Idk why but I feel like this book is a bit of a mess right now. I wish I had planned it out better and thought about how each chapter and the characters would develop but instead I’m basically just writing what comes to my head at the time. Which is shit actually, cuz now I’m having ideas that I want to incorporate into the book but I can’t because it wouldn’t add up with what I’ve already written. Please let me know what you think:/
Also, SOMEONE SUGGEST ME A USERNAME, MINE IS SHIT AND SO BORING WTF😂
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“What the fuck was that?” Zayn exclaimed, barging into Harrys room without knocking.
Which was a small mistake, as Harry was currently getting changed.
“Mate what the fuck, get out!” Harry shouted, grabbing a towel to cover himself.
“No, I’m not leaving until you tell me why you’ve just left Louis crying his eyes out in Niall’s arms” Zayn said sternly, disappointment written across his face.
Harrys heart dropped a little at that. Louis was crying? He didn’t realise how harsh he was until it was laid out in front of him. But at the same time he has to think about himself now, he can’t get hurt again. So he once again put a bored look into his face and ignored the man in his room.
“Are you fucking listening to me?” Zayn said frustratingly, more pissed off than ever.
“Yeh, I just don’t care” Harry replied with a shrug.
Zayn shook his head, eyebrows furrowed. He’s had enough of Harrys mood swings, one minute he’s all hugs and kisses with Louis and the next he’s cold and resigned for absolutely no reason. It wasn’t fair on the blue eyed boy and zayn wasn’t going to let this continue without an explanation.
Zayn strides over to Harry and in one quick movement, he drew his arm back and slapped the man right across his face, leaving a nasty red mark which was quickly covered by Harrys hand, gripping his cheek with a pained expression.
“What the fuck was that for!” Harry exclaimed, now looking angry as he towered over zayn.
Zayn didn’t let him intimidate him, he knew Harry wouldn’t hurt him, he couldn’t hurt a fly, not physically anyway. Mentally though, he’s been pretty good at that lately.
“You know what that was for and you know that you deserved it. Now are you going to fucking talk to me or be a stubborn little shit?” Zayn said with a slight smirk.
Harry sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to get out of this, he turned around and went to get changed in the bathroom before joining Zayn on the bed, sitting down hesitantly.
After a moment, zayn still hadn’t spoke, Harry furrowed his eyebrows and looked up from where he was fiddling with the bed sheets, giving him a pointed look.
“Well? Aren’t you going to talk or am I just wasting my time here?” Harry asked harshly.
“I’m waiting for you to tell me what that was downstairs” Zayn simply replied, gesturing for Harry to answer his question.
“It was nothing” Harry said in a small voice, hesitant to tell the truth.
“Bullshit. I’m not doing this if your going to lie to me harry, I can read you like an open book so there’s no point in telling excuses, I’ll ask you again. What was that downstairs?” Zayn said sternly, a frustrated look on his face.
Harry sighed and rubbed his hands across his face tiredly, deciding to just tell him, he may as well.
“There’s just no use” Harry started off vaguely.
“No use in what?” Zayn asked, confused.
“Me and Lou, there’s no use, no hope for us. It seems like every time we get back on track, something gets in the way” Harry explained sadly.
“What’s getting in the way?, you two always pushed through everything back in the day” zayn quizzed.
“Management” zayn hummed in agreement, knowing they were a cause. “And myself” Harry added on, making zayn turn to him expectantly, wanting to know what exactly he meant.
“What do you mean?” He asked Harry, not understanding how he was a problem.
“I still have my doubts about Louis. I was fine at first, but recently I keep having these dreams- no memories, I don’t fucking know, I just keep remembering what happened, you know- that day. And I can’t get my head around the fact that he could just be using me again, I can’t fully let myself believe that he really cares. And it’s stupid, I know that, but I can’t do anything about it. It’s like in the back of my head I have this voice telling me that he’s going to cheat, he’s going to leave me again. I can’t be hurt again Zayn” Harry rushed out, tears brimming his eyes while zayn listened with sympathy.
Zayn quickly drew Harry into his lap, hugging the taller man and stroking his hair comfortingly.
“Listen to me Haz. I know that coming from me your going to have a hard time believing this, but Louis fucking loves you. Like, really loves you. I’ve never in my life seen someone more in love than Louis looks with you. I sometimes look over at him and when you don’t realise it he’s giving you this look, like a fond stare or some shit, I don’t know but it’s cute” Harry laughed at this in disbelief.
“And I know that you love him too, I can see it in your face, your body language. I would hate to see you throw this away because of your doubts, your very lucky to actually find love and a connection to someone who returns it, because a lot of people never find what you have with Lou. When your not with him, your both miserable, the last time it almost destroyed you Haz and I don’t want a repeat of that. This voice of yours, telling you all the negatives of your relationship, when you hear it I want you to tell it to fuck off, because at the end of the day you and Lou can make it through anything. You proved that to me a long time ago” Zayn rambled, the encouraging words sinking into Harrys brain.
“So, what I suggest you do now is talk to him. Just sit down somewhere and talk it out, tell him what you’ve told me, otherwise it’s never going to work” Zayn said pointedly.
“But what if he laughs at me Zayn, what if he thinks I’m being ridicu-
“What did I say about telling the voice to fuck off?” Zayn interrupted, knowing this was just Harrys subconscious talking.
“Fuck off voice” Harry said quietly.
“Louder” Zayn pushed.
“Fuck off voice” Harry said a little louder, laughing as he did so.
“Louder” Zayn repeated, sitting up with Harry.
“Fuck off voice!” Harry screamed at the top of his lungs, breaking out into another fit of laughter with zayn and they tumbled about the bed.
Suddenly Liam burst through the door, looking panicked, but when he saw the two lads he sighed in relief, leaning against the doorframe.
“Jesus I thought something had happened” Liam said with a huff, rolling his eyes.
“Nah, Harrys just screaming at the voice in his head to fuck off” Zayn explained with a smirk, gaining a weird look from Liam.
“You know, when you put it like that I seem like a mad man” Harry said once he had stopped laughing.
“Tell me about it” Liam said, shaking his head before walking back out the door.
After a moment of silence zayn spoke up again.
“You know what you need to do. Go talk to your man”
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It took Harry until late in the evening that day to grow the balls to talk to Louis.
He was terrified. He didn’t know what to expect from the smaller man and he honestly didn’t want to find out. But he knew he had to do this, once this was over they can start figuring out how to get around the Management situation.
So with a small pep talk he walked downstairs to the living room where the lads were sat in the dark watching a movie.
He saw Louis cuddled up in a blanket in the corner of the couch, looking small and fragile. The sight was adorable and Harry cooed.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Zayn gesture to him to take Louis upstairs so they could talk in private. Harry nodded his head and slowly walked over to the beautiful man.
Louis didn’t realise Harry was behind him and jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Louis looked up with a confused look and Harry noticed his red puffy eyes, cringing at the thought of being the cause.
Harry grabbed his hand and nodded upwards, tugging at Louis to follow him, which after a moment he did, groaning as he sat up from his sleepy state on the couch.
They left the room without speaking a word to one another and climbed the stairs, reaching their room and closing the door.
Harry turned around to face Louis again and saw the man with a look that mixed between anger and confusion, expectantly waiting for Harry to explain why he dragged him up here.
“Lou-
“If you’ve just brought me up here so you can shout and reject me again then don’t bother, I’m not dealing with that shit again” Louis interrupted, his sassy side making an appearance.
“That’s not my intentions, I promise” Harry said reassuringly.
“Then what do you want?” Louis asked.
“I just want to talk, and I know I don’t deserve you to listen to me, but you need to hear me out” Harry pleaded when Louis scoffed and shook his head.
“Oh well do explain Harry, you tell me why you suddenly threw a fit at me this morning” Louis exclaimed, anger laced into his voice.
Harry sighed and thought about how to approach this, he knew Louis would be pissed off but not to this extent, it was even more difficult when Louis started being sarcastic.
“Lou just listen to me and I’ll explain everything, please” He asked in a tired voice.
Louis hesitated for a moment before muttering out a “fine” and sitting himself into the bed, Harry following his actions.
“I think it all just got a bit too much for me yesterday” Harry started off, not really knowing how to begin.
“How so?” Louis asked with a bored expression.
“I- I don’t know, I just- fuck” Harry stuttered out, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
Louis noticed his distress and reluctantly grabbed his hand, running his thumb in circles to calm him down.
Even though he was pissed off with Harry right now, he couldn’t stand to see him so stressed out.
“Just go from the beginning” Louis said softly, waiting patiently for Harry to begin again.
Harry let out a shaky breath, biting his lips before he tried again.
“I know I’ve probably been really confusing lately, I get that, and it’s entirely my fault, but I do have my reasons” he began.
“I said I wanted to try again with you, you promised you wouldn’t let me down and I believed you, still do, and I do want to try make this work. But I feel like every time we make progress, something comes up that gets in the way. After the meeting with management yesterday, I freaked out over it. I started thinking that if they made you do a stunt with Eleanor again, I would probably lose it and get paranoid, you know, after the whole cheating thing” Harry said, picking at his black nail polish.
Louis just let Harry explain, humming along when needed, he could talk after.
“And I thought that if that were the case, I would just end up ruining our relationship over jealousy anyway. So like, what’s the point? And i know it’s stupid, I know I’m thinking irrationally, but I can’t help it” Harry explained.
“It’s not stupid love, I get what your saying” Louis said reassuringly, making Harry sigh in relief, giving him the confidence to carry on.
“Then there’s the dreams I keep getting” Harry stated, making Louis frown in confusion once again.
“What are your dreams about?” Louis asked hesitantly.
“They’re kind of like flashbacks, I guess, of the day I found out you cheated on me. And the breakup. And I guess they’re just adding to the problem of my inner conflict. During the day I feel completely at ease with our relationship, and then night comes and I feel insecure, I worry that your going to leave me again” Harry said sadly.
“You don’t trust me?” Louis asked, slightly hurt. But then again Harry has every right not to trust him.
“I trust you as much as I can. It’s difficult. I mean, how can I ever fully trust you again after what you did? And if I ever do, it’s going to take time thats for sure” Harry explained.
“I understand. But I’m still confused as to why you freaked out on me this morning” Louis asked.
“Ever since we broke up, I’ve just developed this sort of strategy, if you’d like to call it that. If I act like I don’t care, if I act like the tougher person, I can’t get hurt, because I hurt others first” Harry suddenly chuckled darkly. “Yeh, makes me sound like a shit person, I know”
Louis looked sadly at Harry, he was so insecure and broken on the inside but covered it up with this facade in order to not feel any more pain, all because of himself. He did this to Harry and he’ll never forgive himself for it.
“No, your not a shit person, your the complete opposite. Your just a man with the kindest heart that got broken by some idiot who clearly didn’t know what he was thinking” Louis said with a small smile, brushing the knotted hair from Harrys face.
Harry let out a small chuckle.
“Yeh, he was a dick, don’t know what I saw in him” Harry said sarcastically, looking Louis in the eyes, blue meeting green.
“Oi” Louis lightly slapped Harrys arm.
“I’m joking. Maybe” Harry said out in a mere whisper, but Louis still caught it, and instead of taking offence, he smiled fondly at the man and rested his head against his shoulder.
“Haz” Louis said after a moment of silence.
“Yeh Lou?” Hardy asked.
“Please don’t do this again. If your worried about something come and talk to me, you don’t need to use this act anymore, it doesn’t suit you, I love the dorky boy from 2010. And even though it’s sometimes hot, I don’t like tough Harry” Louis said in a small voice, muffled by Harrys shoulder.
Harry laughed at this, hugging the boy closer.
“I promise”
Author notes:
This is at 5k reads, wtfff!!!
You don’t even realise how much I love reading your comments, they make my day and I love responding to them:)
Please let me know what you think of the story so far, I still think it’s a little messy and unplanned but whatever, I’m just gonna keep going with the flow cause there’s not much I can do about it at this point:/
Love you all, keep voting xxx
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