“Hanbin! How about we hang out after school. Call it a date?” Cho says, catching up to me with a light smile
“after school… date?” I murmur questioningly. She nods and smiles widely
“Yeah. You don’t have anything else to do after school right?” She gives me hopeful eyes, and I feel something inside me. Guilt?
“Uh.. sorry. I kinda do…” I reply. Cho’s smile drops, and she looks at me with wonder and sadness
“You do? Can’t you just cancel this time? I mean, we haven’t hung out in a really long time” she says. She’s right. I like her. She likes me. She asked me on a date. Why don’t I want to go?
Hao
I don’t like him though… not in a romantic way. Neither does he. Then why do I want to go with him?
I don’t know…
“Yeah. I guess I can cancel,” I say, smiling down at Cho. The smile isn’t preserved inside though. I feel… disappointed. Why?
Cho breaks into another wide smile, eyes getting wide
“Yes! Let’s go to get ice cream, and then hang out at the park. Just how we did before, yeah?”
“Sure”
“Do you have a class right now?” Cho questions
“Yeah. Sorry. At least we can hang out later” I say. Cho nods
“I guess. At what time do you have class?”
“In ten minutes” I say, looking at my phone to check the time. Cho hums in disappointment
“Alright then. I’ll go study then” She says, almost regretfully. I simply nod and wave her goodbye
“Y’all dating yet?” Someone says from behind, making me jump
“What the fuck, Ricky. Mind giving me a single calm day?” I say, making a fake sad face. Ricky laughs it off and pats my back
“So? You didn’t answer me” He says, still looking at the girl who is just passing the corner of the hallway to go to the library
“No, Ricky, we’re not dating” I say, annoyance visible in my voice
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, Ricky. Stop irritating me” I say, pushing him off of my shoulder “you’re acting like Gyuvin” I whine. Ricky looks at me with a glare in his eyes
“That’s the worst insult you could give me”
“It’s almost like that was the point” I say sarcastically.
“I was just being curious” Ricky whines back
“No, you were sticking your nose into my business”
“I mean… I’m your best friend. All your business will always be mine as well” Ricky says, scoffing, almost as if what he just said was obvious
“I-”
I start speaking, but see a bright figure walking toward me, no smile, but a kind aura.
Hao
He comes up in front of me and waves at Ricky. He knows Ricky? I look at my friend who looks back at him stunned and… glad?
“You! You’re the guy that helped me?” Ricky says loudly, making people turn their heads around to judge him. He notices and lowers his voice as Hao nods “Hao, right?”
“Right. Did it go well?” Hao says in return, a smile on his face. Not real. He’s not there yet, sadly
“In some way. Thanks for helping me by the way”
“No problem. Anytime!” Hao says happily. A bit too happy. It’s the perfect Zhang Hao again. I sigh loudly, making Hao look at me
“Sorry. I need to cancel for this afternoon” I say. Hao’s smile slightly drops, and then he pulls it again. Does he notice how I know when his smile is fake or not? I feel my heart skip a beat. I can’t stand it. It hurts whenever he looks at me like that, as if I’m a stranger. As if I haven’t seen him cry, seen him in the street lights under the nighttime, as if I hadn’t been next to him during the sunset. It hurts.
I take both of Hao’s knuckles gently
“Sorry…” I mumble
“Don’t worry Hanbin! We could always do it another time” Hao says cheerfully, a small laugh escaping him. Perfect
I’m aware of Ricky’s presence, but I don’t care. I pull Hao in for a hug, catching him by surprise. I make sure to have my mouth next to his ear
“You told me that I give you happiness,” I whisper. I feel Hao’s body tense, but slowly relax in the embrace
“You do, Hanbin” He says in a whisper, barely audible
“Just agree that you’re disappointed. I don’t mind” I say. Hao laughs slightly. Not perfect
“I am, a bit. I seriously don’t mind though. How about tomorrow?” He says. I pull away from him and nod
“That’s alright”
“Good. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer anyways” he responds back, jokingly. I laugh, and mess up his hair a bit
“Sure, Hao. I’ll see you later, yeah? I have to get to class” I say. Hao nods, looks at Ricky, smiles. Perfect.
And so, he leaves. I look at him from the back, and don’t take my eyes off of him until he’s out of my sight.
How is it possible? How can someone look like the literal figure of a light of one’s life, even from the back?
“Dude…” Ricky says next to me, making me look at him quizzically. My eyes meet his shocked ones
“What?”
“I thought you liked Cho?” He whispers
“… I do” I whisper back, and Ricky shakes his head slowly
“You’re so fucked”
I know.
♡♡♡
guys this literally feels illegal
Like I somehow not busy????!!!??? AND I passed all my fucking exams with almost perfect grades??????!!!!????!! I wanna cry ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ (from happiness ofc)
Also, sorta random, but in my english class they made us make moodboards of our personality, and i looked like in my pinterst to see what kinda vibe i give off yknow. I think its a bit much tho and im kind of scared to show it to the class ðŸ˜
i’ll just show it to y’all since i need your opinions
I think that it matches my vibe but the problem is that im kinda embarassed to show up to class and show this. Like in plus idk what other people will do as well, so im kinda scared. Opinions?
(non k-pop related but listen to ‘cinnamon girl’ by lana del rey)
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