image of Ruari’s mated wolves tattoo (all credit goes to the artist, just borrowed the image because it suited my imagination perfectly) —–>
* Â * Â * Â * Â *
I felt Ruari stiffen as we crossed the border.
I mentally cursed knowing making him stay would be harder than I thought. I don’t know how to comfort him or what to say to ease his worries. Going back to the pack is not easy for him, I know. There’re too many memories for him and they’re not very good ones.
Maybe it was a mistake to bring him back right away. I should have taken him somewhere we could be alone first, where we could get to know each other better. Somewhere I could have the chance to earn his trust, for him to get used to what we have and to me. But for now that’s not possible. The only thing I could do is to make sure Ruari would be as comfortable as he could be once I take him home. This arrangement might seem too highhanded for him, after all we practically abducted him, but it’s not a good time to be away from the pack right now and Ruari would be safer within pack lands.
“Stop the car,” he suddenly said and I turned to scowl at him. Keiron was already on high alert, ready to surface if he decides to bolt.
Lorcan told me about how fast Ruari moved when he phased. He was still in awe as he told me what happened. He said he’d never seen a wolf move like him. It’s one of the things we need to talk about once we get home. The pack thought Ruari couldn’t phase. Damn, we all thought he didn’t have a wolf at all! Not that it matters to me. Wolf or no wolf I want him. I’m just glad he won’t be as helpless as I first feared. I just hope he’d be willing to talk to me.
Right now Ruari’s very skittish and don’t trust anyone, especially me. I don’t blame him. We all have to earn his trust and maybe in time we’ll prove ourselves worthy of having him back. But if he thinks I’d let him run away again, he has another thing coming.
“I won’t run,” he said his mismatched eyes meeting mine. “I just want to see something.”
I was still apprehensive but I trust him. I have to or we’d never get over what happened between us. I told Bran to pull over and followed Ruari as he stepped out of the car and entered the forest.
“Alpha what do you want us to do?” Bran asked through the pack link. I felt him and the others move behind me.
“Keep your distance,” I answered. “I don’t want anyone spooking Ruari.”
They followed at a decent enough distance and kept out of sight like I told them to.
Ruari walked forward slowly, his eyes bright as he takes in everything around him. I knew right away this forest is special to him. And he missed being here. My heart lightened at the knowledge that something could probably entice him to stay, that not everything in this land carries a bad memory for him.
We walked aimlessly for about an hour and I’m starting to get curious as to where he was heading. There’s nothing on this part of the forest aside from trees, boulders and bushes, and the occasional clearing.
I cursed when he suddenly took off on a run.
“Alpha?”
“Stand your ground!” I hissed as I ran after Ruari. “I got this.”
Damn he’s fast!
Lorcan was right. Even I haven’t seen a werewolf move like Ruari. Even on his human form he could easily outrun us if he really wanted to. He’s quick and light on his feet. He’s running at full speed through the forest but I hardly hear his footfalls. Aside from the occasional rustling of leaves, he didn’t make much noise as he hurried past in between trees and bushes. If I haven’t known his scent from memory he would have left me in the dust. I wouldn’t be able to follow him at the pace he was going.
He stopped in a clearing, in front of a small waterfall that I never knew was there. His eyes were glazed over, there’s a complicated look on his face like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
I turned away and walked to a huge tree on the far end careful not to disturb him. I felt like I was intruding on something private, something I was not meant to see.
This place is his… Keiron said. His scent is the only smell that lingers here.
I have no doubt he’d been here more than a dozen times. This was his haven, his place of solace. I ordered everyone to stay back. I don’t want them to know about this place. This was Ruari’s secret hideaway and the only reason I know of it is because I stumbled upon it by chasing after him.
I watched as he slowly stripped his shirt and removed his shoes. Keiron purred at the sight of his lean torso and I had to adjust myself when he started wading in the water.
How would his skin feel when it touches mine? How would he taste like? I want to bury my fingers through his hair, join our bodies and lose myself in him. I want us to become one. I shook my head violently and mentally slapped myself. I had to restrain and block Keiron to stop his intense urge to grab Ruari and mark him as ours.
I watched as he happily played on the water, floating on his back and occasionally going under only to remerge laughing. And I love the sound of his laughter. It was full and hearty, warm. I can’t believe I missed so many things about him because I was so egotistic to try and get to know him.
I heard, more than I saw, of Ruari. Back then he was nothing but a shadow to me, a story I laugh about with my friends. I knew he was there but he’s not interesting enough for me to take notice. The only time I got a good look at him was when I cruelly rejected him and while he was sleeping after the beating, the night he ran away.
We’ll have the time to get to know him now. Keiron declared confidently. We just have to know what he likes and woo him gently.
I chuckled and closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the peaceful connection between Keiron and I. This is the most he has spoken without lashing at me for Ruari’s disappearance.
Since my mate ran away my wolf and I had a strained relationship. He didn’t disconnect himself from me, thank the spirits for that, but he kept clawing and screeching at me to find him. He was afraid for Ruari’s life. We both were. Ruari was alone and unprotected. Everyone thought he couldn’t phase and living the life of a rogue would spell instant death for someone like him.
At first I hated him leaving me, for running away. No matter how tough shit gets it’s no excuse to turn tail and run. Then I remembered what I said and how I said it. I remembered what happened after. And I realized what a hypocrite I was for getting mad at him. He has every right to turn his back on me. And I, I’d crawl on my hands and knees just to have him back.
After the denial and the anger came the depression. Day by day I become desperate to find him. I’d give anything just to find him. I’d allow him to stay away from the pack and from me, even if it kills me, if that’s what he really wanted. I needed to know where he was and if he was safe.
I knew he was feeling it too, the sickening feel of being separated from each other. I wondered how he was coping with it. I tortured myself with thoughts of other men and women with him. How he’s using them to forget about me. And for the first year that he’s been gone I thought I’d go out of my mind. Then the worry started to eat at me. Images of his bloodied and battered body would flash in my mind and I would run for hours trying to ward off the nauseating feeling of fear and helplessness.
I never stopped looking for him. I knew Mirabelle knows where he was and how to find him. I also know she’d never tell. It was her way of punishing me for what I said to Ruari and I respect her for that. She was the only one who treated him like he mattered. And I’d be forever grateful to her.
For five years I have wolves scattered all over the country looking for a sign or a hint of his whereabouts. I knew he was out of the country, how else could he hide from all the spies I had about. What I wanted to know is where. When Mirabelle died on one of the raids, I knew Ruari would come back.
The raids were another reason why I wanted him to come home. Maybe Ruari would be safer away from me and away from pack but I can’t take that chance. I’d rather he stay close to me, to where the fight is, so I could protect him rather than leave him somewhere I don’t know, where he’d be alone and have to fend for himself.
I ran a hand through my hair and watched him reemerge from under the water. He was facing the direction to where I sat and I instantly noticed the tattoo on the left side of his chest. It was an intricate pattern, artistic and beautiful, of two wolves; one displaying dominance and the other portraying submission.
It suits him. It wasn’t for show or a brand but a symbol. Ruari’s very own symbol. I made a mental note to have the same design inked on my skin. I already have tattoos covering my chest, shoulder and arm, like a half vest inked on the right side of my body. I’m glad my left side is free of marks. Only his symbol would be there on display for all to see.
He glanced me and muttered something under his breath. It was then that I noticed the other ink etched on his skin. It was on the middle of his chest just above his heart. That tattoo made me uncomfortable. I didn’t like it. It was perfectly done but there’s something about it that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand.
Keiron didn’t like it either. He loved the other tattoo picturing it as a symbol of him and Ruari’s wolf. But the character over his heart makes my wolf whine and growl.
I was in front of him before I could consider what I was doing. I stopped his hands when he tried to cover himself, my eyes still locked on the damn character inked on his chest.
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just my imagination. But from the feeling I’m getting just by looking at it I know it’s another symbol. A sign for something I wouldn’t like to know or find out.
I reached out to touch it, lightly shivering at the feel of his soft skin beneath my fingers. From the slight connection between his wolf and mine and from the painful tug at my heart, I have a faint idea as to what the character means.
I didn’t want to hear but I have to. “What does it say?” I asked.
I want to know how much distance is there in between us. I have to know how much gap I have to bridge. I have to understand so I’ll know how I’m going to fix the relationship I recklessly ruined.
When he didn’t respond I looked up and froze at the look in his eyes. It was the same dead look he wore five years ago.
Then he breathed out the word I’ve been dreading to hear. “Reject.”
Comment