A Certain Someone ( The On1y One ) Chapter 092 – Wasteland

“I’m Not the Person You Should Be Saying This to.”

Jiang Tian’s seat was at the most extreme edge of the platform — his heart had long since not been in the event the moment he finished the speech, but it was honestly quite inappropriate to leave immediately. Somehow, He Jin made him stay until the next part of the program started, and he finally found the chance to leave.
He nearly sprinted back to Mingli Block; Sheng Wang was moving back to Class A at last, he could finally return him the seat he had been taking up for a long, long time. From then onwards, he didn’t have to look up before he could spot the way the other person’s shadow landed on his table.

However, when he ran to the top floor and halted in his steps, supporting himself with the frame of the door, he did not find a trace of Sheng Wang in the classroom.
The mood in the classroom was rather strange — it seemed like someone pressed a pause button on the buzzing whispers in the classroom. Everyone turned to look at him, but nobody spoke.

Jiang Tian was briefly baffled, and as he walked back to his seat, he asked Gao Tianyang, “Where’s Sheng Wang?”
The expressions on the people around them instantly turned weirder, even Gao Tianyang froze. Jiang Tian looked up, and saw Carp and Chili in front, both looking like they didn’t know where to start.
In that instant, his heart suddenly sank, as though he felt something telepathically.

“What are ya looking at, it’s self-study now!” Gao Tianyang yelled at the people around them. He pushed his paper aside — not a single word written on it — and scratched his head, slightly agitated. He pulled Jiang Tian out of the classroom.
“Sheng-ge went to the administration office,” Gao Tianyang said.
“Why?”
“He was in a fight.” Gao Tianyang hesitated, and added, “Because Gao Tianyang said the two of you are……”
His voice abruptly lowered, the word “gay” was especially fumbled. He kept feeling like saying that to Jiang Tian’s face was no different from directly pushing a knife into him, raw and bloody.
By the time he looked up once more after he said that, Jiang Tian was already striding downstairs, and disappearing within his line of sight in a blink of an eye. He could only recall the way the other person’s lips were tightly pursed, his face ashen as he turned around the corner of the stairs.

Jiang Tian almost crashed into someone as he sprinted towards the administration office, but he couldn’t recall clearly any more. The only thing on his mind was the scene of Sheng Mingyang ducked over as he left the front row of the audience’s seat in the hall, going out to take the call. He was terrified to even draw the connection between these two events, just like the way he couldn’t bear to even think of Sheng Wang standing in the administration office, all by himself.

Yet, when he burst straight into that office, all he saw was Big Mouth Xu, standing by the window, a deep frown on his face, his hands on his waist.
The door was pushed open with a “bang” against the wall. He opened his mouth amidst the sound of the tremble of the door, his voice a difficult rasp. “Teacher……”
Big Mouth Xu turned to face him, looking at him with a complicated expression on his face. It was hard to tell if he wanted to scold him, or he simply wanted to sigh.

Jiang Tian tried his best to get his breathing under control, asking, “Where’s Sheng Wang?”
“He left,” Big Mouth Xu said.

For that very one split second, Jiang Tian’s brows furrowed, as though he couldn’t understand those two words. His brain was buzzing, like he was submerged in an icy river, waves and waves of cold numbing him.
“What do you mean he left?” he heard himself asking, not understanding.

Big Mouth Xu sighed at last. “His father took him away.”
“To where?”
“How would I know?” Big Mouth Xu frowned as he looked at him. “Jiang Tian……”

The two words barely left his mouth when he saw the boy standing at the door let his gaze sink to the ground. He seemed to be unable to hold on anymore — he bent over, propping himself against his knees. He breathed heavily, like he had just ran a few hundred thousand miles.
Big Mouth Xu suddenly couldn’t put anything into words. It wasn’t that he had never dealt with this situation before — it was precisely because he did encounter them, that’s why the more he wanted to sigh.
There were no secrets in high school, only rumours of varying degrees of truth spreading around like bushfire. Even though he forewarned the people with insider knowledge, some things would still spread all over the place, not even needing a few minutes even.

Big Mouth Xu saw Jiang Tian’s hands — previously propped against his knees — curl up, squeezing into a fist. His thumb gripped his joints with a deadly tightness.
He was starting to feel the pain from watching him alone before Jiang Tian finally straightened up, his voice hoarse as he asked, “Did he hit him?”
Big Mouth Xu was quiet for a long time. He answered, “No, he didn’t.”
Jiang Tian nodded, and left.
Big Mouth Xu saw him run past the windows downstairs — through the flowerbed behind the block — littered with wilted leaves — sprinting straight for Road #3……he didn’t know where to start looking for him.

Actually, for a single moment, Sheng Mingyang did want to hit him. It was the moment Sheng Wang said “don’t bother checking”. Everyone could tell how this father who was going on and on about “no way” was utterly humiliated. His hand was already in the air, but it lowered down again at the very last second, quivering as though it was spasming.
He stood there for a long time, before he merely forcefully kept his emotions under control, saying to Big Mouth Xu, “Old Xu, I’ll be bringing him outside for a bit. I won’t be taking up more of your time anymore.”

Despite his raging anger, he still did not cause an unsightly mess by attempting to drag Sheng Wang out — neither the father nor the son was a type to cause a scene like this. He simply tapped Sheng Wang’s shoulder, indicating for him to go outside.

Before he exited the office, he halted once more, turning around to say to Big Mouth Xu, who was sporting a grimace, “I’ll shoulder any fault of his. Kids don’t know what they’re doing, and I have failed in being a father, sorry for creating trouble for you.”
He slightly bowed, like those parents who clearly were accomplished in their field, but were lowly and deferential before teachers.
That slap clearly didn’t land, but Sheng Wang felt like he received a heavy blow anyway, hurting from his face all the way to his heart. He wanted to say “don’t be like this”, but the person who caused this scene to happen in the first place……was him. He had no rights to say that.

But did he really make such a grievous mistake? All he did……was to like someone, that’s all.
In that instant, Sheng Wang hurt so much that he wanted to cave in on himself. In the end, he only followed Sheng Mingyang outside in silence.

He thought Sheng Mingyang would bring him home straight away —he knew the other person needed a place with no outsiders. But Sheng Mingyang did not.
The car went straight onto the expressway around the city, at an extremely high speed, different from Sheng Mingyang’s usual driving style. God knows how long he drove before he stepped on the brakes, the safety belt hurting Sheng Wang as he hurtled forward, and then crashing heavily back into his seat.

The car stopped at some random oblique path near a certain industrial park, nobody was around. This angle just so happened to receive the sun directly, both the driver and the shotgun seats were blinded by the light. Sheng Mingyang reached out, wanting to take a pair of sunglasses. But in the end, he lowered his hand, and pulled the car to a stop.
He couldn’t drive on anymore.

Sheng Wang’s eyes watered from the blinding light, but he did not shut them. He kept staring at that swath of light, until his whole world was nothing but blankness. Sheng Mingyang spoke at last, “When did it happen?”
There was anger in his tone, when spoken out loud in the car, it was stifling instead — like a thick cluster of seaweed coiling around, tightening, gripping.
“Don’t remember anymore,” Sheng Wang said.
Three words were enough to ignite Sheng Mingyang’s anger all at once. He slammed the steering wheel, “What do you mean you don’t remember? Since when did the two of you started fool—”

He probably wanted to say “fooling around” or something else, but even he couldn’t finish the rest of his words. He rubbed the centre of his eyebrows, and took several deep breaths. After staying silent for what felt like eons, he then forcefully relaxed his tone. “Tell me the truth, was it Xiao-Tian who—”

“No,” Sheng Wang interrupted.
At that moment, Sheng Wang was struck by how absurd that statement was.
He wanted to say, do you know how deeply Ji Huanyu traumatised Jiang Tian? Do you know how much he was hurting from being entrapped in all those horrible things he shouldn’t have experienced? Do you know how long he took to move on from those things?
And all you people do is arbitrarily, irrationally attribute the roots of all problems back to him, like he’s born that way.
Like he’s incapable of feeling upset at all.

“I’m the one who pursued him,” Sheng Wang said, “I’m the one who likes him, I’m the one who started this. I’m the one who tried everything to seduce him, I even flunk myself into Class B because he refused to accept my feelings, and also tried everything to score my way back all because I want to stay with him a little longer. Couldn’t you tell how happy I was whenever I orbit around him?”
The look on Sheng Mingyang’s face was extremely ugly, with every line Sheng Wang said, the more his expression unravelled — like it was him who was being forcefully paraded around in public.

He frowned, and finally found a chance to cut in, “Don’t say these!”
Sheng Wang stopped, the look on his face equally ugly. A while later, he then shakily said, “You asked, you told me to spill the truth.”
“Dad knows you aren’t someone like this, you don’t have those problems.”
“You don’t know,” Sheng Wang said, “you don’t know. I know it the clearest: I like my Ge, I am gay.”

Sheng Mingyang was still trying to reason with him, “I know you’re saying this out of a rebellious spirit, you’re just trying to piss me off—”
“I wasn’t,” Sheng Wang lowered his eyes, “I wasn’t trying to piss you off. I’ve been happy and suffering at the same time for a long, long while now.”
Dead silence in the car. It was like Sheng Mingyang had been slapped by someone. When Sheng Wang said that, he knew that everything he had just said was just him coming up with poor excuses — he did not want to admit that his son had become like that.

Sheng Wang sat, his eyes lowered. Out of his peripheral vision, his dad’s fingers fiddled with the gear shift, his ring finger and pinky slightly twitching, like he was trembling uncontrollably. If there was anything by his hand — if he was all by himself — he probably would have started smashing things.
However, he only gripped it for a while, and coldly ordered, “Break it off.”
Sheng Wang looked up.
“You don’t need to go back to school anymore, I’ll give Old Xu a call later.” Sheng Mingyang said, “I’ll transfer you away.”
“I’m not transferring,” Sheng Wang said.

“EITHER YOU GO OR HE GOES!” Sheng Mingyang finally blew his top, and roared. After he roared, he started the car with shaky fingers, and said without even looking up, “I have my ways; pick one.”
The car shot out. Sheng Wang seemed to be forcefully pressed against his seat, and then abruptly released again. He felt helpless and nauseous in all the sudden movement and abrupt pauses.

He still remembered the joke he cracked in order to cheer Jiang Tian up that night, on his birthday. Who would have thought it would come true that way.
“Dad, do you know minor gaokao is coming soon?” He closed his eyes in the dizziness, clenching his jaws tightly. He endured for a while before he continued, “Have you ever considered how much it’ll affect me if I transfer away right now? Have you considered any of that every time you handled these procedures? Have you ever thought that I might not catch up? Have you considered that I really couldn’t adapt this time round, and then fail everything?”

“Have you thought so yourself?” Sheng Mingyang was expressionless. “If only you used your head a little more, then you wouldn’t have done something as preposterous as this.”
“I don’t think it’s preposterous.”
“You really don’t think so? Why are you afraid of being found out if you didn’t think what you’re doing is preposterous? Why would you be both happy and suffering at the same time if you didn’t think what you’re doing is preposterous? What are you so upset about? Shouldn’t you feel indignant?”

Sheng Wang was tongue-tied. He wanted to say that it wasn’t like that, but at that point, he suddenly couldn’t find the words in him to refute. It was like after walking in the dark for long enough, even the person themself might not be able to tell where’s where.

Sheng Mingyang refused to even look at him. “Go tell everyone around you that you’re messing around with your older brother, see what are other people’s reactions!”
He was so angry that he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying. After he spoke, he shut his eyes, and the car quaked along too. However, Sheng Wang did not feel shocked; only an icy patch of coldness spreading in his chest.
After an indeterminate length of time, he then stubbornly said, “I’m not breaking it off.”
Sheng Mingyang held onto the steering wheel in silence. A long while later, he nodded. “I’m not the person you should be saying this to.”
Then who should I be saying this to? Sheng Wang was dazed for a moment.

The car whooshed along the winding road in the middle of forested trees, entering a public cemetery in the suburbs. It wasn’t too early nor too late in the day, the entire cemetery was deserted. It was as though a frost had crystalised on white marble, a numbing chill in the heart.
Sheng Wang was dragged into that pale white building, walking past through rows and rows of similarly pale white photographs, and then stopping before one of them.

Sheng Mingyang tugged at him, pointing at the person smiling in the photograph. He was at a loss for words for a long while before he said, tired, “You should tell this to your mom. Here, Wang-zai, look at her. Tell her, you want to be together with your older brother — that you’re a homosexual. TELL HER!”

*
Jiang Tian ran to the end of Road #3, and went out of the west gate. He came to a brake at the place where Sheng Mingyang parked his car — someone else had already parked in that place.
He went around in a circle on the spot, and then hurriedly ran towards Wu Tong Wai.

Old Man Ding and the Mute were both plucking vegetables in the house. One only knew how to gesture, the other couldn’t quite understand it. So the two could only sit opposite each other in dull silence.
The old man had been cooped up at home for an entire break, pondering and mulling over Ji Huanyu and Jiang Ou’s issues, all day and night. That’s what happens when people get old — they worry every second. Sometimes, he would startle awake at night, and others, he simply couldn’t fall asleep. Perhaps the weather was too cold, the person had become wizened and sluggish too.
Hence, when Jiang Tian appeared at the door, he didn’t quite manage to react in the first few seconds. A long while passed before he let out an “oh”, and his eyes brightened. “Xiao-Tian? Isn’t school reopening today?”
Jiang Tian held onto the door frame, panting. He grunted in reply. His hand reached inside his pocket before he realised that he did not bring his school bag to the hall, his phone was still in there all along.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” The old man trotted over.
Jiang Tian lowered his head. He clenched his jaws, and finally managed to swallow down that bitter, acrid feeling. He asked the old man, “Did Sheng Wang come here?”
“No?”
As expected.

Jiang Tian nodded, but his movement was stiff and difficult. He borrowed a phone from the old man, and called Sheng Wang.
The phone rang a few times before it was picked up, and his heart came alive in that instant. Yet, before he could speak, he heard Gao Tianyang saying, “Tian-ge……”
His heart plummeted underground once more.
“Sheng-ge’s bag is in the classroom,” Gao Tianyang said, hushed.

Jiang Tian hung up, and found Sheng Mingyang in the old man’s recent contacts. He called once more, but the other person had already turned off his phone.
He then called for a car to rush back to White Horse Alley, but the house was completely void of people. Auntie Sun had cleaned the place before leaving, and the house smelled like detergent. Due to the wetness yet to dissipate, the house was so spacious and empty that it sent chills all over him.

He looked for him everywhere he could think of, but to no avail. In the end, he ran to the rented place — that they had never lived in for even a single day — with an infinitesimal bit of hope in him.
It was cold and empty inside too, he knew there wasn’t anyone around, neither did he bring the keys. But he stood there, and still couldn’t help but to knock on the door — as though if he knocked a few more times, someone would open the door from within, welcoming him in.
All because he remembered someone saying to him: he would never lock him outside.
But nobody opened the door despite knocking for a long, long time.

He had been used to playing the role of an adult ever since he was a kid — taking care of Old Man Ding, taking care of Jiang Ou, taking care of himself. He bore every single burden on him, whether he could shoulder them in the first place did not matter. It might be tiring, but he thought that he could, in fact, carry them all.
To the point that sometimes he’d have the illusion — that he was fearless, he could shoulder everything, he was capable of anything.

Yet, when he turned 18, and truly entered adulthood, he then discovered that there were too many things that he couldn’t take care of. He was a shoddy bricklayer, he tore the east wall down only to mend the west wall with it, he had fingers in many pies, only for all of them to burn. In the end, he couldn’t even accomplish the simplest thing: to stand together with Sheng Wang.

It was at this moment then he realised at last: their relationships with other people were like threads, messily binding him to Sheng Wang — but every thread was as thin as hair, and all in the hands of others. As long as someone slightly let go, everything would be severed clean.
The city was enormous, with people everywhere. Their features were countless, blurring into each other……but no matter how he ran, he couldn’t find the person he wanted to see.

TO BE CONTINUED.