I’d see him again and then I ran into him,” she answered, like it was nothing.

“Wait… you went to school with him. So Dad knows him?”

My mother remained quiet for a few seconds, then added. “He and your dad were best friends. I always thought I would end up with Tom but, your dad was more persistent, more… devoted even. In the end, he just won me over. Then, Tom kissed me after I was already dating Steve, they had a fight and never spoke again.”

“Shit, mom, and that’s the guy you came with?”

“Language, Riley Brenan.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

“It’s not what you are thinking.”

“It isn’t?” I asked with a disbelief expression on my face.

“Let me go back. I have to explain something.” My mom’s eyes rose past me, toward Tom, then she said. “Actually, I think Tom could explain it better than me. You two might have more in common than you think. I’ll grab something to drink.”

“But Tom’s bringing…” she left before I could stop her and Tom stood next to me with two drinks. “Fuck it” I said grabbing the drink he had in his hand.

“Go ahead.” He said.

“So, you were dad’s best friend and you still kissed his girl?”

“Oh, your mom told you.”

“Yeah. What’s up with you best-friends and your necessity to get our girls?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then how is it?”

Tom and I ended up having a long conversation about friendship, love and lies. The more we talked, the more I understood, and the more I identified with him. After one hour of conversing with him, I decided to look for my dad. I couldn’t find him. I looked everywhere but he wasn’t there. I was afraid he’d left, so I called his phone.

“Hello?”

“Dad, where are you?”

“In the back alley. I went out for a smoke.”

“Give me a moment.”

I went out through the back door and found him leaned against the wall with a half smoked cigarette on his hand. His eyes were down, like he didn’t have the energy to push them up.

“You okay?”

He didn’t answer, he just took another drag. I took a few steps forward, grabbed the cigarette from him and took a drag myself.

“You should not be smoking, Riley.”

I rose a brow as to point out the hypocrisy in that. He shook his head knowing beforehand that he was wrong, but refusing to take it back. He removed the cigarette off my hand, tossed it onto the floor and stepped on it.

“I can’t believe she came with someone. I thought― I didn’t think she’d be… looking for someone, you know?”

“As a matter of fact I do know. Be thankful that when you saw her again, she wasn’t married to your best friend. Now that hurts.”

My father had a long glance at me, then sighed and stared at his shoes. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. But unlike Faye, mom is still married to you. You can get her back.”

“I’ve tried, Riley.”

“Bullshit! You haven’t.”

“Yes I have! I made extra coffee ever morning for her. I left her something to eat last night. I picked up my own fucking laundry for God’s sake―”

“Wow!” I said raising my voice and clapping my hands “You are totally right, dad! You really are trying! Someone give this man a medal for doing THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM! Mom made all of our meals, washed our clothes and kept the house clean while keeping a full-time job for twenty six years, but you made extra coffee that one time! Wow, the sacrifice!” He snorted, as if my comment meant nothing to him. I sighed dropping my arms in defeat.

I shook my head. He didn’t understand what he was doing wrong and I didn’t know how to get to him, so I would give it a try, one last try to keep my family whole, if it didn’t work, it was his own fault.

“Listen to me closely because I’m only gonna say this once, dad. I’m gonna let you in on a secret. I’m gonna tell you what all straight men wished they knew. I’ll tell you what women want in the person they love. Are you ready?” He looked up at me. “They wanna know you’d do anything for them.” He looked at me confused. “That’s pretty much it. You want mom back? Let her know you’d do anything. Clean your act, finish the freaking sewing table you promised her years ago, cook her something nice for dinner, wash the dishes when she cooks, give her the biggest piece of pie, hug her and kiss her for no reason, and ask her out on date at least once a month. Make an actual effort to win her back, and once you have, make an effort to keep her, because she’s fucking worth it.” I stopped talking, lowered my voice and repeated. “She’s worth it,” not talking about mom anymore. “And we’re not,” I added, not talking about dad anymore. “Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna go see the girl who keeps being there for me even when I keep yelling at her.”

Not to mention ‘tried to strangle once’.

“And what do I do about Tom?”

“Jesus, dad. Tom’s gay.” His eyes opened wide. “He wasn’t going after mom, he was going after you. But you were in love with mom so he thought if he could get her out of the way… well, bros before hoes. He ran into mom at the supermarket two weeks ago, he came because he wanted to apologize to you. See if maybe, you wanted to be friends again.”

I left my dad alone with his feelings, and after I closed the back door behind me, I was left with mine. I leaned my back on the door to catch my breath. My father taught me a lot of things about myself that night, without so much as trying. I straightened up and began to look for Faye through the crowd. She was on the other side of the store, talking to my mom. Before I’d go take a step toward them, Andrea stopped me.

“Hey,” she said. “Great party.”

“Thanks.”

“Wanna dance?”

“Uh, no, thanks.”

“Come on, don’t be like that.”

“No, really. I have two left feet.”

“Then follow me.”

Without waiting for my answer, she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me closer to her. I didn’t want to be rude, especially because we were neighbors, but she was becoming too pushy, and I do not take being pushed well. I decided I would give her one song to be kind, and then I’d go to get Faye. After the song was over, I pulled away saying I had to find my mother. She refused and asked me for just one more song.

While her hands were placed on my waist, I decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I have a weird thing with strangers touching me, I do not like it, not a little. If she didn’t let go of me, I was going to make her.

“No, I gotta go,” I said taking her hand off my waist.

“Oh, come on.”

She reached out to hold me by the waist again. I felt a burning sensation in my stomach, along with my jaw tensing. I closed my fist as my blood felt like acid. I thought I was going to hurt her, really hurt her. But lucky for me, Faye jumped in, grabbed me by the wrist and said. “Sorry, have to borrow her for a moment. Be back.”

She dragged me all the way through the store and out the front door. Once we were out, she let go of my hand with a jolt and turned her back to me.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“I didn’t do that on purpose. She was all over me and she was getting really annoying. I thought I would punch her.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like I can say anything about it.”

“What you mean?”

She turned around slowly, stared at the floor for a second, and then at me. “Who am I to tell you anything when I go home to someone else? And I can’t even say anything to that bitch because you are not… mine.”

“Faye…” I moved a few steps forward.

“You’re not yourself lately. That makes me so afraid. You know how high the suicide rates are in vets?”

“I’m not gonna hurt myself.”

“And someone else?”

I sighed while my shoulders became stiff. “You can’t be bringing the motel thing now.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I didn’t pulled you away from her because I was jealous, though I was. I pulled you away from her because I was afraid you’d do to her what you always did in school. Punch you way out of things.”

“That’s not who I am anymore. I haven’t gotten into a fight since I got back.”

“I know. But I also know you, and I know that look. Two minutes ago you said you were gonna punch her.”

“Yes, but…” I left the sentence in the air. When I realized there was nothing else I could add to that, I simply replied, “Yes.”

Faye held me and said, “I wanna be with you. But not like this. Not with you not taking your medicine, yelling at me every time I try to help you, responding to everything with anger.”

She let go of me, asked for a cab and left. I stayed outside the store for an hour, thinking. Trying to track down what had happened. I was happy one day, the next I wasn’t. And then I put the pieces together. Matt.

He said he had gone to see the Colonel and I so that he could put to rest what had happened overseas. I believed maybe I should do the same. Looking back, that night was the second domino piece, falling down.

I asked Connor to take care of the store for the next day or so, that I had to go visit someone and it wouldn’t take me more than a day. I told Faye I was going to get better, that once I’d found closer, I’d be better again. I made her that promise. How stupid of me.

I gave Matt a call and asked him to give me the Colonel’s address, he seemed happy to know I’d be visiting him.

The Colonel lived in a Home for Veterans not far from Woodburn. His room was on the fifth floor of a complex that tried too hard to pretend it wasn’t a place to dump the family members you no longer wanted. Room 517, said Matt. When I announced myself on the ground floor, the nurse seemed genuinely surprised to see me, as if visits was not something that happened to the Colonel often. I should’ve know, Matt said as much.

As I approached his door, I felt a knot growing bigger in my throat. The door to his room was opened. He was sitting on a wheelchair, next to the window, looking down.

“Colonel?”

He took his time to turn around. It wasn’t like he could do it faster in his condition. Once he could flip the wheelchair, his face twisted into a crooked smile.

“Captain Brenan,” was all he said.

I knew how he’d ended up after that night. But seeing it, it was a hard pill to swallow. He had lost both his legs and half his right arm. He was wearing a medical gown and his hair was messy. The virile man who’d made it a point to make me feel very unwelcomed; he was nowhere to be found. His face looked ill, thin, pale. He had a white unattended beard and bags under his eyes.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Matt hadn’t prepared me for this.

“To what do I owe this… pleasure?”

“I―I―” I had to swallow, give myself a moment to produce a coherence sentence, and another one to say it. “I saw Matt. He said maybe I should come visit.”

“I see. Of course. No one comes to visit me by their own account.”

“That’s not what I mean, sir―”

“Shut up. Why should you be any different? Not even my own kids want me, but I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that. People can’t wait to tell you about that other person who has it worse than you. It makes them feel so generous.”

“That’s not why I came, sir.”

“Then what do you want, Brenan?”

“I wanted to know how you were doing.”

He snorted, spat on the floor and then answered, “I can’t even take a piss on my own. How do you think I’m doing?” I looked at the floor feeling this was a bad idea. Hearing his voice again made me look up. “But what about you? You look well. Whole.”

“I… I am. Somewhat. I can’t really sleep at night.”

“Yeah. Comes with the job. And your family? I bet they were happy to see you,” there was bitterness in his voice.

“Uh, they were, sir.”

He nodded. “Yes, mine couldn’t get rid of me soon enough. My wife and I, we lived in San Francisco, we were happy… but then she had to get fucking pregnant. I enlisted so that we could provide for that little baby girl, twenty years of my life I gave to the military, and what does she do? She kicks me out because her fucking husband can’t stand looking at me. My own daughter! You probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but women give too much power to their husbands. It’s like they’re fucking compensating for something.”

I thought of Scott and Faye. “Actually, I do understand. But, I still can’t complain, I’ve been doing well. Life’s being good to me.”

“This is your fault, you know?” he prompted out of the blue.

“What?”

“You had to get me out. You couldn’t fucking leave me under the debris, to die like a soldier, you had to get me fucking out. I should’ve died a hero. Now I’m going to die an old man no one loves.”

The knot in my throat had moved down to my stomach and it was beginning to feel like acid. Like needles piercing skin.

“Sir, I―”

“You’re a big gal, aren’t you?”

“Sorry?”

“5’9″. What? A hundred and thirty, a hundred and forty pounds?”

“I don’t know, I guess.”

“Yeah. What happened to that… girl of yours?”

I frowned. “Faye?”

“Yes. Sure. Are you still… together?”

“I think.”

“Do you beat her?”

“What?! Of course not!”

He lowered his voice and asked, “Are you sure?” I couldn’t help but think about that moment in the motel when I almost choked her to death. Or how she’d said she was afraid of me. The colonel added, “Yes, that’s what I thought.”

My breathing was becoming heavy. “Matt doesn’t beat his wife.”

He cracked up. “Yes, he does!” he said. “Why do you think he’s in therapy? He broke her lip in front of their boy. She gave him an ultimatum. Get your ass to a therapist or get the fuck out. As if some therapist could help him. Violence is second nature to us.”

“No, it’s not. It doesn’t have to be.”

“No, it doesn’t. But it is what we choose, isn’t it? So I’ll tell you what, Captain Brenan. Go on, move on with your life, fill it with stupid little accomplishments; celebrate birthdays, get married and spend your salary buying diapers for a piece of shit that’ll grow up to hate you. Pretend you are not angry, or sad. Pretend you don’t see your brothers and sisters’ bodies when you close your eyes, and that you don’t hear their voices when you go to bed. Pretend your pathetic, little life isn’t meaningless. But once you are done pretending, come visit me again.” He turned the wheelchair around toward the window again. “Then we’ll talk.”

I was breathing heavily, tired, like he’d just taken every ounce of energy out of me. Like he’d somehow, destroyed me. He hadn’t, but he would. At that moment, everything I thought was that he was an old, lonely, bitter man. He wanted; he needed to believe everyone was just as bitter as him.

“Goodbye, Colonel.”

He waved me off with his hand. As I walked to the elevator, as it took me down stairs, as I walked out the front door I felt my heart palpitating faster and faster, I felt a weight on my chest and tingling on my fingers. It was like I wasn’t myself anymore. Like I couldn’t control my body but it kept moving forward. Like a dream, a horrible dream.

I kept walking past the front door and into the parking lot, with my legs shaking and the dizziness making me feel I was about to puke. And then the thud.

It was loud, but dull, like a hammer hitting a sack of meet. I knew what it was. As I turned slowly, the world crashed on me. There was a body in front of the main entrance, smashed on the floor. I looked up to see the window from the fifth floor was open. Everything happened in slow motion. I ran towards the body. Maybe he was still alive.

I kneeled next to him and rolled him over to see his face. He jumped head first. His face was covered in blood and he wasn’t moving or making any sound. The nurses and the staff came and pushed me away from him. I stood up and touched my face trying to cover my mouth with shock, only to realize I had his blood on my hands, and now my face.

And I ran. I ran and ran. I don’t know how I made it back to the bookstore. I don’t remember. What I do know is that I bought a bottle of rum, sat on the office’s floor, and cried. And that was it. The last domino, falling down.