Dr. Sophia Williams and I spoke for close to an hour while Faye and my parents waited outside. I told her everything. As much as I could pack in one hour. Once she was finished with me, she went out to let them know what her professional opinion was.
“Has Riley ever seen a psychologist?” she questioned.
My mom and dad looked at each other, then my mother replied. “When she was little, she wasn’t very social. Too smart for her own good, they said.”
“What do you mean with too smart?”
“She scored a hundred and forty something on an IQ test. She doesn’t really talk about it.”
“Was she bullied for it?”
“Yes, how do you know?”
“It’s a fundamental issue with our society. We don’t like smart people. But no, Mrs. Brenan, what I meant was… has Riley seen a psychologist for her depression?”
“What depression?” my dad said.
“I guess that’s my answer. I couldn’t say for sure with just one hour, but I’m ninety percent certain that Riley has, what we call High Functioning Depression.”
“My daughter is not depressed!” my dad said. “She has a job, she helps around the house, she has a… lady, she’s normal.”
“That’s where the High Functioning part comes into place. Normally people don’t notice because it’s someone who can still get out of bed and go about their day… but they are just never truly happy. Everything is colorless, tasteless. Life becomes a burden that they tolerate.”
“She should’ve never enlisted,” my mother said. “She was fine before she ever went away.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple, Mrs. Brenan. You see, I believe Riley has been depressed for a long time and what happened to her in the army was just the last straw. Even when she was a teenager and she began having rage fits, I think her anger management issues were not the problem, but the symptom of the problem. Sadness. Being bullied for being ‘too smart for her own good’, getting into fist fights with Mr. Brenan because of her brother, being rejected by her parents for being gay, having to live under someone else’s roof. You cannot begin to imagine what it does to a child when they find out that the people who were supposed to love them… don’t. It breaks them. To be honest with you, after hearing what she said and how she’s never been treated for depression, I’m surprised this is the first time she’s tried to commit suicide.”
“Dear God,” Faye murmured.
“So what now? What do we do?” my dad asked.
“Well, Riley needs all the help she can get. Someone she can trust and open up with, maybe a help group. I don’t feel comfortable giving her the green light, until you find her some help.”
“What about you?” my dad asked. “She opened up with you.”
Dr. Williams looked at my parents, then her eyes fell on Faye, as if she were the one person she was really thinking of when she spoke. “I own a lodge where we specialize in vets. We give them the attention, support and help they need 24/7. They develop routines that keep them focused, and we have a group of physicians who treat their injuries and traumas efficiently.”
“Like… like getting her committed?” my mother questioned.
Dr. smiled. “More like taking a vacation. It’s a lot of fresh air, mountain view, and she can leave whenever she wants and you can come visit whenever you want. And we have PS, DirecTV, internet, hundreds of books, we don’t try to isolate them, we try to give them space to heal. And… there is no risk of her doing it again.”
“It sounds great to me,” my father said looking around him, seeing that everyone agreed with him. When he saw nothing but smiles, he added: “If Riley is okay with it, then let’s do it.”
Dr. Williams stared at Faye again, and finished off saying. “The lodge is in Montana.”
Their sudden happiness disappeared as quickly as it came. The lodge was a four-hour flight away. A fourteen-hour drive, and that was if you didn’t stop to take a leak, or to get some rest.
When Sophia Williams saw my family wasn’t comfortable with the idea of me leaving, she said, “She can also get help here. I’ve got a colleague that could be just as helpful.”
“She’s not leaving,” my dad sentenced.
“With all due respect, Mr. Brenan,” Faye interfered, “I think it should be Riley the one to make the decision. If she doesn’t want to leave, then we’ll get her help here.”
Faye looked at my mother looking for support. My mother nodded and they decided the final decision would be mine. Of course, I had the same reaction that they did, ‘Sounds good! Oh… Montana?’
Once they told me about the place, I asked my parents if they could leave and allow me one moment with Faye. She sat on the chair next to my bed and kept her gaze on her lap to completely avoid my eyes.
“I’m not going,” I spoke in a clear tone of voice.
“Riley… You need help, when are you going to accept that.”
“I know I need help, Faye! I know what I did. But I am not leaving you again!”
“You tried to commit suicide, there is no more permanent way of leaving me than that.”
I sighed and closed my fists. “I feel like this is happening again, all over again. I feel like I’m gonna leave, and promise to come back, and you’ll promise you’ll wait and then something we’ll happen, we’ll break up again and when I’m back… you are gonna be married to Mike.”
She laughed at that last part. “Nothing happens exactly the same twice.”
“How you figure?”
“Well, for started, we are not actually dating this time. I’m just a recently divorced woman trying to bang her ex-girlfriend/best friend/mistress.” I looked up at her, and couldn’t help but crack up, which made her smile. “Also, I’ll be able to visit.”
“It’s a four-hour flight.”
“Once a month. It’s a lot more than last time, especially since last time it was zero times every four years.”
“I just… I feel like if I leave, I’m going to lose you again.”
Faye didn’t reply. She placed her right hand on mine and with her left hand, she lifted my chin and kissed me softly. “That will not happen, never again.”
“Then why does it feel like if I leave, I’ll be making the same mistake twice?”
“Then how about we don’t make the same mistake twice. How about this time, we do what we were supposed to do the first time?”
“What do you mean?”
Her grin became wider.
The day I was supposed to be discharged from the hospital, Dr. Williams came in with the forms, and some brochures of the place. In the pictures, it looked even more impressive than it did in my head. The rooms seem comfortable, the living areas where beautifully designed and it really was by the mountains. She told we could leave in a week or so, once I had packed everything and was ready to say goodbye to my family again. As If I could be ready for that.
Once she left, I got a visitor. He opened the door and said, “Knock, knock.”
I smiled, “Connor, finally, show your big sister some love.”
“Hey, don’t be like that.” He sat next to me. “I brought you snickers.”
He pulled out two snickers from his jacket’s pocket. “Thank, lil’ bro.”
“How are you feeling?”
“A lot better, I don’t feel dizzy or weak anymore.”
“No, I mean… emotionally.”
“Oh, that. It’ll get better. I hope.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to come see you.”
“That’s fine, the bookstore does need caring.”
Connor looked at the ground, as if he were ashamed. “That’s not why I didn’t come. I was afraid, you know? Looking at you, know that you tried to… I wanted to keep those thoughts away. Keep everything away because I was just not… ready.”
“I’m sorry, Connor.”
“Promise me you’re gonna get better, Riley. For mom, for dad, for us. Promise.”
I smiled at him. “I will. Don’t worry, okay? Everything is gonna be fine.”
I had no idea what I was talking about, saying that everything was gonna be fine just seemed like the apt thing to do. But for the first time in my entire life, I was right about that. Thing really were going to get better. Everything was, indeed, going to be fine.
I took that week to say goodbye again. They threw a goodbye party for me again, and they wished me the best of luck again. Although I must say, one of the things that broke my heart the most, was saying bye to Emily. Chances where she’d be able to walk when I see her again. Maybe even say names and words. As I saw Emily in her mother’s arms, I imagine having one of my own; one of our own. Wondered if that was something Faye would be ready for eventually. To give it another try.
The day before I was supposed to leave, Faye came picked me up, we did what we should’ve done the first time, and then we went to grab dinner to a moderately good restaurant. Unlike the first time, she didn’t look immensely sad, she seemed fine, even hopeful.
“You look happy…” I pointed out as I took a bite.
“I am. Something tells me this is the best thing for you, and I just want you to be happy.”
“Do you feel any different?”
“What you mean?”
“After today.”
“You know what? I thought I would, but no. Not really.”
“They’re gonna be pissed.”
“You think I didn’t think of that? My mother is going to torment me over this for the rest of my life.” We stayed quiet for a few moments while we finished off our dishes, then Faye added. “I’ll go visit as often as I can, okay?”
“I know. My mom said the same thing.”
We finished eating, we paid for lunch, and then we left.
The next day, I grabbed a plain to Great Falls, Montana. I could tell you how painful it was, but it wasn’t. They were all happy I was finally getting the help I needed. I was happy to know that this was a decision I made on my own, that my family allowed me to decide this for my own good, that even Faye, as much as he would miss me, would want me to come here so that I could be better. And so I did.
“Do you feel you are better?” she asks.
“Not just better. I mean, yeah I still forget things but… I can hold my own without the medication. I don’t feel completely lost without it.” She opens her mouth to say something, I interrupt her. “I’m still going to take it. Don’t get me wrong. But I feel much more stable. Like I am me again. Like I’m not… damaged.”
“It makes me very happy to hear you say that.”
“I guess… that’s all, right?” I said feeling a bit of nostalgia.
“Oh, don’t say it like that. Don’t be a stranger, come visit some time.”
“Of course.”
I stand up and walk towards the doctor. She stands up as well and lets me hug her. “Now, go. You’re gonna miss your flight.”
“Thanks. For everything you’ve done, Dr. Williams.”
“I never got you to call me Sophie and I never will, will I?”
I shake my head. “No, sorry. But, I am eternally grateful. Now, if you excuse me, I need to leave or I’m going to miss the wedding and things are gonna be thrown at me.”
She laughs, and we part ways.
As I approach my hometown, this time I am not weighted down by my memories, I don’t feel a heaviness in my heart that keeps my head low, and I don’t wake up from nightmares.
I grab my luggage, run to get a cab, and give him the address. I’m running late.
The car stops in front of the hotel, and Mike is waiting outside. He hugs me, but let’s go of me quickly when he realizes, “You’re not wearing the dress!”
“I didn’t have time for that. I came straight from the airport.”
“No, no, no, go put on the dress, I’ll slow them down. You have five minutes, Riley.”
“Alright.”
I walk into the first restroom I see, use one of the cubicles to change into my dress and then go out to look at myself in the mirror and see if everything is looking properly. “Looks decent enough.”
As I go to the reception room, where everyone is waiting, I hear Barbara Burton ask, “Where’s Riley?”
I don’t have time to get myself distracted with that. I run to the altar to take my place and be there before she comes out of the dressing room. As soon as I hit the altar, the music begins and I see her star to walk down the aisle. Connor, who is on the best men section next to me, whispers, “Nicely saved.”
“Shut up and look pretty, lil’ bro.”
She comes walking slowly. I straighten up trying my hardest to act like I didn’t just arrive here. As she steps up onto the altar, she removed her vail and looks at me.
“Thank you for being here, darling,” she says.
“Of course, mom, wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“How do I look?”
“Like you are twenty again,” I reply.
She smiles, turns around and looks at my dad, standing next to Connor. “Ready to do this again?” she asks.
“I was born ready.”
“Dearly beloved,” the judge my dad got to give veracity to the wedding. “We are here today, to celebrate and renew the love bounding this two people.”
My mom looks beautiful, as she did in the pictures we had of the first time they got married. Dad looks handsome, and nervous, not to marry mom again, of course, but to screw it up. He kept saying this had to be perfect and that he couldn’t allow himself to ruin it.
The ceremony is beautiful, they give each other their rings back, and Connor and I act like we’re not crying.
But after it’s done, it’s time for dinner and party. I seat at my table, next to Mrs. Burton, who hugs me as soon as she sees me.
“How have you been, darling?” she asks.
“Great, although, I thought I wouldn’t make it and I thought my dad would disown me again.”
“Just in time.”
“Where’s Faye?”
“Her plain got delayed, honey.”
“Oh, that’s too bad.”
After I left for Montana, Faye went back to painting. A couple of weeks afterwards, Scott called her and as much as Faye wanted to avoid him, he said he had a contact in New York that could help her be part of a mixed exhibition with other artists. Probably even sell some painting. As it turned out, people like Faye’s paintings. This week, precisely when my parents were getting remarried, she had to be in New York for a business meeting about an exhibition she’ll have next month. But she said she’d be right on time, I didn’t know her plain got delayed.
“She’ll be here, don’t worry,” Mrs. Burton says.
“No, I know. I just miss her.”
“When was the last time you saw her.”
“Uh, since she’s been so caught up with work, like two months ago.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. But now that you are back, you’ll see her a lot more often. She spends like a week in New York every month. The rest of the time, she’s always here. She was even offered the opportunity to go live in New York but she reclined. Did she tell you? She loves this place too much.”
Faye mentioned something, but just like Barbara says, Faye loves it here, she said she’s even willing to take that eight-hour long flight every month, but she is not moving.
“Excuse me?”
I look behind me and I see a young boy standing there, he’s wearing a uniform and has a package on his arms.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got a package for Mrs. Burton.”
Barbara frowns and stand up. “For me?” She clearly doesn’t know what is happening.
“I think so, ma’am, your gift for the Brenan wedding. You bought it online? Asked to be delivered her?”
Barbara looks at me and says, “I didn’t order a gift. I already gave them a massaging chair. Let me see the receipt.”
Mrs. Burton stared at it until she found the name on it. “Oh, no, no. this is for Mrs. Burton-Brenan. See? There’s a hyphen. Faye Burton-Brenan. She’s not here, her plain got delayed.”
“That’s me!” I hear a voice yelling “That’s me I’m here.”
Faye comes running carrying her backpack on one arm and her purse on the other. The first thing she does is not pick up the package, or drop her bags, or say hi to her mom. The first thing she does is run into my arms and jump so I can catch her and kiss her. I support her legs around my waist with my arms while she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me.
She lets go, sets her foot on the floor and turns around to the delivery boy.
“Sorry, that’s me. I ordered a cheese board with a custom engraving. Where do I sign?” she says placing her bags next to the foot of the table.
“Here.”
She gets the package, and then runs to put it next to the rest of the gifts. She walks towards my parents to congratulate them and hug them. I see everything she does completely mesmerized by her. I’ve been in love with the same woman since I’m a child… and I still find myself taken by her. She comes back to the table, finally kisses her mom and takes a few deep breaths.
We dance, eat, drink and laugh. It’s one of those days that you know you are not gonna forget. Watching my mom and dad be so happy, coming back home, for good this time, it was so refreshing.
At one point, Faye and I decide to take a moment for the two of us, so when go outside, to the garden and seat on one of the banks.
“Jesus, time really flies, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say. “How long was it?”
“A year and a half. Yeah, you went away for a good year and a half.”
“But it was worth it.”
“I know.” Faye leans her head on my shoulder and adds “What now?”
“Well, I was thinking How about I take my stuff to the house and we buy things.”
“Things?”
“Well, your mom took everything didn’t she?”
“Yeah, when she moved to the apartment she took must things, but she left me the bed and the fridge.”
“You have a coffee maker?”
“Uhmm…”
“Yeah, we’re buying a coffee maker, and new plates, and maybe… Mrs. & Mrs. mugs?”
She smiles. “That sounds cute.”
“And… perhaps, eventually, even one or two little ones?”
Her smile grows. “Maybe.”
“Sounds good to you?”
She turns to look at me, hold my hand and says “Great.”
“Great.”
“Great.”
I look up at the statue in front of us and reply, “Great.”
Thank you so much for reading, this has been a hell of a ride and yes, yes, I know I didn’t update once a week, or once every two weeks, but still! finished it. Hope you liked it and I will be coming back with a couple of new stories I’ve been working on. Take care!
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