Random Kny One Shots [Requests Closed] Why him?.. | {SabiGiyuu}

Theme: Angst~

Note: This will be depressing- Anyways, here you go, @Demonslayer_thebest!

TW: Implications of suicide

Giyuu tripped, falling head-first onto the demon. The demon lunged forward and grabbed Giyuu by the ankle, dangling him.

“Oh, ho, ho! One more student to add to my collection~!” the demon cackled. He threw Giyuu into the air and punched him as he fell, as if he were a ball to play with. Giyuu’s head was gone. He fell to the ground in a splat.

Sabito had seen all this. And he’d stood there like a fool, terrified, shocked, trembling. Someone pulled him back and Sabito didn’t have the strength to fight against anything anymore.

That was the last of Giyuu Sabito ever saw. 

And it killed him. Broke him to pieces inside, tearing him apart and molding him back together only because Urokodaki wouldn’t let him die. 

But it was hard. Oh, so fucking hard. Sabito was barely holding together, pushing himself to do his missions with a stupid crow who was too old to be doing this. He made himself work, move, because moving was all that stopped him from thinking. If he stopped for even a minute everything would come flooding back to him and the tears wouldn’t stop.

So he didn’t sleep. Rarely slept. Only with a drug would he sleep. And even that wasn’t sleep. Not true sleep. But his body was somewhat disconnected to his mind. He couldn’t bear it. He wanted to stop living, wanted to go back in time and replace Giyuu’s body with his. He wanted Giyuu to be alive. Giyuu. Only Giyuu. 

Why. Why him. Why was Sabito alive, but not Giyuu? It wasn’t fair.. It wasn’t fair! Giyuu had more life to live for! Giyuu had livelyness… Had so much to be loved… So why was it that the world took Giyuu first?! Why!! It didn’t make sense. It didn’t fucking make sense.

Sabito hated it. Hated it from the bottom of his heart. But he knew it wouldn’t change. Well, he knew in some part of him. He wanted to be able to change, he wanted to die and make it so in doing so, Giyuu would live. And though he wanted this so desperately…, he knew it wasn’t to be done. He knew there was no chance that would happen and it made him terribly guilty. 

He wallowed in his sarrow for ages, the word ‘smile’ practically disappearing from his vocabulary. He could barely live without Giyuu, his only pride and joy. The one person who he had been keeping on for. Solely the reason of his life.

And now he was gone. What a wonderful world.

Not.

Sabito’s gaze landed on a rock—one that looked like a pebble version of the boulder they’d had to cut in half. He remembered the days of training he and Giyuu had gone through, pushing themselves to cut it, trying, hard, to get to final selection. He remembered how they’d sparred each other, finding some silly joy in it as they dodged each others attacks. How they’d worried for each other when they accidentally hit too hard as they went in for a blow.

His eyes closed and he pushed the memories from his mind. No. He couldn’t think of that. He breathed out, feeling his body tense at the action rather then relax. 

His mind flashed back to Giyuu, remembering his easy smile, bright eyes, and beautiful self. He remembered how he’d laughed at the smallest things on his best days and how he’d cried of his deceased sister when he thought Sabito wasn’t looking. Those days were gone now, though, and they felt like millions of years ago though they couldn’t have been more than a month back. 

Sabito’s heart ached as he thought about this and his eyes snapped open. He picked up the rock and threw it far away, so far he couldn’t hear when it dropped. Then he stared out where he’d thrown it for so long his feet went numb. Then he turned abruptly and started down a path, increasing his pace slowly but surely into a run until he was sprinting so fast the colors around him blurred and the only thought in his mind was to run faster, further, forever.

He didn’t know where he was, what time it was, or when he’d stopped. All he knew that he stood over the edge of a cliff, his heart beating fast, sweat glittering his face and his breath ragged and harsh. He stared out to the horizon, noting the sun was setting but not really regestering it. 

He breathed in the cold air of the evening and exhaled, feeling as if his soul might leave his body if he breathed out hard enough. He closed his eyes, hearing the pulsing of his heart and the humming in his head clearly. He opened his eyes and stared right at the sun, ignoring his instincts to turn away. Then, with one swift motion, he lifted his foot and let himself drop off the edge of the cliff, to see Giyuu once more.

{Word count: 911 (💀)}

FUCKING POUR OUT YOUR EMOTIONS INTO WRITING SO IT’S MORE GENUINE.

I think that’s why there’s a lot of ranting when I write, like their thoughts are so.. *waterfall of thoughts* bc I’m trying to push my reaction to things I might think or make emotions into words to sound more realistic..

fuck

anyways, sorry this was short but yk i didn’t know how it would be any longer :’>