The weight of their forgotten history lingered on air. It smelled so much like a spilt Don Perignon soaking up on a century-old carpet – too strong, just too hard to resist. Cate closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. She wanted to evict herself from her narrative, wanted to run away and take a secluded place where she could let herself rot in feelings she couldn’t fathom. But how could she when a naked Sandra got her head buried on her chest?
To: Manager
Hey, sorry for not informing you earlier. Got sick, but I’m feeling fine. I just need an off from today’s taping.
Sent 12:49 PM
She carefully placed her phone back to her bedside table. As soon as her phone touched the wooden mahogany, Sandra moved and snuggled sleepily even more to her. Times like this, she wanted so much to savor the moment, but she knew she should not savor it. She couldn’t even feign to pretend she deserved the warmth of the brunette’s naked skin, couldn’t even pretend she deserved her breathy sighs and moans so instead of wrapping her arms back around her, she laid there like a dead log.
Sandra kissed her. It was something that she did not anticipate, but it happened. The kiss was ephemeral, like a quick touch, an electrocution that the brunette pulled herself away too quick. The women locked eyes as the words failed to come out of each other’s lips. The blonde, who was so shocked, almost have uttered all the apologies in the world but she stopped. Why would she say sorry when she did not kiss her? It was Sandra. It was Sandra who kissed her.
“I’m sorr —” Cate paused as the realization hit her, as the phrase fell short under her tongue, her eyes started to unite against Sandra’s brown eyes; the stare being shared was a question of why and on that moment, Cate with all her bravery, waited.
But the silent why was never answered. Instead, with all the waiting Cate endured, Sandra did what the blonde least expected. The brunette kissed her again. Not a quick peck on the lips. Not an accidental kiss, but a kiss of hunger. Sandra claimed her lips for the second time and it pushed Cate back away from earth for when the brunette’s lips touched hers, she felt like Persephone being sucked by Hades into the underworld.
The kiss turned into fiery touches; the room was then transformed into a portal that only them knew about. Both of them couldn’t hear the outside world anymore -Â for all the hush, the moans and the whispers were enough to shut the whole world off.
A thug was heard as Cate’s back hit against the cold wall of her kitchen, “Fuck…” The blonde cussed as the coldness of the wall hit her back.
“About to.” And those two words were enough to shut Cate off; Sandra then started to unbutton her blouse but the shock on Cate’s face illuminated and it made Sandra stop, made her realize what was about to be done, “I’m sorry.” The brunette mumbled as she looked at the blonde apologetically, “I…I got carried away. I…”
Cate cut her off as she pulled the brunette’s hips towards her, “Fuck me.” The bravery slipped out of the blonde’s lips like a poison ivy, “Fuck me, Sandra.”
That was the consent the brunette needed and with that, a smug smirk hung on Sandra’s lips. Without hesitation, she peeled off Cate’s clothes off her body and when Cate stood there, on the kitchen, wearing nothing but skin, Sandra paused. It was a liberation. A testament of bare honesty and beauty and the brunette felt greatly happy and overwhelmed to be seeing Cate in her glory like that.
“You’re…” Sandra took off her stare from the blonde’s body as she looked at her, “You’re such a beauty.”
Cate gave her a shrug, “Take me to my room.” She then wrapped her arms around the brunette’s neck before whispering, “…please.”
The following events seemed to dance in haze not until Cate found solace on the brunette’s lap. The blonde was sitting on Sandra’s lap, in nothing but skin and Sandra held her, softly, as if holding a delicate masterpiece.
“Tell me this isn’t wrong.” All breathy and panting, Sandra leaned her forehead against the blonde’s chest, with her eyes closed, “Tell me…”
Cate, felt the gradual decay of her bones. How could it be wrong?
“You can stop this, you know.” The blonde mumbled which made Sandra to look up to her, “This. We can stop this still if you feel like it’s wrong.”
The brunette gave her a look of longing before Sandra firmly shook her head, “Kiss me. Kiss me so that I know this isn’t wrong.”
This time, Cate did. She cupped Sandra’s face and kissed her in ways she did before. She softly brushed her lips against Sandra’s before claiming it entirely. The passion ran between the kiss and as Cate’s tongue entered the brunette’s lips, Sandra’s arms started to roam around Cate’s body too.
“Ghad I miss you…” Sandra spoke as her lips latched on Cate’s neck, and right there, Cate wanted to throw her a counter: if you miss me, why couldn’t you just take me back?
Too afraid to ruin the moment, Cate just closed her eyes and pretended that she did not hear it. Sandra continued to kiss the expanse of the blonde’s neck down to her collarbones while the brunette’s hands massaged Cate’s breasts. The feeling was purely bliss, but Cate knew the ephemerality of it.Â
“Shit…” The blonde bit her lower lip as Sandra sucked on her left breast, “Goodness.” She panted as she cradled the brunette’s head against her.
While the blonde was drowning on that moment, her mind knew that once that would be over, Sandra would dash out of her door as if it was nothing. The turmoil inside her heart was too heavy, but she was taken aback when she felt Sandra’s finger tracing her slit.
“I wanna hear you.” Sandra ordered as she gripped Cate’s waist.
“What?”
“Your thoughts are too loud.” The brunette jested as she let her finger ran Cate’s slit once again which made the blonde buck her hips, “Let me hear your voice. I want you loud. Not your thoughts.”
“I don — fuck…” And there it came out, Cate puked out a string of profanities as Sandra ran her finger, so slowly, onto her slit; she was wet, soaking wet and she wanted her in, but the brunette was clearly playing her game. “Oh my. Fuck…”
“There.” A smile erupted on Sandra’s lips as she licked Cate’s breast whilst her hand remained doing what it was doing, “I want that. I want you like that.”
“Stop being such a tease.” The blonde countered, her hands gripping on the brunette’s shoulder for dear life.
“Am I?” Sandra replied, smugly, as she started feeling the blonde’s hole, but not really entering, “I want your words, Catie…”
“Don’t call me that.”
Sandra laughed before kissing the blonde’s rib, “What should I call you then?”
“You can call me a slut for now.” The blonde bravely countered before taking Sandra’s fingers and shoving it right into her wetness, “Fuck.” She cussed, Sandra’s fingers were entering her the way she wanted it too, and she gripped onto Sandra’s shoulders again – it felt too much, yet addicting, “That’s what I want.”
Lost for words, Sandra did not reply. Instead, she grabbed Cate’s neck with her other hand and kissed her while her other hand started to finger-fuck her roughly.
“I can hear your thoughts.”
Cate woke up from her own reveries as she heard Sandra spoke. The blonde almost flinch as Sandra snuggled even deeper and despite their skin to skin contact, she somehow wished Sandra would not feel the trembling of her bones.
“Your thoughts are too loud.” Sandra added, she looked up and waited for the blonde to reply.
With a sigh, Cate closed her eyes. She knew Sandra was looking at her. And it was not helping. She was conscious and she just wanted to run away, but at the same time, the feeling of being in bed with the woman she still loved was too tempting. It was an unending battle.
“I can’t shut them off.”
“Let me.”
The blonde opened her eyes, baffled as to what Sandra meant by that, “What?”
“Let me…” Sandra spoke every word with conviction as she moved on top and straddled the blonde, “…let me shut your thoughts off.” And without waiting for the blonde’s reply, the brunette dipped her head onto Cate’s neck and started placing kisses they knew could lit the house on fire.Â
“I…”
Sandra moved down and positioned herself in between the blonde’s legs, “Shhhh.” And with one last look, she licked Cate’s womanhood causing the blonde to arch her back.
Fuck you, Sandra. Fuck me.
***
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