Kai had thought long and hard whether he should tell Nicolas about the conversation he had with Luciana. At the end he decided that he should and just as he was about to do so he received a text message.
Luciana: I suggest you don’t tell Nicolas about our conversation and what you heard. It will only do him bad.
Kai: what kind of bad?
She never answered.
Kai couldn’t stop thinking about it. He didn’t tell Nicolas, too scared of the consequences. He trusted Nicolas and he knew that Nicolas would never meet this Angelica girl, especially without telling him about it. It’s been days and Nicolas had never talked about his mother again.
They hung out at school like usual and had their occasional dates here and there when they had the time.
Time went by so fast and now it’s been a month since Nicolas and Kai have been dating. Kai wanted to stay in this perfect little bubble they had built for themselves. He had never been more happier in his entire life.
But there was also his anxiety that occasionally threw all his worries at his face but since Nicolas was there he could calm himself. Ignore all his panic and instead focus on his boyfriend.
He won’t ruin this. He won’t.
Today was Christmas Eve.
He was in his kitchen making cinnamon rolls while dancing to the christmas music his mom played in the background. He was wearing a white sweater with a Santa design and his black sweats. He thought the sweater was adorable and he knew Nicolas would too.
Every Christmas Eve Nicolas would come over and they would spend it together. Unfortunately Nicolas had to go back the same night and spend Christmas morning with his mom. He would usually come back during the afternoon and sleep over that night.
It was their little Christmas tradition.
They would also give their gifts today and not the actual day. Kai was so exited to give Nicolas his gift and also see what Nicolas got him. Nicolas always had the best gifts ever!
“Kai!” He heard his mom scream over the music. “Nicolas is here!”
He smiled widely and cleaned his hands before rushing to the front door where his mom and Nicolas were standing. Kai’s smile grew even more when he saw Nicolas wearing the red sweater with an elf that he bought him when they went shopping last week.
“I’m going back in the kitchen you boys can come in fifteen minutes to eat.” Kai’s mom said with a smile and left.
“Merry Christmas baby.” Nicolas smiled at Kai bending down to kiss his forehead.
“It’s not Christmas yet!” Kai exclaimed, leaning forward to hug him.
“Doesn’t matter. To me it’s today, when I’m with you.” He replied and Kai blushed hiding his smile into Nicolas’s chest.
“Come on let’s go in your room so I can leave your gift there.” Nic said pulling away and showing him the big gift bag he had.
Kai led him in his room where he left the gift before moving back downstairs. When they sat at the dining table it was just them and Kai’s parents. Lee had surprised Bella with a trip to Paris to spend Christmas and New York so they couldn’t be here this year.
Dinner was less eventful then the last time Nicolas had dinner here. Where Luciana had glared at him through it all.
It’s what’s good for him. It’s what’s normal.
Kai remembered her words again and frowned.
Every time he thought of what she had told him or the conversation he had heard at the pizza place he couldn’t help but feel his anxiety growing and panic bubbling in him.
Kai had done research about homophobic people and he found so many people sharing their stories and it quite honestly terrified him.
“Kai?” He looked up to see Nicolas staring at him worriedly.
His parents were cleaning in the kitchen and they were sitting in the living room watching another movie.
“You’ve been spacing out a lot these past few week. Won’t you tell me what’s wrong, baby?” Nicolas asked softly.
“It’s nothing, I was just thinking about… the gifts!” Kai lied, the guilt also growing but he couldn’t bring himself to shove all his useless panicking on Nicolas. He didn’t want to ruin the mood.
“Do you want to do the exchange now?” Nicolas asked with a smile, him too exited.
Kai nodded jumping to his feet and grabbing Nicolas’s hand to lead him upstairs. They entered their room and Kai rushed to his closet getting his wrapped gift and sitting on his bed while Nicolas got his.
“Me first!” Kai exclaimed and Nic laughed, taking the gift and slowly opening it.
He got rid of the gift wrapper and was left with a box. He opened the box and then colour paper decorations just flew at his face making him yelp in surprise and Kai laugh.
He moved the ribbons and he saw some of his favourite snacks. He took them out and found a book he’s been wanting and smiled. Kai always got him a book, no matter what.
He continued to dig through the books and found a small box. He took it out and opened it and grinned widely. He took out the silver bracelet and when he examined it he found a small K and N engraved in it.
“I love it.” Nicolas said and Kai cheered.
“Let me put it on for you!” He said and Nicolas nodded.
After carefully clasping the bracelet he told Nicolas there was more in the box.
“More?” Nicolas asked surprised and Kai nodded.
He decided to just flip the box around and all the snacks and the last two thing fell on the bed. One was a CD that Kai told him was from his favourite artists new album. And the last thing was a card.
Of course, how could Nicola forget about the cards. Every year Kai would make him a cute card with a drawing and a his favourite picture of the year. He opened the card and laughed when he saw the picture.
It was a picture of them at one of their dates where Kai brought Nicolas to skate. Arthur and Noelle tagged along and Noelle was the one who took the picture.
Nicolas was tightly holding Kai’s hands on the rink and he had a panicked look on his face while Kai was laughing loudly.
“This is your favourite picture of us?” Nicolas asked and Kai nodded brightly.
“I love it because it makes me look like the strong one and you the baby. Maybe I should call you baby now.” Kai laughed teasingly and Nicolas only raised his eyebrow.
In one quick movement Nicolas had swiftly moved and pushed Kai back on the bed and straddled him. He lent down and kissed him while running his hands all over him. When he pulled away Kai was staring at him with wide eyes and red cheeks.
“You were saying?” Nicolas smirked squeezing Kai’s hips.
“Not fair.” Kai mumbled and Nic laughed getting off of his sweet little baby and sitting down.
“Come on now it’s my turn.” Nicolas said and Kai was shocked to see that he actually looked nervous.
Kai opened the bag and when he took it out he saw it was a scrapbook. On the cover it was a pictures of them when they were just kids. Before Kai could flip it open Nicolas took it in his own hands.
“Can I?” He asked and Kai nodded scooting closer.
He opened the first page and Kai noticed it was a picture of them on their first ever sleepover. Kai was laying on Nicolas’s stomach and smiling widely.
“That was the first time I ever stayed over at someone’s house. That day when I met you it was the best day of my life. As soon as I saw you I knew I wanted to protect you and become your friend.” Nicolas said and Kai smiled softly.
The next few pages were of them in elementary through middle school and Nicolas would stop at every single one and tell him how he felt on that day.
“This one.” Nic said at the page of when they were thirteen. They were each holding ice creams and Kai had some all over his face while Nicolas was grinning at the camera.
“That was the day I knew I liked you.” He murmured and Kai’s eyes widened as he looked up at Nicolas. That’s four years.
“You were crying when I found you on the school campus. I hugged you as soon as I saw you and asked what was wrong. You told me that a teacher yelled at you in front of everyone because you forgot to do your work. You were so upset and I felt so so angry. I’ve always wanted to protect you but that day it felt like more.
I felt like someone was hurting someone who was mine. They were hurting the boy I liked. And I never wanted to see you hurt. So I bought you ice cream and then the next day I got my mom to tell the principal that the teacher yelled at me and she got fired.”
“You got her fired?” Kai exclaimed and Nic shrugged, with a small guilty smile.
“I was a kid. All that mattered to me was that she made you cry.” He said and Kai sputtered.
Nicolas hurriedly moved on to the next pages to distract Kai from the fact that someone lost their job because they made him cry. He went on with his little stories until he reached the most recent pictures.
“This.” Nic sighed staring a picture of just Kai. It was on their first date and Kai was looking at the sunset on the rooftop. “This is my favourite picture ever. You look so goddamn beautiful and that was when I knew.”
“Knew what?” Kai asked softly raising his head to meet Nicolas eyes.
Nic put the scrapbook on the bed and grabbed Kai’s hand and rested it over his chest, where Kai could feel his heart racing
“That was when I knew that you would be the only one for me. Kai…” He whispered moving closer until their foreheads touched.
“You were my best friend. And then you were the boy I liked. And now…now you’re the one I love. The only one I’ll ever love. You’re my forever. I love you.” He said and Kai’s eyes filled with tears.
“I..”
It will only do him bad.
It’s not natural
It’s not normal. Two girls or two boys together.
disgusting!
The tears fell from Kai’s eyes as he choked up.
He couldn’t. He couldn’t say it.
“Kai.” Nicolas frowned cupping his face and wiping his eyes.
“Kai, baby it’s okay. You don’t have to say it back. I love you and that’s enough okay?” Nicolas assured but Kai could see the disappointment in his eyes.
He could see the hurt.
He hurt Nicolas.
“I-I’m s-sorry.” Kai wailed and Nicolas hugged him tight.
“It’s okay baby. It’s okay.” He hushed.
After awhile Kai stopped crying and Nicolas kissed the remaining tears away.
“I’m sorry for making you cry, love.” Nic murmured.
Love.
“I.. Nicolas..” Kai started.
“I should go.” Nicolas said cutting him off with a small smile.
No!
He kissed Kai’s cheeks and softly said an I love you before grabbing his gift and left the room leaving Kai behind.
Kai’s eyes widened when he realized what just happened. He didn’t say it back. Nicolas left. Nicolas didn’t kiss him.
He hurt him.
He had to fix this.
Kai ran downstairs and opened the front door but was only met with the cold wind.
Nicolas left.
…
Well shit. I’d say “I hope you enjoyed.” But um yeah….
I’m gonna try to update the next chapter this weekend!!
Please don’t forget to vote and comment! ♡
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