Jays POV:
After just over two hours I felt Asher’s body slowly relax slightly, his arm slowly relax from clinging to me and his whimpering silence until all that was heard was his shallow, quiet hiccups. He looks so peaceful, I could barley see his face because he was hiding in my chest but I didn’t mind, all I cared about is that he’s finally asleep, finally free from his pain. Only then could my own mind relax enough for me to think.
His dad!? How could his own father do this to him? How does anyone do this to him let alone his dad? On the out side Ashe looks so innocent and fragile, he looks weak. But he’s not, he’s the strongest person I know. I couldn’t even fathom having to go through what he must go through. How many times has his father beaten him like this? How bad has he been hurt before and have no one there for him?
What kind of bastard, what kind of man is he?
Unwilling tears burn at my eyes before I can do anything about it. It pained me, that fact that he’s been so broken and hurt by the person that’s supposed to love him, that I wasn’t there to protect him, to keep him safe.
I want to help him, I want love him and I want him to never feel pain again. But I don’t know how. Yes, maybe I can keep him from his dad, but he’s still going to hurt. He still thinks he killed his mother, still thinks he’s worthless and pathetic, and I have no idea how I’m going to help him see he’s not. I have no idea how to make all the pain go away.
I lay us back on the bed gently so I wont wake him. He remains asleep but moves his arms from my shirt to around my body so he’s literally hugging me, but I’m not complaining. I feel the vibration first, but before I can get to it my phone rings out loud with that god awful ring tone. Tugging it from my pocket I see Amy’s face pop up on the screen, I pick it up and hold it to my ear. Gazing down to see that Asher was still asleep. Thank god.
“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!! HOW DARE YOU DITCH ME ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE WEEK!”She shrieks over the phone so loud I had to hold it away from my ear.
” I swear to god if you don’t have a valid excuse I will skin you alive and dump our body in the lake for the fish.”Fearing she might go through with her threat I decide I should probably tell her whats going on. So I do, every last detail of the last two days, which is surprisingly a lot.
“….he just calmed down and fell asleep, so yeah that brings us to right now.”
“I have so many questions.”she breathed out after absorbing all the information.
“Yeeeahh, that is definitely a valid excuse….Are you sure it’s his dad?”
“Yes Amy, you should have seen him. He’s not lying, and I have no idea what to do now so guess it was good you called. So tell me what he fuck I’m supposed to do?”
“this is why there are girls on this planet, because boys are incapable of thinking.”I can imagine her pinching her nose bridge in frustration.
“ok firstly, thats not even remotely true, boys are capable, just maybe not this one right now. But thats besides the point.”
“Oh right. Well he can’t go back there if he lives with the devil,”
“yeah I know, he’s going to stay at mine for the time being.”
“Ok, does he know that he’s going to be living with random strangers?”
“Well not yet, and I’m not a stranger,”
“well then, when you do break the news to him, do me a favour and be gentle. After everything he’s been through it might be a bit hard to swallow at first.”
“Noted. Anything else?”
“Yh a lot actually. I know you care about him, and he cares about you, but it’s going to take some time for him to to recover from this. First and for most, make sure your there for him at all times, he’s going to need you if he’s going to get better so you just have to be patient, this shit doesn’t fix over night. It might take as long as years for him to get a stable mental state so you have to be extremely patient. Next comes your relationship.”
“Yeah I don’t really know where we stand at the moment with that aspect. I mean we kissed and I like him a lot, but I don’t even know if he should be in a relationship fight now? Maybe its too much for him”
“Shut the fuck up! If he likes you and you reject him you’ll only be adding salt to the wound dickwad, You just have to be careful. He needs someone to love him, to care for him and make him feel worth something, and thats your job my friend. But yh I wouldn’t get the to whole sex part just yet.”
“Okay, yeah totally, I will take that into account.”
For the next hour we talk over the phone, well she basically just instructs me what to do, who knew she could be so wise I honestly think she would make an awesome therapist. She eventually had to get back to class because lunch had just finished. Asher is still sleeping on me so there really isn’t much I can do, it’ not like he’s heavy, I can feel every one of his bones through his clothes. Trying to not go down the path of pity I decide to just watch some prison break on the tv to pass the time.
After two episodes and quite some time on TikTok Asher finally started to stir. I look away from my phone to see his innocently eyes staring back up at me.
“Why hello, have a nice sleep?”I ask. He nods his head a mumbles some incoherent word, snuggling closer to me and attempting to go back to sleep.
“Oh no you don’t. Come on it’s like 2:30, we gotta have lunch.”I try to get him up, but he’s really persistent, just clinging to me tighter. Eventually I give up and just pick him up. He lets out a small yelp in surprise before wrapping his leg as around my hips and his arms around my neck, burying his face in the crook of my neck. He’s almost always hiding his face, and as cute as it is, I would like to see the face I fell in love with once in a while, But I don’t remove his head from my neck. It’s surprisingly easy to get down stairs with him clunking to me like a Kuala, and that slightly scares me.
I get to the kitchen and he slides down to his feet when I come to a stop, his face covered in an adorable blush as he tries to turn away from my gaze, but I don’t let him this time. with my finger under his chin I bring my eyes to meet mine. He dosen’t look so embarrassed anymore, he just stares at me just as much as I stare at his slightly mismatch eyes.
“can I kiss you again?”I ask in a soft, gently whisper. I notice him swallow a lump before he timidly nods his head. And that was all I need before my lips crash into his. At first he’s taken by surprise but he soon melts into the kiss, moving his lips in perfect sync with mine. To say it was heaven is an understatement. The kiss was somehow better that the first one, something I though impossible, but it is. Maybe because we’re not soaking wet on the bathroom floor? But who cares.
My arms rest around his waist, not daring to go any lower, and his arms wrap around my neck as he steps on his tiptoes to reach me.
Eventually I pull away before it turns into an entire make out, leaving him both confused and slightly pouting.
“As much as I love kissing you, you need to eat and frankly, I’m starving.” I breath out, to which he just scowls at me.
“th-that’s n-not fair.”he mumbles under his breath.
“Oh, and why isn’t it fair?”I question
“b-because, y-your th-the one w-who kissed m-me first.”
“True, very true. Well then, my apologies my prince.”He lets out small giggle, sending an eruption of delight through me, until he stops and winces slightly, clutching his severely bruised ribs.
“you ok!?”I ask in concern. He offers me a small nod, returning his scowl back to his smile to reassure me. I still feel slightly uneasy but decide to let it go.
“okay, good.”I perk up, giving him a small peck on his lips before truing to start the lunch, a smirk plastered on my face the entire time.
Lily comes home not long after we start eating our Turkey bagels.
“I’m home!!!”she shouts
“In the kitchen!” I shout back and I catch Asher flinch as the loud sound.
“Sorry,”I mumble with an apologetic look, he silently accepts my apology just as Lily enters the room.
“Hey Jay. Oh Asher I don’t believe we’ve officially met, My names Lily Roslin Walker, this dimwits sister and your new fan girl.”She greets, sticking her hand out for Asher to shake. He’s hesitant at first but slowly he shakes her hand.
“Your cute, like really fucking cute. I see why Jay likes you.”She remarks, leaning Asher to turn red and sink into his chair to escape her gaze as she inspects every inch of him.
“Okaayy! That’s enough of that,”I intervene, noticing how completely terrified and uncomfortable he looked. removing Lily from Ashers space and dragging her away he quickly catches on to Ashers state and turned to make her own bagel.
**
“So I got this really stupid teacher for english, Mrs Ricardo,”
“No way! I have her too, you know the one I was talking about that got me detention on my first day.”
“Would you look at that, shes a bitch to every one. Anyway, she assigned us a 8 page essay at font size 12, BY WEDNESDAY!!! Like people have lives.” For the last half hour we haven’t left the kitchen. The food was long gone, we’ll mine and Lilys, Asher didn’t manage to finish his but he had a reasonable amount to I let him off. And we basically just been listening to all the tea that happened in school and with the popular crown over the weekend, eventually it turned into Lily just ranting about her life but I didn’t mind, neither did Asher. Although he’s barley said a word in Lilys presents he still smailed at her jokes and sometimes even laughed at the stupidity of teenage high schoolers.
I didn’t realise how much I miss my sister, missed just hearing her voice and talking about random shit. As I grew older we just shifted apart, I was always out with friends or at a party, we weren’t like arch nemeses, we just didn’t get time. We didn’t make time.
We laugh so hard about how the big party at Duncans ver the weekend was busted by his parents, who actually came home drunk themselves, that non of us notice the front door opening, or even when my mother even entered to room. But as soon as we realise her present its like all the laughter and happiness was just sucked out the room, becoming dead silent in seconds. Lily indiscreetly gives mom death glares while I suddenly have a very strong interest in my empty plate.
The silence that blankets over us feel almost suffocating, no one dares to say a word. I almost can’t stand her presence, it’s not that I hate her, that she makes me feel uncomfortable, its that with her comes the pain, and I hate the pain. Making the first move I get up to leave, but she stops me in my tracks.
“Wait!…W-we need to talk now, no more avoiding me, I’m your mother an-“
“Mother? Oh are you now?,”I scoff turning to face the woman with this new found anger that festers inside me before I can stop it.
“Last I checked, You have no faggot son. So unless you ‘reclaim’ this fag as your son, you and NOT my mother.”the blanket of silence once again falls over the room as I stare her down. At first she looked shocked, but soon she just looked broken. Guilt, pain and regret is all I see in her eyes, tears building at the rims until they fall over the edge and down her face, she doesn’t bother wiping them away, just let them fall, but she doesn’t speak, she doesn’t have an answer.
“I guess we have nothing to talk about then.”I breath out through the pain, the pain that she still has nothing to say. She still won’t apologise.
“I-I…..I have something else you need to know, something I need to know.”she stares simply, composing herself and wiping away the eye liquid from her face. To my surprise she looks past me and turned her attention to Asher, who was silently sitting on his stool.
“Your names Asher Greyson right?”she asks, receiving a timid nod from Asher.
“O-okay, umm y-your mom….Is her name Lila?”at this point I’m just confused, but I don’t pay mind on my curiosity at noticing his entire body go rigid as he gives another slight nod. Relief sweeps over her face,
“Oh thank god.”she breaths out, excitement flooding her body as she was practically jumping in her spot.
“Were is she? Can I see her o-or call her? Is she in town as well?”Her excitement slowly dies into confusion when Asher doesn’t respond, instead he looks so dead and lost, tears freely falling. He doesn’t look like he’s even here, like he’s daydreaming, distant.
“Mom, Asher’s mom died.”I simply answer after going over to him and hugging him from his stool, trying to bring him back but he’s still frozen. My mother on the other hand, she looks as confused as I feel right now.
“Wh-? N-no no there must be a mistake,”she awkwardly chuckles, but soon I cans see it hit her like a brick. Her already red, tears eyes dart around in different directions as she try’s to grasp the information. Her hand covers her mouth to muffle the small sobs that escape her lips. Her body soon gives way under her as she drops to her knees to the hard, cold, tiled kitchen floor.
**
I waited as my mother stared into the cracking orange flames. Sitting in the living room my mother composed herself enough to fill in the gaping holes in my curiosity, now we all gather around the fire in our vintage living room awaiting her words.
“Me, Lila, Alan and Martin all went to hight school together.”She begins
“My and Lila were best friends since freshmen year. All the way up until senior year hight school was pretty much just normal…..but then Martin and Alan came into our lives. They were the schools ‘bad boys’, so naturally every girl wanted them, but not us. We basically steered away from boys as much as we could, the both of us growing up in a highly religious Christian family’s we were determined to stay virgins till marriage, we were……ambitious.”She chuckled softy at the memories from her former life, a single tear visible from the warm light of the flames.
“so anyway, We ended up both falling for Alan and Martin, hard. And it was a pretty good first few months. But then we found out the rumours were true, that they really had something to do with the black hood, who at the time was actually Alans father.
We found out and it was the scariest day of my life, but at the same time I didn’t really care enough to leave him, your father. Eventually Martin decided that he was going to leave the gang, leave his old life, for Lila…..and Alan agreed. To say it was hard is a major understatement, to get free of his fathers clutches they had to do stuff they didn’t want to, but in the end it was for a better life.
We graduated height school and moved away from this town. Me and Lila went to medical school together. Alan felt guilty for all the things he had done and he wanted to make up for it, so he joined the army, said it was his ‘calling’ and he had a duty to serve his county in a way to gain his honour and pride in him self back.
Lila dropped out of school when she was pregnant with Zak I believe, and she and Martin moved to California to start a family, we tried to keep in touch…..but eventually…..I-I just, I lost her.”she finishes and wipes her face dry from the stray tears. He gaze lands on Asher who has stayed silent since she came home. I could tell he’s just as shocked as I am, but unlike me he is full of pain from relieving the truth about his mother.
“Asher?”my mother whispers through her slightly raspy voice to catch his attention.
“I-I, I’m really sorry….for what its worth, your mother was the single best person I have ever met. She was always so energetic, so wild and free spirited. She had the kindest heart, she was so intelligent and she didn’t care if people called her a nerd…..she was special. She made every one around her better people, she made your father a better person-“Asher’s head instantly whips up at the motions of his father, revealing how puffy cheeks and blood shot eyes.
“P-people ch-change more th-than once.”He silently mumbles, about to get up and escape the room but my mothers words cut him off before he could leave.
“What do you mean by that?”she asks. He turns to face her, he looked completely broken, his once bright eyes dull and full of pain.
“M-My father, H-he’s ch-changed b-back.” He reply while slightly trembling.
“What you mean he’s part of the gang again?”She questions, Asher doesn’t reply,
“He’s, he’s the new black hood isn’t it?”Again he remains silent, but the fear that shot through his eyes showed that she was right. With out a second thought he limped out the room at a surprising speed.
“That can’t be right, he wouldn’t do that…he-“She breathes out but I cut her off.
“Yes, he can. He’s the one who hurt Asher, who keeps hurting Asher because he has this twisted mind set that he can beat his child for being fucking gay and convince him he killed his own fucking mother!!! So who ever you think he is, who ever he was before, that shit is all gone! He’s a bastard and a fucking prick!!”I snap back before Storming out the room after Asher.
I reach my room to see the room door slightly open, soft sniffles and ragged breath can be heard from inside. Pushing the door open I see Asher with his pair of jeans in his lap and something in his hand. I walk timidly over to him, kneeling down I place a hand on his shoulder gently so I won’t startle him. He looks back up at me with pain in his eyes as he wipes the stray tears from his cheeks. I glance done to his hands in his lap to see he’s idling with a small flash drive.
“I-It’s Zak’s.”He calmly states, looking down to the object while his expression softens slightly. I have no clue what to say, not knowing if I should even talk in the first place or If I should wait for him, I decide to wait. Studying his breathing he eventually continues.
“I kn-know dad c-could be a-a g-good p-person……A-A g-good father, I-I’ve seen i-it…”He pauses to take a small breath, composing himself as much as he can, mildly smiling at the memory’s.
“H-he w-was good. W-we used t-to read t-together a-and he c-came to a-all my tournaments…..h-he was p-proud of me. A-and now?…..I-I c-cant read, I-I’m sc-scared of water a-and he h-hates me, n-now It’s d-different. I-I’m different, H-he’s not m-my father a-any more, n-not after wh-what h-he’s done t-to me, t-to Zak.” The pain and sadness in the truth hurt him, I can see it, but he won’t show it. He doesn’t cry or break down, he just stares into space as he endures the truth he just admitted not only to me, but to himself. The silence fills the room but its not awkward, it doesn’t feel suffocating, its a comfortable silence, one that brings peace and closure. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him between my legs as he leans into my embrace, resting his head back into my chest as we sit on the floor. I follow his eyes line to the window, the sky filled with pinks, oranges, yellows all spread across the horizon, reflecting against the Wispy, feathery clouds.
We stay in the silence for god knows how long. The sun now completely gone, replaced with the pitch black sky.
“We should head to bed, I don’t think I can miss another day off school considering I’ve only ben going for just over a month.”I felt him nod against my chest. We get up after another 10 minutes and we take turns using the bathroom to brush our teeth and what not. I leave the bathroom to see Asher getting into the bed and make my way over to the air bed on the floor.
“J-Jay?”I hear Asher whisper into the darkness of my room. I hum in reply.
“C-can y-you like,”He timidly stuttered out, even in the darkness I know he is probably as red as a tomato. I know what he wants to ask and part of me wanted to just save him the trouble of asking, but at the back of my mind there was still the fear that I’m wrong, so I wait fo him to ask.
“Can I what?”I question.
“C-can you c-come here? P-please?”with conformation I waste time to get up and make my way over to the ridiculously large bed. I slip under the covers and instantly I wrap my arms around his small body and pull him close, enjoying his warmth as I place a light kiss on his back. He snuggles into my arms willingly and clings to my arm that wraps around his stomach.
“Th-thank you.”He mumbles.
“your very welcome my prince.”I reply before lightly kissing his head and slipping into the darkness of sleep.
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