Long Time No See.
The world is truly a magical place. Those words about fondness and love, he only dared to secretly say them to Jiang Tian in the past, not daring to let anyone know. Now, he could tell them to many people peacefully, but Jiang Tian was the only one who couldn’t hear this time.
Technology is so advanced, but they managed to lose contact in the sea of people.
At the start, Sheng Mingyang kept an eye on him like he was guarding against a thief. For that period of time, Sheng Wang had sort of the mindset of completely shattering the broken bottle, thinking that either way he wouldn’t be able to catch him, so he might as well give up — you’re spending so much effort just to keep an eye on me, right? So I’ll format myself just for you.
Back then he was young with a defiant spirit in him. It was rare that he was being rebellious for once. Due to his reluctance to just stab other people directly, he always had the attitude of hurting others at great expense to himself. He emptied his account right in front of Sheng Mingyang, uninstalled WeChat, and locked his old phone as well as the “Ok†and “Encyclopedia for Healthy Living†inside the drawer.
Sheng Wang could still remember the instant he shut the drawer — Sheng Mingyang stood by the table, not saying anything. He looked a little disappointed. As for him, his eyes ached, and he felt pleased at the same time — like he had used his sharpest tooth to gnaw at the most painful ulcer.
After that, people had to contact him through either phone call or text messages. Any news of Jiang Tian had to be conveyed to him through Sheng Mingyang. He said to Sheng Mingyang, “Dad, can you relax yet?â€
Sheng Mingyang did not speak.
There was an alumni club for Fuzhong in Beijing. Every time new students entered school, they would hold a gathering and invite everyone for a meal. Batches of seniors would show up if they are free, welcoming their juniors into Beijing.
Sheng Wang had politely declined the invitation the first time. When he was young, he was like a fish in water in this sort of social scenario, he could get along with anyone. He would drink until he turn stupid with a mug in his hands despite being a lightweight. Later on, all he felt was irritation — the endless small talk, the formalities, trying to act close while they were all strangers — he didn’t have the energy to deal with that.
He was dragged into participating by Chili and Gao Tianyang when he was invited for the second time.
Perhaps he was born that way; upon truly being in that environment, he had automatically switched into a “fish in water†state…until Zhao Xi arrived late into the event, and he quieted like someone pressed the mute button.
Zhao Xi spotted him immediately, and switched his seats as he quibbled with people. He sat next to him. While nobody else was watching, he clapped his shoulder, saying, “You’re doing rather fine, student Sheng Wang. I see you’ve learnt to lose contact.â€
Zhao Xi poured him a glass of beer to the brim, and clinked it against his glass. The milky white foam splashed out. He took a giant gulp, and heard Zhao Xi say, “Wasn’t it tough?â€
He couldn’t swallow anymore.
Zhao Xi said he had always felt a little abstruse guilt, saying that he was afraid that Sheng Wang only ended up on this path due to some unconscious nudging from him and Lin Beiting. Then he had truly committed a heinous crime, for he had caused people to suffer for no reason.
Sheng Wang said no.
Because Zhao Xi and Lin Beiting were just there, and if it wasn’t Jiang Tian that he met, then he wouldn’t end up on this path either — at least, he couldn’t imagine a scenario like that.
He then asked Zhao Xi how he managed to win over his family.
Zhao Xi stilled, saying, “Lin-zi didn’t have this kind of pressure. As for me……Old Zhao was the uncompromising sort in the past too, my bad temper probably came from him. Back then, I argued with Lin-zi and that did not end well, same goes for Old Zhao, so I went straight overseas. My mom would take it out on my father when she couldn’t find me, so he softened up with that whittling. And then Old Zhao fell sick, and suddenly got over it. He nagged at Lin-zi as much as he nagged at me, he probably treats him as his own son now.â€
Sheng Wang was stunned, and dazedly remembered that Xi Le’s Boss Zhao did go through surgery for cancer before.
“However……†Zhao Xi said, “If I could start over again, I would rather whittle him down for two more years in exchange for him to not fall sick. Everybody’s time means something to them.â€
Everybody experiences all sorts of joy and misery in this human world, no matter how close they are, their days belong to themself, no such thing as drawing on the experience of others.
Sheng Wang then asked Zhao Xi once more, “Was it you and Lin-ge who helped him go overseas? Is he……â€
Is he doing well?
Zhao Xi often heard him go “My Ge, My Ge, My Ge†in the past, when he heard the “he†that was missing its start and end, he was still a little unused to it. He only reacted after being stunned for a while; that assembled family had long since crumbled apart, the “My Ge†no longer had any rightful place for it to be said.
Jiang Tian was no longer his Gege, nor was he his boyfriend. After so many twists and turns, he became someone that Sheng Wang did not know how to address — he became a certain someone he could never bring himself to speak of.
Zhao Xi said that while he and Lin Beiting helped to settle a portion of the affairs, the bulk of it went to Jiang Tian being capable enough himself. His life wouldn’t be that difficult with scholarship money…but all it stopped was at “not so difficultâ€.
Sheng Wang then asked if he stayed in contact with Jiang Tian. He said, rarely.
Because of this short answer, Sheng Wang made a trip back to Jiangsu for some inexplicable reason, digging out his old phone and logging into WeChat with some struggle. The moment he logged on, he received a huge pile of unread messages.
They had lingered too long in the gaps of time, there was no longer any meaning in replying. Sheng Wang read all of them, one by one, from the start to the bottom. Yet, the chat with Jiang Tian was the only one that was nothing but blank, completely void of anything.
It was only at this moment when he realised that he wasn’t merely acting out impulsively when he uninstalled WeChat and abandoned his phone.
He knew Jiang Tian’s personality, he also understood what it implied when the other person decided to let go — Jiang Tian had left his school, his old streets, the long alleys, his classmates, his friends……everything that bustled in the mundane world for Sheng Wang, and left with a single cat by himself, not leaving a single mark behind.
Sheng Wang just did not want to accept that reality, that’s all.
In that period of time, he would repeatedly tap into Jiang Tian’s personal information page.
The other person’s nickname was still “Okâ€, the profile picture was still “Leaderâ€. The cover for his photo album was still the study table beneath the light, his Moments stopping at the song “Childhood†— like the fleeting years came to an abrupt end just like that, never updating ever since.
New years eve during year four of university, the day he rejected his junior, Sheng Wang sat at the grandstand by the sports ground until midnight, the phone in his hand. He wanted to talk to Jiang Tian — he wanted so badly for the first time ever — but he did not know what to say.
The way things ended back then was too hurried, too disgraceful. Both sides were in shambles, to the point that those words that he could say on an impulse as a youth, he couldn’t send them out no matter what, despite now having gotten older.
To be honest, there wasn’t any use in sending them out either. Frankly speaking, he would just be adding more troubles and stress for no reason as long as the things getting in between them do not disappear. The term “lotus roots breaking with the fibers unbroken†sounds suggestive and romantic, but all it was was simply parting in separate ways, but insisting on dragging this out regardless. As long as they drag this out far and long enough, they would be able to break it off cleanly at last.
He couldn’t bring himself to send anything like small talk even more. He couldn’t imagine the day when he and Jiang Tian would greet each other with “Busy?†“How are you lately?†“Let’s meet when we’re freeâ€, and then burying their affections from youthful days with layers and layers of soil, completely covering it up.
The day he officially graduated from university, he was dragged by Chili and Gao Tianyang to participate in a farewell dinner with a huge group of people. It seems that there has to be that one set sequence of events for every school every class’ farewell dinner — they would call all sorts of crushes and exes. It was just like April Fools’, the way out had long since been laid for them; if things didn’t go as they wish, they would simply leave via that way.
Sheng Wang thought they were a bunch of dumb birds at the start, how awfully childish of them. Later, after being toasted several drinks in a row by said dumb birds, he drank enough to sit on the sofa at the corner of the private room, spacing out for a good while. He reached out, asking Gao Tianyang, “Where’s my phone?â€
Gao Tianyang was more confused than he was. “You gave your phone to me???â€
His mind blanked out for a bit, said an “ohâ€, and took it out from his own pocket. He tapped into the pinned chat in his WeChat seriously, and keyed in, word by word, “still there?â€
And then retracted the message.
He keyed in again: I’ve graduated
And then retracted the message.
He keyed in once more: got a double degree, am I not amazing
……
He sent all of them out, line by line, and retracted all of them, line by line. He was as focused as when he was editing his thesis.
By the time Gao Tianyang was done with a round of drinks and escaped to that corner, all he caught a glance of was the lack of a single green message in the chat interface, and a long row of “You have retracted the messageâ€.
And then Sheng Wang said “Shit, I feel like pukingâ€, switched his screen off, and dashed into the bathroom.
His retracted messages formed an entire chain, but he did not receive a question mark in reply. Instead, other people’s messages popped in non-stop, coming in pairs and groups to congratulate him for his successful graduation. There were always people like that who would wish him happy birthday, happy holiday, happy new year on the dot. However, he could not match anyone’s names to anybody at all, so he could only reply mechanically, “Thank you, you too.â€
That day onwards, Sheng Wang no longer did anything like that. It seemed like he had packed everything up, and poured everything into his job with much vigour. He went to a top class consultant company with high barriers of entry. That year, most new hires that came from his school had masters and doctorates. He was the rare graduate.
In the past, Auntie Sun often said that he lived a pampered life, he didn’t even know to add a little oil in first before frying rice, he didn’t know what it was like to go through hardship and suffering. Yet, he did not waste a single second upon graduating university, and eagerly dived into a life of human suffering. The company had a large variety of clients, coming from all sorts of industries. The group he was in primarily focused on joining up with foreign investment. Due to his good looks, smart tongue, strong capabilities, alongside his good relations with all sorts of teams, he soon amassed his own network of people.
Sheng Mingyang used to constantly bring up how “you are still youngâ€, until he ran into an obstacle in his business, and needed to bribe someone somewhere in order to proceed. His past business rarely interacted with that area, and he genuinely wasn’t able to find a suitable person to bridge up the gap for him for a period of time. After jumping through several holes, he seriously ended up at his son.
That day, Sheng Wang got him to meet up for a meal while he was on a business trip, and casually agreed to help him pull strings. Sheng Mingyang then abruptly realised that Sheng Wang was no longer that child who would curl up on the couch, drinking soda and play games for a long while now, neither would he look away with reddened eyes all because of a single line from him.
Perhaps he suddenly felt that he was ageing, or maybe the alcohol had intoxicated him. Sheng Mingyang watched Sheng Wang tapping away on his phone, seeming to be chatting on WeChat as they sat by the table, and suddenly asked, “Are you in contact with……are you in contact again?â€
Sheng Wang paused, and continued typing. He kept his phone, saying, “No.â€
He ate a few mouthfuls of food, and added, “His WeChat seems to be out of commission now, relax.â€
In that instant, Sheng Mingyang seemed to want to say something, but all he did in the end was nod. His impression of his son was that he was a little spoiled and pampered, picky about everything; when he threw tantrums, he was like a baby animal exploding into a ball of fur, hair all raising up — every strand would appear prickly, but they are actually soft to the touch.
It’s a little different now.
He discovered all too belatedly that his son had wrapped himself up in a shell, tough and firm, covered with barbs. It’s completely sealed up, hurting a little to the touch too. The Wang-zai with a soft and fluffy bed of hair had already been lost to the sands of time, and he didn’t know where to find him.
However, Sheng Wang was mistaken on one point: it wasn’t that Jiang Tian did not reply on purpose, but that Jiang Tian had lost his phone.
It was Zhao Xi and Lin Beiting who helped to arrange for Jiang Ou and Old Man Ding, contributing quite a bit to the expenses too. He did not like owing people anything, not even if they are on good terms. As long as he accumulated a bit of money, he would definitely pay them back. Therefore, despite his scholarship money, he wasn’t living comfortably. There were limits on his visa, so he couldn’t work too much part-time. In order to pay them back as early as possible, he cut down on his expenditure as much as he could, and the street he rented in wasn’t quite safe as a result.
He had been stopped, stolen from, robbed. At the start, he planned to grit his teeth and just bear with it — until he lost two phones, then he hurriedly moved away. Every time he switched into a new phone, the first thing he did would be downloading the old videos and photos he saved on a cloud drive, and creating a private album, safely and meticulously keeping them away. Yet, he rarely opened it up.
At the start of December for a certain year, he went to participate in a science conference with his professor. On the journey back, he stayed in Sweden for two days due to personal reasons on the side of the professor. The winters there were everlasting and difficult, and the sky darkened at three in the afternoon.
All the shops nearby had closed for the day, the only place opened had only alcohol. The professor invited him for some drinks to warm up. He drank a few shots, and ended up curling up in a corner, sitting in the armchair by the window. As he watched the sun dip beneath the horizon, he suddenly tapped into his gallery, and dug out a video from a long time ago, pulling and dragging the progress bar back and forth.
In the video, a boy in school uniform walked a few steps in a straight line beneath the streetlamp. He suddenly turned to face him, asking, “Did you catch that clearly?â€
Jiang Tian’s body bowed over, his eyes lowered. His thumb kept swiping at the progress bar; everytime the video ended, he would drag it back to the start. He was clearly quite sober, but he acted like a stubborn and clumsy drunkard.
After the professor was done chatting with his friend, he came over here. He eyed the phone in curiosity, and without even managing to get a clear look at its contents, he smiled and asked, “What are you looking at?â€
Jiang Tian switched the screen off. “Nothing much, it’s my cat.â€
“Oh.†The professor knew that he had a cat, and had been carefully raising it for a long time now. He nodded in much understanding, “I’ve seen the pictures, it’s very pretty. What’s its name again? I could never pronounce it properly.â€
Jiang Tian’s fingers played with the phone, his gaze resting on some random spot in thin air; he seemed to be a little spaced out. He was silent for a few seconds before answering, “Wang-zai.â€
It was easy enough to track down videos and photos, not so much for all sorts of accounts tied to his phone number. Moreover, some were tied to his device. Jiang Tian changed into a new WeChat account, but did not bother adding many people. Most of those he added were exchange students, chat records mostly involving schoolwork, save for one person.
He added the person on a moment of impulse while riding on a bus at midnight. The other person’s contact list was probably filled to the brim, not even bothering to ask who he was. He slept after aimlessly exchanging a bit of small chat. Yet, he was like a miser hoarding his wealth, and managed to stare at the two undiscriminating lines of small talk used on anyone for an entire long journey.
It was as though this unknown WeChat had concealed him with an invisibility cloak, he constantly deluded himself with this layer of falsehood over him. He would send a restrained line of well wishing during festivals, and then say to the person a happy birthday every December 4th — 12am on the dot — getting a simple and polite thank you in reply.
He hurried forward amidst the lines and lines of simple replies. He graduated in advance, and applied for a doctorate too — as if he worked a little harder, time would pass by more quickly, and it wouldn’t be so unbearable.
Yet, for every few steps he sprinted, there would always be some people who would pull him backwards a little—
Jiang Ou had recovered very well for the first two years, sometimes giving the people the illusion that she merely had a few bad days due to the concentrated aggravation she received; after that point in time, she would calm down.
For a time being, she became gentle and refined. She spoke with pleasure whenever she talked to people, she didn’t get too worked up or angry. It was to the point that Jiang Tian thought everything was fine, until a certain day, he tentatively brought up Sheng Wang, and it was as though a switch had been flipped on in Jiang Ou; she instantly became restless and anxious again. He discovered that it wasn’t that easy to solve psychological problems like this, and only time and patience could slowly whittle it away.
In that period of time, Old Man Ding had been hospitalised a few times, and undergone a surgery. Once people age, it’s like they constantly stand on a tightrope, every step has to be taken with caution. After this pit, another one would follow, and there is nothing but fear.
So there was no use no matter how quick Jiang Tian ran; his shadow was too slow.
He spent a very, very long time, and managed to get his shadow to vaguely catch up a little. He then managed to catch a little break.
His academic advisor was an influential person in his field. He needed to return back to his country due to a collaborative project involving the application of nano material in medical treatment at that time. When Jiang Tian saw the school they would be working with, he submitted an application for god knows what reason. Only when he was already on the flight back to his country then he realised that his trip was a little rash.
The person he wanted to have a glimpse of had long since graduated.
Year end was always the busiest. After working himself for two and a half days straight, he started a teleconference on the schedule of someone living abroad while physically living locally. Just as he managed to find time after dawnbreak with much difficulty and was ready to catch up on sleep for a day, he received a phone call, saying that he needed to attend a dinner at night.
His hand reached out from his blanket, and he sat up straight while grabbing his hair. Too little sleep would result in a bad temper; he was already filled with resentment, and upon hearing about this thing that just rudely cut in, he was visibly irritated. “Who’s the client that is so good at picking the time?â€
“An expert on nanoscience. The company originally working with him has a few dealings with our side, after he switched to the medical field, our contact lessened. This time, he brought a few doctors here for a project. You are very familiar with the school of cooperation, so I’m not going further into that. Coincidentally, our company also has a development centre of cooperation with your school, along with how that professor personally knows the PAR, with this and that, the meal is going to happen.â€
Sheng Wang did not feel like any of that was coincidental at all, only thinking that disrupting one’s sleep is a cause to be struck by lightning. Therefore, he was in low spirits upon reaching that place at night, not particularly lively at all.
That expert had the face of a white person but the appetite of a Chinese. He had a preference for Jiangsu cuisine. The company had booked a private room. The expert said he brought three PhDs with him, and up till the point Sheng Wang had already entered, all he saw was two. There was still a seat that remained empty, who knew if it was meant for a person or for a ghost.
He made a bit of small talk while running on the last reserves of his sanity, and then he sat down. He lazily replied a few messages on WeChat while propping his elbow. During that time, he suddenly heard the professor and the two doctors mention the word “Jiangâ€, and looked up on instinct.
Sheng Wang was stunned for a few seconds as he looked opposite of him, and didn’t hear any similar wording or a full name. He felt like there’s something wrong with him.
There were countless numbers of people with the same first and last name, not to mention that this was just a surname. Still, he always did a double take whenever he encountered that name, as though this name was something rare.
After a short while, the professor received a call, and announced that the person had arrived with a grin.
Sheng Wang abandoned his phone, rubbed his heavy, drowsy eyelids, and got up. “I’ll fetch.†It was the chance for him to get some fresh air, and get rid of that drowsiness.
Just as he opened the door of the private room and exited, Jiang Tian happened to turn in from the corner.
In an instant, their eyes met, and then none of them could move anymore.
Sheng Wang stilled for two seconds, and with a buzz, his mind went completely blank.
The stream of people around them were endless, the bits and pieces of conversation ceaseless. The two of them were the only ones who stood upon a straight line of frozen silence, staring at each other, astounded. Their features were still a familiar sight to each other, and yet they were a little scared of openly claiming to know them. The sands of time filled with clashes, ambiguity, and anxiety gradually rolled past them by the side just like that. Being in each other’s embrace, the tips of their noses touching as they kissed seemed to be a lifetime ago. They had not moved from where they stood, but they were ruined beyond recognition.
Sheng Wang’s finger, dangling next to him, curled a little before relaxing. His throat was tight and dry. He said, “Ge.â€
……Long time no see.
TO BE CONTINUED.
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