Author’s note: HIIIIÂ
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I kept my feelings to myself in the lead up to our next training session. At school, Sammy and Ken shared knowing glances while Jake and I managed to stay looking like friends. We hadn’t been alone together since Friday night, but we both agreed not to label anything yet. There was no pressure, and I felt safe with James.
I had decided that I needed a reason to distance myself from Kendrick during training. Over the past few months we had been bickering back and forth during drills and exercises, but since our conversation last Sunday… I just couldn’t do it.
The teams were getting ready to head home after a really good training session. I took my chance to approach Kendrick for a private conversation and told him that it was best to distance ourselves. It was brief but a weight lifted off my shoulders and finally I could focus on the thing that brought me the purest form of joy; soccer.
I spent the next few months focusing intently on training… and when my Friday afternoons were free, I entangled myself in Jake’s smooth skin and basked in the feeling of another boy’s body against my own.
It was a Friday afternoon, lunchtime, Sammy and Ken and I sat underneath the shade of a fig tree in the school gardens. Jake was studying alone in the library, so it was just us three.
“So Maximilian, do you want to finally tell us what’s going on between you and Jake?” Ken asked. I wasn’t surprised, I had barely said anything about Jake since the party.
“I guess… Well you guys remember the party, and I left you guys to go and confess to Jake? That night we got together…”
Ken’s eyes widened.
“Wow that was fast… So you guys had sex? That night?” Sammy’s bluntness was unexpected.
“Aaaaaah… Not exactly… Kind of?” I replied, blushing.
“Come on Maxy, don’t make us wait! Tell us everything!!” Ken exclaimed.
I chuckled.
“We started making out at the party, and then he came over to my place and we- yeah, did that. And then he met my mum, who came home from her night shift at like 6:30am-“
“You made him leave at 6:30am? Wow Max, I didn’t think you were such a fuck boy,” Sammy interrupted me with his joke. I rolled my eyes.
“Anyways. We’ve been hooking up quite a lot since… Exclusively, I mean. But we haven’t really talked about it, whenever we’re alone together, there’s no time for talking.”
Sammy and Ken nodded plainly.
“So you guys are fuck buddies?” Ken clarified in a disapproving tone.
“Why are you giving me that look Ken?” I didn’t need to answer his question.
He didn’t reply to mine so I continued.
“For two people who have had a lot of non-comittal sex, you sure don’t seem very accepting of me and Jake.” I said. I knew I was being defensive but I desperately wanted them to tell me that they approved of Jake and I.
“It’s just… You’re right, we’ve all hooked up a lot. But with fuck-buddies… It never ends well. Something is going to end up broken, whether it’s the friendship or the relationship or your heart or his, you never know.” Sammy spoke for Ken.
Their disapproval made a lot more sense now. I knew there was a risk.
“You should talk to Jake, make sure you’re on the same page. Do you want to be his boyfriend?” Ken asked.
“I don’t know… We practically are, but I- fuck I like him. I can’t keep my eyes off him. The secrecy has been killing me.” My emotions suddenly came to the surface as I blurted out my thoughts.
Sammy and Ken smiled at how emotional I was.
“I’m definitely going to talk to him, thanks guys. I’m sorry I got so defensive,” I said.
They assured me it was okay and I asked them about what was going on in their love lives.
Sammy had been talking to a girl named Jenna on instagram who went to our sister school, Rosehaven Girls Academic School. He showed us a picture of her as he spoke lovingly about her personality.Â
Ken told us that he had been casually flirting with a few people online.
“But I’m not planning on actually making anything happen… Unless I get really horny or if Sam and Jenna become official. I quite like being single but it won’t be as fun if you guys have your own relationships.”
Ken’s maturity struck me and I was suddenly reminded of how amazing Ken and Sammy were. I went in for a three-way hug to show my love for the guys.
But there was something else I needed to get off my chest.
“Something else happened at the party… You know how the red team was there too right?”
“Yeah, we saw Nic and Cole and James there, we were chatting with them a bit.” Sammy confirmed.
I told them that I saw James making out with a guy, and how he purposefully made eye contact with me.
“Dude….” Ken commented.
“Exactly. But that’s not all. At training the Sunday after, he asked me for Jake’s number, and that pissed me off. So I asked him why he was asking, if he was just trying to bother me to weaken the competition you know? And all he said was something like ‘It’s pretty obvious’,”
“That’s fucking weird.” Sammy empathised with my confusion over the situation.
“And then the training session after that you guys remember how I pulled him out of the changeroom to talk? I basically told him that we shouldn’t talk because it was distracting and he agreed.”
Sammy and Ken nodded in understanding.
“So that’s why you haven’t so much as looked at the guy since the party… It all makes sense now.”
I apologised for not having told them about it sooner and then asked what they thought of James Kendrick.
“Well, he obviously wants to fuck you,” Sammy spoke first.
I opened my mouth to speak but Ken began.
“He was trying to make you jealous at the party and then flirted with you? Definitely wants to fuck you. And he knows he can’t because you’re the competition.”
“Yeah… It just seems so unbelievable.” I replied, disheartened.
Sammy explained that it must be the case because he flirted with me even after I had confronted Kendrick about his behaviour.
I settled my feelings on the whole situation and let out a relieved sigh from finally talking about it.
“Do you ever get confused when you’re fucking your boy and then you accidentally imagine the other James or some shit,”
Sammy and Ken laughed at the ridiculousness of the joke, but I couldn’t bring myself to join them.
Ken took notice of my expression.
“Wowowow wait what Max? You got something to tell us right now?”
I guess I did have something to confess…
“The truth is… I had like- like a distant, far-away crush on Kendrick since we first met him when we were in year 8, you guys remember?”
“Holy shit! No way dude.” Ken exclaimed in shock.
“It was the crush that made me realise I was gay.” I confessed, embarrassed.
“Wait what!!? For how long were you crushing on him?” Sammy asked.
I giggled nervously before clearing my throat.
“It never really went away… I mean- until I met Jake, I think?”
Shit.
“But even if I had the confidence to ask him out before, I knew I couldn’t because we are rivals.” I stated the facts.
The guys nodded sympathetically.
“Anyways, I don’t think about him much lately, I’m with Jake and I’ve gotten over it now.” I said it more for myself than Sammy and Ken.
“But Kendrick’s hot though. Training with him is like being at a candy store with no money. And the guy knows it, knows what he does to me and to so many other guys. One time he winked at me across the field- it was probably to psyche me out, but it worked,” Ken shared.
His own attraction to Kendrick surprised me, he usually wasn’t into sporty guys.
“But I think he genuinely wants to hook up with you.” He added.
I sighed.
“Based on his performance at the party, I’m pretty sure he genuinely wants to get with anyone. I’m sure if you offered he’d accept.” I said, cynically.
“What is this I’m sensing? A little resentment? Jealousy perhaps? Max I think you need to get laid,” Sammy took the edge off my mood with his humour.
“Aaah look, perfect timing!” Sammy pointed behind me.
I turned to see Jake approaching, and by the look on his face, he had heard Sammy.
“Who needs to get laid?” He asked innocently.
Sammy, Ken and I burst into laughter.
Jake connected the dots and nodded animatedly, “Oh so you told them? Cool,” he smiled approvingly.
I grabbed his hand to help myself up; the bell had gone and we had to get to our fifth period classes.Â
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