Sandra had her phone gripped tightly in between her hands. She had been trying to call Jennifer to apologize for what happened a week ago, but the other brunette was clearly ignoring her. The brunette could not stitch a blame on her best friend though. She knew, in all sincerity, that Jennifer was right. The hospital’s CEO had been offering her to lead a newly-built hospital in Denmark. It was her big break – an obvious chance where she could actually amplify her career. She had been dreaming to lead her own hospital, a chance where she could govern medical professionals and somehow, impart them the knowledge she has, but for three years, she had been saying no. Every single time the word “no” comes out of her lips, her ears hears it metaphorically as Cate. Cleansing the pretense and her lies, Sandra had been saying no, because she did not want to leave the country, most especially not without knowing where Cate was; not without Cate.
It took quite some time to decide, but as she went home after her argument with Jennifer, the brunette had received a call from the two investigators that she hired. Cate, still, could not be seen. A week later, there she was, sitting inside an airplane, with her phone between her hands, hoping Jennifer would pick up her call before she would fly to Denmark.
To: Aniston
I’ve been trying to call you to apologize, but you weren’t answering. You are right, as always. I took the offer and I’m now flying to Denmark. I got a new chapter now. Leading a hospital will not be an easy job, so I humbly request that your line will be open for me 24/7 as you will receive many rants next week.
I’ll miss you and Akira. Love you.
She heaved a sigh before sending the message. The icon of her inbox flew up before her phone plastered a delivered status. It had been three years and so she figured that, maybe, it was time to finally move forward. She bit her lip, somehow contemplating on her next message, but after a few seconds, she shook her head and started typing.
To: P.I 1, P.I 2
I know you guys have been working hard, and I really appreciate the work you guys did. It has been three years now and as much as I’d like to still continue, I’ve got a life that I need to push too. Thank you, guys, for your work. I sent you both the last pay and a bonus on your respective bank accounts. Thank you.
The message was delivered. Sandra put her phone on airplane mode, before she placed it inside her Birkin. The last three years, her life was put on-hold. Perhaps, it would not be an atrocious crime if she would pull the trigger once more and continue living her life again. A sigh escaped her lips as she heard the engine of the plane started and with a bittersweet smile on her lips, she readied herself as the plane took off.
—–
Dearest Catherine,
Longing has been my second skin and the way your name falls off my tongue becomes the blood running in my crippled veins. Each night, your voice becomes the lullaby in my head, but you could not put me to sleep. You keep me wide awake, while the universe sleeps, there I am – standing on the edge of the cliff, screaming for you, looking for you, wishing your lips would shut me off from sewing yet another cry.
I am nothing but a woman filled with crumbling bones and rotting flesh – a damsel clothed with wilted petals and I need you to save me from this spine-folding feeling of missing you.
It has been three years now, and I’ve looked at every grocery aisle, every church, every bar, every land on this earth, hoping to catch a glimmer of that deep, blue eyes of yours. But like a soldier returning from war, I always return homeless.
I am dying with your absence, still, I refuse to believe you’re gone. Are you dead? Are you lifeless somewhere buried in an unmarked grave? Are your bones crumbling like mine? Are your flesh rotten too? Unveil me your ghost. Haunt me. Haunt me then, Catherine.
– Sandy
Her new apartment felt so foreign. It did make sense since she was in a foreign land, surrounded by foreign people. As she settled into her new home, the first thing she did was to get her journal and started scribbling another letter for Cate – a letter she knew Cate wouldn’t be able to read.
Her new home was located in the heart of Denmark. She was surrounded with infrastructures that had witnessed histories. It was a new city life for her, a new beginning somehow. She felt like a twenty year old still finding where to put her first step into adulthood, but it was different already; she was a grown woman who was finding hope, a woman with half of her heart missing. As the city roared into the night, with its street lights starting to blink, Sandra closed her journal. From her apartment building, she could see the city blinking like twinkling stars. Somehow, it still looked like New York, but at the same time, it still did feel so different.
“Sandy, there’s no time for this damn feeling.” She mumbled to herself as she got down from sitting on her window railing.
The brunette closed her glass window. She then stood up on the corner looking at her room, with all her luggages still unpacked. She was trying to figure out where to begin; contemplating if she should eat dinner first before she would rummage through all her things and arrange it. Thinking where to go get food and what to eat, she shook her head, writing a mental note that she would arrange her new place first. When she was about to open her luggage, her phone beeped. Sandra immediately got up and got it.
From: Aniston
It’s a new life for you. I’m happy that you did it because finally, you are taking back the surge of your life. Wherever Cate is right now, I know she’s happy with your decision.
Akira and I will miss you.
And she hoped Jennifer was right. She hoped Cate was really happy of her decision. She may have stopped looking for her, but that did not mean she would forget her. In the big foreign city that she was in, Cate Blanchett was still the woman she would look for in the midst of the crowd.
***
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