The Last Time I Saw Your Stars Shine if only we had

a/n

just wrote a chapter and can’t wait to publish it.

–

something changed. wooyoung noticed. it wasn’t how it used to be and he doesn’t know what happened. he doesn’t know how he can fix it. he looks at san sitting infront of him, drinking his coffee while watching the snow fall on the ground.

“he is so beautiful. but something in me is just trying to keep us apart.”

wooyoung wished he wouldn’t think like that. he wished he could just look at san and say the most lovely words known in this universe. but there is just something he can’t explain.

san caught the younger starring at him but their eyes met immediately anyways.

“what are you thinking about woo?” san smiled.

the fake smile has been wooyoungs biggest enemy. it changed, his smile. and it broke wooyoungs heart, he is witnessing his lover growing more distant from him.

“sannie, is there something you want to tell me?”

san tilted his head, looking at him trying to make it seem like he was confused. but in reality nothing was fine. san feels it too. the space between him and wooyoung is growing bigger and he wishes he could just bury himself in wooyoungs arms and tell him everything, that san was the little boy from his childhood, that it is wooyoungs parents that kicked him out but what was stopping him.

he knows wooyoung would start blaming himself. he would make himself believe that it is his fault that san was thrown out the orphanage back then.

san sighed, signaling wooyoung that there was something bothering him.

“its just something and i don’t even know how I should even tell you but-“

he stopped talking. he didn’t intend on saying this. he wanted to say something completely different but it just came out like that.

“what is it?” wooyoung asked. he desperately wanted to know. this distant feeling, he felt so tired. tired of having to make excuses to his doubting self.

“woo, can you give me time. its not something so easy to let go.”

wooyoung felt the little hope he had disappear. now he actually know there was something san was hiding, and honestly it didn’t make him feel any better.

“sure.” the younger answered looking down to stir his coffee. all this was eating san alive. he knows he is hurting wooyoung the longer he is keeping this from him. not only wooyoung but also himself. he is hurting himself as well.

walking back home had even become awkward. they don’t know how to act anymore when they were with each other. it looked like they were just strangers, coincidentally walking at the same pace. no talking, no holding hands. at home it only got worse. san felt like the younger has left him but yet he was in the same room as he was. san then soon realized he was alone now. the younger has left to go shower, means nobody would see him and his actions now. he walks toward a cabinet in the corner of his room, opening it and already seeing his life fall apart again. he hadn’t touched that stuff for a while. the feeling was so unbearable he just wanted to be happy for a moment and what he saw in front of him seemed like the only answer. there was nothing to stop him, he believed he was going to lose wooyoung anyway so the past thought that wooyoung was the one stopping him, was replaced with the thought that wooyoung is the reason why he should do it. wooyoungs life was better before he met san. if he disappeared again maybe wooyoung could go back to his family and live the perfect life he had.

wooyoung turned off the water, letting the last drops hit his body as well as his tears, he lets them fall for the last time before going back to san. getting dressed there was noting good he could think of right now. they didn’t fight but they just know its not working out right now, but no one was able to admit it. getting out of the bathroom he only saw the sight of an empty room. since the room was small he could immediately tell he was alone. again, his tears roll down his cheek. sitting down on the bed they used to hold each other in. he wished san wouldn’t have left. he wished he could run into san and cry in his arms.

after wiping his tears away, he reassured himself its gonna be alright. but then he realized he doesn’t even know where he is. he doesn’t know if he is somewhere dangerous, if he is even wearing a coat in this cold weather. he felt lonely. there was no one comforting him now.

with every time san inhaled the drug, he was mentally slapping himself. it wouldn’t make the situation any better. but he knew the moment his mind will slowly wander somewhere else, will be the few minutes of his happiness. although it wouldn’t hold long, he just wanted to feel anything.

wooyoung couldn’t sleep. he keeps on worrying where san was. the other still hasn’t returned and it was already 3AM and it was winter. his thoughts were interrupted with a stumbling san entering the room. wooyoung immediately shot up, looking at the other already feeling his eyes water.

“sannie…” he only whispered. wooyoung knows what san did. even tho he promised not to.

all this time he wasn’t but as soon as san saw the younger he was fully aware of the moment.

“go back to sleep wooyoung.” san said, turning his back to the younger about to enter the bathroom.

the younger was so tired of anything he couldn’t even argue with san right now. he knows he would break down if he let out any word right now.

“what happened to us?” was the only thing wooyoung could whisper right now but audible for san. he entered the bathroom already regretting everything. he as well lets his tears fall. if only he had just thrown out all the drugs he had still left. if only he had not left. if only he had told wooyoung the truth.

if only he had never met wooyoung in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened.