to celebrate getting more than 1k likes, this chapter is again dedicated to everyone who’s been with ruari and ciaran on their journey from then to now.
just thought this song goes well with this chapter. —–>
oh fun fact about me… i love boyce avenue”,)Â
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I’ve been running tirelessly for hours…
I could feel the warrior wolves from Moonscape trying to keep up with me but this time I didn’t want to wait for them to catch up.
Don’t ask me why I’m running. I just feel the need to. Even Rothe is urging me to run as fast and as hard I can.
Maybe I’m punishing myself…
But running to the point of exhaustion is not enough after everything that I found out this morning.
Why didn’t he tell me sooner?
Once the familiar scent of sandalwood and fresh-cut grass grew thicker in the air I pounded my paws harder on forest floor.
I’ve been tracking his scent for hours. I didn’t want to ask anyone where he’ gone and why. All I know is I needed to find him, to talk to him. And I have to do it by myself.
I arrived at a clearing deep in the forest past the northern border of the pack lands. There stood a small log cabin with Ciaran’s scent wafting faintly around it.
I hurried forward and nosed the heavy door open but the cabin appeared to be deserted. The walls were bare and it was sparsely furnished. Although Ciaran’s scent was around, the cabin looked like it haven’t been used for some time.
I wanted to howl in frustration. I was sure this place is where he went. I guess all I’ve been doing for the past hours was tracking his scent that lingers here.
I was about to leave and renew my search when I felt the familiar prickle of awareness not far behind me.
“Ruari?” His voice echoed through the open space between us.
I slowly turned to find him standing by the tree line.
He was wearing faded blue jeans. His chest and his feet were bare. His jet-black hair was wind blown and tousled. And his midnight blue eyes were shining bright. He looked like he’s been hunting.
Ciaran stood tall, unmoving, for a few seconds. Like he couldn’t believe that I was actually there in front of him. But once he got his bearings back, he frowned and strode forward with purposeful strides towards where I was.
I watched him approach and that’s when I noticed the mark on the left side of his chest. A tattoo separated from the ones covering the right side of his upper torso. A perfect copy of the one I have inked on my skin.
Ciaran doesn’t look happy to see me. I was suddenly afraid he’d send me away. There must be a reason why he’s isolating himself on this place and my presence could be an unwanted distraction.
I was still standing, frozen, by the doorway. He wouldn’t be able to enter the cabin unless I move. I figured if I stand my ground I could get him to talk to me and avoid getting the door slammed in my face.
But once he got close enough to reach for me, I instinctively backed away. He kept on moving forward and I kept taking cautious steps back. I continued with my unconscious movements until I heard the door slammed shut behind him.
“Are you going to stay on that form or are you going to shift back so we could actually talk?” He said when I didn’t shift back after we’ve been staring at each other for quite some time. “Not that I mind. It’d be easier for me to keep you here when you’re in that form.”
I growled and walked through to the open doorway to my right keeping my eyes trained on him. After I’m safely inside I prepared to shift to my human form and heard Ciaran chuckle behind me. I had to suppress the violent urge to go out of the room and maul him to death. He’s toying with me. Damn him!
Good thing I had the forethought to tie my pants around my leg. After I shifted back I pulled the jeans and shrugged at my lack of clothing before coming out of the room. Ciaran is as clothed as I was. As long as we’re not naked I think we could have a decent enough conversation.
Besides, our unusual state of undress is the least of my worries. We have a lot to discuss, he and I, and being shirtless would not get in the way of that. Being half clothed wouldn’t stop me from accomplishing what I came here to do.
Ciaran was standing by the fireplace warming up something. I noticed he already have a shirt on and when he felt my presence behind him, he tossed another shirt my way.
“Wear that,” he murmured. “I can’t think straight when you have so much skin exposed.”
I scowled at him before turning to hide the smile that instantly formed in my lips. I closed my eyes for a second before fully pulling the shirt on. I tried not to sigh out loud because it smelled just like him.
“All I have is coffee,” he said handing me a steaming cup.
“That’s fine,” I answered balancing the mug in between my hands. Warming my suddenly cold fingers. “Thanks.”
We stood side by side for some time, silently sipping our coffee. All I could hear was the rhythm of our breaths and the sound of the forest outside. The atmosphere was quiet almost serene and it was soothing.
Frankly, now that I’m here with Ciaran I don’t know how to broach the subject or open the conversation. After my conversation with Lorcan I thought I’d find him and talk to him. I never really thought of how I’d talk to him. It never occurred to me that it’d be hard to actually accomplish what I wanted to do once we’re standing face to face, or on this case side by side.
Ciaran solved the problem for me.
“Why are you here Ruari?” He asked putting his mug down and looking sideways at me. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t seek me all the way out here just to have a cup of coffee.”
I took my time answering. Honestly, I’m a bit nervous. No, scratch that. I’m more than nervous. I’ve been running this conversation over and over in my head since Lorcan told me the truth and now my mind is all jumbled.
Everything, our relationship and future together, is riding on the conversation we’re about to have. And I really want us to talk not argue, not throw insults at each other or point fingers on who did what. I mean really talk.
But then again, there’s no point in beating around the bush. I guess I’ll take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and just wing it.
“Lorcan told me about what happened the day I left, about Gideon and his friends.” I started, looking at him closely to gauge his reaction. “Among other things…”
Ciaran looked at me but I made sure the nonchalant mask I was wearing wouldn’t slip off, not yet. I need everything in my arsenal in order to survive this.
He cursed under his breath before closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, possibly to calm himself.
“He shouldn’t have done that,” he said.
He turned to face the window and looked outside.
“Why?” I asked feeling my heart beating faster.
So it was true, all of it.
Ciaran didn’t confirm or deny anything but his reaction was enough.
What do I do now? How do I proceed?
“What do you mean why?” He frowned glancing at me before turning back to the view outside. “It’s not important is it? It happened five years ago. It’s done, over. I thought you, of all people, wouldn’t want to revisit the past considering what happened to you.”
He’s right, of course. I did decide not to look back or think about what happened that time. But not in the way he thinks. Looking back now is different, it’s important. We could talk about the past once just to clear up everything. Then we could agree never to speak of it again. That way there would be no walls between us. No excuses we could use as a shield to hide behind when we feel scared or insecure.
It’s time to lay ourselves bare to each other and decide where to proceed from here.
“I didn’t know… I didn’t know what you felt after I left or how you reacted to my disappearance. I didn’t know what you did after you learned about the beating.” I said turning to face him. “I left thinking the worse of you. I left thinking you rejected me.”
“Does it matter?” He asked stubbornly. I don’t know if he’s just being contrary for the sake of it or he really doesn’t think the past is worth mentioning. “I could tell you all about it now but it won’t make a difference. Even if you know everything I did and went through these past five years it doesn’t change the fact that I did a cruel thing to you. And because of me you almost…”
“I almost what?” I frowned.
“Nothing,” he clipped out taking a few steps away, putting some distance between us.
He’s lying of course. What he was about to say is not ‘nothing’, it is something and I could feel that it’s bothering him. I don’t know why but I can tell when Ciaran’s trying to lie to me.
I looked at him and I could tell something about him is different. Something in him has changed. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. But as I said everything between us is riding on this and I don’t want this to be a one-sided conversation.
“Talk to me Ciaran,” I pleaded.
I don’t care if I sound pathetic. I don’t care about my pride anymore. I just want him to talk to me.
“I want to know everything.” I begged. “I want to understand…”
It’s now or never. If he balks and I crumble then that’s it for us. If we don’t fix this now then this time it’s really over.
I waited for him talk, silently compelling him to tell me something. Anything! But Ciaran just stared back at me and remained quiet. I held back until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Please,” I choked out covering my tear-streaked face with my trembling hands. “Say something…”
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