I ignored the sting, the erratic buzzing in my ear with a bottle of vodka or whatever this is. In this state pain doesn’t exist. It’s nothing but a faint whisper in the background. Yet it looms over my head like a reaper in the night. Nothing mattered in this moment, any irrational thoughts that threatened to escape me I silenced with alcohol. I chuckled, hysterically, because you really do live long enough to become what you hate. For someone with contempt towards alcohol I sure down it like a depressed mother of three.
It’s been a week. I don’t plan or reminiscing over what happened but alystair and I never uttered on word to each other ever since the locker room. I grinded on some random girl I found thoughtlessly, it came naturally for me, forgetting. I spotted Zainab and Zora out of my peripheral view amongst themselves staring my way intently. I didn’t miss the worry etched onto their faces, they did a terrible job at hiding it. The more they looked at me like that the more i began to shove everything down. I threw them a wink and continued dancing with the girl.
For the first time in my life I spiralled after a friendship. Maybe it’s because for once in my life it was meaningful. Alystair never worshipped me, it made everything interesting. He was a mystery to me and everyone yet as i got to know him that changed. If he were to see me now, in this state even he would be shocked. But no one is shocked like the way I am. I can’t stop what I’m feeling, the intensity threatens to drown me when i lay my head down. I’ve convinced myself my self sabotage is the reason for my anger yet every time the high of the alcohol hits me it pushes me onto a railway, the truth desperately clawing at me. I’ve dodged it, turned corners in hopes it will never find me. We were friends, good friends. Anyone would be sad over loosing one.
The girl, who I was dancing with was named Mia. She’s pretty with long legs to complement my height. How would it look if we were together? I grabbed her face and kissed her roughly. She tasted like beer. What do you taste like? I kissed her feriouciously, with more intensity than necessary before Zainab said we should leave before it gets too late.
“What happened Romen?” Zora broke the silence in the car on the way back to school. She peaked at me through the review mirror and Zainab turned her head from besides me. “What do you mean?” My speech slurred slightly. “That day in the locker room. You wont talk about it, Alystair wont talk about it. And you’re acting out.” She uttered every syllable with frustration. “Nothing.” I sighed with no room for discussion, slumped in my seat avoiding their gazes.
“I’ve never seen my brother so closed off Romen please for the sake of everyone just tell us.” She demanded with an edge to her voice. Alystair doesn’t feel. He feels nothing towards anyone.
“I said something I can’t take back.” I murmured as i left the car before they could stop me. I swayed slightly as i crashed onto my bed. Sleep consumed me like a moth to a flame only this time i hoped everything wouldn’t be so shitfaced when i woke up.
The world waited for no one. I arrived to class on time and made my way to my seat. I greeted Jessica, surprisingly she is quite fun. Unfortunately i shared this class with Alystair. He came late to class which was actually surprising. He was never late for class. His hair covered his eyes, giving no brightness to his scowl. He took his seat next to me but we never so much as acknowledged each others existence. Class flew by with the teachers monotonous voice threatening to send us all to sleep.
“Before you go there’s a group project due, find historical landmarks, 3 of them, and write a 10 paged essay on the history and importance of it.” The class groaned. “OVER the course of the term.” The teacher raised her voice over the commotion.
“With who ever is sitting next to you.” I turned my face towards alystair and swore, “fuck.”
A/N
I chose to make this chapter shorter cause i just wanted to be an internal dialogue of Romen’s. His spriraling. Hope you like this chapter and get ready for all the DRAMA to come 🙂
School is kicking my ass, I’m busy 24/7 but I’m making more time everyday for writing! Expect another chapter this week as i have managed my time well.
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EXPECT LONGER CHAPTERS THOUGH MWAHHHH
Question: who do you think is gonn a succumb to the other first, Alystair or Romen?? And why:)
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