Reject (Mxm) Chapter Twenty-One: Ruari

pix of Jean —–>

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Ciaran’s miserable and to be honest, I am too.

He hasn’t returned to his room since we had our last conversation and he seemed to be going out of his way to stay clear of the pack house. It’s either he’s really busy with pack duties or blatantly avoiding me. I have a sinking feeling it’s the latter.

The only other time I got to see him properly was this morning when he happened to pass by the living room where I was sitting and watching television with Cale. Even though I didn’t want it to, my heart did a few back flips and summersaults at the mere sight of him.

He looked like he hasn’t been sleeping well. His usually tanned skin was a bit pale, there were bags under his eyes and he hadn’t bothered to shave. He looked unkempt but even on his disheveled state he still looked good enough to eat. I tried to talk to him but he looked to be in a hurry to get away so I just let him do what he wanted without making a move to stop him.

It’s your fault! Rothe nagged for nth time. You’re punishing all of us and for what? Even you don’t know! I keep telling you to come clean about Jean but no, you have to obstinate and…

I blocked him off and sighed.

Rothe’s not going to tell me anything I haven’t heard for over a dozen times already. He’s been on my neck since I told Ciaran that Jean is coming. He kept insisting I should tell Ciaran the truth.

I would have told him the last time we talked but Ciaran’s feral expression stopped me. I knew in an instant that if I tried he wouldn’t believe me. I would be wasting my breath and both our times. So I just left him alone to believe and think what he wants.

A decision that I am now starting to regret.

But what else was I supposed to do?

Ciaran immediately tensed the moment I mentioned Jean’s name. I could feel his ire rising by the second and murderous aura was emanating from him in huge powerful waves. I was nervous to say or explain anything, to be brutally honest. I was afraid he’d forget himself and let Keiron out. Cale was with me and I didn’t want to risk his safety by staying with Ciaran when he’s on that sort of mood.

I tried talking to him a couple of times after that incident but Lorcan kept on intercepting me before I could get near him. And after a few times of being respectfully but properly shot down, I just gave up. I figured he’d understand the situation once he sees Jean for himself.

“I need to borrow a car,” I told Bran the second he entered the attic apartment.

“What for?” He asked cautiously.

“I need to pick up Jean from the airport.”

“Does Alpha Ciaran know?”

“If he spared some of his precious time to talk to me, he would have.” I answered irritably.

Bran has been my closest ally and friend. After recent events I was confident that we’ve gotten closer. I thought he, of all people, would understand and wouldn’t question me. That he wouldn’t think the worst about my relationship with Jean. But from the look on his face, I guess I earned another non-believer.

“I think it’s not a good idea for you to go and see Jean.”

This is getting annoying.

“Fine, I get it.” I sighed. “You don’t need to help me with the car but can you look after Cale while I’m gone?”

I don’t like leaving Cale alone and even if the omega in charge of taking care of the pups said I could always call on her I want someone whom I explicitly trust to be with Cale when I’m not around. Someone who could protect him in case he needs it.

“I asked Prior but he and his mate have something planned today.” I continued. “There’s really no one I could ask.” And no one I could trust with Cale’s safety. But I don’t want to admit that to him just yet.

“You’re going?” He asked a bit panicked. “You can’t go. And definitely not alone. If alpha finds out…”

“Trust me, Ciaran wouldn’t care.” I said cutting him off. “I don’t think you realize how important Jean is to me. If you had, you would have asked me directly instead of assuming bullshit like Ciaran did.”

Bran looked guilty and I felt like an ass for snapping at him. But seriously, if any of them had the balls to ask me outright who Jean really is, I would have told them. I have nothing to hide especially nothing about my relationship with Jean. But instead of doing the reasonable and mature thing the whole pack followed its alpha’s lead and assumed the worst.

When Bran opened his mouth to try an argue with me again I just raised a hand to stop him.

I really have no time or patience for this type of conversation right now.

“I need to go,” I said. “Will you look after Cale or not?”

“I will,” he answered.

I nodded and started for the door.

“How would you get to the airport?” he asked before I could go out.

“I’ll run into town then hire a rental.” I shrugged. “Don’t worry, I’ll manage.”

He frowned and looked to be in deep thought before digging in his pocket and tossing a set of keys in my direction.

“It’s the big, red, shiny one.” He said as he slumped back on the couch. “You won’t miss it on the garage.”

I grinned and pocketed the keys. I had a feeling he’d come through eventually but I wasn’t really sure because his first allegiance would always be with Ciaran. He just keeps on surprising me like this.

“Don’t worry, I know how to drive.” I said and as an afterthought added, “Possibly.” Just to tease him.

His head snapped up to see if I was joking but I just laughed and left. I do know how to drive and thanks to Jasper’s connections, I acquired a racing license as well. But Bran doesn’t need to know that right now. I’ll let him stew for a bit. It’s payback for assuming the worst like the rest of them.

I knew from the beginning, without Rothe nagging at me, that I should set the record straight. But it wasn’t the kind of topic you bring up on a normal conversation. If Ciaran hadn’t acted like an ass the first time he learned of Jean I would have told him the truth right away.

And that’s another thing, how dare he be jealous of Jean when he doesn’t even know the whole story. It’s not like he’s been faithful to me while I was away. For all I know, he could have had dozens of relationships over the years. Women flock around him like bees to honey. Who knows, maybe he still has a girl or two somewhere that I should probably find out about.

The thought of Ciaran having an affair with some woman I don’t know is nerve wrecking. I growled and put the truck on reverse. I stepped on the gas and skidded to a halt once I had enough space to maneuver out of the driveway. I sped away from the pack house scattering pebbles and dust on my wake still smarting at the thought of my mate on another woman’s arms.

If Ciaran thinks I’d allow him to have an affair then he has another thing coming! It was fine when we weren’t together and when I wasn’t here but now that I am I’d claw out the eyes of anyone who…

I pushed my foot on the brakes, hard, and slumped over the steering wheel.

What the hell am I thinking? I sound like a jealous housewife! Ciaran and I never made a promise to each other, if anything, he never said anything about staying together after the mess with the raiders is done. We’re mates but we haven’t fully mated and since I got back in Moonscape, Ciaran never told me anything about wanting to complete the mating ritual. The full moon is happening in a few days and if he did want to do it, he would have told me so already.

Yes, he warned me before that he’d win me over. He declared I was his and I could deny him all I want but he wouldn’t give up on me no matter what. But we never talked about our future together and he never once mentioned what I would be to the pack. For all I know he just wants me for now, as a lover, or something else that isn’t permanent.

I knocked my forehead on my steering wheel and groaned out loud.

This is stupid!

I shouldn’t be worrying about my standing with Ciaran. In the first place, I seem to have no standing at all. If the last days are anything to go by, it’s clear that he finds me bothersome and too much of a burden to deal with. He wouldn’t talk to me about anything important. He doesn’t trust me with information about the pack and he’s not even interested in learning about Jean anymore. It’s like after all that he’s said and done, he just gave up halfway.

I put the truck in gear and continued on my way.

It’s not like I’m hoping for anything to happen, not really. Even I know our situation is not normal. Ciaran is an alpha and even though most of the pack recognizes me as his mate, it doesn’t mean that they’d accept me as the luna, or in our case the other alpha, when the time comes. There’s a lot to consider. If Ciaran chooses to be with me, in the whole sense of the word, other packs might create a problem for Moonscape just for having two alphas instead of one. In the end, it doesn’t really matter whether I decide to stay because it all boils down to Ciaran’s resolve. If he’d be willing to face and go through all that censure to be with me.

The thought of another rejection burned painfully in my chest and on the back of my eyes. I lightly rubbed my fingers over the mark I had tattooed on my skin to remind me who and what I was to him. I really shouldn’t get my hopes up. But I guess it’s too late for that now…

Jean’s flight already landed when I arrived at the airport.

“I was wondering if you’re going to show up,” Jean greeted when I found her sitting on the same café I was sitting on when Ciaran found me on this very airport.

“Take pity on me,” I smiled as I walked up to her. “I had to borrow a ride in order to get here. Can’t I be forgiven for being late because of that?”

Jean pouted for a second before launching herself at me.

“I missed you,” she whispered by my ear, playfully biting my lobe. Her arms tightened around my neck and her slim legs wrapped around my waist. “I was so worried about you, asshole.”

“I missed you too,” I whispered back burying my face on the crook of her neck inhaling her comforting scent. “More than you’ll ever know.”

We stayed locked in each other’s arms for a few minutes until I realized we weren’t alone and our little public display is attracting a lot of attention in the crowded airport.

“I think it’s time to go,” I said setting her back on her feet.

“Let them watch,” Jean said flashing her middle finger on some poor guy who didn’t have enough tact to turn away at the right moment. “They’re just jealous because you’re hot and I’m gorgeous.”

“I know sweetheart but I told you it’s not safe for us to be out in the open like this.” I said grabbing her hand and her luggage. “Did you bring everything I asked for?”

She nodded and fell on a step beside me. “Dad is sending the bigger equipment. It’ll arrive tomorrow  but I have everything else so we could start setting it up tonight if you want.”

“No, you had a long flight.” I answered squeezing her hand gently. “You’ll need sleep or you’d be cranky when it’s time for work.”

She grinned before letting go of my hand and wrapping her arms around my waist.

Jean is very affectionate and she’s not one for being coy or shy. One of the things she loves to do is cuddling with me and it doesn’t matter when or where, whether we have an audience or not. And I learned through the years that its easier just to go with it.

I shook my head and placed a protective arm around her shoulders.

“I’m really glad you came for me Jean.”

I leaned down to kiss her forehead but Jean grabbed the back of my neck and met my lips with hers.

“Of course I’ll come,” she said framing my face with her hands. “I love you Ruari. I’d always come for you.”

“I love you too Jean,” I smiled and led the way out of the airport.