Dead Plate Oneshots What We Leave Behind

Warning: Gender swap and lesbians

It was 1968, and the air in the small French town carried the scent of pine and cigarette smoke, the latter a constant in the lives of teenagers pretending they were older than they were. The schoolyard of *Lycée Jules Verne* buzzed with the usual chatter. Boys huddled in small groups, tossing a football around or leaning against the brick walls, while girls, dressed in their pleated skirts and buttoned blouses, sat in clusters, their conversations bouncing between fashion, music, and gossip.

At the heart of one such group was Rhonda—or rather, Rodi, as she preferred to be called now. The transition from middle school to high school had brought with it a desire to leave behind everything associated with her old self. That included her name and, more recently, her childhood friend, Vanessa.

Rodi was perched on a bench in the school courtyard, surrounded by her new friends—*les populaires*, as they were called. They were an elite group, the girls who wore the most stylish clothes, kept up with the latest trends from Paris, and always had the boys’ attention. Rodi was still getting used to being a part of them. It was strange how things had shifted over the summer—how she, who had once been teased for her unfashionable name and tomboyish ways, had somehow slipped into their world.

But then again, she had done a lot of slipping lately.

Across the courtyard, Vanessa Charbonneau stood by herself, adjusting the collar of her oversized sweater. The long skirt she wore looked out of place among the shorter, more fitted skirts of her peers. Vanessa was beautiful—objectively so—but she never cared for trends or the opinions of others. Her wavy auburn hair framed her face in soft waves, and her dark eyes always seemed so intense, like they could see through whatever mask people were wearing. For as long as Rodi could remember, Vanessa had been the constant in her life. They’d grown up together, shared their secrets, their dreams, and sometimes their fears.

That was before high school, though. Before Rodi became part of a different world.

“Who even *dresses* like that?” Léonie, the ringleader of the group, said, flicking her cigarette towards Vanessa’s direction. “I swear, she looks like someone’s grandmother.”

The other girls giggled, their eyes flicking between Vanessa and Rodi, eager to see if she’d join in. Rodi’s heart clenched. She hadn’t wanted it to be like this. She didn’t want to be a part of this side of things, but she did want to fit in—she *needed* to. After years of being the outsider, she’d finally found a way in, and she wasn’t about to let that slip away, even if it meant compromising the one friendship that had ever really mattered to her.

“She’s always been a little odd,” Rodi said, keeping her voice casual, even though her stomach twisted into knots.

It was true that Vanessa had always marched to the beat of her own drum, but that was what Rodi had loved about her once. Back then, they’d spent hours in Vanessa’s room, listening to records or sneaking out to watch the stars. Vanessa didn’t care about impressing anyone, and that had been a comfort. Now, it was a liability.

“*Odd?*” Léonie leaned in, her eyebrows raised in mock surprise. “More like creepy. I heard she barely even talks to anyone anymore.”

“She’s probably some kind of weirdo loner,” piped in one of the other girls, lighting her own cigarette.

Rodi shifted uncomfortably. She wanted to stand up for Vanessa, but every time she opened her mouth to say something, the words caught in her throat. Instead, she found herself laughing along. It wasn’t that she found the jokes funny; it was easier this way. To laugh was to belong, and belonging was safer than being on the outside looking in.

But then Léonie’s eyes gleamed with something else—something darker. “You know what I heard?” she said, lowering her voice just enough to make the others lean in. “I heard she’s a *lesbienne*.”

Rodi froze, her pulse quickening. It was like a bolt of lightning had just struck the group. The word hung heavy in the air, loaded with all the stigma and fear of the time. Being a lesbian in the 1960s was dangerous. It was whispered about, something scandalous and deviant, something that could ruin someone’s life.

Rodi felt the world tilt for a moment, and before she could stop herself, the words slipped from her mouth. “Well… she is.”

The group went silent. Léonie’s eyes widened, and for a second, Rodi wished she could take it back. But she couldn’t. The damage was done. The girls’ gasps of disbelief were quickly followed by giggles, and the next thing Rodi knew, the information was being passed around like wildfire.

“She *is*? I *knew* it!”

“That explains why she’s always alone. She’s probably staring at all the girls.”

“*Mon Dieu*, how disgusting.”

The words blurred together, becoming a steady hum in Rodi’s ears. She wanted to run, to leave, to find Vanessa and tell her it wasn’t true, that she hadn’t meant to say it. But instead, she sat there, smiling and laughing along with the others.

—

By lunchtime, the entire school knew. Rodi could feel the weight of it pressing down on her as she walked through the hallways. Everywhere she went, she heard the whispers. Every conversation seemed to stop when Vanessa walked by, and people’s eyes followed her like she was some sort of sideshow attraction.

Vanessa, for her part, walked with her head high. She always had that quiet dignity about her, but Rodi could see the cracks forming. Her old friend’s shoulders were a little stiffer than usual, and the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced.

Rodi’s heart ached with guilt, but it was too late to undo what she had done. She had crossed a line, and there was no coming back from it.

—

It wasn’t until the end of the day that Rodi found Vanessa standing by the bike rack, her arms crossed, waiting for her. The sun was low in the sky, casting long shadows across the pavement.

“Rhonda,” Vanessa’s voice was cold. “We need to talk.”

Rodi swallowed hard, already knowing what this was about. She had rehearsed a dozen apologies in her head, but now that the moment was here, the words seemed hollow.

“I—” Rodi began, but Vanessa cut her off.

“You told them, didn’t you? You told them I’m a lesbian.”

Rodi’s throat went dry. “I didn’t mean—”

“Didn’t mean to?” Vanessa’s voice cracked, and for the first time, Rodi saw the pain in her eyes. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

Rodi flinched. “I was trying to fit in. I just… I didn’t think.”

“You didn’t think?” Vanessa’s voice was shaking now. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. I thought I could trust you, but you threw me under the bus just to be popular.”

Tears welled in Rodi’s eyes. She hated herself for it, hated the way she had let things spiral out of control. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Sorry doesn’t fix this.” Vanessa shook her head, her expression hardening. “Do you know what they’re saying about me now? Do you know what they’ll *keep* saying?”

Rodi looked down at the ground, unable to meet Vanessa’s gaze. She wished she could take it all back. She wished she had never joined that group, never gotten involved in the petty gossip and cruelty. But wishes wouldn’t change anything.

“I—I never wanted this,” Rodi said softly. “I just… I didn’t know how to be me anymore.”

Vanessa’s eyes softened for a moment, but then she shook her head again. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to pretend like this wasn’t a choice. You *chose* to betray me, and now I’m the one who has to deal with the fallout.”

Rodi felt the tears spill over. “I’m so sorry, Vanessa. Please, just give me a chance to make it right.”

Vanessa’s gaze was distant, her shoulders tense. “I don’t know if you can.” She turned, walking away without another word, leaving Rodi standing there in the cold twilight, alone with her regrets.

—

The days that followed were a blur for Rodi. Vanessa stopped speaking to her entirely, and the distance between them became a chasm she didn’t know how to cross. The popular girls, for their part, continued to joke about Vanessa, their cruelty escalating as the rumors spread. Rodi hated it—hated herself—but she couldn’t find the courage to walk away. She had made her bed, and now she was stuck lying in it.

But every time she saw Vanessa—alone in the library, or walking home by herself—Rodi’s heart broke a little more. She had betrayed her best friend, and in doing so, she had lost the one person who had ever truly understood her.

And no amount of popularity could ever fill that void.

—

Weeks passed, and the gossip about Vanessa eventually faded as new rumors took its place. But for Rodi, the guilt remained, a constant weight on her chest that she couldn’t shake. She had learned the hard way that fitting in came at a price, and she wasn’t sure if it had been worth it. The laughter of the popular girls no longer sounded as sweet. Every comment they made about someone’s appearance, every cruel joke or judgmental whisper, felt like another stab at her already broken conscience. The more she was around them, the more Rodi felt herself slipping further from who she really was—who she had been when she was with Vanessa.

And Vanessa…

Rodi had never realized how much she depended on her until she was gone. Every time she walked into class and saw Vanessa sitting alone by the window, head bent over her notebook, she felt a pang of longing. They had always shared everything—thoughts, secrets, dreams—and now there was nothing but silence. The void between them was deafening.

One day after school, as she sat with the girls in the courtyard, laughing at a joke Léonie made at someone else’s expense, Rodi felt a sudden wave of nausea. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t pretend that she was happy, that these girls were her friends, that she didn’t care about what had happened to Vanessa.

The guilt had been building for weeks, and now it threatened to choke her. Without saying a word, Rodi stood up and walked away, leaving the laughter and the cigarettes behind her. She could hear the others calling after her, but she didn’t turn around. She didn’t care. Not anymore.

Her feet carried her down familiar streets, past the cafés and the shops, until she found herself standing in front of Vanessa’s house. The memories came flooding back—the nights they’d spent talking for hours on Vanessa’s porch, their plans for the future, their promises to always be there for each other.

But she had broken that promise.

Rodi took a deep breath, her heart hammering in her chest as she raised her hand and knocked on the door. She didn’t know what she would say. She just knew that she had to say *something*.

It took a moment, but eventually, the door opened, and there stood Vanessa, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw Rodi standing there.

“Vanessa, I—” Rodi started, but her voice cracked. She swallowed hard, trying to find the right words, but they eluded her. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where to start.”

Vanessa crossed her arms, her face unreadable. “What are you doing here, Rodi?”

“I had to see you,” Rodi said, her voice trembling. “I’ve been such a coward. I let them treat you like… like you were less than them, and I didn’t stand up for you. I betrayed you, and I’ve been carrying this guilt every day. I miss you, Vanessa. I miss *us*.”

Vanessa’s eyes softened for a moment, but there was still a guarded look in them. “You think an apology is going to fix everything?”

Rodi shook her head, tears welling in her eyes again. “No. I don’t think anything I say can fix what I did. But I’m not here to make excuses. I’m here because I needed you to know that I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I don’t deserve it, but I couldn’t go on pretending like I was okay with what happened.”

Vanessa was silent for a long moment, her eyes studying Rodi’s face as if trying to gauge the sincerity of her words. Finally, she spoke, her voice softer than before. “You really hurt me, Rodi. I trusted you with something that wasn’t anyone else’s business, and you threw it back in my face to fit in with those girls.”

“I know,” Rodi said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I was scared. I didn’t want to be an outsider again. But I was wrong. I should have stood by you. I should have been a better friend.”

Vanessa’s expression faltered, and she uncrossed her arms, letting out a long breath. “I don’t know if things can go back to the way they were.”

Rodi nodded, her heart sinking. She had expected as much. “I understand.”

There was a heavy silence between them, but then Vanessa’s lips curved into a small, sad smile. “But… maybe we can try.”

Rodi’s breath caught in her throat. “Really?”

Vanessa shrugged, glancing down at the porch steps. “You were my best friend, Rodi. It’s not that easy to forget everything we’ve been through.”

For the first time in what felt like ages, a small flicker of hope sparked in Rodi’s chest. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Vanessa. I swear, I won’t let you down again.”

Vanessa looked up at her, her eyes searching Rodi’s face for a long moment before she nodded. “We’ll see.”

Rodi nodded, her chest feeling lighter than it had in weeks. It wasn’t a full reconciliation, but it was a start. She knew she had a long way to go to earn back Vanessa’s trust, but at least now she had the chance to try.

As Rodi turned to leave, Vanessa called after her. “Hey, Rodi?”

Rodi paused, turning back to face her.

“Next time, just be yourself. That’s the person I liked in the first place.”

Rodi smiled, feeling tears prick her eyes once more, but this time, they were tears of relief. “I will.”

She walked away from Vanessa’s house with a weight lifted from her shoulders. Things weren’t perfect, but for the first time in a long while, they felt like they could be okay again.

And this time, Rodi would do it right.

The days that followed were slow but steady. Rodi and Vanessa didn’t fall back into their old rhythm immediately—it was awkward at times, with silences that felt too long, and conversations that never quite touched on the deeper things they used to share. But they were spending time together again, and that was something.

Rodi had broken away from the popular girls entirely, which came with its own challenges. Léonie and the others were ruthless when it came to anyone who left their circle, and Rodi quickly found herself the target of their mean-spirited jokes and rumors. But it didn’t matter anymore. She wasn’t alone.

Vanessa stood by her, in the way Rodi should have stood by Vanessa. It was subtle at first—Vanessa would wait for her outside of class, or they would sit together at lunch. The other girls’ whispers didn’t seem to bother her. If anything, Vanessa seemed more confident than ever, her quiet strength almost palpable.

One afternoon, as they sat in the school courtyard, Rodi couldn’t stop staring at her. Vanessa was beautiful—*too* beautiful, Rodi thought as she watched the sunlight hit her skin and the slight breeze play with her dark hair. Her clothes were different, more unique than what most girls at school wore. While they wore tight skirts and perfectly styled hair, Vanessa had this effortless beauty in her faded jeans and oversized sweaters. She didn’t care about trends, and she didn’t need to.

It hit Rodi like a wave—the realization of just how much Vanessa meant to her. This wasn’t just about making amends for the past. She had feelings for her, feelings that had been buried under layers of denial, fear, and the pressure to conform. The more time she spent with Vanessa, the more she realized that those feelings were growing stronger.

“Vanessa,” Rodi said suddenly, her voice betraying the tension building inside her.

Vanessa looked up from her book, arching an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

Rodi hesitated, feeling her heart race. She hadn’t planned to say anything. Not like this. But the words were burning inside her, desperate to be let out. “I… I’ve been thinking.”

Vanessa tilted her head, curious. “About?”

“Us.” Rodi swallowed hard, suddenly feeling exposed. “I mean, about everything that’s happened. And I realized something.”

Vanessa closed her book, giving Rodi her full attention. “Go on.”

Rodi’s mouth felt dry, and her pulse pounded in her ears. “I… I was scared before. When I did what I did. I was scared because… I think I’ve always had feelings for you, Vanessa. More than just… you know, friendship.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Vanessa blinked, clearly caught off guard. “Rodi…”

“I know, I messed up,” Rodi quickly continued, her face flushing with a mix of anxiety and vulnerability. “And I don’t expect you to feel the same way. I just… I wanted to be honest, for once. Because I haven’t stopped thinking about you, and I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I was too much of a coward to even realize how I really felt.”

Vanessa didn’t say anything right away. Her eyes were wide, and she seemed to be processing what Rodi had just said. The seconds felt like hours, and Rodi’s heart sank deeper with each passing moment. Maybe she had ruined things again.

But then Vanessa let out a soft laugh. “Rodi, you’re such an idiot sometimes.”

Rodi blinked, confused. “What?”

Vanessa shook her head, a small smile playing at her lips. “You think I didn’t notice? I’ve always known you had feelings for me, Rodi. I just didn’t know if you would ever admit it.”

Rodi’s breath caught in her throat. “You… you knew?”

Vanessa shrugged, her smile growing. “You’ve always looked at me differently. Even when we were kids. But I didn’t want to push you, especially not after everything that happened. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

Rodi’s heart was racing now, but for a different reason. There was hope in Vanessa’s voice, in the way she was looking at her. “So… does that mean you…?”

Vanessa sighed, her expression softening. “Rodi, I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. But when you hurt me… I wasn’t sure if I could ever trust you like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Rodi whispered, her eyes filling with tears again. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Vanessa reached out, taking Rodi’s hand in hers. The touch was gentle, but it sent a spark of warmth through Rodi’s entire body. “I know. And I’m willing to give you another chance. But you have to prove to me that this isn’t just about feeling guilty. I need to know that you’re really ready to be there for me, no matter what.”

Rodi nodded, squeezing Vanessa’s hand tightly. “I swear. I’m not going to mess this up again.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, Vanessa smiled—a real, genuine smile that made Rodi’s heart flutter. “Good. Because I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”

Before Rodi could respond, Vanessa leaned in, her lips brushing against Rodi’s in a soft, tentative kiss. It was brief, but it was enough to set Rodi’s entire world spinning. When they pulled apart, Rodi’s face was flushed, her heart pounding in her chest.

Vanessa’s smile widened. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Rodi grinned, feeling a surge of relief and happiness all at once. “No. It wasn’t.”

And for the first time in a long time, Rodi felt like everything was going to be okay.