It’s been two weeks and Ruari’s still not wholly himself.
The first few days after the attack Rothe have been the one on the surface. It worried me that Ruari retreated to himself after what happened but Rothe advised me to let him be. I didn’t like it but his wolf reasoned Ruari had to figure it out by himself. Rothe reminded me that Ruari’s not so weak that he’d break from something like this. In the end, I had to trust his judgment.
Cale was a happy blessing. He had been the one to pull Ruari out of his self-imposed confinement. And after he resurfaced, Ruari sort of unofficially adopted the little boy and spent all his free time with Cale. I was a bit jealous at first, which was ridiculous really, but I figured if Cale’s toothy grin and whirlwind like personality calms him then I’d settle for it.
Still, there are nights when he’d wake up from a nightmare, screaming, and won’t go back to sleep no matter how much I coax him. Sometimes I wound find him in the morning sitting on the corner of his room, covered with a blanket, with a crazed look in his eyes.
“I want to find him Ciaran.” He would say. “I want to find Gideon Loch.”
It hurts to see him that way. He want the raids to stop and only the spirits know I’d give anything to grant him whatever he desires. But sometimes I look at him and I feel so helpless, callow.
Gideon Loch. I wasn’t surprised when Ruari told me he’s linked to the raiders. He was a former member of Moonscape and was to be made pack warrior before I banished him. Gideon and his friends were the ones who gave Ruari a thorough beating and left him for dead five years ago. It wasn’t a tough call to make especially after Ruari’s disappearance.
It all fits now. How the raiders know that Ruari is my mate and he wasn’t living with me. How they seem to understand all our patrol routes no matter how many times we change them per day. And how they could easily exploit the weakness of our security. So far we haven’t met any of the banished members but I’m sure our paths would cross soon.
I’ve been working long hours with the council to figure out where the enemy base could be. They couldn’t be too far to launch a succession of attacks and pull back at crucial moments without leaving a visible trail.
We’ve felled a lot of wolves from their side but they seem to have more at their disposal. From the reports I’ve gathered from the survivors of other packs, no one could tell how big the operation is. But if they’re recruiting rogues then there could be hundreds of them waiting for an opportunity to strike.
I growled in frustration as I stare at the maps and documents in front of me. I’ve been studying their pattern of the attacks but they all seem to be random, like they raid a pack that strikes their fancy.
A well-known healer, a powerful elder, a half-breed with special abilities, a pure white wolf…
All wolves they’ve taken so far were all special in some way.
A collector. I’ve toyed with the idea of hunters but no hunter has ventured on these lands for over seven decades. And this is the first time I’ve encountered or heard of a collector. But if the information given to Ruari is correct then he’s in more danger now.
Before they only needed him to lure me out. As alpha of the biggest pack in the country and a pure black wolf I could be considered a high-valued commodity. Taking Ruari would induce me to give myself up. But now they’d want Ruari more for being a rare tri-colored wolf and if they get their hands on him, they’d capture me as well.
The compound has been attacked twice since Ruari came back. We haven’t suffered many losses but the pack is in a vulnerable state at the moment. I don’t think we’d be able to withstand another blow.
“You’ve been staring at those things for over three hours now,” Lorcan said from the doorway. “You’d go blind if you keep that up.”
I just shrugged to acknowledge his presence but didn’t bother to answer or look up.
There has to be something. A crucial detail we might have overlooked. I know there is! And if it’s here, all I have to do is look at these papers over and over until I find it. I know panicking won’t help me discover whatever it is sooner but as things stand the way they are, I can’t afford to delay or let up. I have to keep pushing. Things have gone far enough and I feel like I’m running out of time.
“Ruari’s been digging information about Leanne Wyatt’s family,” Lorcan said sitting on the chair in front of the desk.
“How do you know that?” I asked narrowing my eyes at him.
“Because of this,” he answered placing a thick folder on the desk. “The package didn’t have a return address so I took the liberty and opened it. I thought it was another threat.”
I reached for the folder and quickly scanned the documents inside.
They were dossiers of the Alpha of Silver Gate pack and his immediate family members. It was detailed and professionally done. I have to say I’m impressed. When did Ruari have time to hire someone to gather this much information?
“It bears the mark of a procurer and this one is good because no matter how hard we track him down we can’t seem to find any trace of him. He pops in the system then just vanishes.” Lorcan added a bit put out. “I thought you should know.”
I nodded and stood up from my chair, moved towards the windows that overlooked the back yard where Ruari is currently sitting and playing with Cale.
How should I ask him about this? We haven’t been talking much recently. Actually to be brutally honest we haven’t talked at all since that night by the waterfall. We see each other, eat meals together sometimes and we talk about nonsensical things. He doesn’t seem to be avoiding me, it just feels like he doesn’t want to talk about anything important. And I didn’t want to push him.
I don’t want him to think I’m trying to spy on him again by opening his mail. But how do I explain that these sort of action could be dangerous for him, at least for now. The only thing that makes me feel good about this situation is that he knows someone who’s discreet and good enough that even with all our facilities and security accesses, Lorcan couldn’t track the man down.
“I’ll talk to him,” I said.
In fact, I’d do it this instant. Why wait?
I grabbed the folder from the table and started for the door.
“What?” Lorcan followed. “Now?”
“Why not?” I asked heading down the stairs. “If I wait longer he’d think I’m trying to keep these from him.” I waved the folder in front of Lorcan’s face.
“But don’t you think you should wait until he’s in ah well…” I know he wanted to say ‘stable state of mind’ or ‘when he’s not too grief stricken’ or some other shit along those lines. But instead he finished lamely with, “When he’s on a better mood?”
The pack knows that Leanne’s death was a blow to Ruari. No one really understands why because they just met and they hardly know each other.
I think it’s because Ruari saw his younger self on Leanne. It didn’t take him long to notice that he and she are somewhat the same. They were both young, cheerful and hopeful despite the difficulties in their lives. Ruari felt an affinity towards Leanne, a connection that he wouldn’t find in anyone who didn’t share his experiences and pain.
“Papa! Papa!” Cale squealed running at full speed towards Ruari. His chubby arms waving in the air with a handful of crushed daisies stuck in his little fist.
“I think you got a rival,” Lorcan whispered as we stopped by the edge of the yard.
I elbowed him hard on the stomach before walking forward, leaving him doubled over and cursing behind me.
“Alpha,” both Bran and Prior greeted as I passed by. I inclined my head and continued towards Ruari.
Ruari looked up from where he sat with Cale and for a moment I was struck dumb at how they looked just sitting there surrounded with crushed flowers and the sun already setting low.
Ruari looks like a protective mother, he didn’t appreciate my sudden intrusion on their private time, and Cale looks like he belonged where he was, clinging to Ruari’s shirt and his face half buried on his chest.
I could feel my own chest tightening. I’m not jealous, far from it. Looking at them sitting together like that, looking up at me, I wonder how it’d feel like if they welcomed my presence, if they included me in their intimate circle instead of treating me like an interloper. The three of us, we could be a…
I shook my head violently and mentally slapped and cursed myself for being stupid. There’d be enough time for dreaming later. Now there’re just too many problems to be addressed first.
“These came in the mail for you,” I said handing Ruari the folder. “Lorcan had to open the package for security purposes because it had no return address.”
He just lifted an arrogant brow before taking the folder from me. He didn’t offer any explanation or say anything about his actions. He just sat there waiting for me to make the first move.
“Is there anything else I need to know?” I pried gently.
He’s too wound up and I’m not here to fight. I just don’t want any more surprises. I hope he understands that.
Ruari stared at me for a moment and for the first time in two weeks I could see more than just sadness and anger in his eyes. I cocked my head to one side to see more and better but he seemed to have realized his sudden slip because his face returned to its usual blank mask of indifference.
“Jean is coming.” He said standing up with Cale still in his arms, his mismatched eyes refusing to meet mine.
I stiffened and immediately felt my pulse quicken. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it would escape the confines of my chest. Keiron is growling and snarling inside me, rage oozing out of him in huge waves. If I don’t watch it, this simple meeting could turn to a huge disaster.
“Why?” I growled trying to keep my anger at bay.
It’s bad enough that he loves another person when he can’t even bring himself to love me. When I asked he wouldn’t tell me who this fucking Jean is. And now he’s invited Jean here? He can’t be fucking serious! What does he think he’s doing? Just because I don’t exercise or demand my rights as his mate it doesn’t mean that I’d let him cavort with another person with me in the vicinity!
Ruari has to be out of his freaking mind to bring that loser here when he knows I could easily kill Jean and I’d be acting within my rights if I do so. No one would question my actions because the fucking asshole touched what is mine!
I’ve been patient and understanding. I’ve tried to give him everything that would make him happy. But if he thinks I’d be willing to share him with another lover then he’d be sorely disappointed. Because I’d kill anyone who dares to take him from me!
He backed away slowly and held Cale tighter. His sudden move wasn’t lost to me and I breathed in deeply to calm myself. I held Keiron down with sheer willpower.
My wolf wants to be free, he wants answers and right now he doesn’t care what he does to get them. And letting him out would spell big trouble for everyone.
“Why would you bring Jean here?” I asked through clenched teeth, pulling everything tight inside me.
Ruari looked like he wanted to explain something but as always, once he felt cornered, he held himself back. He just stared at me cautiously and took another step back.
He’s distancing himself from me again…
Damn it!
Why?
“I need Jean right now,” he replied before turning and walking away.
I felt my eyes change color. Before I lose all sense and reason, I turned and walked on the opposite direction.
He said so himself…
He needs Jean, not me.
He loves Jean, not me.
What do I need to do to reach him? What do I need to do to make him love me? What does Jean have that I don’t?
I’m his mate! Goddamnit!
I know I said and did horrible things to him in the past. But only the spirits know I’m trying hard to make up for it. Can’t he move past that? Did I find him too late? Do I stand a chance in winning him back?Â
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