Asher’s POV:
I wake up to the sound of the shower water running in the next room. Keeping my eyes close, still basically sleeping I unconsciously roll to my side to come in contact with cold sheet, no Jay. Slight panic arose but the realise the sound of the flowing water and concluded that he’s probably in the shower.
It’s Saturday, the weekend. And for once I’m not dreading it and resenting it because I’m not at home, I’m not with dad. I don’t have to cower helplessly in my room all day just waiting for the inevitable beating that would come my way eventually, I don’t have to fear every second of the day anymore, I was free of him. Although times like this I felt free I know its not going to last long, it never lasts long. Eventually Ill be afraid again, afraid he’ll get me and take me back. It’s very possible for him to do so, it happened the last time I ran away. I didn’t even last two days n the streets when one of his many little birdies spotted me, he’s everywhere, controls everything. There’s no real escape from him, there’s only a temporary break with the help of Jay but he’s going to take me back and he’s going to punish me worse than he ever has before, maybe he’s going to kill me.
“……ou ok? Asher, hey you ok?”I finally break from my trance to find that Jay had been calling me, he’s actually been urging my shoulder but I didn’t feel it.
“y-yh”I reply but his concerned face doesn’t waver. Only now do I realise that he’s wearing only a pair of lose sweat pants and his light chestnut/dirty blond hair is still wet sticking up in all directions. I always knew Jay was fit, but I’ve never seen him shirtless before, I know thats because he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable even if he won’t admit it. But DAM! He’s even more gorgeous, my eyes travel over his very prominent six pack, his skin glistening with the little water that remained and the dog tags hanging off his neck only making him seem even hotter! If that is even possible.
Catching myself staring for a ridiculously long time without noticing I quickly avert my gaze, heat flaring to my face and cheeks in embarrassment. Jay just chuckles at my reaction though.
“Nice to now my boyfriend thinks I’m somewhat good looking.”he mocks only adding to my embarrassment as I hide under the covers in attempt to escape this horrible situation as he erupts in a fit of laughter.
“Come on, it’s already like half 10 and I was planning on going out today. So get up and get dressed, there are some clothes Lily gave at the foot of the bed for you.” Both fearful of where we are going and curious mixed with a little excitement. I drag myself from the warm comforts of the bed, still not being able to make any and all eyes contact with Jay, and grab the clothes before heading to the bathroom to change. He may have seen me all the way to my boxers but I still can’t bring my self to change in front of him being way to self conscious of my many silvery scars that cover almost my entire body and slashed across my back, the bruises, my incredibly bony frame, and paper pale skin adding to it makes me look like some half dead zombie from someone’s nightmare. Thats how I saw it anyway.
Jay placed a small bowl of cereal in front of me and seated himself as we dug into our food. Having three meals a day still seemed like and extensive amount and I really didn’t like the feeling of being so full all the time, but pushed through it mostly because Jay makes me….and I love it when he gets happy that I finished my plate.
“So, what you guy doing today?”Lily perks up as she plops down in her seat with her Nutella sandwich and a glass of milk.
“I was going to take Jay to the mall, get him some clothes considering he can’t wear yours all the time.”Jay answers both Lilys and my internal questions.
“k cool, can I come?”she asks innocently staring jay down in a silent plea, eventually jay gives in though
“Ugg fine, get ready we’re leaving at half 11.”She let out a rather high pitched squeal and jumped from her seat to giver her brother a quick hug in gratitude before sprinting up to her room.
We ended up leaving at 12:45 because Lily was taking forever to get read, but I don’t really mind though. The fear of leaving, of being exposed was still quite prominent. Jay picked up on this fact not long ago and has been trying to distract my mind from in all, blasting the radio in the car and singing rather hilariously to the lyrics he clearly didn’t know and never letting or removing his hand from my thigh while he was driving. We also picked Amy up on the way last minute because Lily didn’t want to be a third wheel, butand they instantly clicked, talking in the back seat about their Favourite clothes sort and whatnot.
The mall was HUGE!!! I didn’t even know we had a mall this big in our small town but apparently we do. I marvelled at all the colourful shops and different decorations as a different song was playing in every shop we passed. I would have enjoyed it greatly, if it wasn’t for the one problem. THERE IS SO MANY PEOPLE!!! I’m practically clinging to Jay, his hand not nearly enough to calm me. My arms wrapping tightly around his waits from the side as his arms drapes over my shoulders, occasionally hiding my face in his chest whenever someone was to close or brushed up against me. Jay didn’t seem to mind the clingy ness though.
The girls split up form us to do there own shopping and promised to meet at some food court at 3 for a late lunch. We walk into the first clothing stores and I’m still glued to Jays side despite the glares from others, some of them held curiosity and adoration because people seem to think me being scared out of my mind is cute, but other held a slight disgust they tried to hide, but fail miserably. Jay constantly telling me to ignore them and occasionally kissing me in front of them, not going to lie that did make me smirk slightly. There weren’t many clothes that actually fit me. The trousers waistband was always to big and the shirts fell off my shoulders or just hung off me way to loosely making me look like I’m freaking drowning in them, which made the whole changing room process very uncomfortable and embarrassing. But we managed to get a decent amount of clothes; two jeans, five tops, a pair of sweat pants, a hoodie(even though I like Jays ones better), and a few other accessories like socks and such.
Jay also bough some clothes for himself, one denim jacket that I plan on stealing sometime in the near future even if it suffocates me. Then we head to this food court which consisted of even more people in a smaller area packed with food stalls. We spot the girls before I can start hyperventilating.
“So, were’d you wanna eat?”Jay questioned as we all now stood in a group.
“I vote we get tacos, you can’t beat tacos.”Amy suggests.
“How about that burger place?” Lily interjects. I’m not sure about tacos though, mom wasn’t really a fan of Mexican so I don’t think I’ve ever had it.
“I’m voting for burgers, sorry Amy.”Jay said then all eyes were on me, making me sink further into Jays side.
“D-don’t m-mind.”I mutter but they seemed to have heard and so it was settled we go to the burger place. We find a table to fit our little group a waiter comes up to our table. She was rather tall with black dead straight hair, a ton of make up and her uniform was unbuttoned rather low from the top revelling her chest slightly. A notebook and pen in her hand.
“Hello, what can I get yall to dink?”she offers with a strong underlining Texas accent, as her eyes scan over all of us. Until then land on Jay. I notice her straighten the posture from he slouch and instantly stop chewing he gum so obnoxiously. Jay seemed to take no notice of this as he answered
“Uh…I’ll take a coke and he’ll take…”Jay looked down at me, thing in on the spot I point to the first thing I see, water.
“He’ll get water, girls?”
“We’ll both take a sprite.”Amy spoke as the girl wrote it down with a nod. She turned to leave but not before sending one last look and batting her lashes before turning to leave. Once she was out of sight I glance around the table but it seems no one else noticed this, maybe its just me being paranoid. Settling with that fact that that was probably the case, that I was just seeing things I turn back to the menu and start reading the choices, I read them considerably well in my head.
“What you getting?”Jay asked from beside me and I pointed to the simple burger and fries. He nodded his head in content. The girl came back with our drinks on a tray and placed each glass on the table.
“so yall decided on what ya gettin?”she asked but I swear her eyes were trained in Jay like he was some sort of miracle in the flesh! I mean he kinda is but he’s MY miracle. Wow, were did that come from? I didn’t think I would be that possessive! But then again…eh who cares. She took our orders and I felt slightly relived when she was about to walk away, but before she did she ripped a bit of the paper of and slid in onto the table at Jay seductive smirk. With one last wink she turned and left. I KNEW I WASN’T CRAZY!!!
Jay looked slightly stunned as she left and the girls just stared at the two of us in anticipation on what we were going to do. Jay picked up the paper to revel a set of numbers and the words “call me sometime” with a winky face roughly draw in the corner. I don’t really know what came over me, I snatched the paper from his grip and ripped it in half with out even realising I had done that. I only realised when I heard Jay erupt in laughter as the girls squealed and laughed from the other side of the table. What did I do?
“I was never going to call her.”He chuckled while placing a kiss on my head. I just pout in embarrassment trying desperately not to meet anyone’s eyes.
“You realise I’m gay right? I also have a boyfriend and happen to be loyal to said boyfriend.”His words just made me feel like a fool to some extent, but they helped. But what put the cherry on top was when the girl came back with the food Jay decided to kiss me on the lips before she left, and it was hilarious! She turned paper white with horror. I’m not sure if it was because I was a guy and she’s homophobic or because she was wasting her time hitting on a gay dude, but it was worth it.
Through our Ridiculously obnoxious laughing my eyes caught a group of three men sitting in the boot opposite us. I can see their faces because they all had their hoods up and heads down, silently talking in hushed tones and eating their meals. The rest of my table is still dying, me being the only one not gasping for air through my Concern I stare Tentatively at the trio, only breaking my stare as Jays arm slips around me waist in Reassurance like he’s done through out the day when he sensed I m uneasy, and as usual it works and I let the men slip my mind concluding that in probably being paranoid.
After the laugher died down and they could breath again we started to actually eat our food, casually talking through out the meal. Although I don’t really pay attention to their conversation, to busy trying to comprehend how on earth I’m going to finish the freaking HUGE burger in front of me, like I don’t think I can get even half of it down. But non the less I started to eat trying my best to ignore all the fat from the burger and the grease from the chips. I don’t finish the Monstrous in the end, though it was to be expected, Jay gladly finished the rest off saying he was satisfied with the amount of food I had eaten.
Even as the food is finished and the empty plates remain on the table we stay seated as they continue to talk about Rumours and stories about Mrs Ricardo, who surprisingly has had a lot of misfortunes with her students over the years I’m surprised she’s still teaching. But even if I don’t speak I still feel like I’m part of the table, I don’t feel left out like I have for so many years. It makes me realise just how lonely I was only a few weeks ago, at the time I didn’t feel like I was all to lonely, I was some what ok with having myself and only myself in this world that I had well and truly forgotten what it’s like to have friends; and I never had a boyfriend. Just having people around me that dont hate me or want to beat me to a pulp feel great already, but these people actually care about me, some worthless, broken, pathetic little me who had no purpose in life other than to get through another day with the least bruises or open wounds. I realise now that I was so lost, I had no destination or ambition, I was just forgotten and empty. And although I know I have a long way to go before I can truly be the boy I was three years ago, I may never even become that boy again, but I’m getting there. I’m finding my way back slowly.
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