Random Kny One Shots [Requests Closed] Why do you care if I live or die? | {DouKaza}

Theme: Fluff+Angst

TW: Sh/suicide mentions/descriptions (not explicit)

Akaza smiled to himself as he walked down the snowy path, holding his hands to his mouth and blowing on them. He felt alive in the cold, always. Not that he necessarily appreciated it, but it was nice.

He turned, finding himself on an empty street that seemed to stretch out for miles. He sighed and turned away from it. He wasn’t here just to take a stroll around anyways. 

He continued walking until he found a tree. He climbed up and sat down comfortably, leaning his head against the branches and closed his eyes. He fell asleep then and only awoke when a hand was placed on his shoulder.

He jolted, brushing off the cold touch and blinking wearily. “Mm..?” he mumbled, looking up.

Douma stood there, giving him a tentative smile. “Akaza-dono? Are you tired?” he asked.

“No, no, I just fell asleep because.. I was bored,” Akaza said dismissively. 

“Sure, well,” Douma said, “Are you ready?”

Akaza nodded and stood. He took the outstretched hand and the two demons jumped off the tree, landing carefully on the ground. “Where to?”

“A pond, it’s frozen and perfect for ice-skating. I wanted to just go there with you because it’s really pretty,” Douma said, smiling.

“Alright then,” the striped demon said contently.

The two smiled at each other before heading off to the direction of the pond. They stood by the water for a little, silent. And then Douma said, “Akaza-dono? Are we going to go in?”

(Watch me go back to my habit of accidentally switching tenses half way through (I fixed it) 😭)

Akaza nodded and stepped forward, testing the ice. “It’s really thick, huh?”

“Yes, it’s been extremely cold recently,” Douma commented. 

“Mhm.”

Douma retrieved the ice-skates he’d brought and gave one pair to Akaza. They put them on, tying the laces tightly before they went onto the ice. Akaza went a little more hesitently, not being used to this.

Douma found this amusing and helped Akaza steady himself on the ice until he felt that he could stay on. They skated for a little until Douma insisted that they tried to figure skate—which Akaza replied to incredulously, “I just learned how to skate yesterday you idiot!”

But the blond wouldn’t stop persisting with his pleas and eventually Akaza gave in, letting the Uppermoon spin him around however much he wanted. Half way through whatever Douma was attempting, Akaza slipped and he scrambled to regain his balance. Douma caught him, pulling him close and kissing him softly.

“Happy anniversary, Akaza-dono,” he said, nuzzling him. 

Akaza smiled contently. “Yes, happy anniversary.” 

“Akaza?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, dumbass,” Akaza said, a laugh lacing through his words.

Douma’s eyes brightened at this and said, his eyes seeming to see the past, “When you first said that to me you were so flustered,” he recalled. “Remember?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me..” Akaza huffed, “that was so embarrassing.”

“But you looked so cutee!! You were blushing so much and your face was hidden in your hands—it was adorable,” Douma insisted.

“Noo,” Akaza whined, burying his face in Douma’s neck.

“Yess!!” He laughed, hugging Akaza. 

They were quiet, then, both deep in their thoughts. Akaza pulled away after a minute, suddenly panicking. 

“What is it?” Douma asked, confused

“Shit, shit, shit, shit..” he mumbled, stumbling back to the snow. “I forgot I have a mission that I was supposed to finish yesterday. Master let me take care of it today but he’ll be furious if I don’t do it now.”

“What were you supposed to do?” Douma said, following quickly. “I can help!”

“No, he’ll know. But uh.. There was this village he wanted me to demolish. The whole thing, I mean. Not sure why but supposedly it used to be a Hashira’s old village perhaps? But it’s far from here. I have to go now.” Akaza was throwing off his skates and running.

Douma followed, catching up to him quickly. “Okay, well, hurry up, Akaza-dono.. You have little time before the sun rises.” Then he fell behind, watching Akaza run.

And yes, he would have to hurry. The sun was to come up in only some 15 minutes or so, and given that he had to get to the village and kill everyone there and destroy every building it would take longer than 15 minutes.

But, as it turns out, he was teleported a minute after he’d gotten to the village. He realized then that he’d failed.

Muzan stood above him, a look of disapproval written on his face. “Akaza.. I didn’t think you might fail, but you did. I cannot believe you.” His voice rang through Akaza’s mind, making his whole posture stiffen. “If you fail once more, I’ll make sure to kill you. Because you, as an uppermoon, must never fail. You must get through with everything as I order or I will have you discarded. Understood?”

Akaza nodded stiffly, fear coursing through his mind. A flash of pain went through his body, shocking him. It was for a mere second but was enough for him to feel and he dropped to the ground, breathing heavily. Muzan left, then, and Akaza found himself in the snow, somewhere.

He heard a group of people walking near the shadowed spot he sat in and looked up. Demon slayers.

The second they turned the corner, he attacked. They were easy prey and he ate them quickly—all of the four being male. He took their katanas then entered the nearest house, which happened to be empty. If anyone came around he would discard them.

He found the bathroom after a minute of searching and stared at himself in the mirror. Why was he such a failure? Why did he even try anymore?

He lifted one of the katana blades he’d taken and brought it to his chest. He cut down into his skin, tracing the thick blue stripes lining his body. He went through each of them slowly and painfully, watching the blood seep for half a second then regenerate. He did the same with his face, his arms, back to his chest. 

Then he paused. What if he stabbed a blade into his body and his skin regenerated around it? Then what? 

Akaza sat, putting the blade next to his inner thigh and bracing himself. Then he pushed into it, his pants ripping as he did so. He pushed the blade in, so the skin of his upper leg closed around it. He waited a beat, seeing if the regeneration would push the blade out. When it didn’t, he took a deep breath and sighed. He could feel it there, still, though only barely. He went to stand, then winced as he felt the sharp end of the blade wound the inside of his thigh. 

As he walked, the pain persisted, though not too much and definitely something he’d experienced before, but certainly not comfortable. He collapsed onto a chair that sat just outside the bathroom and put his head in his hands. He was a fool. A fucking fool.

He let himself sleep, though, hoping when he woke up it would all be a dream.

Of course it wasn’t, but at least when he woke up he found Douma hovering near him, calling his name. He sat up, groaning quietly when the pain in his thigh came back. “Douma? What are you doing here? Is it night?” he asked, rubbing his leg absentmindedly. 

Douma shook his head. “No, I was worried about you. Uhm.. why is there a blade sticking out of your leg..?” he asked, pointing to the tip of the katana that protruded out of his leg. 

Akaza flinched and pulled it out quickly, trying to hide it. Though the harm was already done and Douma took Akaza’s hand into his own, plucking the blade out of his fingers and pocketing it.

“Akaza-dono.. Were you trying to hurt yourself?” he asked, worridly.

“Why do you even care? I’m just a fucking failure,” Akaza grumbled, his throat tightening. He swallowed, feeling nervous.

“Because.. I care for you,” Douma whispered.

“Yeah, well, I don’t care for myself.” Akaza got up promptly and stalked towards the doorway. 

Douma lunged to stop him but it was too late. Akaza opened the door and the sun shone through. He reacted too slowly, going and then his hand was gone and his body was disappearing and then he realized he was dying. 

“Oh..” he whispered. 

“No!!” Douma cried out, trying to stop the disintegration by closing the door. It didn’t help.

“Douma.. Thank you for loving me when I never loved myself,” Akaza murmured.

“Of course I did! I need you here, Akaza, please!” Douma shouted, clinging onto what remained of Akaza. It was no use and he fell to the ground, sobbing. How had this happened?

{Word count: 1450}

Wheel said: Anniversary, First ‘ily’, Self harm, Death threats

Vent writing>>>

love feeling horrible for no reason tbh