Atlas Toren -31-

Atlas POV

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The morning was dim when I woke up. It made me sit up, and glance around my room, while my fists lay in a tense lap. I hadn’t realised Rif must have closed my blinds the night before. Sighing a little to myself, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, before deciding to get out of bed. 

My feet hit the floor, and I shivered a little. How had it become so cold overnight?

But it was okay. I liked winter.

I would always find comfort in the blank grey skies, and I hoped being here didn’t change that. Hearing the usual clatter of cutlery and plates downstairs made my ears prick though, and I forgot about winter as I went down the stairs.

“Morning kitten,” Rif greeted with a smirk, and I looked around the table, before remembering what day it was.

 “Ah… right. Shopping day.” I groaned a little, and Niko pouted.

“Aren’t you excited?” I swear, this kid looked like he was fucking high from the smile on his face.

I raised my eyebrows. “I have to follow Rif around,” mentioning this, I glanced around at Riftyn, who’s face seemed to glow at the nickname.

“Oh- Rif, I’m going with Arlo to the food court. So I can’t come with you today,” Lo called over the table, and I watched as Rif sent Arlo an icy glare. Yawning a little, I set myself down beside Mags and Cyrus, watching as everyone served themselves with the warm toast on the table. 

Mags leant over me a little, I cocked my head. “Wha- oh. Thanks.” I mumbled out, and Mags sent me a warm smile as he placed toast onto my plate.

 “You’re getting there, sweetheart.”

I turned away from him a little to stop the blush from spreading over my cheeks, but unfortunately turned right towards Cyrus. “Awww Mags! He’s blushing! It’s so cute!” Cyr squeezed my cheeks a little, and I sent him a glare. 

“Never say or do that again.” I told him flatly, and he glared down at his plate with a disappointed gaze, muttering something about unfairness and cuteness.

The table was reasonably quiet as we ate, but anytime I looked around, I would find Riftyn wiggling his eyebrows at me, and a knowing-all look on his face. “What?” I groaned out, after I saw him for the third time waving his hands in the air. 

“You have to come shopping with Ever and I!” He exclaimed excitedly. I faced Magnus with my eyebrows raised.

Magnus looked at me, a piece of toast half hanging out of his mouth, and eyes wide and innocent. I almost broke my glare at the sight, but instead decided to fiddle with my hands in my lap. Dark, messy hair bobbed over Magnus’s forehead as he shrugged up and down.

“I don’t make the rules,” His voice came out all muffled because of the toast, and I stopped twiddling my hands in my lap as a small smile came onto my face. 

“Right.” I finished, before joining in with the other’s adoring gazes as they looked at Mags. “How the fuck do you go from all scary last night to this?” I asked stupidly, and Arlo broke into the conversation.

“Because he’s a fucking child.”

Amusement danced in my eyes as I agreed, and the table’s quiet chatter resumed as Mags leant towards me. “Kitten- you better send pictures or your lingerie darling.” His voice was low, and there was a dangerous glint in his eyes.

 “Uh- s- sure” I choked out, and he nodded approvingly as a shiver ran down my back.

“See? Hot, right?” Cyrus was whispering to me from beside me.

“W- what?”

“Mags,” He nodded in Magnus’s direction, who now had another piece of toast falling out of his mouth.

I forced down a blush. “Uh- sure. Fine. Yeah.” I coughed, and Cyrus smiled proudly.

“See Ever? I told you I’d get him to agree!” he blurted out, and I sent him a glare.

“What?”

“U- uh- nothing?” He tried weakly, and I gave him a light hit over the head

“Wooo! That’s another $20 Ever!”

“Cyr.” Cyrus turned to look at me.

“I don’t suggest you continue.” The joke in my voice was clear, but Cyrus fell silent, and I felt a gaze land on me. Ever was watching me from the other side of the table. 

His arms were crossed, and his blonde hair was flopped over his face, running down a little over his neck. His eyebrows were furrowed, and I raised mine.

“What? You want a hit on the head to?”

Colten nudged Ever a little with his hand, stifling a laugh. “He’s got a point Ever.”

“Fine. You win Cyrus. Atlas- I’m going to get you for this.” He grumbled out, and I raised my eyebrows. “How do you plan on doing that?”

Ever coughed a little, facing away from me, and I caught a glimpse of Colten stifling another laugh. I sent him an amused gaze, and Ever saw it as well, before choosing to laugh along with Colten.

“It’s okay Cyr, I didn’t have the money anyway.”

“You bit-“

Soon enough they were both up and running, and the rest of us watched in enjoyment as they darted around the corners and furniture.

Magnus clapped a little as they went up the stairs, and the rest of us took it as a que to begin packing up. The kitchen bustled with people, and I moved away from them a bit to try and get some quiet. 

Finding myself on the steps leading to the backyard, I found Ever sitting there too.

“Hey.” He murmured, and I hummed in acknowledgement.

“You’ll be with Rif and I at the shops today!” he chirped happily, and I nodded.

“I know.”

“W- why are you usually quiet?”

I cocked my head.

“Like- today- you were more… happy than usual.”

“I was?”

“Mhm.” He mumbled, and I closed my eyes as the wind blew towards us.

“I think… I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because you guys were already up and moving. Made me want to fit in I guess. I wouldn’t know.”

“Why not?”

“Hm?”

“Why wouldn’t you know?”

The conversation was quiet now, and we were both speaking in low voices.

“I- I’ve never been that good at knowing what I’m feeling. I’m alright with self-philosophy, I find that if I sit somewhere for a while, things just come to me that make sense. But-“

“Self philosophy?”

“Mhm. I’m not even sure it’s a real thing.”

“What?”

“Well. I had been alone most of the time when I was younger. So, I found myself often thinking, I guess, about myself, and others. It kinda… I don’t know, helped me view things a little better. I usually don’t bother saying things if they’re not necessary. And I think it helped me tone down everything. Sure, I saw the world in grey, but it meant I wouldn’t get worked up over little things. It meant that I wouldn’t bother over things like that.”

“That… makes sense?”

“You sound a little confused,” My comment had an amusing tone, but Ever ignored it.

“So now?”

“Now? Now I think I don’t have to see the world in grey. I don’t have to hide away, or suppress emotions. I can be, whatever I was before. I think I’m more talkative now because I’ve figured I can say things without them having to have meaning, or mean something in life. But…I’m still not really sure. I’ve never been the most confident in these kinds of things.”

“Mhm.” Ever nodded, and I watched him as another gust of wind blew into us. His face was calm and relaxed, and his blonde hair seemed a little darker now. We had moved onto the grass, and he had his hands resting out behind him, as to prop him up.

 He looked content, and I gazed at him as he closed his eyes, leaning his head back. “I had philosophy like that when I was younger. My mother- she cheated on my dad.”

I stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt.

“It didn’t really matter, not really. He only married for money and status. She only married for sex. But- she didn’t explain it to me. I thought it was okay. That it was normal. I mean, what else would I think?”

He choked out a laugh, and my face fell blank as I listened.

“I- I began to do the same thing. Cheating, I mean. It was only once I was in early high school- grade 8 I mean, that I understood it was wrong.”

He sighed a little, and he looked at the grass, eyes dim. “I confronted her, and she- I don’t think she knew what she was doing. But she got angry. Said I didn’t understand. Would never understand.”

He wrung his hands together, and I didn’t move to comfort him. He didn’t need it right now. He wouldn’t want it. 

“I thought that was the end of all that. But she- no, she wanted to make me understand. She- she made me… watch.” His head was hung low, and I moved a little closer to him.

“So… I did. And- and it fucked me up. My dad knew. And- once he knew that I knew, I guess he thought it was okay to show himself. It- it wasn’t. I’d come home everyday to see them shouting at each other. Shouting at me.”

I made a small noise in the back of my throat, letting him know I was there. “Yeah… I- I got them arrested. They screamed bloody murder the whole time. I don’t- ” He rubbed his face with his hands, and my gaze warmed. 

“Turns out, they had both been on some gang, too. Some gang that did drugs. There was probably more, but as a kid, I didn’t want to know anything more. I didn’t want to find more out. And then, after a while, going from foster care homes back and forth, Mags finally found me.” He finished, and he let out a large sigh.

“Mhm.” I hummed, and he pulled me in close to him.

“Thanks- thanks for not- I don’t know, like, interrupting, or… pulling me in for a hug half way through? I just- I don’t like people to do it before the end- it’s weird, I know-“

I pulled him closer, pushing his head into my chest. “No. You’re okay. I figured as much anyway.” I murmured, and he bit back a laugh. “‘With your self philosophy?”

I nodded. “Yeah. With my self philosophy.” I chuckled.

“A- anyways, moving on from this…. you said you never really knew what you felt?”

I blinked, and he must have felt me stiffen slightly. “Sorry- I-“

“No. It’s okay.”

“I- alright.” He whispered, and raised his hand up to my chest. I tilted my head back as he began to draw little circles, resting back on my hands the same way he had done. 

“I don’t know how to describe it- maybe not being allowed to show emotions with my father comes into play- but I might also just be really fucking emotionally unstable.”

Ever hummed a little in agreement. “Yeah- I- I don’t know. A lot of the time, I’ll get up, and already I just- I don’t know, feel kinda numb. It’s not- it’s not a sad numb, like depression might be-“

“Oh- yeah, Mags wants you to go to him if you’re ever feeling sad numb. He- he helped Colten too.”

I nodded a little, feeling the warmth of him on my chest. “Alright.”

“Sorry for- for interrupting.”

“You need to stop apologising so much.”

“Yeah… sorry-“

I chuckled a little, before looking down at him. Tilting his head to look up at me my with hand, I gazed down into his warm eyes. “You’re okay,”

I whispered, and he nodded shakily. “Sor- continue,”

“There’s not a lot more to say. I really can’t feel anything- like emotions aren’t there, until I see you guys.”

“Us?” He asked with a hopeful voice, and I sent him a small smile.

“Wait- but you just smiled! I thought-“

“I try to show at least something around you idiots.” I commented, and he narrowed his eyes.

“Hey! Don’t call us idiots!”

And Ever was back. Sure, the silence had been nice. Comforting, even.

But the warm feeling was back as I sent him an amused nod.

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A/N

ahh sorry for the late update! I had a lot on so i couldn’t write or post! i’ll try and give you guys another tomorrow or the next day!

Stay safe,

Kasumi <3