Edited
“You know we can still cancel the whole thing and stay in bed instead, right?” Aiden asked as he back-hugged him, looking at his reflection in the giant mirror.
“He will be really upset and I don’t want that. Neither should you. He is your little brother after all.” Edwin replied, fixing his tie thoroughly and turning around to do the same for the older.
Aiden’s expression hardened as he loosened his hands around him, but still didn’t let go. “I know… but I really hate these family gatherings and everyone’s gonna be there tonight with their stupid, STUPID questions and then there’s our mother, don’t even get me started on that, and THEN-” He looked at the younger with eyes that held deep sadness in them as he started caressing Edwin’s clothed back up and down. “Then there’s you. You’re still healing. It’s been only six days since your discharge. I don’t wanna make your condition worse.”
Edwin wanted to get rid of the sadness so badly. It had been there ever since his boyfriend found out about this whole mess and there had been nothing any of them could do. Of course, he denied it, but Edwin was a psychiatrist, he knew better.
“I told you a thousand times, baby. I’m really fine. I can also dance! But well, I have an over-protective boyfriend who is not letting me.”
Aiden snorted as he frowned at him and leaned back a bit. “Damn right he won’t! Just kiss dancing goodbye for at least two more weeks.” He completely let go of him and walked away through the bedroom door as he continued talking at a higher volume. “You know how clumsy you can be. The last thing we need is for you to accidentally trip over your feet and land on your ribs.”
“So much for optimism.” Edwin whispered under his breath as Aiden walked back into the living room with his car keys and phone in hand. He put them both down on the kitchen counter and poured some red wine into the crystal glass, downing it all in one go.
“Optimism is nothing but a myth. I’m sure you know it by now.”
Edwin looked down as he hummed, then back up as the older grabbed the bottle again. He was fast at ripping it out of his hands, and putting it back into the cabin.
“What are you doing?! I’m not gonna drive a half-drunk Aiden, who, by the way, happens to be a sassy prick, to his brother’s birthday party!”
Aiden whined and huffed as he hugged him carefully and buried his head in the crook of his neck. “Eddie~ I really don’t wanna go. Why don’t you let me use you as an excuse? Pretty pleeeease?”
Edwin couldn’t help a chuckle. He loved it when the older looked almost several years younger, acting cute. “You can’t run from things forever, you know? It’s only this one night. Try and bear it for our cute little wolf, hm?”
“That stupid wolf. He can get anything by pulling those puppy eyes out of me. Why can’t he be a normal teenager and have a birthday party with his college friends, getting wasted and drugged, having a threesome and shit?”
“Is that what you did? When you were a teenager?” The younger couldn’t help the curiosity in his voice.
“I never went to college, remember?”
Edwin leaned back a bit and made Aiden look at him. “Yeah, but did you ever have a threesome?”
Aiden bit his bottom lip. “Let’s not bring my past into this. Come on, we’re gonna be late.” The older let go of him and picked his stuff off of the counter again before walking to the entrance.
“Oh NOW you care about the party! I can’t believe you had a threesome!!! Or was it more than once?” Edwin gasped as his eyes widened comically. “OH MY GOD! You didn’t have a foursome or more, did you? Oh my god, Aiden!”
The other looked at him, confused and shocked. “What? No! I didn’t participate in anything that involved more than three people. It would involve too many dicks and even I am not gay enough for that!”
Edwin finally walked toward him and started putting his shoes on. “But when was it? When was the last time you had a threesome? Did you top or… Aiden! did you let them fu-“
Aiden looked down at him with narrowed eyes as he interrupted him furiously. “Edwin NO! I’ll never let anyone, okay? Let’s just say I was a bit adventurous and not at all faithful before Ian.”
Edwin stared at him with a smirk as he stood up. “Aw, so you were the handsome fuckboy!”
Aiden rolled his eyes and grabbed the younger’s wrist, dragging him gently toward the door, and they finally walked out of the apartment. But his boyfriend didn’t let go of the topic.
“Is it good? I’ve never had one. How did it feel? How did you choose which one to fuck?”
Aiden looked at him from the corner of his eyes as they were waiting for the elevator. “Don’t get curious on me now. There’s no way I’m sharing you or letting anyone as near as laying a finger on you.” He looked at his chest, or was it his ribs? “At least, not again.” He whispered to himself, but Edwin heard him, though he decided not to comment on it.
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The whole ride to Aiden’s parents’ house, or as he addressed it ‘Mr. Evans’s house’, he was quiet. Not even a word was spoken between them. The closer they got, the more uncomfortable Aiden became, but Edwin decided to keep the silence, as he knew the older wasn’t really a fan of conversations at moments like this.
They finally arrived, and Max jumped into his brother’s arms as soon as they walked in. There were too many people inside, almost no space for any more, and Aiden was obviously trying not to look directly at anyone but still was observing, eyes searching around the place.
“Eddie, my room is upstairs. Feel free to just go there and lie down whenever you got tired, okay? It’s the door with the wolf picture on it.”
“Okay Max, thank you. Where are your parents? I have to say hi to them.” He felt how Aiden looked at him immediately and grabbed his wrist.
“No you don’t!”
“Yes, I do, and so do you. Come on, you buff boy. It’s just a simple greeting.”
He tried to follow Max, but the hand around his wrist tightened.
“You don’t understand. Saying hi to them means them showing us to everyone and then we’ll have to fake smiles and have a conversation with people who don’t give a shit about any of us ever and are here to probably gather some good gossip material. I don’t wanna do that.”
Edwin looked at him thoroughly as he turned around completely to him and cupped his face, rubbing his thumbs on the soft skin of his cheeks.
“It’s the same for everyone, Aiden. Relatives tend to be like that. No one really cares. I don’t like it either, but it’s the only moral thing to do. We can’t just go around without greeting them, can we?”
Aiden groaned in frustration as he took his hand in his and kissed both palms softly before holding one in his tightly, as if scared to let go.
“You owe me big time for this, you blue devil.” He eyed Max. “You too, big bad wolf.”
His brother stuck out his tongue at him as he walked in the direction the parents were at. Edwin placed a quick kiss on Aiden’s cheek before following the younger and taking Aiden with him.
“Mom, look who’s here!” Max said in a high-pitched voice, all excited.
Both of the parents turned around and looked at the three of them. Mr. Evans was the first one who spoke.
“Hello! So we finally get to meet the Edwin we’ve heard so much about!” He stretched his hand toward the said boy who shook it immediately with a smile.
“Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you as well. I hope you’ve heard good things. Hi, Mrs. Evans.” He shook the woman’s hand as well.
“Of course, dear. Max really adores you, you know. Thanks for taking care of our boy here. I know he can be difficult at times.” She said with a happy smile on her face.
Aiden listened to the whole conversation as he chewed on the inside of his cheek and looked at Edwin with an unreadable gaze. He was so out of it that he almost fell forward by Mr. Evans’s pat on his back.
“Aiden, I didn’t think you’d come, boy! It’s been a long time since we last saw you.”
Aiden cleared his voice, and his features softened a bit. “I… have been very busy. Everything good with your business?” There was a small smile on his face. Like he wanted to smile more, but he stopped himself.
“As good as it could be. Though everything has been going way smoother because of the program you made for us.”
Aiden nodded and let the smile become a bit wider as he shook the man’s hand firmly. There was a moment when he looked around, and then the smile suddenly disappeared as his lips parted and he took his hand back almost immediately. Edwin followed his gaze to a man, grey hair and beard, buff and tall but bent down a bit due to his age, still maybe even taller than Edwin himself.
Aiden’s breathing pattern picked up as he turned his head to his mother with a deep frown, his eyes almost dangerous.
“What is he doing here?” His voice was low and deep as it could be.
“Who?” His mother looked at where he was looking. “Oh, him? Come on, darling! He is grandpa’s friend. We couldn’t not invite him after inviting his family.”
Aiden sighed and chuckled before biting on his lower lip. “So this,” He nodded to himself as he looked down and took a step back. “This is how you’re gonna be after all.” He kept staring at his mother, hurt and disgust pouring out of his eyes. “Sorry Max, it’s your mother’s fault I won’t come here ever again.” He turned around and walked away in fast steps, but was stopped by a tall figure. Looking up, he was met by the grey-haired man.
“Oh, Aiden! Long time no see, little boy.” The man put his hand on his shoulder as Aiden stood there.
Edwin didn’t know what was going on, but what he did know was the fact that this man had done something. Something so bad that had left Aiden powerless. So he walked to him, grabbed his hand, and made him walk with him out of the house and to the car. Aiden was cold, and he was shaking, but his gaze was as intense as ever. Edwin cupped his face and placed a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. Aiden seemed to come back to reality at the touch as he blinked a few times and relaxed a bit, letting the breath he was holding, out.
“Give me the keys, babe. I’ll drive.” Edwin whispered while brushing the older’s hair out of his face.
Aiden did as asked, walking to the passenger seat.
“Where are you going?! What the hell happened?” Max shouted as he ran after them.
Aiden stopped amidst getting in the car when he heard his brother’s voice. “Go back inside, Max.” His voice was demanding.
“No! Why do you always have to be like this? It’s my fucking birthday!” He yelled again as he reached the car.
Aiden wanted to say something but closed his mouth and eyes as he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Max. We’ll have a party ourselves later. Let’s go, Ed.”
Edwin gave Max an apologetic look as he got in the car and drove away.
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Aiden’s feet were heavy as they walked to the apartment. He took his jacket off and threw it on the ground somewhere as he went by the glass wall and breathed heavily. Edwin followed slowly behind him and picked the jacket off the floor, folding it and putting it on the couch.
“Den, baby, what’s wrong?” He said carefully as he closed the distance between them. As his hands touched Aiden’s shoulders, the man flinched, turned around, and slapped it away almost on instinct.
“Did… was the guy the one you mentioned before? The one who… who was being inappropriate with you when you were a kid?”
Aiden wasn’t looking at him, but somewhere behind him. He didn’t reply and instead, he walked past him, poured a whole glass of bourbon, and gulped it down. He was about to pour another one when he gave up halfway and just took the bottle in hand, walking to his studio room and closing the door behind himself.
Edwin wanted to let him be. He wanted to let him have some time on his own, but alcohol was not good for him and the bottle was almost full. He would drink it all and later have his stomach bothered. So he loosened his tie and walked to the room his boyfriend was in.
He knocked, but didn’t wait for permission before opening the door. Aiden was sitting on the comfy chair at the far end corner of the room that was covered in darkness. The first thing Edwin did was turn on the light. Darkness only made things worse, and he didn’t like it.
“Please talk to me.” He pled as he closed the gap and stood in front of him. Aiden had already drank half of the bottle in mere moments and took yet another big sip. Edwin reached out and tried to take it, but Aiden slapped his hand away.
“Leave.” He demanded.
“No. I’m not leaving until you talk to me. You don’t have to keep it all in. I’m on your side, no matter what.”
Aiden snorted and stared at him with narrowed eyes. “So you were glad to ‘finally’ meet the parents, huh?” His voice was mocking, and a smirk was visible on his face.
“What?” He was a bit taken aback. “I said it to be polite!” He defended himself.
“Oh? So you lied!” The smirk disappeared and his expression became void.
“It… I- it doesn’t count as lying. It’s being polite!” He suddenly remembered how much the older hated lying, like it was the worst sin.
“Okay. Could you leave now?” He took another sip and lay back in the chair.
“No, Aiden! For god’s sake, talk! I’ve waited for almost 8 months now. What are you so scared of? I won’t judge you!” Edwin was frustrated and helpless. There was no way to get to the older, and he was supposed to know ways to get through to people.
“What do you wanna know?” His voice was low and weak.
“The thing that’s making you swallow that bottle whole right now.”
“Okay, alright…” He sat up. “The guy is a family friend. I was around 10, I guess, right after my father left us. One night, my aunt, mom, and him, and me, went for a ride. They left me in the car with him and I was sitting in the passenger’s seat. And then he started to touch me. I grabbed his hand, but he hushed me and took my hand away. I didn’t know what was going on. No one ever warned me. The only thing I was thinking was the fact that they could come back at any second, so I kept looking around while his hand was going everywhere. And when I saw them I told him ‘they’re here’ and he took his hand away like nothing had happened.” He took another sip. “Time passed and he came by more often. They would all go to different places of the house, minding their own business and as soon as we were alone, he would grab me, place me on his lap, and well, touch me.” He laughed. “Once, he told me to undress. You know why I didn’t? I told him no, others can come in and see. It was like I was his bitch. He even told me that my body liked it. That my body got heated up because of his touch.” He sighed.
Edwin saw how the tears began falling down his cheeks silently as he listened.
“Once, they saw him moving his hands over my clothes. They didn’t say anything to him, they didn’t even confront him as if it was okay to do so. When he left that night, they asked me what he was doing and what he was whispering to me. I said he was saying whether I wanted him to make my father come back. I came up with a lie as fast as I could cos I felt like I shouldn’t tell them that he was doing those things. Took me years to get over the feeling of being a whore who can enjoy whoever touches him. Guess I was lucky enough I didn’t get raped.” He laughed sarcastically and took yet another sip, emptying the bottle.
“What… made him stop?”
“Him? He didn’t stop! I just… I just stayed out of the house or hid in some room when he came around.”
Edwin felt like going back and punching the man to death for what he did. “I’m sorry, Den. I’m so sorry to hear that. But… you know that it wasn’t your fault, right?” He reached out to hold Aiden. As soon as his hand touched the older’s, Aiden pulled his hand back and dropped the bottle to the ground.
“I don’t need this. I don’t need pity.” The singer stood up and stormed out of the room.
Aiden hated this. He hated being confronted by his past memories. He hated talking about them and yet, his so-called mother had invited the man she knew for a fact abused him, and his boyfriend made him talk about it. He couldn’t be around them now. He couldn’t be around anyone. He just wanted to be alone. He felt like he hated everyone and everything.
‘You’re over-reacting.’
Great. He was a little dizzy due to the bourbon, he couldn’t drive and he couldn’t find his phone to call an Uber. His stomach was beginning to ache and now the sweet voice in his head was about to hit him again. He needed to leave, fast. The last thing he wanted was for Edwin to see him struggle with his own brain.
‘Everyone gets touched inappropriately one way or another during their lifetime. You’re just being a pussy.’
‘Grow up already!
You didn’t even get raped!’
It seemed like his own brain was laughing at him. He covered his ears shut and stopped in the middle of the hallway.
‘You did like the touch, though. Maybe you are a whore after all.’
He shook his head repeatedly, trying to refuse the thought. He wasn’t dirty, it was just a biological reaction.
‘You went on and slept with every boy you could find just to prove you were the one who fucked, not the one who gets it in the ass.’
He bit on his lip hard enough to tear the skin. Being a bottom was nothing to be ashamed of, so why was his head saying it like that?
Stop. Stop. You’re wrong, just stop. Please.
He didn’t realize the fact that he was indeed speaking those words aloud. Edwin had been watching him for a few moments now, too scared to get close, and he had stayed away to observe the situation to know what exactly was going on.
Aiden was sitting by the wall, head down in his hands. His body shivering, rocking back and forth. Edwin heard the older repeating the words ‘stop’ and ‘please’.
He walked toward his boyfriend and sat down in front of him.
“Aiden?” He called softly but received no reaction.
“Aiden, baby,” He placed his hands on the older’s. Edwin took his hands down from his ears, cupped the beautiful face in his palms, and moved his head upward. Aiden’s gaze was unfocused as he curled into a ball, pulling his knees close to his chest and curling his arms around them.
“Dennie~ look at me, babe.” He kissed his forehead.
“I love you.” He kissed his left eye.
“I love you so much.” He placed another kiss on his right eye and followed it with several kisses all over his face.
After a million pecks, Aiden finally met his eyes. “Edwin?”
Edwin smiled at him through his tears. Aiden’s eyes were surprisingly dry, but his face was flushed and his flesh stone cold.
“What… happened?” He looked around and uncurled his arms from his knees as he stood up slowly. “Oh no… Did I… you saw it, didn’t you?”
Edwin stood up as well and hugged him tightly. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to hide. I love you and that’s all that matters. I’m sorry I forced you into talking when you clearly didn’t want to. This is my fault. I triggered this. I’m so so sorry, baby.”
Aiden’s hands were hesitant, but he finally hugged back and took a deep breath filled with the taller’s scent. Edwin’s scent always helped him calm down, no matter the situation.
“Does this happen often?” Edwin asked in the hug.
“No,” Aiden shook his head. “It hasn’t happened for years. Until recently. It first came back at the hospital and now was the second time. I don’t know why now. I was okay for a long time. Am I really crazy?” The last sentence held so much fear in it that Edwin had to get out of the embrace to be able to look at his lover.
“No, you’re not crazy. Don’t ever think that. You have a sensitive personality. You’re pure and innocent, unlike the image you try to pull off and unlike what you think of yourself. You had a rough childhood, and this is completely understandable. We’re gonna fix it, okay?”
Aiden swallowed painfully as he winced. “I don’t wanna go to the hospital again.”
Edwin pecked him on the lips before pulling him back into a hug. “You have a doctor right in your house. There’s no need for a hospital. I’m gonna help you get rid of those voices. Can you trust me with that?” He talked slowly.
Aiden nodded and buried his head deeper in the crook of his neck. After a few seconds, Edwin felt how Aiden’s hands tightened on his shirt and he heard his lover hiss in what seemed to be an ache, as he pushed him away suddenly and ran to the bathroom. He threw up all he drank again, and now he was going to be in pain for a few days. Edwin really had to get rid of all the alcohol in their home. And he definitely had to call Chad and discuss the whole situation with him.
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