Reject (Mxm) Chapter Thirty: Ruari

Wah! 30k!!! I was wondering if we’d reach the mark before this chapter comes out and we did! YOU are all so cool. THANK YOU! 

This chapter is dedicated to my followers (you know who you are). Thank you so much for the support, for taking the time to read, vote, comment and most of all for following me. I really appreciate it. k“,)

Fun fact about me: When I’m having a block this song seems to propel me forward. (you gotta love ed)

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I could feel him…

I felt his agitation and sudden fear of not sensing me near, his confusion and sudden panic. I tried to link my mind with his but he’s too confounded for me to successfully reach or connect with his psyche.

I waited in anticipation and nervousness as I felt him drew closer to the waterfall. Ciaran burst through the tree line and once he caught sight of me in the pool, went straight towards the water.

I was expecting a show of temper and irritation, anger even. But Ciaran surprised me when he didn’t scream or shout instead he grabbed me to him. He held me close, tight, like he was reaffirming himself that I was really there. And the moment he realized that he really has me in his arms, he calmed down.

I wrapped my arms around him and from the simple touch I understood where his fears are coming from. I guess my disappearing act five years ago really did a number on him.

The minute his feelings were back to normal Ciaran’s thoughts immediately linked with mine. It felt good to finally be able to read his thoughts, to finally get a glimpse as to how his mind works. I know in the future he could easily block me out but right now, I’m enjoying this new sensation.

I don’t think he knows. I doubt he’s even conscious of doing it. From the way he’s holding me, I think Ciaran’s still too shaken to realize we’re mind linking for the first time.

Our talk was long overdue. We both suffered for years because of it. Clearing the air should have been done the moment I stepped back in Moonscape. We had a lot of issues between us but once we’ve started talking I guess both of us realized our situation was not as dire as we first thought. And now it’s all cleared and over with we can finally move on. Get on with our lives.

‘We’ll start over’ is what he told me. ‘This time we have to make damn sure we’d do it right.’ I wholeheartedly agree.

After everything we’ve been through, after all the shit we had to deal with, this time we’d take our time and figure this together. It’s what we should have done in the first place.

I have to say it’s nice to be wanted. To be desired and needed. I’ve never had all those, not until Ciaran. I know we still have a long way to go but I can say with confidence, this time, we’re finally on the right track.

We’re on our way back to the pack house when it crossed my mind that there’s something I needed to ask him, something that’s been bothering me for quite some time.

“Ciaran,” I started.

“Yes?” He turned his head to me and arched an eyebrow.

“Why haven’t you told me the council have been pressuring you about the mating ritual?” I asked.

Bran let a slip some time ago that the council has been constantly nagging Ciaran about my position in pack or when we’d perform the mating ritual. Since I came back they’ve been relentless and it became a popular topic during council meetings.

I thought Bran was just funning me because I haven’t heard a word about performing the mating ritual from Ciaran. But Lorcan inadvertently confirmed everything Bran said during our recent conversation.

I was waiting for Ciaran to ask and tell me when he wants to do it but so far he’s been tight lipped about it and the full moon is just a few days away.

Now that we’ve marked each other the only thing left is for us to do is perform the mating ritual. After that I could start to learn about my position and assume my responsibilities within the pack as Ciaran’s mate.

I figured if we plan the ritual now we might be able to do it during the coming full moon. Personally, I don’t want a lavish celebration. I want it to be a small no fuss, intimate affair. But since Ciaran is the alpha of Moonscape, and I would be too after the mating ritual, it’s highly likely that the pack would want to be involved. After all, this would be the first in its history that Moonscape would have two alphas instead of an alpha and a luna.

“I was waiting for you to be ready.” He answered.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been skittish around me since you came back. You don’t trust half of the pack and there were a lot of unsolved issues between us. I didn’t want to rush you into anything.” He took my hand in his before stopping in his tracks and me in the process. “I wanted you to get accustomed to pack life again, to reconnect with the everyone and view them in a different light. I wanted you to accept me before broaching the subject of the mating ritual.”

So he was being considerate and there I was thinking maybe he was having second thoughts or maybe he just didn’t want to commit to it, to us. Old habits really die-hard.

“How about now?” I asked testily.

Ciaran looked at me closely and sighed, squeezing my hand gently.

“You’re not having weird thoughts again are you?”

I just looked away and refrained from answering. My silence should be enough.

“I’d love to do the mating ritual soon,” he said framing my face in between his hands so I wouldn’t be able to look at anything but him. “Now that we’re both marked I want it even more.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, my insecurities rearing its ugly head and bubbling to the surface with a vengeance.

Maybe I’m pessimistic but hell after everything I have a right to be so sue me!

“Because I want it to be something special and not just an afterthought. I don’t care if the council wants it soon or the pack demands it to happen. What matters to me is us, you and I. What we want and what we need.” He explained. “I was going to talk to you about the ritual once we get back but you beat me to it.”

I held on to his wrists, loving the way his pulse jumps in tune with mine and at the same time feeling a bit silly for having baseless doubts. It’s hard to turn over a new leaf and expect everything to be better all of a sudden. I suppose I need more practice.

“We could still do it this time you know.” Ciaran whispered. I could feel his lips moving inches towards mine, our warm breaths mixing in the space between us. “If you don’t mind a small ceremony with just the pack we could start the preparations when we get back. Personally, I’d rather strike while the iron is hot. Who knows what you’d do if I leave you alone for too long.”

I grabbed the back of his neck with both my hands as I captured his lips with mine. Ciaran growled and pushed me up a tree one of his muscular legs resting suggestively in between mine. He angled his head to deepen the kiss and his hand snaked under my shirt to touch my bare skin.

It got hot and heavy within seconds and I think for now, it’s safe to say, we have the moon’s phase to blame for our too amorous behavior.

“Let’s do it soon,” I breathed out when we came up for air. Ciaran turned his attention to my neck and ear when my mouth released his. “You might change your mind if I give you more time to think about it.”

I meant it as a joke but something inside me is still scared this could all be just a wonderful dream. I know and I can feel that I do, really, have Ciaran in my arms right now but I’m still scared. We might have resolved our differences but danger still lurks around us. The raiders and the collector are still at large. No one is safe and being alpha Ciaran would always be in the frontline trying to protect the pack. Accidents happen and until we stop them we can’t rest easy and let our guards down.

Ciaran just laughed it off and playfully bit my lobe.

“In your dreams love! I’d have the pack prepare for the mating ritual. I’d have them prepare for your induction ceremony as well.” He said still nipping at my ear. “You don’t need to do anything except show up on the given time and place. After that, you’d be completely and utterly mine.”

We made out for quite some time before we decided it’s time to continue heading back. And the moment we drew closer the pack house I knew in an instant something was not right.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Ciaran groaned irritably beside me, confirming my foreboding feeling. “What the hell is it now?”

I wanted to laugh but it isn’t funny. Not really. It’s just mere hours since we patched things up between us. Honestly, I was looking forward to a whole day with nothing but talking and cuddling. Maybe a bit more with lots of touching and kissing involved. I was going to suggest it to Ciaran but I guess it’s too late to voice out that plan now.

When we were within sight of the pack house Jean rushed out with Cale, Bran and Prior. The three have grim expressions on their faces. Only Cale, who’s forever cheerful and bubbly, seemed happy to see us.

“Wow! I was gone for one night and this is the enthusiastic greeting I get?” I joked. My desperate and failed attempt to diffuse the sudden tension before taking Cale in my arms. “I should go off alone more often.”

Jean just looked at me blankly like I lost some screws in my head while Bran and Prior stared at me for a full minute and for some reason immediately colored and bowed their heads.

“Uh, welcome back and ah…” Bran stuttered shuffling from one foot to another.

I could see the call of the moon is starting to get to him. I have to remember to remind Jean to move out for a few days. Bran is starting to look pale and utterly miserable. He eyeing Jean like she’s a big chunk of his favorite steak served in front him. But for some reason he was not allowed to eat. He’s practically devouring her with his eyes!

“Congratulations alpha.” Prior smiled saving Bran from his sudden lapse.

I frowned. I don’t understand why he’s…

Of course, shit! How could it have slipped my mind?

I now bear Ciaran’s mark. His scent is now mixed with mine as mine is in his. Even if we don’t announce it to the pack they’d realize it from our now mixed scents.

The pack probably knows Ciaran was isolating himself in the cabin and I followed him there. We spent the whole night alone together. Anyone would think we did more than mark each other since it’s the natural way of things. It’s no wonder Bran turned into a blushing, bumbling idiot while looking at Jean hungrily.

I could feel my cheeks burning. I’m just about ready to bury myself somewhere they wouldn’t find me. This is worse than a freaking walk of shame after a one-night stand! Not that I know how that feels first hand but I watch movies okay. I know stuff.

I looked over at Ciaran who to my utter shame is smiling broadly and proudly. He hasn’t said anything to confirm or deny any suspicion thrown our way but from the look of his sinfully handsome face, it’s like he’s daring anyone to leave whatever happened last night to their lustful imagination.

I gasped and quickly turned away when he flirtatiously winked at me. The nerve of this guy sometimes baffles me!

I was engrossed in thinking of ways on how to save face in front of the pack when Jean suddenly grabbed Ciaran’s arm. I took an immediate step forward, worried she’d suddenly flip or throw him but she did neither.

“They’re here.” Jean said still clutching at Ciaran’s arm. I could see her nails digging on his skin but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Ciaran’s face immediately changed at the simple statement. His arm went around my shoulder, tugging me closer to his body.

Whoever those visitors are, they seemed to have triggered Ciaran’s protective instinct. He’s now standing defensively alert beside me, like someone would jump out of nowhere and take me away from him.

“Ciaran?” I asked suddenly confused.

He and Jean are acting a bit weird.

Since have they been friendly with each other?

Instead of answering me Ciaran asked Jean, “How many?”

“Three, his brother and two escorts.” Jean answered looking at me worriedly before turning back to Ciaran. “Lorcan is entertaining them right now. I told him not to let them wander around and I asked these two,” she pointed at Bran and Prior. “To tell the pack not to say anything until you come.”

Brother? Escorts? The conversation is too cryptic for me to understand and from the look on Prior and Bran’s faces they don’t get it either. But it seems Ciaran knows who our mysterious guests are and for some reason both he and Jean are very wary of them.

Damn it! I hate this! I don’t like being kept on the dark. Is there a problem? If so, what we doing standing out here and wasting time? Why isn’t Ciaran saying anything to me? I’ve been probing him through our mating link but he’s not answering. Is this something I’m not supposed to know? But I thought we’re past that?

“Go back inside the house,” he told the others. “I need to talk to Ruari before we come inside and greet them.”

Ciaran took my arm and pulled me away with him. We stepped back into the forest and walked a good distance away from the pack house.

“I’m sorry I was ignoring you,” he said. “But I had to ask about the situation first.”

“What’s is it about?” I asked trying to curb my impatience. “Who’s at the house?”

Ciaran looked at me oddly before answering, “Your brother.”

I felt my hackles instantly rise. Of all the stupid lies he could fabricate he chose to go for that one.

“Fuck you Ciaran!” I cursed turning to walk away but he held me back.

“I’m not lying!” He said pulling me back but I only shrugged him off. “Do you really think I’d hurt you like that?”

“Everyone knows I’m an orphan goddamn it!” I snapped. “Of course you’re lying and yes, it fucking hurts me when you do!”

“Damn it, I wish I were!” He shouted back. “I wish your brother is not in the pack house right now. I wish he didn’t come to Moonscape to try and take you away from me. But believe me I am not lying! I won’t lie to you Ruari, not about something like this.”

I just stared at him feeling my whole body shake. I can’t believe it. How could I? This is insane!

“I don’t know much okay, like you I’m figuring this out as I go. As you know Jean and I had a talk. She told me you’re not an orphan and like you, at first, I didn’t believe her either. But then she told me that we should make up before your family comes for you. She told me once they come and find out what happened to you here in Moonscape they’d take you away and there’d be nothing I could do to stop them.”

“How come you didn’t tell me before now?” I asked still feeling unreal.

I’m hurt that he didn’t tell me about this sooner. But I know, deep in my heart, Ciaran wouldn’t lie to me about this. He doesn’t have a reason to hurt me, not like this.

“I was going to tell you once everything settles down. I was even thinking of asking Jean to help me. But I didn’t think they’d come so soon.” He confessed. “Honestly, I didn’t think it was that important.”

My temper snapped at that.

Not important? Did I hear him right? Did he just tell me that informing me about my family was not important?

I looked away from him shocked out of my mind.

How could he think such a thing?

All my life I’ve been alone. I felt lost and abandoned. All I wanted was a place where I could belong, people whom I could call family. And he thinks it’s not important to tell me that I can have all that.

Wait! Shit! I already have all that right? It’s just that my mate neglected to inform me of it!

Was it a joke? Because if it is it isn’t funny. Damn him!

“Before you jump to false conclusions and curse me to hell and back. Let me just tell you why I thought this whole deal about your family was not something I considered safe to just dive into without proper ground work.”

I snorted and mutinously turned away from him. Ciaran grabbed my shoulder to force me to look at him and since I didn’t have much choice, I grudgingly did.

“I did consider digging into your background but I remembered how you flipped when I listened in on your conversation with Jean so I decided not to.” He explained his dark eyes growing ever darker. “I didn’t want this issue to be another thing that would come between us so I decided to leave it alone for now.”

Damn it, he has a point. What am I saying? Of course he does and it’s a valid one!

If he’d told me about my family before we made up I wouldn’t have believed him. I would think it’s just a ploy for him to get to me. The incident would probably cause us more problems and after that I’d probably think of various things to accuse him of.

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his shoulder. Praying for my nerved to settle down.

I have to learn how to trust Ciaran and have to learn it soon. This is pathetic… I’m pathetic.

“Ruari believe me I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you right away. I thought that if you’re interested to know more about your family or want to meet them we find could search for them together. If they want to see you or talk to you, I won’t stop them. I’d let them come and visit you if you’re willing to see them.” He said gently. “But if they’re going to come here to stir trouble between us, then fuck them! They could all go to hell for all I care. Please, try to understand…”

I’m still reeling but now that the initial shock is over I can honestly say Ciaran did the right thing. Waiting and getting a good grasp on the situation was the best course of action. It’s nothing but a bad coincidence that my family came here before he could prepare me for them. But that isn’t Ciaran’s fault. He’s just trying to protect me in the way that he knows how.

Gads! My head is so messed up I can hardly think straight. But I know one thing. Ciaran wouldn’t do anything that would cause me pain, not intentionally. This is just another bump we’d have to cross. And I really hope he’d keep staying with me because only the spirits know I wouldn’t be able to deal with this shit alone.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and stared at Ciaran. I traced the line of his jaw and the edge of his sculpted mouth. Committing every line and curve of his handsome face to my memory. I must have done something right in my past life to deserve someone like him.

I wonder if he knows how much I need him.

I wonder if he knows how much I love him.

Come to think of it, I haven’t told him told him anything so how could he? Well, I could remedy the situation now right?

“Ciaran I…” I didn’t get to say it because he suddenly slammed his lips to mine.  

Ciaran didn’t let go until we were both out of breath and I realized, belatedly, that he was shaking. Badly. He sounded so calm and collected I thought this whole episode wasn’t affecting him at all. But now that I’ve calmed down, enough to notice the small details, I could feel and see that he’s terrified.

Ciaran took me here not just to talk to me or to tell me about the people waiting for us in the pack house. He brought me here because he couldn’t decide whether to steal me away or not. He brought me out here, away from everyone, because he’s desperately trying to reassure himself that I wouldn’t leave him.

Gads, I’m an idiot!