Nearly at 100k, holy shit. I love you guys sm. Read author notes at the end please:) Also, quick reminder, in this fic, if I could fly isn’t part of the album and is a song harry has written personally, so nobody has heard it yet other than the lads. Enjoy;) xxx
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Louis wasn’t enjoying the concert tonight, neither was harry.
Any glances between the two held sadness and pain, with a hint of anger burrowed within.
The atmosphere was tense the entire time they were performing, the words that left their mouthes were strained and the lads watched on with pity.
What was meant to be a good day, a release from all the stress and tension over the past few days, turned out to be one of the worst since the beginning of the reunion.
They couldn’t understand it.
How could someone hold so much anger and disgust towards someone based on their sexuality? Of all things? They just couldn’t get their head around it.
And to go to lengths as far as faking relationships, destroying a persons mental health and tearing apart a love so powerful and rare, just to “secure their careers” was incredulous to them.
Harry had just about had enough, the same went for Louis, but the difference was harry had a hold of something that can show their current emotions and their situation without Simon being able to stop them. Something the man had no idea about. A song.
As simple as that. A song.
It couldn’t change their situation as of now, it couldn’t change the way Simon and their management felt about them, but it was a form of communication without any boundaries.
So that’s why harry build enough courage to take his seat at the piano, in front of thousands of fans, ready to pour his heart out into this one song.
Hopefully they’ed get the hint, and hopefully it can mend some wounds that him and Louis are suffering from at the moment, though they may not be visible. Hopefully.
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9 hours earlier, 8am
Louis and harry woke to the sound of Louis phone ringing relentlessly on their bedside table.
With a groan Louis slowly sat up, looking down at the pout that had formed on his boyfriends face and gently brushed the hair out of his eyes before answering the phone without taking a look at the caller ID.
“Hello?” Louis said in a hushed voice, although it didn’t matter all that much as Harry’s eyes began to flutter open.
“It’s Simon, we need to talk, you know where to go so be there as soon as possible, it’s important” Simon said in his usual strict tone, laced with boredom.
“What? Why? We’ve got a concert tonight, I’ve got shit to do” Louis argued, his eyebrows furrowing, what the fuck was so important that it meant him going to a meeting first thing in the morning?
“I’ll explain when you get here so don’t ask anymore questions, I expect you here in 15 minutes” Simon replied dismissively before hanging up, leaving Louis dumbfounded.
“Babe, who was it?” Harry asked in his husky morning voice, deeper than usual due to sleep.
“Simon, he asked me to go in for a meeting, something important apparently” Louis answered with a shake of his head, standing up from the bed to get ready.
“He knows we have a concert right?” Harry said in a confused tone, matching Louis.
“I know, I fucking told him that but he dismissed it as usual. I swear to god if he’s just gonna give me shit for nothing then I’m leaving” Louis spat out, not at all happy with the start to his day.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Harry asked in a sweet tone, standing up to rub Louis’ back comfortingly which made the latter smile.
“No it’s alright, it will probably be quick anyway” Louis replied as he leant into Harrys touch, warmth radiating from the man.
“You sure? If you need me just call me and I’ll be right there okay” Harry pushed, concerned that Simon will, as Louis put it, give him shit.
“Will do, but don’t worry about it, I can handle that prick, have done for a decade” Louis scoffed, a smirk on his face as he turned around and planted a short kiss to Harrys lips before continuing to get changed.
“I know you can my feisty kitten” Harry teased in a high pitched tone, pinching Louis cheeks as he said so.
“Oi, I was a cat one fucking time! One. James bloody Corden turning me into a cat, who does he think he is?” Louis said sarcastically, his sass coming to show.
“One times enough for me to tease you for the rest of your life for it, now go your gonna be late” Harry said with a cocky smile, pushing a now dressed Louis to the door and handing him his phone which Louis accepted with a roll of his eyes.
“Don’t get too bored without me” Louis called and blew a kiss as he walked down the hallway.
“Wouldn’t dream of it” Harry replied with a chuckle and shut the door once Louis was out of sight.
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“What’s this about then?” Louis asked as he walked into the meeting room, a spare one they used when management had to travel to certain places, having an office in just about every city in England.
“Take a seat” Simon replied, ignoring Louis’ question which he rolled his eyes at, but obliged anyway, slumping down in the chair furthest away from Simon and management.
“Are you gonna tell me or am I just wasting my time here? Come on si get on with it already” Louis sassed, sitting back in his chair as if to look bored.
“Cut it with the attitude for gods sake, you wonder why we get so pissed off at you” Simon spat, glaring daggers at Louis’ head.
“Sorry if this is the first You’re hearing of it, but when you’ve had to put up with a shit management and a homophobic boss for the most part of your life you do begin to get tired of it” Louis snapped with a shrug, not giving a shit about formality.
“This homophobic boss pays your bills so I suggest you shut up and do as I say” Simon replied, his tone harsh but Louis was unaffected, immune to the bullshit that comes out of his mouth nowadays.
“Ha, your funny, you really are Simon, because I do recall the fans being the ones who pay for the album and concert tickets, so no, you don’t pay my bills, they do, and they also pay yours. Know your facts before you say shit” Louis retorted, laughing at the mans idiocy.
“I’m not here to fucking argue with you Tomlinson, I’m here to sort out the shit show you and harry caused, So id shut the fuck up and listen if I were you” Simon replied, confusing Louis even more.
“What are you talking about? We haven’t caused anything” Louis asked in surprise.
“Now your the one joking. Jesus I have a fucking list full of the shit you and harry have done in the past few months. Where to start hm? Should I mention the pet names in public? The suggestive answers on talk shows? Oh, not to mention the damn lap dance!” Simon ranted, his voice growing each time he mentioned something.
“Look, I know your jealous that even the tramp you call a secretary won’t give you a lap dance, but there’s no need to take it out on my boyfriend, alright?” Louis said sarcastically, his voice low in almost a whisper and his words coming out slow, biting back a smile.
Simon suddenly slammed his fist on the table with a loud thud, this face red with anger and his eyes blown wide. It startled everyone in the room including Louis as he jumped in his seat, almost knocking his broken arm in the process.
“That’s enough! Your lucky I haven’t dropped your ass from my company yet Louis. Your talentless and have a shit personality, I don’t even know what Harry sees in you. Without me, you’d be fucking nothing. You wouldn’t be in the band, instead you’d be sat on your arse in Doncaster drinking yourself to death with your chavy friends. It’s about time you grow the fuck up and take some responsibility” Simon exclaimed, every word feeling like a knife was being stabbed into Louis as his jaw hung open in shock.
“Now shut the fuck up, quit it with the comments, and listen to what we have to say” Simon said in a calmer tone, sitting back into his chair that Louis hadn’t even realised he had stood from.
Louis closed his mouth and gulped audibly, turning his attention to the floor as Simons words sunk in. The only words running through his head being ‘talentless’ and ‘shit personality’.
“As I was saying, I needed to sort out the shit you and harry have caused. So, I’ve talked with management and we came up with a solution, one that your probably very familiar with by now may I add” He began with a smirk, noticing Louis expression turn to one of dread as he knew what was coming.
“Eleanor, come on in” Simon called, and Louis head shot up and his eyes widened at the sight of Eleanor Calder entering the room with a shy smile on her face.
“What the fuck is this?” Louis exclaimed as he stood from his chair, gesturing towards Eleanor.
“Your girlfriend Louis” Simon said casually, as if this wasn’t a big fucking deal.
“You can’t be serious? I have a boyfriend for crying out loud!” Louis scoffed, almost laughing at the false statement.
“Call her what you like, beard, friend, bitch. I don’t care, but to the media, she’s your girlfriend wether you like it or not” Simon continued, looking nonchalant.
“Like hell she is. No offence el, but I’m gay in case you didn’t notice, and I don’t know why you keep fucking agreeing to this considering you yourself have a boyfriend, but you need to get the fuck out of my sight right now” Louis said harshly.
He didn’t necessarily want to upset the girl, they once called themselves friends, but after years of Eleanor using him to gain money from Simon, all the while not giving a shit about his own relationship, he honestly couldn’t care less anymore.
“Sorry lou, I know it sucks but I need the money and being with you gets media attention” Eleanor said with a shrug, not sounding sorry in any way, shape or form.
“I thought you were better than this? I thought you had gotten over this shit?” Louis asked with a hurt tone, his eyes pleading with the girl to drop the game she was playing.
“I thought I had, but shit happens okay? Your not the only one going through stuff at the moment and if this is my only way out of it then you can bet your ass I’m gonna do it” Eleanor said with determination, staring into louis’ eyes with anger and sadness.
“Has it never occurred to you that I can help you? I have money! If it’s money you want then so be it, if you want a modelling contract, I know people. Just don’t do this, please” Louis practically begged, tears brimming his eyes.
Eleanor hesitated for a moment, looking between Louis and management, then at Simon who shook his head sternly, tapping his pen against the contract laying on the glass table persuasively, and she finally made her decision.
“I can’t, I’m sorry Louis, I really am. But I need to think of what’s best for me now” Eleanor said in a hushed tone, before walking over to the table and signing the contract, leaving Louis with no time to stop her.
“All you’ve ever done is think of yourself for the past few years! You use me for money and at the same time your helping this prick destroy mine and Harrys relationship. We had just gotten back on track. This could ruin everything and you know it. Your just as bad as him” Louis said in disbelief as he shook his head, falling back into the chair, defeated.
“Well, not everything revolves around you and Harry. You both got yourself into this mess in the first place. If you had just toned it down instead of rebelling then you wouldn’t have to do fucking PR stunts would you? Quit blaming everyone else for your shit” Eleanor said with anger laced in her voice.
“But then we wouldn’t be free” Louis almost whispered, but Eleanor caught the words and suddenly felt a pant of regret, but she brushed it off just as quickly as it came and took a seat.
“Well, now that that’s sorted we’ve set up your first PR stunt. Straight after this I want you to head into the town centre and got to a few shops, we’ve hired some paps to take a few pics for the media and then you can go to your concert. Now go and get it over with” Simon dismisses, and gestured for them to leave.
Louis practically raced out of the room, leaving Eleanor to chase behind him, trying to keep up but failing miserably.
“Lou, fucking wait alright!” Eleanor shouted from behind, her heels tapping away at the tiled floors.
“And why on earth would I do that? Maybe pick less ridiculous shoes if you want to keep up. You look like you work on the damn corner” Louis called back, grinning to himself when he heard Eleanor gasp.
Unfortunately, Eleanor soon caught up and they headed into the town centre, just as Simon had told them to.
Louis was reluctant at first and almost headed straight for the hotel, but then realised how much shit he had gotten into the last time he didn’t show for a stunt and decided to just get it over and done with so he can go back to harry.
Harry. Someone Louis should have probably texted about the entire situation, but had forgotten to with his head being so clouded by the words Simon had said to him.
Suddenly Louis felt a hand brush his own as long, bony fingers tried to lace with his own. He pulled back his hand instantly as if he had been burned, but when he noticed the paps across the street taking pictures, and Eleanor’s stern glance, he sighed and took her hand into his own, faking a smile. Something he was rather good at doing nowadays.
“Let’s just get something from Starbucks then we can fuck off out of here, the dickheads should’ve gotten their pictures by then” Louis huffed out as he spotted the shop close by, dragging Eleanor along with him.
“Won’t we get mobbed in there?” Eleanor asked in a worried tone, looking at the large amount of people in there.
“Knowing Simon he probably has a guard following us somewhere, he always does for stunts” Louis replied as he opened the door and held it for Eleanor to walk in, rolling his eyes at himself for even having to do that.
“Oh okay” Eleanor mumbled once they were inside.
Sure enough, a guard followed them inside and shielded them away from the fans that had now taken notice of the pair, some fans even looking confused as to why he was with Eleanor.
As Louis was waiting in line he heard a fan behind him mutter “harry won’t be happy” and it hit Louis hard. He winced at the comment and felt even more shitty, if that was even possible. Soon his boyfriend would be seeing all sorts of shit in the media about him and his ‘girlfriend’ and wouldn’t even know what the fuck was going on. He really needed to text him.
They finally got their drinks and sat down at a table outside so the paps could get a better shot of them, Louis taking this time to send harry a message.
Louis: Just wanted to let you know before hand that I’ve been set up for a PR stunt with el. I know this sucks but I will explain everything later, I promise. Love you xxx
Louis then set his phone down and waited for a reply, sipping his iced coffee as he feigned interest in whatever the fuck Eleanor was saying, when Finally his phone vibrated against the glass table.
Harry: Wait, What the fuck? A PR stunt? Lou what’s going on? Xx
Louis sighed at the response and rubbed his forehead, not wanting to explain this through text.
Louis: The meeting with Simon was about a PR stunt he had set me up for with Eleanor. Just to go out and have some pics taken by hired paps. Don’t worry about it though, I’ll explain it later xxx
Harry: Fuck, Okay then. I love you too xxx
Louis smiled at the response, glad harry was being understanding of it all so far. He pocketed his phone once again and grabbed his drink, standing from his seat and beginning to walk away.
“Where the fuck are you going?” Eleanor asked in a harsh tone, following behind Louis once again which caused Louis to roll his eyes.
“To the hotel? This shit is over with now, they got their fucking pics so now I’m out of here. Have a nice day, bitch” Louis sassed, smirking at her shocked face as he continued his walk down the pavement, only Eleanor wasn’t having it.
Louis suddenly felt a strong grip on his bicep as he was spun around on the spot, too quick to retaliate before Eleanor slammed their lips together, needy and viscous.
Louis’ eyes widened as he got his senses back and pushed Eleanor away with all his force, causing her to stumble backwards and almost fall over, but she caught her footing at the last minute.
“What the fuck do you think your doing?” Louis straight up shouted at her, some people passing by turning to give him a nasty look, but he couldn’t care less.
“It’s for the paps lou, just giving them some content” Eleanor replied innocently, smirking at the man before her.
“Your sick, fucking sick you know that right. Stay the fuck out of my life or I swear I’ll get a damn restraining order on you” Louis exclaimed, pointing his finger in her face as he spat out the words, before turning away and walking off at a past pace.
“Crazy bitch” He muttered under his breath, his mind racing.
Whilst walking back to the hotel all he could do was pray that the paps hadn’t caught the ‘intimate’ moment, knowing it would only cause unnecessary drama.
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Louis finally made it to the hotel, scrubbing at his mouth with the back of his hand as he walked through his room door, feeling disgusted to have even felt those lips on his own.
Once he had shut the door he turned around, ready to greet his boyfriend and hopefully set the record straight about the whole situation, but stopped in his tracks at what he saw.
Sat on the unmade, white sheets of the bed, was Harry. Facing the huge windows so that his pale back was towards Louis, hunched over as he stared at the floor. The floor which was now littered with beer bottles and empty cigarette packs.
The room seemed lifeless. It was bright, but dull and the only sound to be heard was Harrys erratic breathing amongst the silence between the four walls.
“Harry?” Louis finally got out, though the word was nothing more than a whisper, his voice cracking towards the end as his heart beat picked up, something was wrong.
When he got no response Louis began to make his way over to figure sat on the bed, but stopped once again when he finally heard a strangled sob escape the mans lips.
Louis eyes widened and it felt like his heart had stopped when he saw harry pulling at his messy strands of hair, more and more sobs escaping his lips, he sounded like he was almost chocking on his tears with his breathing being so out of pace. He was having a panic attack.
Louis had only experienced this once with Harry. That time all the way back to the X factor days when harry sat back and read all those nasty comments about him, eventually sending him into a state much like this one now.
Louis was there for him that day, he comforted him and lulled him to sleep when he could feel Harrys heart beating rapidly against his chest and the tears cascaded down his cheeks like a waterfall. He was there then and he would be there now.
Louis rushed over to harry, kneeling down on the floor in front of the man to get a better look at his face. He was heart broken by the sight.
Harrys eyes were bloodshot and puffy, the tears seemed never ending as they fell down his red cheeks, making his irises all that more a brighter shade of green. His hair was tussled and messy, sticking out in all different directions from the amount of times harry had pulled on the locks, surely to emit some pain to take away his anxiety. His hands were shaking as they tried to conceal his face and his leg was bouncing on the spot, the vibrations from the beat going straight through Louis’ knees. Louis honestly thought he could have a heart attack with how fast Harrys heart was beating, being able to hear it from where he was sat on the floor as it knocked against his rib cage repeatedly.
He was basically a mess. And the cigs and alcohol probably didn’t do much to help his case. But Louis was determined to help him, seeming as he was pretty damn sure this was down to today’s events.
“Harry, I need you to look at me babe, look at me” Louis said in a hushed tone, stroking harrys bare back to try and comfort him.
But harry didn’t look, it was like he couldn’t. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the one spot on the floor that seemed to fascinate him right now, Louis assumes it’s down to the daze his mind is in.
Louis slowly reached up and took Harrys hand into his own, taking it away from his face and instead resting it into his lap where he gave it a squeeze and didn’t let go. He wouldn’t let go.
“Harry, I need you to talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me Haz” Louis tried again, keeping his tone soft as he attempted to catch his gaze, but with no such luck.
“C-cant” Harry stuttered out, his voice low and broken as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, only creating more tears that fell down his cheeks.
Louis left his broken hand in Harrys grasp and used his other to wipe away Harrys tears, causing the man to flinch slightly from the unexpected feeling, but to soften again soon after.
“You can’t what Haz?” Louis asked cautiously, continuing to comfort him.
“I- I just c-can’t” Harry tried again, but unsurprisingly his voice broke and he gasped for breath, panting uncontrollably.
“Breathe harry, breath for me. Take nice slow breaths okay, you can do it” Louis shushed, using a technique he himself had been taught when he used to experience panic attacks.
Harry tried to do as Louis said, but the first few times all he could do was intake too much air into his shaky lungs, causing him to panic further. Each time it happened Louis would hold him in place, patting his back so that harry could regain his breath, and after a while it did work and harry developed a somewhat normal breathing pattern.
They sat in silence for a short while, just letting harry get his wits together and continue to focus on his breathing as to not have another panic attack right on the spot.
Louis was patient, letting harry take his time before he wanted to speak, but he wanted to know what happened whilst he was out. He was sure it was due to the PR stunt, that’s an obvious one, but he couldn’t understand why harry was so worked up when Louis had sent him a text prior to the photos being released.
“I thought you said you wouldn’t leave me again?” Harry finally whispered, not looking Louis in the eyes.
Louis furrowed his eyebrow, his lips forming a pout. What? He thought to himself. He wouldn’t leave harry for anything, not after last time. He would be mad to, after everything they’ve been through. He didn’t understand.
“What do you mean Haz? I’m not leaving you. I’m right here” Louis asked, kissing Harrys knuckles gently.
“I saw the pictures” Harry replied, his voice slowly turning sour.
“I’m sure you have. But that still doesn’t explain anything. I told you about the stunt, we said we would discuss it when I came back here” Louis stated, still confused.
“You fucking kissed her lou!” Harry suddenly exclaimed, for the first time looking Louis in the eyes but unfortunately with a completely different emotion than what Louis expected.
“What?” Louis asked, not quite catching on.
“Don’t play dumb, you kissed that bitch. After everything that happened you still kissed her! And to think I believed you when you said you wanted nothing to do with her, that she was a mistake. I should have known you wouldn’t change. I should have fucking known. If you didn’t want to be with me you could’ve just said, you could’ve called it off, hell, you could’ve not played with my emotions at all! You-” Harry rambled, spitting out anything he could think of that crossed his mind as he stood up and began to pace the room, not even acknowledging Louis.
“Harry stop! Just stop. What the fuck are you talking about? First of all, I didn’t kiss her! She kissed me as I was about to leave and I had no way of stopping it because it happened so damn fast. Secondly, you know that for stunts we sometimes have to kiss them anyway, so I don’t see what the problem is? Of course I want to be with you you idiot, i fucking love you, I don’t know what I’d do without you. So stop fucking assuming shit and have a conversation with me!”
Louis exclaimed as he cut harry off, causing him to stop his pacing and face the opposite way to Louis, furrowing his eyebrows.
Louis stared at Harrys back from his now standing position against the bed, breathing heavily from the amount of words that just left his mouth in such a short amount of time.
“You didn’t kiss her?” Harry asked, still not facing Louis, his fists clenched tightly by his sides.
“Jesus Christ, course I didn’t, the bitch kissed me! Thought you knew by now that I’m into dick, something a girl doesn’t actually possess mind you” Louis states, half sarcastic half serious, shaking his head in disbelief.
Harry slowly turned to face him, staring at Louis with an unreadable expression.
“I swear to god I’m gonna fucking kill her” Harry suddenly said as he walked past Louis and headed for the door, not even stopping to put on a shirt or shoes.
“No your fucking not harry. Your not thinking straight, just sit down” Louis rushed out as he grabbed Harrys arm, pulling him back with all his strength.
“Why should I? If a bitch kisses my boyfriend without permission you can bet your ass I’m gonna have some words” Harry said firmly, sending daggers to Louis, but not because he was angry at him, more so because of the thought of someone else kissing his boyfriend.
“That won’t solve anything, it will only get us into more trouble. Now sit the fuck down so we can talk about this. I’m not letting you leave either way so you can either make this difficult or accept it” Louis said in a strict tone, gesturing for harry to sit on the bed like he had asked.
Harry stared at him for a moment longer, as if to challenge him, but sighed in defeat when he realised Louis wasn’t backing down, and sat on the bed with a huff and pushed his hair away from his forehead.
Louis sighed in relief and took a seat next to him, staying silent for a while as they looked out into the city through the large windows, seeing cars drive by the busy roads and people bustling around the shops. People living normal lives, with no boundaries. These people were free, unlike the two men confined in their hotel room.
“So, another PR stunt huh? What brought that about?” Harry asked, still staring out the window as he picked at the bed sheets.
“Yup, Simon said it was to sort our shit out, if that even makes any sense” Louis replied in a tired voice, focusing his attention on the floor.
“To be honest I’m not surprised. He was bound to do it sooner or later” Harry said with a small chuckle, shaking his head at the shitty situation.
“Yeh, I guess your right. Anyway, are you gonna tell me what happened whilst I was out or what?” Louis finally asked, turning his attention to harry who still wouldn’t look at him.
“There’s nothing to say. I got your text, saw the pictures, assumed shit, got drunk, smoked and had a panic attack” Harry explained casually, as if what had just happened didn’t really matter.
“Haz- fuck, stop making it seem as if it wasn’t a big deal. If I’ve walked in on my boyfriend having a damn panic attack then i want to know the details, as small as they may be. We’re supposed to trust and support each other. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me” Louis replied, exasperated. He felt helpless at this moment.
Harry sighed and rubbed his face before letting his arms go limp by his sides as he finally turned to face Louis, his eyes looking worn out and his expression sad and bored.
“I just- when i saw that picture. Of you two kissing. And after reading all the fucking comments and shit the media were saying, it brought back old memories. Bad memories. And I guess because I’ve always assumed you were gonna let me down again, leave me, I just jumped to the conclusion that it had finally happened. I think that in a way I wanted to confirm my doubts, just to be able to say I was right. But I know that that’s wrong now because that’s taking such a pessimistic view of our relationship. I want to be able to trust you, I don’t want to be having these doubts, but it’s so hard after experiencing it before in such a sudden way, it’s like it could happen at any time, unexpected, and it wouldn’t even surprise me because of how unexpected it was the last time. And I’m sorry, because I don’t want to think this way about us, but it’s just so damn hard not to”
Harry finally explained, sighing once he had finally gotten all the words out. To say it didn’t hurt Louis a little bit would be a lie, because it fucking did. It hurt to know his boyfriend had such little trust in him, but then again he couldn’t blame him. He knew it was going to be rocky getting back on track, but he didn’t think it would be as bad as this, that even such a small misunderstanding could send harry into a panic attack and need to resort back to alcohol and cigs just to release some of the stress. The realisation hit him hard, as much as harry said he did, he didn’t trust him, that being evident in today’s events.
Louis didn’t reply, instead he let his head drop to stare at the floor again, picking at his fingernails as his habit when anxious. He could feel Harrys eyes on him, like a burning sensation in the side of his head, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.
“Lou, please, say something” Harry whispered, the tears returning to his eyes, but not yet falling.
Louis could feel his own tears brimming the edges of his eyes, but he couldn’t let them drop either, too scared to show his vulnerability at a time like this. He just didn’t know what to do. Could it really work out when his boyfriend had zero trust in him? Relationships were based on trust, like the foundation of it, the structure. And if that structure fell, so would the building. Just like their relationship.
“I don’t know what to say” Louis stuttered out, his voice shaky as all the negative possibilities ran through his head.
“Something, anything. Just, please.” Harry practically begged, taking Louis good hand into his own and holding on tightly, as if Louis would disappear if he let go.
“I just- I don’t see how this can work if you don’t trust me. I’m not blaming you for this, it’s partly my fault too as I’m the one who broke your trust in the first place, but I don’t see how we will last if you don’t even trust me on PR stunts, something that will inevitably happen more and more. I can’t be arguing with you every time we do a stunt Haz, it’s not healthy” Louis said with a heavy heart.
It hurt to even say those words, he felt like his throat was closing up and his lungs were being filled with water. He felt like his heart was slowly falling apart piece by piece all for the man sat in front of him, holding onto his hand so tight it may as well just break like the other one. And that’s when his first tear fell.
“What are you saying?” Harry asked in a vulnerable voice, his own tears falling now as well.
“I don’t even know. I don’t want to say this, but, m-maybe we should t-take a break. Get our heads sorted or something so we can work on this when we’re both in a better mental state” Louis finally got out, hesitantly lifting his head to look at Harry, but he wished he hadn’t.
Harrys tears had once again flowed over the barriers, falling down his cheeks as he bowed his head slightly, his grip on Louis hand slowly releasing.
“You c-cant leave me” Harry got out in between choked sobs, looking at Louis in the eye once again with desperation, pleading for Louis to take it back.
“Not forever, I could never leave you completely. I will still be right here, we both need time to think Haz, it’s for the best if we want this to work out in the future. I still love you, I always will, this isn’t permanent. We just need time” Louis replied, but his words were constricted and he felt like a knife was lodged into the side of his neck, twisting the words out of his throat.
“Please” Harry begged, feeling as if his whole world was crashing down around him.
“I’m sorry” is all Louis managed to finish with, before standing up, pressing a kiss to Harrys forehead, and leaving the room without another word.
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For the rest of the day Louis avoided Harry as much as possible, only seeing the man again when the concert came.
The entire show Harry seemed out of it, unsurprisingly, and he looked as if he would rather run off stage than continue the entirety of the show, the same feeling was in the pit of Louis stomach.
They didn’t speak or interact with one another and the fans were surely picking up on it. The banter was gone, the cheeky winks, the insinuating comments, none of it was there.
But a lot of fans did know, or at least had their suspicions, seeming as a lot of them had seen the pictures of Louis and Eleanor together, confusing them as they assumed Harry and Louis were an item.
And then came Harrys performance.
Louis didn’t know what to expect, didn’t even know which song he had chosen to sing, and he was anxious for it. If it was upbeat the fans would definitely know somethings up, as harry wouldn’t be the same performing it, but if it’s a slow tempo, the raw emotion would be a pretty good indicator.
And of course it was the latter, as harry took his seat at the Piano.
The lads sat behind him on a step of the stage as Harrys silhouette draped in a blue suit sat down on the expensive wooden bench below the grand piano.
Harry shook out his nerves and cleared his throat, needing to be ready for this performance. It may be the only way to save their relationship as of now.
“This is a song you have never heard before, it’s quite personal to me and I hope you enjoy it. This is if I could fly” Harry said into the mic, his shaky voice sounding around the arena as fans grew excited for the new material.
Louis eyes widened. He couldn’t believe it, neither could the lads. Harry had vowed never to play nor release this song to the public, being that it was so personal. But here he was, sat in front of thousands of fans ready to play them it, and Louis knew the reason why. He was playing it for him.
The sound of the piano keys suddenly released from the speakers hooked up to the piano as harry began to play the song, his head bowed and eyes trained on the instrument, but closing them tightly as he sang the first words.
“If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you”
He sang, the first line already containing so much raw emotion that Louis knew he was a goner, he knew by the end of this he would be a crying mess in front of everyone, but he didn’t care. All that mattered now was Harry, who was putting his vulnerability on the line just to save their relationship.
“I think I might, give up everything just ask me to”
He continued, his eyes still shut as the words escaped his lips in a breathy melody, sounding angelic to every person in the stadium.
“Pay attention I hope that you listen, cause I let my guard down, right now I’m completely defenceless”
The lyrics he just sang basically summed him up right now. Vulnerable, defenceless, his guard is down and his soul is open for thousands of people to see, all for the boy with blue eyes.
“For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart, for when your lonely, and forget who you are, I’m missing half of me, when we’re apart, now you know me, for your eyes only”
He belted out the chorus, holding so much power with the words that they hit Louis’ heart dead on. He could feel the lyrics vibrating through him with every word that left Harrys mouth which only added to the emotion. He let a tear fall as he realised how big of a mistake he had made. They didn’t need a break, they were stronger than this. They had fought off so much shit from countless people over the years that it would be stupid to let it all go over a fucking PR stunt. They could work on their trust issues, it would take time but Louis was up for it, ready to take back what was his. It may honestly be the shortest break he had ever been on to be quite honest. Just shows how much they needed each other.
So with that thought in mind, Louis stood up slowly, and headed for the piano. He took his seat on the bench next to harry and leant towards the microphone. Harry looked confused at first, but then let a sad but hopeful smile break out onto his face, his eyes glistening in tears.
Louis knew the lyrics after hearing it once and reading them over countless times in the studio when harry had left his notes there one day. And it felt right, it felt like he should be up here, supporting Harry through this song. They were a team and they needed this together.
“I’ve got scars, even though they can’t always be seen, and pain gets hard, but now your here and I don’t feel a thing”
Louis sang the words with just as much emotion as harry , facing him and he pushed the words past his lips, taking more strength than he thought needed. He took a second to look out at the crowd, who now had flashlights up in the air, glowing like fireflies in the dark stadium. It was beautiful and Louis knew now he may not have the support of management and Simon, but he had the support of the fans and the lads, which is all that mattered to him anyway.
“Pay attention I hope that you listen, cause I let my guard down, right now I’m completely defenceless”
Harry sung once again, letting Louis savour the sound right next to him as it filtered through his ears and flew down his chest to his heart, picking up the pieces as if by magic.
“For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart, for when your lonely, and forget who you are, I’m missing half of me, when we’re apart, now you know me, for your eyes only”
They sung the second chorus together, their voices mixing perfectly to create such a beautiful sound. Their heads were close together as they both sung into the same mic, the warmth radiating from each other in their small bubble of comfort. The lads smiled at the pair from behind and felt proud that they were able to push through the terrible day. They knew they’d be be back together quicker than they could snap their fingers, but it was still a relief. They had only found out about what had happened through Louis when he had come to their rooms in the hotel crying his eyes out, babbling nonsense about his hasty breakup with Harry, but of course they had reassured him that they’d soon be back together, and they were right, as per usual.
“I can feel you hear inside of mine, I feel it, I feel it, I’ve been going out of my mind, I feel it, I feel it, know that I’m just wasting time, and I”
They sung the bridge together as well, but the next line made more sense to Louis now more than ever as harry sung the words solo.
“Hope that you don’t run from me”
Louis had ran earlier today. He had ran from their problems like a coward, and had turned his back on their relationship as quick as he could, without giving any effort to save it. He regretted it immensely and knows he did the wrong thing, but this was a learning curve for the both of them that they can now move past stronger than ever before.
They soon finished the song with heavy hearts but smiles finally gracing their faces, genuine smiles as the crowd cheered and applauded, showing their support, as did the lads.
The two looked at each other for a second before pulling one another into a giant hug, Louis on his tiptoes to reach which was adorable to both harry and the fans.
“I’m so fucking sorry” Louis whispered into his ear, his smile never fading.
“Same here. I love you” Harry replied, squeezing Louis tighter.
“I love you too” Louis repeated back, causing harry to grin from happiness, glad that his plan had worked.
It may have been a day full of arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings and heartbreak, but there was no doubt in their minds that they would push through it, and they did, a lot faster than expected as they left the concert content and in love.
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Author notes:
Lol this literally sounded like the end of the fic, don’t worry, not quite yet haha.
I spent the majority of my night writing this and I hope you enjoyed it.
It was slightly unexpected and a bit of a rollercoaster of a chapter tbf, but I’m glad I’m putting this out satisfied with the length and how much work went into it.
Please share your opinions and don’t forget to comment and vote, if you have any questions ask them here and I’ll be sure to answer them.
Love you all xxx
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