Faye bought a big-ass board and hanged it from my bedroom wall. There, she wrote the days of the week along with the hours of the day to keep everything in check. She put every single activity in my schedule. Washing the dishes, taking my pills, exercising. She put everything there.
As she finished writing she turned to me. I was sitting in my bed watching her work.
“Miss Brenan!”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said standing up straight with my hands behind my back.
“Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to complete all the tasks in this board and add new ones when they come up. You have to take your pills when you are supposed to, eat when you are supposed to, and most importantly, spend time with me when you are supposed to.” The fact that she was using a commanding yet self-flattering voice made me chuckle under my breath. “Do you accept your mission, officer?”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Also, before I forget,” she dropped the colonel act and handed me a diary, small enough to fit on my jean’s back pocket. “I think it’s better if you write down things you have to remember.”
“I’ve got my phone,” I replied, but still took the note book.
“Yeah, but you never know. Your phone could run out of battery or something.”
I didn’t know it then, but having that small diary in my back pocket would save my life, because like she said, my phone could run out of battery or something. Faye spent most of her free time making sure I was taking my pills and eating well with my mom’s help. But when it came to exercise, well, she couldn’t really keep up with me so she just had to believe me. It would’ve been okay, if I wouldn’t have lied one day. I promised I would go for a five mile run but instead, I stopped at the ice cream store and bought a chocolate one. I’d never done that before, I promise. She caught me when someone close to her spotted me and told her.
Next morning, she said she would go for a five mile run with me. Needless to say, Faye wasn’t really the type of woman who ran, or exercises, or did any physical activity for that matter. She was just one of those people who ate everything they wanted and never got fatter. I know, I hate those people too.
Faye couldn’t keep up with me so I had to slow down every couple of blocks. There were a couple of times I thought she’d pass out on me.
At one point, she stopped, supported her weight on her knees and gasping said, “You know what?… On a second thought… I could really use some… chocolate ice cream… right now.”
I cracked up at that and we walked towards the ice cream store. We ordered two chocolate ice creams and sat on a bank at the park not far from there.
She was still trying to catch her breath, but at least she didn’t have to stop midway through her sentence to finish it. “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”
I placed my arms on the back of the back, looked up at the blue sky and smiled. “Yeah, it really is. Faye? Is this how you imagined your life when you were a kid?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is this how you pictured yourself when you were twelve?”
She shook her head and answered, “No. I thought by the time I was twenty five I’d be married to you. We’d had three dogs, Mat, Stu and Joe, and we’d buy a house by the ocean, or even better. We’d had a boat and travel the world in it. That’s the way it should’ve been.”
I should’ve stay quiet. Don’t kick the beehive, said my mother. They will sting, said my mother. What did I do? The opposite of what I was told. “If you really wanted that, you shouldn’t have married Scott.”
She snorted. “So easy for you to say. You weren’t here. You were the one who broke her promise to me, Riley.”
“I did it to protect you.”
“Bullshit,” she said, she wasn’t angry, but she was firm. “You did it for the same reason you didn’t marry me before you left. ‘Cause you were scared. Of what? I don’t know, but I recognize fear when I see it. Or well, when I read it.”
“I saw things… I can’t unseen them.”
“I never asked you to. You promised you’d come back, and you didn’t. That’s what matters.”
“Faye…”
“You broke your promise, Riley. If you don’t keep the promises you make to the people you love, what does that make you?”
“I know… you’re right, and I know you’re right. But you haven’t told me about how things got bad after your dad died.”
“That’s conversation for another day, and I need at least three beers in my bloodstream to talk about that. Come on, let’s get going.”
Faye and I went back home, but her words resounded in my head.
If I don’t keep the promises I make to the people, I love… Maybe she was right, maybe I needed to stop being afraid and start answering for the promises I made.
The next day, it was Monday, I was supposed to go to the bookstore to see how they were doing, instead, I grabbed a backpack and packed some clothes, my wallet and my toothbrush. Faye was supposed to drop by at nine to take me to the bookstore, but instead, when she walked into my room, I was packing, and panic filled her face.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving,” I said without looking at her, closing my backpack.
“Whe-where to?”
“Chicago,” I said standing up and checking if I was missing anything. Then I opened up my backpack again making sure I had packed everything.
“Chicago? Why?”
“Got business.” Faye seemed sad so I rushed to answer, “It’s just a couple of days, I’ll be back before you notice.”
She gave me a sad smile and said, “That’s what you said the first time. I don’t wanna lose you again.”
I smiled back and kissed her cheek. “If it weren’t for Scott I would even tell you to come with me.”
“I can totally go.”
“What? What about Scott?”
“What about him? I’m trapped in that apartment! What’d you think I come here almost every day and visit my mom so often? Because I’m so happy being alone all day long trapped in that freaking… cage?”
That was the first time I noticed, or maybe I even contemplated the possibility that Faye wasn’t as happy as I had assumed. If I would’ve looked deeper, I would’ve seen the sign she was dropping in front of me. The amount of times she said she had nothing to do, the amount of days a week she visited her mother, she visited me; her little project taking care of me. Of course, she cared about me, I knew that, but she was also running away from her home. And I asked myself, why?
“Alright, sure, let’s just stop by your place and get you some clothes.”
“Nah, I’m a woman. As long as I got my phone, my charger and my credit card I can survive in a jungle.”
“Alright, then, can I ask you a favor?”
“Of course.”
“Could you go through my backpack and make sure I haven’t forgotten something? I keep unpacking it thinking I forgot something, and I’m not even sure I have.”
As it turned out, I had packed everything, which made me feel good about myself. I wasn’t a total lost cause. Faye and I said goodbye to my mother. I asked her to keep an eye on the progress at the bookstore. We closed the door and, instead of taking the bus like I had planned, Faye and I drove to Chicago in her car. Just the two of us for five days. From one corner to the country to the other. Driving, sleeping in motels, and driving again. Just us. Alone.
When I got on the car and realized that, I started thinking maybe, it was a bad idea. And I was right… kind of. As we left Lenberg, Faye stopped by a gas station, we bought sodas, chips, and two sandwiches for the road. She seemed happy; almost relief even.
Faye was at the register paying for everything while I stood by the magazine stand.
“That’ll be 26.55, please,” said the woman.
Faye grabbed two twenties and handed her the money. While the woman looked for change, Faye turned to me and asked, “So, what are we doing in Chicago?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. Keeping promises and all. I made a promise a long time ago that I haven’t kept.”
She knew better than to ask more questions, so she grabbed the change, we got on the car and drove.
Mindy, I think her name was. Mindy Quilter. I only hoped she still lived in that apartment.
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