On Thin Ice 25

Sleep didn’t come easy to me over the weekend. All I could think about was Fox, the feeling of his lips on mine, and what exactly that kiss meant. I couldn’t tell if it was just a heat of the moment thing, or if Fox really wanted to be with me. I didn’t even know if I wanted to be with him.

That was why I drowsily walked through the halls at school on Monday morning. My mind was tirelessly working and not giving me any chance at rest.

I found that being in Fox’s presence was even worse for the thoughts swimming around in my head. Just the fact that he was sitting behind me in English class was enough to put a lump in my throat and a sickly feeling in my stomach. I practically launched myself out of my seat when the bell rang, but Fox was able to catch up with me.

“Hey, do you want to come over after practice tonight?” he asked, placing his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “So we can talk.”

I looked up at him and nearly melted as his eyes intently stared into mine. All I could do was nod at him, and with that he walked off to his next class.

By the time hockey practice rolled around, I was anxious to go to Fox’s house. I could tell Josh knew something was up with me, but I tried my best to avoid him so he wouldn’t confront me about it.

As soon as I got on the ice, I skated over to Ian so the two of us could warm up with some drills. It became routine that we would do this before every practice. Not many words were exchanged between us, but I liked to think that he was warming up to me.

“What the hell is up with you?” Ian snapped as he slapped a shot toward me.

I stopped the puck with my stick and handled it for a few moments before hitting it back.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re acting all jumpy. You keep tapping your foot and you’re going to put a divot in the ice,” Ian replied, motioning toward my tapping foot with his stick.

I didn’t even notice I was doing it until he pointed it out. Once I looked down at my foot and realized that I was putting a divot in the ice, I immediately stopped.

Before I could say anything else, Coach Silva blew his whistle, causing the whole team to gather at center ice. Josh moved to stand beside me while Fox stood on my other side as we waited for instruction.

I couldn’t tell if I was just more conscious of his presence now, but Fox seemed to be standing dangerously close to me. It was almost like he wanted a reaction out of me.

I almost groaned out loud when Coach Silva announced we would be working on penalty kill formations because Fox and I were on the same penalty kill unit and I didn’t know how much I would be able to focus with him around me.

Coach had us working on a diamond formation where Fox was across from me. I put him in the back of my mind for the rest of practice. I wasn’t going to let him be a distraction to me.

***

When Fox brought me over to his house, it appeared that his parents weren’t home. He parked his car in the driveway, then motioned for me to follow him into the house.

I kept my distance from him as we walked together. I didn’t know where our conversation was headed and I had no idea how to feel.

Once we were in the house, we were greeted by Fawn and Raven who were both sitting on the couch in the living room.

“Hey, Elijah,” Fawn called out with a wave. I returned her greeting.

“Hello to you too,” Fox sarcastically replied. His sister just waved him off.

“What’s up guys?” Raven asked with a smile on her face.

“Just hanging out,” Fox quickly responded. “We’ll be up in my room.”

Fox grabbed my arm to lead me up the stairs and the feeling of his skin on mine was doing nothing to help the unease I felt in this situation.

“There’s leftovers in the fridge!” Raven called out as the two of us were already ascending the stairs.

When we got to his room, Fox pulled me inside and tightly shut the door behind us. We stood across from each other in silence for a few moments, neither of us knowing how to start this conversation.

“So…” Fox started, clearing his throat. “About the other day…”

I nodded, urging him to go on. I wanted to hear what he had to say before I said anything, hoping that would clear up at least some of the confusion I felt.

“I’m sorry I kissed you like that,” Fox said with a sigh. “I lost my self control for a second. It was stupid.”

My heart plummeted.

“It wasn’t stupid,” I muttered, looking down at the floor.

“That’s not what I meant,” Fox quickly assured me. “I just… fuck… I just shouldn’t have done it like that.”

“I’m not mad at you or anything,” I told him, bringing my eyes back to his face.

Fox let his lips quirk up slightly in a smile and it was one of the greatest sights I had ever seen.  He moved closer to me until he stood directly in front of me, tenderly placing his hand on my cheek.

“I should have done it more gracefully,” he said in a low tone. “Instead of just throwing myself at you.”

I chuckled. “I didn’t mind.”

“So what if I did it again now?” His voice was hopeful and light as his face moved closer to my own. I felt his breath on my cheeks, but he didn’t let our lips touch, not until I told him he could.

“I wouldn’t mind…”

That was all it took for Fox to close the rest of the distance between our faces and start kissing me slowly. This kiss was undeniably more romantic than our last. There was no rush or desperation, just pure desire and contentment.

It didn’t take long for the two of us to end up on his bed. I was lying flat on my back while Fox hovered over me, one hand on my abdomen and the other on the side of my neck. I ran my hands under his shirt and felt the goosebumps form as he shivered from my cold touch.

“What does this mean for us?” Fox breathlessly asked as he pulled away from my lips slightly, his face still close enough to mine where I could feel his breath on my skin.

My gaze went from his parted lips to his wide eyes.

“What do you want it to mean?”

“Elijah…” Fox trailed. “I like you.”

I didn’t know whether to be thrilled at his words or frightened. No one had ever admitted to having feelings for me before, and I definitely had never felt this way about someone.

“Fox, I–”

Before I could finish my words, a loud knock boomed on the bedroom door, causing Fox and I to spring apart. No more than a second later, Ian walked into the room with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He seemed surprised to see the two of us sitting side by side on Fox’s bed, but quickly made his expression impassive.

“Is it good if I crash here?” Ian asked in a bored tone.

Fox nodded, clearing his throat. “Yeah, you can use Wren or Robin’s room.”

“Which are you taking?” Ian directed toward me.

“Oh, uh, I’m not– I’m not staying here,” I stuttered.

Ian raised an eyebrow, looking at the small distance between Fox and I, but didn’t comment on it. I felt heat rise in my face like I was staring at the simmering sun.

“Maybe I should get going,” I started, causing Fox and Ian to snap their gazed toward me. “I have homework–”

“Actually, Ellis, I meant to ask you for some help with the English homework,” Ian responded, making his way over to the bed and sitting on my other side.

“Why me?” I asked with a look of confusion as he unzipped his bag and pulled out a folder.

“Aren’t you a nerd?” he asked incredulously, causing Fox to let out a chuckle.

I sent them both annoyed looks, suddenly feeling more uncomfortable being so close to Fox while Ian was here. Ian seemed to pick up on my discomfort, sending a smirk over to Fox.

“Is he aware that I know you two fucked?”

These words sent me flying off the bed, an inhuman noise escaping my throat. I turned and looked at the two of them with wide eyes. Ian was sporting a boastful smile, the look foreign on his usual brooding face.

“You know what?” I screeched, my fingers frustratingly pulling on my hair as I stared at Ian in disbelief.

“Exactly what I said, Ellis,” Ian told me with an exaggerated eye roll, leaning back on his hands. “Keep up.”

This caused me to send my gaze toward Fox who looked as if he was trying to keep himself from laughing.

“You literally threatened to end me if anyone found out at the beginning of the year,” I pointed out, crossing my arms over my chest as I waited for his explanation.

“Oh my God,” Ian laughed, his smile meeting his eyes. I had never seen him so carefree besides maybe at the hotel pool a few weeks ago.

“When did you tell him?” I questioned Fox, placing my hands on my hips.

Fox sighed. “Are you actually mad at me right now?”

I let out a frustrated sigh, narrowing my eyes at Fox. “I’m not mad.”

“You seem kinda mad,” Ian pointed out.

“Shut up,” I snapped.

Truly, I wasn’t angry at Fox. I was just confused as hell. He had been so against anyone finding out about us before, but then he turned around and told Ian as if it was no big deal. I was getting mixed signals from him.

“When did you tell him?” I repeated after taking a calming breath, my tone lighter.

“The night of your birthday,” Fox admitted. “After I… kissed you.”

“He called me and forced me to come over here just so he could whine about how you probably hated him,” Ian remarked, earning himself a smack in the shoulder from Fox.

“I told him I kissed you,” Fox continued, shaking his head at Ian. “So he started asking questions so I told him about what happened between us this summer.”

“But why were you so against anyone finding out about us at the beginning of the year?” I exaggeratedly asked. This still wasn’t adding up to me.

Fox stood up and walked over to me, grabbing onto my hand that I didn’t even notice was nervously pulling on my hair.

“Because I was scared,” he told me. “And I didn’t have feelings for you then.”

I couldn’t help but let a smile creep onto my face at his words, feeling the warmth of my hand in his.

“As touching as this is, I still need your help. Get over here Ellis,” Ian interrupted, waving his English notebook at me.

There was still more to discuss, but it would have to wait until Ian was gone.

After practically doing his English homework for him, Ian left the room to go to bed. Once Fox and I were alone, there was a strange feeling in the room. It was like both of us wanted to say something, but neither could figure out how.

“How much did you tell Ian?” I asked in a quiet tone, still not over the fact that someone else knew about our past.

Fox sighed, leaning back against his headboard. “I just told him how we met at that club… and that we, uh, hooked up in your car.”

Right, the car my mother took away and sold when she threw me out without ever having knowing exactly what I did in there.

I visibly cringed at Fox’s words. While I had no regrets about the situation, it was still disconcerting that Ian knew about it.

“Look, Elijah,” Fox said, placing his hand on my leg to grab my attention. I looked at him with a shy expression.

“You don’t have to like me back or anything,” Fox continued. “If that’s what’s bothering you.”

“It’s not that,” I quickly clarified. “It’s just— I just don’t know what to think.”

My feelings for Fox were confusing. I knew I liked him and I liked kissing him. Just being around him created a type of warmth in my body that I had never felt before. He made me feel safe and wanted.

But I didn’t know if I was ready for a relationship. I had my own insecurities to work through.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” Fox said in a soft tone.

I gave him an appreciative smile, turning to face him completely and placing my hand over his.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked him, nearly breathless.

Fox smiled widely and answered me by connecting our lips. We both smiled into the kiss and I couldn’t help but let an small laugh leave my lips.

The feeling of kissing him was something I never wanted to let go of. I knew that years down the line I would never forget this feeling. The warmth in my stomach, the softness of his lips, the sweet taste on my tongue, the state of elation and bliss.

It was like we were the only two in the world.

“Do you want to stay over?” Fox murmured against my lips.

I pulled away from him, our faces still close enough to be nearly touching.

“I should go home,” I replied, though I didn’t want to. I knew I shouldn’t confuse myself more by kissing Fox all night and sleeping in his bed.

“I’ll drive you,” he offered, getting up from the bed to shrug on a jacket.

I followed Fox out of his room and down the stairs, then out to his car. We didn’t say anything, but we didn’t have to. Being around each other was comfortable enough that a silence like this didn’t bother either of us.

“It’s probably stupid to even mention this,” I started, grabbing Fox’s attention as he started driving toward my house. “But Josh knows that I– that I like you.”

“He does?” Fox asked in an amused tone.

I sent him an annoyed glare.

“It’s not funny,” I told him. “Yeah, he knows.”

“So you told him that you like me?” The stupid smile on Fox’s handsome face only annoyed me more. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to punch him or kiss him.

“He asked,” I said in a low tone.

This seemed to surprise Fox as he quirked his head to the side and lifted his eyebrows.

“He did?”

I nodded. “I guess it was obvious and you were oblivious.”

“Funny,” Fox sarcastically replied. “But he doesn’t know about us?”

“No, I’m not a blabber mouth like you,” I teased.

Fox let out a quiet laugh. “Okay, because I’m still not— I still don’t think I’m ready to—”

“Come out?” I finished his thought.

He sighed as he nodded and let out a quiet, “Yeah.”

I didn’t know what to think about Fox’s confession, so I stayed silent. I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and he wasn’t ready to come out, so it seemed like nothing would even come of this. The thought discouraged me.

“Thanks for driving me home,” I said as he pulled up to my house.

“No problem,” he replied.

The two of us stared at each other for what seemed like hours. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his. He was too captivating and intriguing. It was like he was a view of a sunset over the ocean. Beautiful and majestic.

“So, I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” Fox asked, bringing my attention away from his enchanting gaze.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With a hesitant wave goodbye, I got out of the car and scurried into the house where Dad and Mindy were waiting for me in the living room.

“Have a good night?” Dad asked, turning the TV off.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, my voice quiet and distant.

“Everything okay?” Mindy asked, a look of concern on her face.

“I’m just tired. I’m going to head to bed,” I told them before bounding up the steps and into my room where I was surprised to see Josh and Ava.

“What are you two doing in here?” I asked them suspiciously.

“Waiting for you,” Ava replied as if she was stating the obvious.

I looked to Josh with a confused expression. “But why?”

“Is it so bad that we want to hang out with our brother?” Josh asked with an amused smile.

I chuckled, not knowing what to say. It was no secret that we weren’t the closest of siblings, but it would be a lie if I said it didn’t make me feel more at home to hear Josh call me his brother.

“Dude, you need to do something about this room,” Ava pointed out, plopping herself down on my bed. “It’s so plain in here. All you have is that weird painting.”

I looked to where she was pointing at the painting Trevor had gotten me that I hung on my wall above my desk.

“It’s not weird,” I said, sitting down beside her. “Trevor got it for my birthday.”

“Is that your boyfriend?” Ava asked in an exaggerated tone.

“Trevor wishes,” Josh added with a scoff, sitting himself down at the foot of my bed. “Were you with Fox all night?”

“And Ian,” I said, sending him a sideways glance.

Ava sighed, grabbing the attention from Josh and me. She hopped off the bed and started walking toward the door.

“Elijah, you took too long to come home and now I’m tired,” she said. “Goodnight!”

“She wanted to watch a scary movie,” Josh told me after Ava left the room.

“You guys didn’t have to wait up for me,” I replied, feeling slightly guilty.

“We wanted to,” Josh said. “It’s not a big deal. We can watch something tomorrow night. If you don’t already have plans…”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t.”

“Alright, so now you do. With me and Ava,” Josh responded with a grin before getting off my bed and leaving my room.

Since Josh left, I was alone with my thoughts. All I could do was stare up at the ceiling with an inexplicable feeling in my chest and a pit in my stomach, thinking about Fox. My mind wandered to the first time we had met.

**

Nerves tickled my insides as I sat in my car in front of the club. It was always a hassle trying to find LGBT clubs that were far enough way from home where I didn’t have to worry about seeing anyone who would know who I am but close enough so I wouldn’t have to drive for hours.

Maybe this was a bad idea. I couldn’t push my nerves out and the paranoia about using my fake ID wasn’t making the situation any easier.

As I watched more and more people heading inside, I took a deep breath and got out of the car, slowly making my way toward the club. It turned out I had nothing to worry about because the bouncer looked at my ID for all of three seconds before handing it back to me and allowing me inside.

The atmosphere was just as I expected, carefree and fun. There was something about being around people like me that made me feel like a whole new version of myself. I felt confident and unashamed.

The dance floor was packed but it didn’t bother me like I thought it would. I danced around with a few guys and made out with some of them for a while before one particular guy caught my eye.

He was talking to someone else, but he looked so good while he was doing it that I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. It was then that he noticed me staring and sent a smirk my way.

Too embarrassed to walk over there, I spun around and started dancing with a guy that was standing close to me. It was only a few minutes later when I felt someone place their hand on my arm. When I turned around to face him, I noticed I was standing face to face with the guy who had caught me staring.

“You didn’t want to come over?” he asked with that same handsome smirk on his face.

“I… uh—”

“I was hoping you would,” he said, his hand still on my arm.

“You looked busy,” I told him, motioning my head toward the guy he was talking with earlier.

“I’m not now,” he replied with a grin. “The name’s Nick.”

“Elijah.”

He moved closer to me, placing his hand on my back. “You’re really cute, Elijah.”

I didn’t have the chance to say anything before his lips were on mine. The kiss was not something I would have expected from someone so attractive. It was sloppy and tasted of alcohol. His lips chased mine as I backed away from him.

“I’m going to go,” I rushed out.

“C’mon,” he said in a whiny tone, gripping my arm.

“No,” I said more forcefully, ripping my arm out of his grasp and scurrying away toward the bar to sit down.

I sat down and rested my elbows on the table, placing my head in my hands. I looked up again and noticed the guy I sat next to was staring at me with an attractive scowl on his face. After I looked at him, he looked away and took a long sip of his drink.

The guy looked like he would rather be anywhere but here.

“Do you have to stare at me?” he snapped, turning to face me.

I scoffed. “You seem pleasant.”

“Shut up.”

“Why are you here if you’re just going to sit alone at the bar?” I asked in an amused tone.

“Why did you come running over here like a bat out of hell?” he countered, matching my tone.

We each shared a glare before our expressions softened. It was then that I noticed how truly handsome this guy was. Much better than the idiot I was with before.

“Have you been here before?” I asked him.

“Just once,” he replied, taking another sip of his drink.

“Do you like it?”

“No.”

“You’re no fun,” I told him.

He just shook his head at me.

“I’m Elijah,” I introduced myself.

“Fox.”

“I like that name,” I complimented.

“I don’t,” he muttered, finishing off his drink.

“You don’t seem to like anything,” I said with a laugh. I was surprised when he actually laughed at what I said. It wasn’t a full laugh, more like a small chuckle, but it was something.

“If you hate it here so much, do you want to go somewhere else?” I asked, not knowing where this confidence was coming from. I just felt like this guy wouldn’t judge me.

He pondered on it for a minute before nodding. After he paid his tab, the two of us made our way out to my car. We didn’t say anything as I drove out of the club parking lot. Eventually, I fond a McDonald’s drive thru and we got some ice cream before I parked in a dark parking lot away from the road.

“This is stupid,” Fox said after a few moments.

“What is?” I asked, shoveling a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

“I don’t even know you and I just got into your car. You could be some fucking weirdo,” he said.

I laughed. “So could you.”

“True,” Fox replied with a slight laugh of his own.

“I just think both of us don’t fit into that scene,” I said to which he nodded. “It’s hard finding people you fit in with while you’re still in the closet.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It’s like that’s the only place I can go and I don’t even like it there.”

“Have you ever thought about coming out?”

“No,” he immediately answered. “I can’t.”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” I said. “I’m just so tired of living a secret life.”

“If you want to do it, you should,” Fox encouraged.

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

We made small talk while we finished our ice cream as a rock station played quietly on the radio. Once we were done eating, we put the empty cups into the cup holders and rested our heads on our head rests, staring into each other’s eyes. His eyes were so inviting. I could feel myself leaning closer, but I worried he would reject me.

He seemed to be contemplating in his mind before he closed the distance and our mouths met in the middle. This kiss was so much better than the others I’d had that nice. It was rough, but still a good pace and not nearly as sloppy. Eventually our tongues found each other as the kiss got more heated.

Fox pulled away so that he could lift his shirt off and I copied his actions before reconnecting our lips. I brought my hands onto his chest as his caressed the sides of my neck. My hands eventually found their way down to his jeans and slowly began to unbutton them, giving him the chance to stop me if he wanted to. 

He groaned into my mouth and brought his hands down to my jeans. We pulled apart to take our jeans off and I motioned for him to come into the back seat with me. We climbed over the center console and I was lying back on the seat as Fox hovered over me, kissing my jaw and my neck, eliciting sounds of pleasure from me.

Soon enough, all of our clothes were discarded and we finished what we started.

***

Driving Fox back to the club after we had finished was relatively awkward as we sat in silence the whole way there until he directed me toward his car in the parking lot.

“That was fun,” I said as I parked next to him.

“It was,” he said, clearing his throat.

We stared at each other for a few moments before we were kissing again. We must have made out for at least twenty minutes before we parted and Fox left my car to get into his.

I waited for him to drive off before I let out a long sigh and rested my head back on the headrest.

I had a feeling I would be thinking about that guy for a long time.

**

Hello everyone! Thanks for reading.

Now you finally know how Elijah and Fox hooked up for the first time. Let me know what you think about that.

What did you think about Elijah and Fox’s “talk” and the fact that Fox had told Ian about the two of them? What about Josh and Ava wanting to hang with Elijah?

Let me know!