“Elijah…”
I groaned, rolling over and burying my head in the pillow.
“Elijah,” Fox’s raspy voice repeated.
He shook me awake, causing me to turn my head toward him while keeping it on the pillow and open my eyes. It was then that I heard a faint buzzing coming from the floor.
“Your phone keeps going off,” he said.
I leaned over the side of the bed and picked my phone up off the floor where it must have fallen last night. Luckily, I checked the caller ID before blindly answering.
“It’s my mom,” I told him, sitting up and rubbing my eye with the back of my hand. “My head hurts. It’s too early to deal with her.”
My hangover wasn’t too bad but it was bad enough that I didn’t want to add speaking with my mother to it. I decline the call and silenced the ringer, moving to put the phone down on the nightstand. Just as I was about to place it down, her name popped up again.
Fox released an unsatisfied groan from his throat as he glanced over my shoulder at the caller ID.
“What the hell could that woman possibly want from you?” he asked, his tone dark and still full of sleep.
I couldn’t find the answer to that. All my mother ever wanted from me was to be her perfect son and part of me still wished that she would come to her senses and love me for how I was now. It felt slightly fatuous to still have that desire for my mother’s affection. I was eighteen, a legal adult, I didn’t need my mother anymore, especially since I had integrated into my father’s family.
Despite that, there was still a slight pull on my heart every time I thought of her. There was a weaker part of me that wanted to allow myself to fall into her trap with the hope that she had changed her mind even though the smarter part of me, cynical as it may be, knew she hadn’t.
I allowed the call to go to voicemail and in less than five seconds she was calling again. My thumb hovered over the screen, ready to answer or decline.
“Don’t answer it, Elijah,” Fox said in a stern tone, sitting up so that we were shoulder to shoulder. “She doesn’t deserve you.”
“What if something is wrong?” I asked in a small voice as I continued staring down at the screen.
I had everything I wanted; I felt at home with my family, I had a group of friends that actually liked me, and I had Fox. But the thought of my mother actually needing me was enough for me to want to try again with her, to see if she could love me for how I am now.
“It’s not your problem,” Fox tried to assure me, placing his hand on my bare shoulder.
“What if Dave hurt her?” I wondered, a horrified look on my face as I turned to Fox.
He didn’t answer as she called back again. I couldn’t blame him, really. It was a tough situation. What if he told me not to answer and she was actually in danger? What if I answered and she pulled me into her trap again?
Before she got sent to my voicemail again, my thumb was sliding over the screen before I could stop myself.
“Mom?” I answered, my tone slightly panicked as I tried and failed to keep an even tone.
“Elijah, I need you to come over,” she replied.
“Is everything okay?” I asked her, feeling Fox’s eyes intently staring at the side of my face.
“I have some news to share with you,” she vaguely responded. “It’s urgent.”
“What is it?”
“I need to speak to you in person about it,” Mom insisted.
I glanced over at Fox who just shook his head. He still felt guilty about the last time I had gone to my mother’s, the time he had encouraged me to do so. I could see it in his eyes.
“Is Dave there?”
“Elijah,” Mom pleaded.
I let out a shaky sigh, my head pounding as my hand rubbed my forehead, a trait I inherited from my father.
“Okay,” I said in a low tone.
Mom let out a content sigh. “Thank you. I will see you soon.”
As soon as I hung up, I felt Fox’s glare on my skin.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” Fox told me, his voice low and matching the look on his face.
I knew he was right and I wasn’t going to argue with him about it. He wouldn’t understand and that wasn’t his fault. Fox grew up with loving parents and a big family. Most of my life was just me, my mom, and Dave. Dave and I were never close and he felt like a stranger in our home, but even with him around I spent a lot of time with my mom. It took a while to get used to life without her, but it was hard to completely erase her from my life. Especially when she was so pertinacious about getting me back at times.
“I need to know what she has to say,” I mumbled, lying back down on the bed while Fox looked down at me.
“It doesn’t matter,” he shot back. “She is not good for you.”
“I know,” I replied in a dull tone.
Fox’s sharp eyes softened as he looked down at me. He laid back down beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder.
“I don’t want her and Dave hurting you anymore,” Fox mumbled against my skin as he kissed up to my neck and jaw.
I hummed in agreement, tickled by the kisses he left on my neck.
“So you’re really going there?” he asked me.
“I told her I would,” I said, kissing his cheek and feeling him relax at my touch.
“I’m going with you,” he asserted in a serious tone.
I sighed, locking eyes with him. The look on his face told me he wasn’t going to budge on this.
“You being there is just going to set Dave off,” I told him.
“So I’ll make sure he doesn’t go near you,” Fox instantly replied.
I gave him a pointed look.
“He’s not going to hit me if I don’t piss him off,” I said. “You being there is automatically going to piss him off, especially if he finds out we’re dating.”
“He probably already knows,” Fox responded, resting his head on my shoulder. “Your secret admirer Lance, or whatever his name is, probably told him.”
I rolled my eyes. “Landon can’t possibly be in love with me.”
“Trust me,” Fox started, looking up a the ceiling. “It’s entirely possible.”
“Well if Dave already knows, that’s even more of a reason for you to stay away,” I told him, causing him to turn his head to look at me.
“Last time you went in there alone, he punched you in the face,” Fox reminded me, raising his eyebrows and looking as if he was ready to keep arguing with me.
“I’m going to be fine,” I assured him.
Fox didn’t look convinced. His eyes were narrowed and if his arms weren’t around me, they’d be crossed in front of him.
“You can come if you stay in the car,” I amended, hoping he would take this as a compromise.
“I’m going inside if anything seems sketchy,” he responded in a serious tone.
I sighed. “Fine.”
Once the two of us were in agreement, we got up from the bed and got ready for the day. Fox had lent me some clothes after we showered and brushed our teeth.
Fox seemed to remember the way to my mother’s house without any direction from me, despite only having picked me up from the street one time.
“It’s this next house up on the right,” I directed, pointing toward my old home.
Both Dave’s and Mom’s cars were in the driveway, but I had expected that. Mom wasn’t one to do anything without her husband, even when it concerned me.
Fox pulled up to the curb and parked, staring past me to look at the house.
“You’re going to stay here,” I asserted, gaining his attention. “Right?”
“Only if nothing sketchy goes on,” Fox replied.
I rolled my eyes, opening the door to get out of the car. I looked back at Fox one last time to make sure he was staying in the car before walking up the porch to the front door. My hand rose and I knocked on the door. This wasn’t my home anymore, it wouldn’t feel right to walk in.
Mom was quick to open the door like she had been waiting there for me. Her smile was wide as she stepped aside to welcome me in. Her hair was in neat curls and her makeup done to perfection like always.
“Thank you for coming, Elijah,” she said, leading me into the dining area where Dave was already seated.
“What’s the news you had to tell me?” I asked, looking between Mom and Dave.
Mom looked sickeningly happy and my mind automatically turned to the worst. She better not be pregnant, I thought. Not only was my mother in her forties, but no child deserved to be stuck with her and Dave as parents. I was lucky to have my father.
“Come sit,” Dave instructed.
Mom instantly sat down beside him at his words while I moved slower to sit across from them. I braced myself for what they were about to tell me. Please don’t be pregnant, please don’t be pregnant, please—
“We’re moving,” Dave announced, my mother looking to me with an excited expression like she expected me to jump with joy.
“Oh,” was all I could come up with.
“Dave got a position at a Catholic high school in Pennsylvania,” Mom explained, placing her hand over Dave’s on the table.
“That’s great,” I said, trying not to sound too excited.
Them moving out of state seemed like the best thing that could happen to me at that moment. I needed there to be more space between us. If I couldn’t go see my mom, then she wouldn’t be able to try to guilt me into having a relationship with her.
“There’s a good program at the church there,” Dave added. “For people like you. My brother runs it.”
I just nodded, not knowing what to say to that. If I just nodded and listened to them, acting like I was interested, I could get out of here soon and never have to speak to them again.
“It’ll be really beneficial for you,” Mom said. “I think this is exactly what we need as a family.”
“Wait,” I interjected, feeling as though I had just gotten whiplash. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re coming with us,” Dave answered in a tone as if it was final, like I had no say. Mom happily nodded.
“No, I’m not,” I denied, shaking my head. “I’m staying here. With Dad.” With my family. With my friends. With Fox.
“Elijah,” Dave said in a stern tone as if it was a warning. “Don’t argue. We’ve let you stay with your father for too long and it has made you think that you can actually live like this.”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “Live like what? Happy? Free? Loved?”
“Sweetie, you can live like that with us,” Mom said, reaching across the table to move her hand from Dave’s to mine. “You’ll go to the program, fix your relationship with God and everything will be okay.”
I shook my head at every word she spoke.
“And you won’t be alone,” Dave added. “Landon will be joining us. His parents are trusting us to look after him while he’s in the program.”
“Landon?” I choked out, my eyes widening. “Landon’s gay?”
“Landon is misguided,” Dave corrected. “He has lusted after you in the past but he is willing to change that.”
My stomach became queasy at the thought of Landon liking me. Fox had been right, at least somewhat. Landon may not have been in love with me, but he was attracted to me and hated me for it. As much as I hated Landon for all he had done to me, I didn’t want to see this happen to him.
“And we cannot stay at this church any longer,” Dave continued. “They are on the verge of becoming too lenient after the Hanson’s decided to leave.”
The mention of Micah’s family leaving the church shocked me.
“They left?” I asked, quirking my head to the side in confusion.
Mom nodded. “They said they didn’t like what the church was doing and decided to go elsewhere.”
“They’re going to a church that celebrates your sin,” Dave intervened in a hard tone. “Others are talking about going with them. I say good riddance.”
“I think this move will be great for us,” Mom said, bringing us back on topic. “You can finish school there, then maybe play hockey for Penn State. You and Landon can help each other out.”
“I’m not going,” I asserted again. “My senior year is almost over, I’m not finishing it somewhere else.”
“You will be coming with us,” Dave demanded, his stony eyes locking with mine. “Whether you like it or not.”
I scoffed, standing up from the table.
“I have to go,” I said. “Fox is waiting for me outside.”
“How dare you bring that manner-less heathen to our home,” Dave seethed, standing up.
“He may have no manners, but he’s my boyfriend,” I spat, turning around and quickly scurrying out of the house before Dave or Mom could say anything.
Fox gave me a strange look as I practically threw myself into his car and slammed the door shut.
“What the hell happened?” Fox asked, looking from me to the house to see Dave walking outside.
“Drive, idiot!” I exclaimed, causing Fox to shift the car into drive and slam on the gas, sending us jolting forward.
“What the hell was he doing?” Fox loudly asked. “I should go back there and beat his ass.”
“They’re moving and trying to force me to go with them to go to some program to convert me,” I explained in a rushed tone. “Then got mad when I said I didn’t want to go.”
“Holy shit,” Fox cursed. “Where are they going?”
“Somewhere in Pennsylvania I guess,” I muttered, leaning my head against the window.
We were silent for a few moments before I shot my head up, suddenly remembering what they had said about Landon. I felt conflicted on telling Fox about him considering I didn’t know if he was actually out of the closet.
“They’re taking Landon with them,” I admitted in a panicked tone.
“What?”
“His parents are sending him away with them,” I continued, looking toward Fox. “Either he’s gay or they think he is. They want him to do the program.”
“That’s messed up,” Fox said, looking at me briefly and then turning back to the road.
“I know he’s a dick, but—”
“But you wanna help him?” Fox finished for me.
I nodded with a sigh. “Yeah, I do.”
“How? What can you do?” Fox questioned. “There’s no reasoning with those people.”
He was right. People like Dave were set in their ways and people like Mom were too submissive to stray from the beliefs of their husbands. Landon’s parents were the exact same way. None of them would change their minds.
“Maybe Micah’s family can help,” I thought out loud, causing Fox to glance at me with a confused look.
“Why would they?”
“Apparently they left the church for one that accepts gay people,” I told him with hope filled eyes. “Maybe they can intervene. Everyone likes Micah’s dad, they listen to him.”
It didn’t take any more discussion for me to be directing Fox toward the Hanson’s house. It wasn’t too far from my mother’s neighborhood and we made it there in less than five minutes. This time, I couldn’t force Fox to stay in the car and he followed me up to the house where I knocked on the door.
Mr. Hanson opened the door, his eyes widening slightly when he saw us. He quickly changed his expression to a more welcoming one and smiled at us.
“Elijah, it’s good to see you,” he greeted. “And you are?”
“This is Fox,” I told him. “I need to talk to you.”
Mr. Hanson looked confused but stepped aside to let us in anyway. The Hanson’s home always felt more like a home than my own. This was a family that truly loved each other. He brought us into the living room and sat across from us on the couch as we sat down on the love seat.
“Is everything alright?” Mr. Hanson asked, concern evident in his tone and on his face, reminding me of my own father.
“Dave and Mom told me that you left the church,” I started, leaning closer to Fox and putting my hand over his on the cushion.
Mr. Hanson nodded. “Dave started leading bible study more and more, not leaving any room for discussion or interpretations. It wasn’t so much the masses that made us want to leave but the community.”
“They’re moving and they want to take me to some conversion program,” I told him, letting out a shaky breath. Fox gripped my hand.
“They can’t do that, Elijah,” Mr. Hanson responded in a reassuring tone. “They can’t take you and they can’t change you.”
“But they’re taking Landon,” I said and Mr. Hanson’s face drained of color. “Apparently his parents are letting them take him.”
It was then that Micah came down the stairs, surprise evident on his face when he saw Fox and I sitting on the love seat, clenching each other’s hands.
“Is everything okay?” Micah asked, standing at the bottom of the stairs. His face had a fading bruise on the jaw, but other than that there was no evidence on him of the brawl that took place at the tournament.
“There’s an issue,” Mr. Hanson told his son before retelling the information I had shared.
“How can we convince his parents to let him stay?” Micah asked, sitting down beside his father and looking at Fox and me.
I squeezed Fox’s hand tighter.
“I don’t know,” I admitted with a sigh. “I was hoping you guys could do something. The people there listen to you, Mr. Hanson.”
“Not all of them do,” he replied with a sullen expression. “Dave had gotten quite a few allies by the time we left.”
“But you can try, right?” Fox said, his tone sharp.
Mr. Hanson looked at him and nodded. “I can try.”
“We’re not just talking about praying the problem away,” Fox added, his tone still cutting like knives.
“Fox,” I hissed.
“No, no,” Mr. Hanson said. “I will actually talk to them. I will still pray, but I’ll talk to them.”
We didn’t stay much longer after Mr. Hanson promised to intervene. There wasn’t much I could do, but he had a lot of say at that church.
When we got back into Fox’s car, the weight of the situation began to hit me. My mother and Dave wanted to rip me away from the life I had made without them after they threw me out. They wanted their perfect, Catholic son that they could brag about to their friends and they were willing to have me traumatized to get it.
I had finally become happy but they still haunted me like ghouls living in the shadows. They hid, let me believe that I was safe, then came out to try and pull me back into the darkness.
**
Thank you so much for reading!
So I spent some time over the past few days outlining everything I need to get done to finish this story and I came up with about 4 more chapters (so there will be a total of 48) and an Epilogue. I’ll see if I can stick to that. If not, it’ll end up being more but not less.
What did you think of the chapter? What about Elijah’s decision to talk to his mother? And what Susan and Dave told him? And Landon? What about Elijah’s decision to talk to Micah’s father?
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