Behind The Limelight 32: F*ck The Industry

Fortunately, nobody seemed to recognize who Ashton was when he was out with Parker, his stupid excuse of a disguise actually worked. He was able to go in and out of the store, and have a good walk outside without having to worry about paparazzi or fans. It was a freeing experience, something Ashton didn’t get to have much of.

Once they got back, everybody was in the living room chatting and watching the discovery channel. Ashton smiled. He knew where Ryker got his interests from.

Before he knew it, it was time for dinner. The table was lively, the conversation jovial. There were no snide remarks or harsh critiques like Ashton was used to with his own family. For a change, what he saw around him was actual care and love.

Ashton was home.

They stayed in the kitchen for a last glass of wine after dinner, before everyone started going to their respective rooms one by one. Helena and Jim were the first, followed by Abi. Ryker went up after that, leaving Parker and Ashton alone. Ashton had actually taken a liking to the other man and was having a good time talking to him.

It was around midnight when they parted ways. Ashton couldn’t help but laugh as Parker complained about having to sleep away from Abi. After living together for years, he had gotten used to sleeping with his lover.

Ashton entered Ryker’s room, opening and closing the door behind him as quietly as he could. He didn’t know whether Ryker would already be asleep or not, but if that were the case then he didn’t want to disturb him. Ashton frowned, a little surprised when he noticed that Ryker was sleeping on the floor.

He was fully expecting Ryker to be hogging the bed to get back at Ashton for doing the same earlier. But no. He was actually lying on the ground again. The bed was made up, and empty for Ashton to sleep on.

Ashton tip-toed to the bed, getting under the covers. He thought he would fall asleep instantly, but that wasn’t the case at all. He stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing and going back to the conversation that he had with Parker just a few hours ago.

“You asleep?” Ashton asked, keeping how voice low enough so that if Ryker was indeed sleeping then he wouldn’t wake up. But if he was awake then he’d hear him.

“Yes,” Ryker answered. “I’m talking in my sleep right now.”

Idiot, Ashton thought. But the words that left his lips were something completely different.

“Come up here,” Ashton ordered.

“Huh?”

“On the bed. You can come and sleep here,” Ashton continued after a brief pause. “And please don’t make any stupid joke about coming again.”

“Are you sure?” Ryker questioned.

“About the joke or about letting you sleep next to me?”

“The latter,” Ryker clarified.

“I’m sure.”

Ryker stayed on the floor for a few more moments, not immediately jumping at the chance to get into the bed. As if he was worried that Ashton would tell him to go back. That he would say he wasn’t serious.

“Are you coming or do I need to drag you here?”

Ryker finally got up. He made his way to the other side of the bed. Ashton could only see his silhouette at first, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he was able to make out Ryker’s face under the dim glow of the moonlight that peaked in through the window.

Ryker slid into the bed, keeping a pillow in between the two. A part of Ashton was itching to remove it. However, he didn’t. It was stupid. It was so fucking stupid and he was aware of it, but having the pillow create at least some form of boundary between them was the only thing that was keeping Ashton from internally combusting.

All of his feelings were contradictory. They were scary. Terrifying. When you spend years believing that you hate someone with your entire core, only to realize that you possibly do not feel the same anymore… it shook Ashton’s very foundation.

So, he let the pillow be. He knew Ryker was still awake, but neither of them said a word. Eventually, Ashton finally fell asleep at some ungodly hour of the night.

~~~

“This is sick,” Parker commented as he looked over Ryker’s video game collection. “I can’t remember the last time I picked up a controller.”

“I still have my old Play Station,” Ryker spoke up. “Anyone up for a match?”

“Get ready to have your asses beaten, gentlemen,” Ashton pitched in, an excited grin on his face. Ryker glanced at him, mirroring Ashton’s expression.

“Let me go find where it is,” Ryker said as he got up from the bean bag chair, before leaving his room to go ask Helena where his old console was.

Ashton was lazying around on the bed, scrolling on his phone. Parker was still looking at the shelves on Ryker’s wall, though he had moved from going over his games to his comic books. He picked out a couple of random ones, flipping through the pages when he came across a picture in one of them.

“Is this you and Ryker?” Parker asked. Ashton looked up from his screen, getting out of the bed to walk over to the other man. He grabbed the photo from Parker’s hands, the corners of his lips rising up.

“Yeah,” Ashton answered, his voice soft. “It was the first time we went to a comic con. I had to sneak out because my parents would never have allowed me to go out in public like that.”

“That sounds tough,” Parker commented.

“Eh, I think the sneaking out made it all the more fun,” Ashton shrugged casually, still staring at the picture. “Malcolm— my agent, he actually caught me climbing out the window. I thought he’d snitch to my parents but instead he took Ryker and I shopping for costumes.”

“That’s nice of him,” Parker said. “I knew you and Ryker had known each other for a while but I didn’t know you were so close.”

“We’re not,” Ashton muttered. “Not anymore, at least.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Ashton looked up at Parker, who had a sincere frown on his face. As if he geniunely wanted to know, and not because he just wanted to hear celebrity tea.

Over the years, a lot of people had asked Ashton this question. From reporters to fans to producers to other actors. But Ashton had only ever talked to Maria about it. He didn’t like to talk much about his personal life, so he always avoided all Ryker related questions. Plus, the reason why everyone wanted to know was just so that they could gossip. Not because they actually cared.

That wasn’t the case with Parker. But then again, Parker was going to soon be Ryker’s brother-in-law, so it’s not like he could open his heart and spill everything. There were boundaries he had to respect given their relation.

“Just life, you know,” Ashton finally answered. “The industry is cutthroat. It can take a toll on friendships. It fucks shit up.”

Parker nodded, not enquiring more and for that Ashton was thankful. Instead of keeping the photograph back, Ashton opened his wallet and slid the Polaroid in it when Parker wasn’t looking. He sat back down on the bed, and on cue, Ryker re-entered the room with his Play Station.

The three men played for hours. Abi came around once, ranting for a solid fifteen minutes about how much it sucked that she had to work remotely and that her company really needs to give her a raise.

“Need any help?” Ryker offered.

“No offence, but I don’t want to get fired,” was all Abi said before leaving the room and getting back to her work.

“Can you guys recommend any good restaurants around here?” Parker asked after his fiancé had left. “I really want to take Abi out for a date one of these nights.”

“There’s Russo’s around—”

“I thought Abi didn’t like Italian?” Ashton cut off Ryker. “You can take her to this Japanese place. I’m forgetting the name but it’s three blocks away, we crossed it yesterday when we went to the store.”

“Oh, yeah! She loves sushi,” Parker smiled. “Thanks man.”

“No worries,” Ashton replied. He looked at Ryker, who was staring at Ashton with an eyebrow cocked, as if he was surprised that Ashton would remember something like this. Ashton gave him a look, silently asking him what was up. Ryker simply shook his head before looking back at the game on the screen.

“Weren’t you in Asia some time back?” Parker asked. “Where all did you go?”

“India, Nepal, Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia,” Ryker recalled, “spent some time in Vietnam and Japan too.”

“Damn,” Parker let out a low whistle. “That’s a lot of places. I think I remember Abi mentioning that she hadn’t seen you for a year or something.”

“I was gone for about two years in total,” Ryker explained. “I came back only once for a couple of days when it was our parents’ 30th anniversary.”

“Oh,” Parker nodded. “Why, though? Why did you go for so long?”

Ryker didn’t answer immediately. He looked at Ashton, whose gaze was already fixed on him. Ashton, too, was waiting to hear what Ryker had to say. Ryker had told him that he left because he wanted a break, but Ashton had always wondered if there was more to it.

It couldn’t have been a coincidence that he left immediately after the award show, could it?

“I was just losing myself in the industry. The work, the attention…the people,” Ryker paused. “It can really fuck you up. Make you fuck up, too.”

Parker glanced from Ryker to Ashton, repeating the action a couple of times with a soft frown as he connected certain dots. The two actors didn’t seem to notice, as they were too busy staring at each other.

“Huh,” Parker mumbled. “Not my first time hearing something like that today.”

***