Theme:Â Fluff+Angst (50/50? sorta)
Note: I was going to say happy belated mother’s day but this isnt supposed to be happy
anyway, writing this bc the shinazugawa ep was released on mother’s day
the Shinazugawas (im taking this off some video so it might not be accurate):
Shizu(30 smth-), Sanemi(13?), Genya(8?), Teiko (7?), Sumi (6), Hiroshi(5), Shuya (4), Koto(2).
×××
For a couple months now, they had been doing small things in order to get a little money. Since their father had died, though it had been quite a relief, it also brought about a lot more pressure on their mother. Shizu had to work a lot more often and barely saw them anymore. Sanemi and Genya were doing their best to care for the younger children while their mother acquire money for the family. Shizu appreciated them greatly, more than she could express. But she made sure to leave them small things when she was able to get a little extra money—and though it wasn’t often since she was getting less money than a man would’ve, it was her own way of showing her love.
Sanemi and Genya tried to get her to stop buying the excess things but she said she just wanted them to be happy. She would buy them books or toys, especially for the others so they could be entertained during the day.
Because of this, however, it only drove all of the children’s desire to help her in a way. The younger children admired Sanemi and Genya especially since the two had managed to get a little money from helping around the town here and there. So they all made sure to behave well as much as they could will themselves to so it would be easier on everyone.
It did help a lot and Sanemi made sure to show he was grateful for it. Eventually he brought up the topic of Mother’s Day as May approached.Â
“We’re supposed to get her something?” Shuya had asked, confused. “Mother has a day for her?”
Sanemi nodded. “There’s a day where we specifically have to show allll our appreciation towards her and all she’s doing for us.”
“What appre-ation?” Koto asked curiously, crawling over to nestle himself in Genya’s lap.
“Ehm… Like giving her presents or telling her we love her and telling her thank you for being our mother,” Genya suggested.Â
Sanemi agreed. “Exactly. And you know how we have been saving up the money and not buying other things?”
“Are we gonna buy Mother something?” Sumi asked, eyes lighting up when Sanemi nodded. “We can buy her a new house!”
“…we don’t have quite enough money. But I saw a kimono on sale somewhere while getting food,” Sanemi said with a gentle laugh. “Tomorrow we can go through the town and look for something to buy for her after breakfast.”
“Mochiiii!” Hiroshi said. “The sweet ones!”
“For breakfast or for Mother?” Sanemi asked, a smile curving his mouth.
“Mother! And breakfast!” Hiroshi said enthusiastically.
Sanemi shook his head. “Mochi takes too long to make and I don’t think we have the right ingredients. Besides, it’s not long lasting. We should buy Mother something that would be more helpful.”
“…fine.” Hiroshi huffed but didn’t push it further.
Koto had fallen asleep somehow and Genya stood, cradling his brother carefully as he stumbled to one of the futons.Â
“I have money tooo,” Teiko said. She rummaged in the obi of her kimono where she’d apparently hidden a couple coins. She held them up proudly. “I can help buy too!”
Sanemi smiled. “Yes, you can. We’ll put the money in a jar to keep it safe, alright?”
Teiko nodded and Sanemi produced a jar which he’d already put his and Genya’s money in that they would use for their Mother. Teiko dropped the coins in, giving a satisfied smile at the clinking sound they made as they hit the other coins.
“Where did you get money from?” Sumi asked, eyeing Teiko suspiciously.Â
“Uh… Not from a bet!” Teiko said cheerfully with a clap.
Sanemi narrowed his eyes. “Don’t do that, Teiko. It’s not good for habits either.”
“…well I won!”
“Doesn’t make it any better,” Sanemi said with a sigh. “But alright. Just don’t do it again.”
“Yeah, yeah, fine,” Teiko conceded with a frown.
The night continued onto their normal routine and they awoke the next morning with newfound energy. They were all enthusiastic at the idea of getting their Mother something as the chance was rare and all wanted to please their Mother.
They set out about town in a peculiar line as they strolled through the streets holding hands so none would get lost. Sanemi was carrying Koto in one arm and holding Shuya’s hand in the other—wanting to keep track of the youngest two himself. Genya, Teiko, Sumi, and Hiroshi were in a string of children with Genya in the middle as they marched along the houses, the two at the end waving at random people as they walked. They felt particularily proud of themselves for going about and buying something for their Mother, as if they were all grown up.
They arrived, finally, at a market square which had people opening their own stalls almost every day, selling what they could. Sanemi and Genya would come here now and then to buy the necessities for the family so some of the stall owners were familiar with them and greeted them with friendly smiles—most of them, at least.Â
Though the other children were tempted to go straight to the food stalls, an occasional glint of jewlery sparking their attention, but Sanemi guided them to where the clothing tended to be, searching through the early morning crowds for the kimono he’d seen a couple days prior.Â
Finally finding it, he tried pushing his way through the small crowd. The stall owner greeted them as a couple people parted to let the strange parade of children through. Sanemi glanced over the clothing, barely grazing over some of them as he gazed at the racks.Â
Then Teiko pointed excitedly at one stack of kimono’s. “Look! That one looks like Mother’s!!” she said, breaking free from Genya’s hand grasped around hers to grab the top one.
Sanemi sighed but followed her. “We have to stay together, Teiko,” he lectured. Then he looked at the folded kimono in her hand. It was a shade of bright yellow with printed flowers along the hem and on the obi. It looked similar to the one their mother already had—though considerably newer and in better shape.Â
“Can we buy this one?” Teiko asked.
Genya, who had followed them with the other children in hand, said, “It looks nice. Mother will like a new dress, right?”
They all turned to Sanemi who, being the eldest, was apparently in charge. To be fair, he had also suggested this in the first place.
“Ah… How much does it cost?” he said doubtfully. Surely they couldn’t afford such a nice dress.
The stall owner, who had been watching them was mild curiousity, leaned over then. “Buying something for your mother, then? How gracious of you. I’m sure your parents are quite proud to have such children like you,” he said with a smile.
Hiroshi frowned. “Father used to hit us, though,” he said uncertainly.
Sanemi shushed him, giving the stunned stall owner an apologetic look. “Sorry. I hope our mother’s happy with us. Our father died so she has to work more so we’re buying her something,” he explained. “Can I know how much this costs?”
“Hmm, how much money do you have?” the owner asked in response.
Sanemi ratted out the number, having counted the money in the jar several times the night before. Sumi held the money jar tightly, not wanting it to drop or break and risk losing any of their so hard-worked for money.
The owner smiled. “Take the kimono for half of it.”
All of the children’s eyes widened—although some were mostly surprised because Sanemi was surprised.Â
“But”—Sanemi glanced at the price which sat on a folded paper in front of the clothing, which he had noticed a moment before—”it costs double the amount we have in total…!”
“So? You…” the man paused, scanning them, “seven? You seven are angels, I’m sure, doing your best to help your mother. You know, there aren’t a lot of children like you out in the world. Please take this a quarter of the price. Consider it like a hope that your family will fare well in the near and far future. You need not pay more than what I’ve said.”
Sanemi was hesitant but the other children were already becoming restless with all the talk and no action so he accepted it after some seconds of consideration. “Thank you,” he mumbled, handing over the money.
The man only smiled, waving to them as they left.
Teiko held the kimono tightly to her chest, skipping along the road as they went home.
“She’s going to be so happy!” she said giddily, twirling around.
“Be careful,” Sanemi warned. “Don’t drop it or you’ll get it dirty.”
“When do we give it to her?” Genya asked, making sure he had a tight grip on Sumi and Hiroshi’s hands as they walked.
Sanemi hummed, shifting Koto on his hip. Shuya was becoming tired from all the walking and was slowing their way home.Â
“In a couple weeks,” Sanemi said. “Do you think we can hide it from her till then?”
Teiko nodded. “I’m good at hiding things.”
Sanemi frowned. “Are you hiding something from us?”
“…no.”Â
Sanemi sighed but didn’t press the topic. “I’ll use the rest of this money for our food if Mother doesn’t come home tonight.”
×××
The days came and went and the children made sure to both keep the kimono a secret from their mother and have it ready in perfect condition. Mother’s day had finally come and they were vibrating with excitement.
Shizu had already gone to work when Sanemi woke up first but she had left a note promising she’d be back by night. However the day rolled by and still no sign of their mother. Sanemi made them their dinner and later told them off to bed. Only, none of them wanted to sleep, wanting to present their gift to their mother today.Â
So they stayed up.
The night continued without a sign from her. Eventually, Sanemi heard something from outside. It was coming past midnight and he wondered if Shizu had finally come back home. However it was late and the streets were dangerous at night. Therefore, he ordered Genya to make sure the others would stay inside as he went to investigate himself. The youngest of the children had fallen asleep hours before and the others were close to drifting off, drowsy and only barely awake with anticipation.
Sanemi crept outside, closing the door behind him. The night air was cold and he shivered, scanning his surroundings. His eyes had yet to adjust to the dark and he blinked several times. There was a scuttle of footsteps somewhere far off and he froze, listening. More footsteps, closer now. They seemed quick, however. As if someone was running towards him. His eyes had adjusted by now and he stepped forward, out into the street. Then a sudden flash hit him and he felt a streak of pain on his face. It blinded him for a moment and he staggered. Then he heard a crash and realized that whatever had attacked him had burst into the house.
A surge of panic hit him as he saw a dark figure dart through the broken doors, right towards his siblings. The lights inside the house abruptly cut out and he stumbled forward. Was it a wolf? Its eyes glowed slightly and he could make them out in the darkness of the room.
There was a cry of terror and he spotted the wolf, which was clinging onto the cealing. It lunged at what seemed like Genya and, in a split second decision, Sanemi propelled himself towards the wolf, ignoring the pain as it slashed at him. No doubt he was a mess now, his clothing ripped and blood dripping from his wounds.
He grabbed an axe which he had used to cut wood for the fire a couple nights ago. It had stood on its head by the doorway and had fallen down. The wooden handle splintered his hand—it was an old axe, unfit to be of use but the only one they had. He lifted it above his head, trying to hit the wolf.
The animal moved from under him and Sanemi almost fell forward, his weapon clutched in his hands. He saw it run forward a bit, its sillhouette dark from the dim light of the sun which had begun to rise. It was a strange wolf, its figure oddly distorted.Â
He lunged at it, hacking at what he thought was its leg. If he let it go, it might go back to his house or to the village. He vaguely recalled his siblings’ bodies laying on the floor and it froze him for a moment. The wolf was on top of him, getting the upperhand as he was caught in a moment of realization. There was something about the wolf that struck him familiar. But there was nothing of it.
A drop of his own blood fell into his eye and he blinked quickly, ignoring the tears that spilled over. He struggled to move his arms, closing his fist to attack again. To his surprise, the wolf offered little resistence, seemingly moving slower now. He took it to his advantage, pushing the axe into its neck. He rolled over on top of the wolf as the sunlight hit them both. Then he froze.
The light shone on the wolf’s face. Only it wasn’t a wolf. It was his mother. For a moment, he thought she would attack him again. But she simply fell back down, the sun somehow burning her skin. He scrambled back, shaking as he got to his feet. His eyes were wide and he felt lightheaded, gazing blankly into the closing eyes of Shizu.
There was a moment here when he didn’t hear anything but a strange ringing in his head, his focus spinning, eyes unblinking. When he thought about it later on, he probably had heard but not registered footsteps as Genya ran towards him. Only he didn’t know, then, that his brother was there until he saw him, cradling their mother’s body in his arms.
“Why did you do it?! Why? Aniki! You killed her! You murderer!” Genya screamed, tears drawing shaky streaks down his blood-stained cheeks. He was trembling as he held their mother. Shizu seemed to be turning to dust, disintegrating in front of their eyes. And all Sanemi could do was stand, feeling as if all his muscles had gone limp yet he had to stay up.
His hand holding the axe had gone lax and the weapon dropped to the ground, only an inch from his foot. Then his legs gave out and he slumped to his knees, unable to process what had happened.
“MOTHER!!” Genya was sobbing. But his words were only a dim outline in Sanemi’s memories as he felt his whole world crash down upon his shoulders and break into a thousand pieces.
He looked up and found that all of his mother except her kimono was gone. Her kimono. God. For one, stupid moment, all he could think of was that they had never gotten to show her what they had bought for her. The irony of the situation hit him and he forced down a bitter laugh. What the hell had happened?Â
But then Genya was shouting at Sanemi again. Moving away from him. “It’s your fault!” Genya cried. “You’re a murderer! Murderer!! You killed her!”
Sanemi swallowed. He had, hadn’t he? Yet it wasn’t fair! It wasn’t! He hadn’t known—it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t, it wasn’t. It was, wasn’t it?Â
He drew himself up to his feet slowly. He felt numb, the pain in his face fading. Only that made it worse.
“Genya,” he mumbled, starting towards his brother.
“Get away from me!” Genya snapped, terror lacing his voice. “Go away!”
The words were like a stab to the chest. Sanemi stumbled back as if he had been physically hit. He was at loss for words. Somehow, the reality of the situation had barely sunk in. But now it cut into him deeper than a blade could. His heart stung and he moved away from Genya. Then he ran. Towards his house, however. He had to see if any of them were still alive. He sincerely doubted it as he figured Genya would’ve stayed if they’d been alive. But he needed to confirm it. Maybe some of them could be saved.
He entered. There was no need to knock, not when the door was broken and on the floor. The lamps had been put out but they were no longer needed as the sun broke over the horizon.Â
He knelt by each of his siblings in turn but there was no need to confirm anything. They were all dead. Blood was spilling from their wounds and onto the futons. All of them were gone. He turned to leave, no wanting to see their bodies anymore. Then something caught his eye. Under Teiko was the bright yellow kimono, the flower pattern sticking out from under her pale hand.
He stepped forward, nudging her aside to pick it up. He stared at it, his face blank. A drop of water splashed onto it, sinking in. He realized he was crying. The tears came out freely now and he hugged the dress to his chest, a sob breaking through his throat and into the air.Â
Why? Why had this happened?
He wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and sleep forever. But he couldn’t. He turned from his house, rubbing furiously at his eyes. He would have to stop crying now. He drew in a shaky breath, then let it out. The morning air was cold in his lungs but he barely noticed the sting as he started into a slow run down the street. His pace increased until he didn’t know anything more except the ache in his legs and the kimono pressed flush against his chest. As he fled, he thought he caught a glimpse of Genya, still slumped down by their mother’s tattered kimono. And then he was gone.
×××
The Hashira were having some sort of party. Sanemi never bothered to attend the meetings like this. They were a waste of time. He was better off training then getting drunk and fucking around. However Tengen was quite insistent this time, though he knew not if it were for a real reason or nought.Â
Tengen was in his house now, bugging him and chasing him through the halls.
“C’mon, it’s only a couple hours! Besides, Oyakata-sama always says that as much as we should be working hard, that we’re still human and should let our bodies enough rest. I’m slowly being convinced that you’re not human, what with all your apathy and inability to be normal for once,” Tengen said, poking Sanemi ceaselessly. God, he was so much like Shinobu sometimes.
“Go away, Uzui,” Sanemi sighed. “I already told you that I’m not going to your useless parties.”
“Don’t be such a killjoy,” Tengen chastised, crossing his arms. “Here—let’s get you something to wear!”
He entered Sanemi’s room without permission and rummaged through the closet. Sanemi growled.Â
“Stop it,” he ordered, trying to pull Tengen away.
Tengen jerked away from him and almost fell into the closet. When he stood, he was holding a dusty kimono. It unfolded as he held it up and for a moment the two were lost in coughs as the dust flew into the air. Then Tengen waved it away, inspecting it. It was a yellow, dull from time, small pink flowers embedded in a wavy pattern along the edges of the sleeves and obi.Â
“Interesting. Is this some past girlfriend’s clothes you forgot to give back?” Tengen asked, peering at it. “Or are you secretly into crossdressing?”
When he got no response, he glanced down at Sanemi. To his surprise, the man was standing stifly, eyeing the kimono with a look he couldn’t distinguish.Â
“Shinazugawa?” Tengen said uncertainly, waving a hand over Sanemi’s face. “Should I have not touched this?”
Sanemi snapped out of his trance, blinking. He snatched it from Tengen. “That’s… that’s mine,” he said, his voice tender. He sounded vulnerable and it caught Tengen with surprise.
“So… you are crossdressing?” Tengen asked, trying to lighten the mood.
“No. It’s not mine. No—yes, it is. It… was my mother’s,” Sanemi mumbled, staring at the fabric distantly. Then he gasped, startling Tengen. He glanced up at him, throwing the kimono in the closet and slamming the door shut. “Nevermind. It’s nothing. Fine, I’ll go to your stupid party. Just go now, okay?”
Tengen frowned. He was still stuck on the first part about Sanemi’s mother and it took him a moment to responded. “You don’t have to go,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I went through your things.”
Sanemi crossed his arms, not quite meeting his eyes. “It’s fine, I said. Just go and I’ll be there.”
Tengen shook his head. “You don’t want to be there, though, right? I won’t go either, it’s alright.”
“…you don’t have to do that,” Sanemi said. He seemed quite out of it, not shouting. It unnerved Tengen.
“Well I will. Why don’t we make some tea? We can just… enjoy some silence,” Tengen prompted, guiding Sanemi out of the bedroom door.
“Fine,” Sanemi grumbled. “Fine.”
Tengen nodded, giving him an encouraging smile. “Right. Why don’t you go get some tea leaves? I’ll start a fire to boil the water.”
“Okay,” Sanemi conceded and they walked to the kitchen silently.
The kimono would be dusted and folded later and appear with a note at Gyomei’s place later, in the room Genya was residing in temporarily. It would be held up to the light as memories resurfaced for another’s brother. Then it would be tucked away once more, sent back to the original sender with another envelope containing paragraphs of apologies that went back years in time.
×××
« Word count: 3645 »
tell me you can never to end a writing piece without telling me you can’t end one:
ANYWAY I LOVE YOU ALL AND I LOVED WRITING THIS AND I HOPE YOU CRY (/hj i’ll give you a hug tho)
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