Atlas Toren -17-

Atlas POV

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No one really talked about what happened yesterday. At least I didn’t think they would. The cool breeze nipped at my skin when I woke up. I was tired, and barely opened my eyes before the door opened. 

“Atlas!” Ah. Niko. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how these are guys are always so enthusiastic. I sighed, before changing, and heading downstairs. I hadn’t even made it to my seat before they began. “Atlas! Are you okay?”

“How are you?”

“We’re here if you need us!”

“Never go off like that again!”

“Idiot”

Sighing once more, I ignored the questions and exclamations. I didn’t really want to deal with this now. The boys quietened down once they realised; I wasn’t talking. Hm. Silence. Much better. If only it was always like this. 

But I couldn’t help but hear the loud beats of my heart. I never really believed those people who said that they could hear then own heartbeat.

I should have. The warm, happy feeling was back. It began as soon as Niko opened the door. I had a couple of ideas as to what it was, but I wasn’t certain.

 As my mind began to process what had happened yesterday, I realised they had seen. At least, Magnus and Cyrus had. They had better not have told anyone. But… judging from the calm look on everyone’s faces, maybe they didn’t.

Huh. I was kinda expecting them to. I guess I hadn’t placed as much trust in them as I though. Wait. What? I- I don’t know what to think of that. I don’t… trust them? I thought I did.

 Even just a little? I don’t know why, but thinking that made me sad. I think I wanted to trust them. Maybe. Just to try. Just to… be able to rely on someone I guess. I began to feel kind of numb again. 

The fluttery feeling left again. It was kind of… lonely. “Atlas?” Hm? “You okay?” Ah. That question. Again. I still don’t understand why these people care so much. I glanced up. 

Shifting my eyes between my uneaten food and Ever, I guess I stuttered. “Uh- probably” Ever didn’t seem very happy with that answer. Neither did the others. I could see them exchanging subtle glances with each other.

I kept thinking back to yesterday as I washed up. I guess Colten didn’t want to talk either, because he definitely wasn’t engaging conversation. Sending my mind back, I thought I knew what most of the words they called me. 

And the others. Wait. The others? Ah, right. they asked if I was with them… I think. If I had joined them…? Joined them. As in, becoming a part of what they are. And they are what…. Exactly? I had a pretty good guess.

 I think it took me a while to realise because I was focusing on holding back from letting blood spill from their pretty little faces. Hm. I haven’t wanted to do that in a while. Even when Magus held me last night. I held back a bit, but… it wasn’t bad. It was nice. Huh.

Nice. I don’t think I’ve ever called someone’s touch nice. I knew he saw through me. As he held me. But…. I didn’t mind. Mhm.

 That… makes the warm feeling come back. Holding back a smile, I thought back to what they were. I’m pretty sure they’re together. I could make a list of all the signs.

 They’re so touchy, and I can see them exchanging glances. The jocks also referred to them as being together, not to mention the little comments they sent each other. Milo nudged my shoulder, and I looked down, realising I had stopped completely. 

“Oh- sorry.” I mumbled. A small smile spread across his face.

“No. Its fine,” He exclaimed happily. I looked at him. Eyes shining, almost jumping on the spot. Cute. I felt the warm feeling come back, and I had to hold myself from smiling with him. 

“We’re- we’re all going to have a game day today in Colten’s room if you want to join?” Milo was looking up with hopeful eyes, and I glanced around the room, before giving a slow nod. “Okay!” And with that, he had bolted up the stairs.

 I sighed in contentedness, before resuming my task. At least it was quiet. And the others weren’t mentioning yesterday to me. I was thankful for that. I… I don’t think I would want to talk about it just yet. I had been clean for so long, too.

 I could almost feel the disappointment seeping out of Magnus as he spoke to me, and my eyes dropped down to the floor one too many times. I felt bad. I felt bad that I had to put them through that.

I shouldn’t have made them worry. It began to make my thoughts turn to how it was my fault. It always turned to that in the end. I shook myself from my thoughts as soon as possible.

 This happened too many times- I doubted I would ever get out of this cycle, but I think I’d like to make it just a little longer while not blaming myself for everything. There was always going to be something that I knew was my fault- my families problem- that wasn’t really their fault. I should have trained harder. 

It was my fault I couldn’t keep up to their expectations. I didn’t want to add anything more to the list of blames. It was already hard as it is. I kept pushing the thoughts out of my mind- it was a rare occurrence I would go a day without thinking of my family. Of the people that ruined me.

But- here I am. I’m… alive… aren’t I? I made it. I don’t- I don’t know if that’s a good thing. If I should be happy. I never know.

“You’ve got that look on your face.”

My head snapped up, eyes wide. Niko.

“What look?” I ask, and he leant forward to catch my words.

“I don’t know- the one like you’re reminiscing? You looked… a little bit sad- but happy too….?”

I raised an eyebrow. “…how do I even respond to that?”

He blushed. “I don’t- I don’t know!” He squeaked, and ran back upstairs. I let a small smile onto my face, looking after him with warm eyes. 

Cute. I glance around the kitchen once more, before heading up after him with a contented sigh.

I entered Colten’s room with a quick pace- I didn’t know why- maybe I was happy. My emotions- if I even had any- were just as confusing to me as anyone else. A gleeful face interrupted my view of the room as I opened the door, and Cyrus giggled. “I get to choose the movie!”

I shot an amused glance at everyone’s disappointed faces, before patting Cyrus on the head, and sitting on a bed. Yawning, I brought out the book I had taken with me- before looking up. 

Everyone’s eyes were on me. I sat up straight. Alert. As I was taught. Magnus, who had noticed my tensed up reaction, coughed a little, drawing me out of the nightmares that were about to begin running through my head. “Sorry- we just- didn’t expect that.”

I tilted my head to the side. “Expect what?” It was then that I looked around the room. As my gaze swept past, I watched as a couple flushed faces turned away, and Cyrus stood motionless in the doorway, slowly tapping his head. Oh. Right. They weren’t expecting me to be that ‘social’. “Oh- I- uh- sorry-“

“No. Don’t be sorry.” Arlo’s deep voice rumbled, and I almost nodded immediately.

“Yeah- keep doing that~”

I looked up to see Riftyn heading towards me, with a smirk on his face. I leant back on the bed as he came closer. Riftyn narrowed his eyes a little, a smug look on his face, before reaching down towards me. 

I felt his hands weigh down the bed as he set them down on either side of me, leaning over my body. Caging me in. Our noses were almost touching now, and I could see his bright eyes gazing down at me, black hair almost touching my forehead. “Keep doing it~ just like that baby~”

My eyes widened, and I tried to stare anywhere but him as a blush spread right across my face. He moved one of his hands, lifting up my jaw to face him. 

To face his deep green eyes. He leant in closer to me, almost purring. Hooded eyelids gazed up at me, and I felt something pooling in my lower stomach. “Words darling, tell me how you feel~”

My heart was racing, and I shifted my legs. His smirk widened. He moved his hand from my jaw. Trailing down my collarbone. Trailing down my chest. Trailing down my torso. My breath hitched, and he nipped the skin with long fingers, before bringing them up beside me again. “Oh? You like that?”

I couldn’t keep myself from nodding. I couldn’t stop it. A half smile half smirk rose up on his face, and his tongue flicked up, licking the tip of my nose. “I like you too~” He breathed, and I blushed, even more if that was possible.

 I shivered as he moved his hands, and it was then that I felt everyone’s gazes on us. On just the two of us. I didn’t bother looking at them all. Backing myself up to the wall, I brought my knees up to my chest, blushing. 

I hid my face behind my book, ignoring the small chuckles that were going around the room.

The silence was interrupted by Magnus clapping his hands. “Alright- Cyrus- you start the movie- Riftyn- a word, please.” Noise filled the room as everyone busied themselves, and I heard the door open as Riftyn and Magnus left. 

Deciding I had had enough of my book, I brought out my beads that I had brought along, wanting to make another bracelet. I hadn’t decided who for yet, but looking around the room, my eyes landed on Arlo. Hm.

 I hadn’t talked to him too much. Arlo it is. My gaze scanned over him, trying to pick the right colours that would suit him. Wrong move. Bad idea. I couldn’t keep my eyes from wandering. And when I say I couldn’t keep them- I didn’t exactly try. 

All he wore was a casual shirt and sweatpants. That was enough. That was enough for my eyes to trail over the muscles that were still prominent. The steady, controlling gaze he had on everyone. The way his fingers tapped against his leg. The way his sweatpants hung low on his waist.

Right. Focused. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Deciding on a sage green and muted blue, I got to work designing a bracelet for him.

 A small part of me even hoped he would like it.

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