Dianthus Caryophyllus; A Soonhoon Fic 01

I could not stop myself from staring as he danced. I always wondered how he could move his body with such ease, portraying so many things with just a simple wink or a thrust of his hips. It never failed to leave me mesmerised. Sweat trickled down from his forehead and down to his jawline, giving a sexy vibe. It was just so perfect, the dance, and him… 

Yes, our fans would go ‘No! Jihoon oppa you also dance very well!’ blah blah blah, but I would never be able to be compared with him, at least not to me.

His skills were just out of my league.

“jihoon!” He called out, waving his hands in front of me.

“huh?” I did not realise that he finished showing me the choreography for our new song.

“You spaced out. So how was it?”

“I-It was better than I expected.”

“You sure? I know you always criticise us a lot.” He joked. “Are you just trying to be nice?” He scrunched his face up as he said the last half. 

I hit his shoulder.

“If you don’t believe that’s your problem!”

“Sorry! I’m Sorry!” I finally stopped hitting him and huffed.

“Shoo. Go rest. Let me continue my composing.”

“You should rest too. Cya!” He came over and gave me a hug before exiting the room. 

As the door clicked shut I felt the sudden need to vomit. Fuck. Did I eat something wrong?

I ran to the toilet connected to the studio and vomited into the toilet bowl. I wiped my mouth and my hand using toilet paper, before reaching out to flush the toilet but I halted my actions when I saw red, like paint splashed on a canvas. 

I panicked. I mean who wouldn’t when you realise you just puked out a lot of bright Red blood which stained the pearly white toilet seat. But what scared me the most was the bright yellow petals which were evident in the blood. I recognised the flowers immediately. Buttercup flowers, one of soonyoung’s favorite. Signifying cheerfulness, charm, childishness. I still remembered how he used to coo and squeal in happiness whenever fans or fellow members gave him such flowers on his birthday. It did reflect him after all. Cheerful disposition could always make anyone smile even in their darkest times, his smile always brighting up people’s day. The childishness he possesses when he does aegyo and fools around with the younger members. Charm. I dont think that needs to be explained. I flushed the contents and washed my hands before returning to my studio, fearful of what naver would tell me.

HANAHAKI

I searched the symptoms on naver and this came out.

One word, which caused shivers down my spine.

I continued reading.

Hanahaki is the disease of unrequited love. The disease can only be cured when the love is returned or through the surgery which removes all romantic feelings towards anyone. Which means that after the surgery, one could not fall in love anymore.

Was it worrying that I am not surprised? Like how flowers blossom, the feeling for him blossomed deep in my heart too. Ironic isn’t it? That flowers are blossoming where feelings blossom. 

Since we were trainees, we would spend a lot of time together. Whether is it training, hanging out, or just daily activities, we did it together. We have always been connected by the hip. I composed and he choreographed, the perfect pair, the power duo. So many fans ship us as the hoshi-woozi power duo/ hoshi-woozi combination just like what Bring it says. I dont know when it started. Maybe when he disappeared for 6 months 6 years ago. Maybe after we did Bring it together. Maybe recently.

Then again, we were never meant to be. Two males in the kpop industry liking and dating each other? Imagine the hate we would get if the public finds out. Imagine how our reputation as seventeen would be harmed. He has only been a fellow member, a best friend, a hyung, a confidante for nine whole years and nothing more. He will also be nothing more. But I am never doing that surgery. I would rather die then not feel these feelings for him.