One thing Stiles hadn’t prepared himself for was the anticipation. When would Derek be home? Why wasn’t he home yet? Shouldn’t he have been off hours ago? When the condo was in the picture Stiles could always assume if Derek wasn’t in his bed he’d be in his own. But now that they shared one Stiles seemed to not be able to sleep until the man was right next to him, or walking throughout their home. In the end, he knew it would be crazy of him to wait up all night just for Derek to walk in and catch him bug eyed and perched on the couch. So he drug himself to bed, hoping his boyfriend would show up at some point. He fell into his bed, willing his thoughts to fall asleep right along with him.
The sun shone down on his face signaling the start of a new day. His alarm clock clued him in to the fact that he had slept well past morning and was lucky he hadn’t slept right through his lunch date with Lydia and Isaac. It was something he had grown too accustom to while he waited for his shop to open back up. He slept a lot, and when he wasn’t doing that he was doing just about anything else. Shopping, bugging his friends, cleaning, arranging and rearranging his furniture, anything to keep him from crawling out of his skin.
He didn’t have to roll over to know Derek was there, the dip in the bed and lack of covers on his body told him all he needed to know. The blanket hog was sleeping soundly beside him. Stiles could smell the faint scent of soap so he had time to shower before plopping into bed. He tried not to wonder where he was, or why he hadn’t texted him that he’d be home late. Stiles tried not to be Stiles and blow things out of proportion. So he stepped from the bed, quietly walking to the kitchen to make a late breakfast.
Luckily his ability to worry did nothing to his appetite. Scrambled eggs, four sausage links, and a slice of crisp toast lay before him as he enjoyed the silence and scrolled through his emails. His bakery would reopen in two weeks and he was already flooded with orders. He was thankful, perhaps it was why he had been so off lately, he just needed to get back to work and finally have something else to occupy his time.
Stiles didn’t miss the sound of shuffling feet as Derek finally emerged from their room. His first stop was to Stiles, sleepily kissing his cheek before dropping his weight down in the chair beside him “None for me?”
“I assumed you’d sleep in late” his voice was monotone despite his best efforts.
A apologetic sigh escaped the half naked mans mouth before he seemed to sink further down in the dining chair “I’m sorry”
“What are you talking about?” there was an internal wince, Stiles wasn’t good at playing dumb.
Derek could only give him a look that clearly told Stiles he wasn’t fooling anyone. Derek was, in fact, his soul mate so understandably after almost a year together he could read him like a book “I stayed late at the office, I had a ton of work and I figured it would be better to finish it there than bring it home. I was going to text you but I forgot and by the time I remembered again it was late and I didn’t wanna wake you”
“Yeah, well a late text is better than none at all” pushing from the table Stiles went to dump his dish, with Derek suddenly on his trail.
“Okay. Are you upset because I was out late? Or because you didn’t know who I was out with?”
The question seemed like it had come out of the blue, but perhaps Derek had known Stiles’ problem all along. Not wanting to admit Derek had caught him Stiles just huffed “I was just worried alright. You could have called if you were just at work” For a second Stiles hadn’t recognized himself. Had he always been this insecure and it just took being in a relationship to realize it?
“Do you really not trust me? Whe-When have I ever given you doubt?”
“All I’m saying is that you can’t really expect me not to worry when you don’t come home on time”
“Oh I expect you to worry, worry that something has happened to me or that I’m not okay. Not worry that I’m out with someone else–because you should trust me, because I would never lie to you. I was working late, just like you do now and again. That’s all” The raw irritation in his voice was new, and Stiles slowly realized how he had probably hurt Derek, it was unintentional but he did. Though it was his pride that kept him from apologizing, from turning around right then and there and admitting that Derek had been right and Stiles had made something out of nothing. So Derek decided to end the conversation, sighing “I’ve got to get to work” was all Stiles heard before the sound of Derek’s footsteps down the hall disappeared.
Stiles stayed glued in the kitchen up until he heard the click of the front door closing. Whether it be shame embarrassment or just plain confusion he didn’t want to move, he didn’t need another confrontation. Not now.
For hours he seemed to pace his home, just wondering around aimlessly. Things had did a big flip and he knew he was the reason why. What he couldn’t figure out was why he was like this, why he couldn’t have something nice and just keep it nice.
By the time he looked up it had been two in the afternoon already and he was shoveling his way blindly through a salad listening to Lydia try and get juicy honeymoon details out of Isaac. But Stiles, his poor mind was stuck on that morning, unfortunately unable to think about anything else. He needed to talk to Derek about what happened he just couldn’t think of where to start.
But Lydia was going to give him a clue “Alright, what the hell is going on?”
Lydia was snapping suddenly, Stiles knew who she was talking to but instead decided to bury his face deep in the plate of lettuce “Hm? Who me? Nothing”
“The sooner you vent the sooner we can help and get back to talking about Isaac’s honeymoon”
At the risk of prolonging things, since it was evident she wouldn’t let things go, Stiles dropped his fork and sunk into his chair. He sighed in preparation “I think I ruined everything. I mean after all it is my specialty”
“With Derek? Wait, it’s only been like two months” Isaac asked, with a familiar pair of confused puppy dog eyes he inevitably learned from Scott.
“Yeah and I already accused Derek of lying to me because he came home late, once”
“Stiles-“
The boy was quick to cut off his friend. If he was being honest with himself he knew he was wrong even when he was talking to Derek that morning “I know, I know”
“Look I’m just going to say it; mate or not you keep this up and you just might ruin things with a great guy-ow” Lydia groaned reaching down to rub the ankle Isaac no doubly just kicked.
“Cut it out” Stiles sighed, every ounce of sadness in his voice “She’s right. I get scared and insecure and it’s like I let my emotions take over. Then the fog passes and I realize the damage I’ve done. If I could go back knowing then what I know now I’d force my younger self to date so I could get this all out of the way”
“Stiles, Derek loves you, he’s fought so hard for you and your relationship he clearly just wants to be with you, nothing more nothing less. Why would you be insecure?” Lydia asked with genuine concern and interest. Any one would be curios as to why he was so invested in messing things up for himself.
“It’s a revolving door with me. I act insane, then become afraid that Derek won’t want me because of it and in turn I act insane again. Then I get myself into situations, like the one I’m in now, it’s clear I have flaws”
“So does he, so does every one. You think you’re the only one with them, yours are tame as opposed to others. He loves you for them just like you do him. The minute you get passed that you’re opening a whole new door for yourself and your relationship” With looks of surprise and pure shock Stiles and Lydia just stared at Isaac unsure if the words had actually come form him “What?”
“When did you become all knowing” she joked.
“I have my moments”
“Okay, just tell Lydia if you did it on the beach or not so I don’t have to listen to you argue about it later” Stiles laughed feeling somewhat better than he had before.
“No!”
“C’mon I won’t tell. Parrish and I did” Isaac’s persistence remained as he grinned at Lydia, neither men knowing what they were going to do with her.
The shower was running when Stiles got home that night. Derek’s car must have been in the garage since he hadn’t see it. It probably wasn’t the best idea but Stiles didn’t want to wait for him to get out and going in seemed like the only other option. Stiles needed to be vulnerable, he needed to let go of the insecurities he held on to so tightly. After all, there was a reason he gave his heart to Derek in the first place, he needed to stop being afraid. It was easier said than done, but he was going to try.
The bathroom door was partially opened when he made it to their bedroom that was slowly filling up with clouds of steam. As gracefully as Stiles could he slowly stripped himself of his clothes, the layers of tops went first, his watch which he tossed somewhere onto the bed, his sweaty socks, then his jeans.
For a moment he stood in front of that cracked door breathing deeply before finally dropping his boxers. He tip toed across the tiled floor, and when he didn’t hear him speak Stiles figured his presence had yet to be know. The last few feet between him and the curtain were the slowest as Stiles tried to steady himself before going in. He’d hoped Derek hadn’t been in long, or pretty soon the shower curtain would be being drawn back and Stiles would be standing there in his naked glory scrambling to explain. He just went for it. Derek eventually realized he wasn’t alone when Stiles pulled back the curtain and quickly stepped in.
Derek was soaked from head to toe, every strand of hair tucked against his head as beads of water continuously dripped down his face. His body had been covered in suds yet to be washed off. In the past the couple had been flirty, and touchy but this had been the first time Derek had ever been able to see Stiles completely naked, stripped bare. Derek had been seen by Stiles once when he walked in on him changing and Derek made no attempt at hiding himself.
Stiles’ presence was made apparent pretty quick. And the older man just swallowed thickly letting his eyes travel across his boyfriend. It was clear he was searching for what to say, but he was going to inspect Stiles’ body while he did “Stiles what are y-“
Cutting him off Stiles simply stepped forward under the warm stream of water. He was quick to envelop Derek’s nude body in a hug and he stood there and mumbled “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry” Stiles held on tightly, making sure every piece of his skin was touched by Derek’s. Water continued to drip between the two as Stiles just rambled on “I’m sure it’s gotten old by now, putting up with these insecurities of mine but you have to know I don’t doubt you. Not at all, not for one second. I doubt myself, and my ability to not fuck things up whenever I get scared”
Stiles was going to admit defeat, because for a moment Derek just stood there. No words no response just him and a naked blubbering baker clinging to his wet body. Stiles was afraid he’d really fucked up this time.
Seconds from unsticking his body from Derek he let out a sigh of relief when strong arms finally came up to grip his small frame right back “Stiles that’s why I’m here, so you can come to me whenever you’re scared. And I don’t ‘put up’ with your insecurities, I help you work through them, because I love you. But you’ve gotta meet me half way babe. Don’t go jump off the deep end instead of telling me how you’re feeling”
Derek was the first to pull away, staring down into Stiles’ glossed over eyes “I love you too Der”
Stiles needed him.
There was no doubt about it.
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