Deafening Silence Ch. 9

Stiles stepped into the night wrapping his jacket tighter around his body. Scott and Isaac were off to his side in a close embrace sharing words only the two could hear. He rolled his eyes trying not to show his annoyance at their persistence of him to be there and yet left him alone. It was freezing, he was drained and they were supposed to be his ride. He was on the border of hailing a cab when there was a broad hand slipping into the small of his back. Stiles was turning with a gasp when he seen the gesture was coming from Derek “Hey”

“Oh, Der, hi” the hand on his back had unsuspectingly generated so much heat from where it sat still on him. A half smile broke out onto Derek’s face when Stiles hadn’t seemed completely repulsed by the idea of the two touching.

“Hm ‘Der’, You feeling alright?” He joked. Stiles didn’t even realize the nickname had so casually left his mouth. He hadn’t apologized or took it back. The look on his face was enough for Derek to tell he shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Derek’s eyes travelled to the newly engaged couple then back to his mate “Did you need a ride home?”

“Oh, no I was just going to get a cab, no big deal. I’m pretty close”

“I don’t mind really. I’m kind of a night owl anyway, don’t feel too tired. I only had one glass and that was hours ago” Derek spoke, disregarded the previous statement, pulling his keys from his pocket anyways “C’mon” he beckoned with his hand. Stiles didn’t put up much more of a fight. He left his friends, trailing behind the bigger man. They strolled to the side of the building where Derek opened the passenger side door to a sleek black Camaro. Stiles was mildly impressed.

He slipped in beside Stiles before buckling up “So where to?”

“Haven and Reckor?”

“I know the place” he smiled, the car roared to life as Derek cranked the engine. The ride went by silently and Stiles felt stupid all over again. He didn’t know how to be alone with Derek, or what to even talk about. His wringing hands sat sweating in his lap as he watched the street lamps pass. His mind wracked back and forth looking for something to do, anything to say. Their conversation earlier in the night had flowed nicely but that was in a crowded room with someone else guiding the conversation.

They were getting closer to his house, and the way Derek’s fingers were drumming on the steering wheel it felt like it was getting louder with every passing second C’mon it won’t hurt anyone Stilinski . He attempted to talk himself into making some form of gesture, grand or minute. Just something. Derek had, after all, been kind and persistent and willing. The red light switched and the car rolled on. One more turn and they’d be in his driveway.

Stiles didn’t miss the look on Derek’s face when he admitted his fear. It was hurt but understanding and Stiles had felt uneasy since. He could admit he hadn’t been trying his hardest–he hadn’t been trying at all to let the man in, but it was all easier said than done. He tried to hype himself up any ways Just be a man and do something his inner voice continued to push at himself.

“It’s um, just the house right there. With the green door” He pointed.

“Got it” Derek nodded, swinging the long car into the port “Nice place”

“Thanks, I bought it last year” Stiles explained as Derek’s fingers continued to tap away. Stiles was afraid he was waiting for something, but he thought it might have just been in his head. Audibly he removed the buckle and was halfway out of the car when his mouth just started up “Do you want to come in-maybe?”

“Really?” He responded, his fingers slowing down.

“Yeah. I don’t have beer but there is coffee and a bottle of cider from new years”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay, sure”

Ten minutes later they were saddled on his couch. Derek had a fresh cup of steaming black coffee in his hands, his jacket thrown over the back of Stiles sofa. He didn’t know anyone else who took their coffee bitter and plain. He sipped it calmly, glancing around the small single family home. It was weird, having Derek in his space, the very same space he’d hide in to get away from. Stiles tried to subtly watch him, maybe figure out what was going on behind those tantalizing green eyes.

“Nice movie collection” Derek complimented once he set his eyes on the stack underneath the tv, finally settling on something he could talk about.

“Yeah, I never really caught on to Netflix or anything”

Derek chuckled “You’re missing out. Nothing like picking a tv show and forgetting how to function when you slip into a binge”

“I’ll have to look into it”

“Well if you ever swing by my place, I’ll be proud to take your binge virginity” Derek’s eyes flew open as he placed his cup on the table and started stammering “I-I didn’t mean it like–It was a joke ya’know…I wasn’t trying to be a dick or anything-“

“Hey Derek it’s fine-“

“No I just… God I-I already let my mouth get me in trouble. I don’t want to lose you, not before I got a chance to really try. I don’t want to screw this up, I’m just trying really hard” he watched Derek place his head in his hands, an active sigh dripping from the back of his throat. He was hard on himself, he’d lost sleep over this, and Stiles being his awkward self probably hadn’t been helping.

“Tell me something Derek? Why are you trying so hard?” Derek flinched slightly at the question, it should have been clear. They were mates, they belonged together. Point, blank, period. He readjusted his legs beneath him from where he sat on the floor “I just—I’ve read stories about couples who date and marry people that aren’t their soul mates. I mean, it happens, every single day. You could easily look elsewhere, start something with someone new. But you’re taking the hard way with me and my…problems. I don’t know, I guess I don’t see why someone would put themselves through the fight just because that person is supposed to be theirs” The words felt harsh leaving his mouth but Stiles couldn’t help it, Derek opened the door and now they were being real.

He sucked in a breath, taking in everything, deciding how to respond “I never dated around much, it was never anything that appealed to me. My soul mate was what I was waiting for, but nine years and they never came. Then I met you and I figured maybe I could get by with someone who wasn’t my soulmate” Derek began to explain. He never really met Stiles’ eye, just stared into space as if he were reading a well rehearsed speech. Maybe he had been waiting for Stiles to ask that question “I could feel this connection, me being pulled to you, before we even spoke. Even when I was yelling at you I felt dirty about it, I just wanted to stop and to hold you. I wanted you before I knew who or what you were that’s why I’m trying so hard, it was you from the moment I walked through those doors.”

Finally, he met Stiles’ eye and he felt every word as Derek tentatively reached for Stiles’ hand. Surprise himself he let Derek hold on and even gripped back gently “Truth is, I’m afraid that there is no one else for me…just you. I won’t feel this way again. I guess I’m just not one of those people wired to want anyone else. And I don’t want you to think that means I won’t respect your decision if you want me to stay away, because I promise I will. But until then I’m going to try. I mean I’ve got to at least try right?”

“Derek, I want to lay it all on the table and just say I’m a wreck in the whole dating department or whatever the hell you want to call this. And, yeah, I was brushing things off  hoping maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with this, that I’d wake up one day and you’d just go away. But the more and more I get to know you, the more I’m around you, the more I realize, maybe I want to deal with this-with you. I just need you to understand that I need time, I need to go slow. A little patience would be nice from you”

“I can give you anything you need”

“O-Okay, that’s nice of you” Stiles finally moved to prop himself on the couch getting more comfortable as he started his attempt at trying. He let Derek ramble and he offered input where he could. He gave a shot at being himself and trying to be funny. Derek took it all in strides, his sarcasm included. He never faltered, never made Stiles feel like he wasn’t good enough or like their being bound together was wrong.

Stiles was covering his mouth as he hid his smile, laughing away at a story Derek had just finished when he stared down at his watch “Oh man it’s already one”

Derek moved in close, looking at the time on Stiles’ watch as well. He was close enough that he could still smell his cologne and a remanence of paint on the man “Oh yeah it is. I guess I better head home, work in six hours” he laughed and moved to stand. Stiles mimicked the movement as he walked him to the door. And for a split second he found himself not wanting him to go. It scared him.

“I had fun. Seriously” Stiles voiced confidently.

“Me too. I can call you tomorrow and we’ll do it again?”

“I’d like that” Stiles smiled, remembering to put his number in Derek’s phone. Derek mirrored the boys happy face before turning to leave and Stiles didn’t close the door right away, instead he watched him get as far as the first step. Then he was padding out into the night, only his socks between his bare feet and the cold porch “Derek. Wait”

“Yeah?”

Don’t ask what came over him. Stiles had given up on questioning anything he did, Derek was focused on him all over again when he felt his hand reach out on it’s own accord “Can I just…” He started to ask in a whisper, as he closed in. Derek wasn’t moving, or even flinching to step away. His feet stayed planted, as his thumbs hung hooked in his belt loops. Stiles stepped forward, trembling breaths as he placed a soft kiss to his cheek, It’s was nothing but chaste and Stiles could feel Derek suck in a breath. All before he let his lanky arms extend out and wrap around Derek. He enveloped him without question, and the two stood there holding each other. 

There were stars shooting around behind his closed eye lids. Derek tasted like strawberries and honey and Stiles never figured out how that could be.

Stiles retreated, Derek’s green orbs became visible again. They were blown wide and shimmering like he had never seen before “Goodnight Der”

“Goodnight Stiles”