💖Another baby I held in my palm only a few short months ago!💖
Now lets read…
I spooned the last bite of ice cream into my mouth with the usual feelings of regret I always felt when taking the last spoonful of my favorite treat. I had a strange attachment to food that I was sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with. I couldn’t help it though. There was just something a little sad about taking the last bite of something that had brought me so much pleasure by tasting so good!
I said as much to Pierce and it made him laugh out loud, the husky sound doing funny but nice things to my insides.
I wasn’t a particularly witty person and I had never felt compelled to try and be, but hearing the attractive sound as well as seeing his face flush with laughter made me want to start trying.
“Want to take a walk?” Pierce asked me as we started walking towards the exit. “You know, so I can keep my lean physique,” he said with a teasing smirk, his hand sweeping down his body with a sassy flare.
I blushed, recalling my earlier comment. Leave it to him to remind me of it. I was starting to think he just liked making me blush.
I rolled my eyes at him in response before nodding my head, pushing open the door and stepping out into the balmy night.
I barely saw or heard Bruce and Khai as they stepped in behind us. Their stealthy skills were pretty amazing. I only stiffened briefly before I relaxed. I also saw Pierce glance down at my hesitation but he didn’t comment once I seemed fine and looked forward again.
I appreciated his ignoring my moment of anxiousness as much as I did his concern. He didn’t make a fuss and he didn’t point it out, he had just waited to see if I asked him for help. His subtle support gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
We walked along the sidewalk, our fingertips brushing casually. I didn’t retreat from the contact as would have been my natural instinct only a few weeks ago. He didn’t step away from me either and neither did he push for more. It was comfortable and companionable and I enjoyed this walk in a way I didn’t know a walk could be enjoyed.
“Is it okay if I ask another nosy curiosity question?”
I side eyed him and cocked my head. It was my only response but he seemed to understand going by the deep chuckle that rumbled out softly into the night.
“I understand,” he said holding his hand up in a sign of peace. “I’d like to think we’ve graduated past that but if you still have doubts, I can promise to be on my best behavior.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” I retorted, surprising myself a bit.
I wasn’t the type to hold grudges and he and I had moved beyond our first encounter, but he had also been extremely rude back then and had yet to really explain why. At this stage, it wouldn’t really hurt to remind him that I hadn’t liked it then and it wouldn’t be tolerated now. He knew I was shy and had anxiety, I didn’t want it to give him the impression that that made me a pushover.
Pierce stopped walking and turned towards me, a look of admiration on his face. He placed his hand over his heart. A sincere expression replaced his smiling approval.
“I promise that I will have impeccable manners throughout tonight and behave myself as…” he paused here and looked down at me, a mischievous twinkle lighting his eyes. “Well as much as you want me to,” he finished and heat once again bloomed across my cheeks at his provocative teasing.
A spontaneous laugh also tumbled out. He was so provoking at times, but thankfully more in a charming way these days. I was finding him more charming in a lot of ways.
“I’m going to hold you to your promise,” I finally responded and started moving forward again.
I had walked a few paces before Pierce started walking, catching up to me in a few long strides. I had felt him standing there behind me as I walked away. I knew he was watching me and thinking. I didn’t have a clue as to his thoughts though.
As he reached my side, I glanced up, and his appealing half-smile was in place. I knew then his thoughts hadn’t been bad at least.
Our fingers went back to brushing lightly against each other, even our arms brushed now. We walked a little closer this time. His close proximity didn’t bother me in the least. The casual touches felt natural, almost necessary. Intimate.
“Your question?” I prompted, curious as to what he wanted to ask.
“I did some reading on anxiety.”
My head whipped around and I looked up at him in surprise.
“Why?” I asked, feeling confused.
I felt embarrassed, because it was hard talking about a weakness with someone who seemed to have none. I felt touched that he cared to look deeper into something that affected me. I felt stumped that he even had.
Pierce guided me over to a bench a few feet away and indicated I should sit down. He sat too and leaned back on the iron bench, his arm along the back of the bench behind me. I sat perched on the edge, a little tense but not overly so.
“I wasn’t trying to pry,” he assured me. “I only wanted to understand it better. I want to spend time with you, but I don’t want to do anything unintentionally that might upset you, or do anything more than I already have, I should say,” he said with a self-deprecating look.
“So, I did some reading to get a better idea of symptoms and what triggers them. I learned that of course, like most people triggers tend to vary person to person. Listening to myself, I know I am being ridiculously personal and if it’s too soon we can change the subject. I feel like we will be spending more and more time together in the future, or at least that is I what I am hoping. I don’t want to learn these things the hard way and at your expense. And me being me, I tend to bulldoze through things instead of tiptoeing around them. Please feel free to tell me to back off if that’s what you want.”
A giggle escaped my mouth and I looked up at him.
“You know I had the exact same thought about you once. I likened you to a bulldozer. That definitely describes your personality perfectly.”
He gave a small grimace.
“I can’t even try to deny it. I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. I consider it a gift and a curse. It’s definitely made people angry at times, but it cuts out a lot of unnecessary game playing. Funny enough, once people deal with me, after the initial reticence they come to appreciate the value of my bulldozer-like personality,” he explained with self-mockery.
I smiled over at him, imagining the outrageous things he had probably said and done to other people considering how he had acted with me.
“I’m sure they were as thrilled with you as I was,” I softly teased back.
Pierce chuckled and his arm behind me reached forward, his hand palming the crown of my head, giving my hair an affectionate ruffle before pulling back and once again laying it against the back of the bench.
“There’s that gutsy little attitude, striking without warning then going back into hiding,” Pierce joked.
Gutsy was never a word anyone had ever applied to me. It felt good that he saw something in me he thought brave. I liked that a lot. It made me want to be.
So, saying, I looked up at Pierce and began to talk about my anxiety. I told him most of my triggers and what I did to avoid them and what I did when I couldn’t. Though he had witnessed firsthand one of my panic attacks and responded pretty helpfully as well, I talked to him about them as well.
He listened attentively and asked questions that proved he had indeed done some reading up on anxiety. He even asked about my medications and why I had chosen the particular one I was taken. He even showed relief when I told him the one, I took, commenting that he was glad because in his research that was proven to be one of the least harmful with regards to side effects.
That made me smile. His concern was genuine. His taking the time to educate himself for my benefit was sweet. Thinking about the man I had met two weeks ago today and the man I was sitting with here now, it was hard to believe they were one and the same.
“Thank you for telling me, Jackson,” Pierce said, looking pleased.
“Why do you look so proud of yourself right now?” I asked with curiosity.
He had a self-satisfied smile on his face that I didn’t quite understand.
“Because you trusted me,” Pierce answered simply.
“Oh,” I replied in surprise.
“Yes, oh,” Pierce parroted. “I like you trusting me. I like you telling me about yourself. I. Like. You.”
“Oh!” I repeated again, making Pierce chuckle.
I couldn’t find a response other than that. I liked him, too. Or at least I thought I did. But I wasn’t ready to say that out loud. I wasn’t ready to get that kind of personal. I needed more time to get used to these new feelings. Get used to him. Get used to this new me!
Pierce stood up and held out his hand. I looked at it and then up at him. After the slightest hesitation I grasped his hand and let him pull me to my feet. We started walking back the way we had come, this time our fingers were interlocked and a new bond had been created between us.
Pierce started asking me questions about the guys as we walked. I tensed at first remembering prior talks around my friends that had never really ended well. I was hesitant to disturb the new level of peace we had achieved but at the same time it wasn’t a subject we could avoid.
My friends were a huge part of my life. They were my brothers from different mothers. That would never change. Maybe answering questions and getting past the mental hurtle he had created with them was a step in the right direction.
Pierce asked for names and as I gave them, he asked detailed questions about each. He seemed to have tensed up a bit himself as we talked, but his voice remained smooth and calm and undisturbed which allowed me to answer in the same manner.
As he asked about each, talking for me became easier. Talking about people that meant the world to me wasn’t difficult. Genuine affection laced my words as I laughed on occasion as I described the hotheadedness that was Branson, the Latin charisma of Mick, the lazy charm of Noah, and the solid strength that was Archer.
These were men that had touched my life when we were boys, defending my weakness with their strength at a time in our lives that most boys wouldn’t have. I told him how they still protected me to this day, and how even when it drove me crazy, how much I loved them for it.
“The friendship and loyalty that the five of us have built up over the years couldn’t be bought or exchanged for anything,” I said, finally dwindling down.
“So, there really hasn’t ever been anything between you and any of them?”
I felt an instant heat rise within me only this time it had nothing to do with blushing. His question made me really angry.
“So much for your promise,” I ground out. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. We are all just friends. I have never been interested in anyone until you!”
I clamped my mouth shut as I realized my mistake, the unintentional admission I had made. Son of a …
Pierce looked very pleased by my words and I shot him a look of exasperation. He’d gotten me riled and I had been more forthcoming than I would have liked.
“Anyone?” Pierced had the audacity to ask and I threw him a look that should have terrified him, but only made him grin instead.
“Come on…” he pleaded. “I told you I liked you. You can answer that question at least, can’t you?”
Embarrassed I tried to explain, though my voice lowered more to a whisper as I had no desire for anyone to overhear.
I remained face forward, not looking at him at all, as we walked and I talked.
“I’m… I have always considered myself asexual,” I tried to explain but Pierce just laughed.
I stopped walking and my face looked up at him with a frown. What a jerk.
He held his hand up in a placating gesture.
“You misunderstand,” he quickly said. “I wasn’t laughing at you.”
“Then what were you laughing at?” I demanded in a small voice.
He paused and looked at me in consideration before answering. I had the feeling he was hesitating over his answer before finally coming to a decision.
“Just remember you asked,” he prefaced before answering. “I really wasn’t laughing at you. Your words stunned me and my very first sincere thought was; I could have shown you; you weren’t asexual five minutes after meeting you. Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind reminding you again right now,” he admitted with a knowing smile and a sexy wink.
For all of my blushes over the years and there had been many, I had never understood the saying ‘blushed to the roots of my hair.’ I finally understood now.
Pierce chuckled as he grabbed my hand and walked silently by my side back to the car. I didn’t say a word and neither did he. My anger with him was completely gone. He had a knack for turning the tables on me emotionally.
We talked idly in the car as we were driven back to my house to drop me off. As we arrived, I turned in my seat to tell him goodnight. He had already undone his seat belt and was closer to me than I thought he would be when I turned.
He leaned in and gave me the lightest of kisses and leaned his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses touching lightly.
“Thank you for coming with me tonight Jackson. I had a wonderful time.”
I whispered something similar back but in all honesty my mind was more focused on the closeness of Pierce’s lips and the light caress of his mouth.
He leaned in and kissed me again. This one a little deeper, a little longer, and little more demanding before pulling back away from me. Before I could gather my thoughts though, he was stepping out of the car and pulling me out with him.
I know I smiled up at him and I know we exchanged a few words as we said our said goodnights but I couldn’t really tell you what was said. As I walked away from him towards my front door my mind in a cloud-like state I could really only focus on one thing.
He had tasted like chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
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