I feel anxious because I can’t write and I can’t write because I am anxious. It’s a wonderful feeling :”) But I hope you enjoy this little flashback when Xavier was newly recruited!
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Grayson: Unofficial
“All two hundred?”
“All two hundred.”
“The entire stock, intact?” I asked, incredulous.
“Intact.”
I let out a low whistle and shook my head. I knew that the new kid had potential, but that he would be able to weave his way into a local gang enough to bust their drug cartel was beyond my imagination. Granted, it had taken him more than six months, but now it looked like it had been worth it. Black grinned at me, his eyes shining.
“I knew he wasn’t a mistake.”
“Might be your best recruit, even,” I said still in awe.
We started making our way along the corridor and reached the meet room, the same place where I had met Easton for the first time. We entered through the door and I saw that he was sitting quietly in a corner, his signature black hoodie pulled low over his head, intent on something on his phone. He glanced up at us as we entered and once again I did a double-take at his brilliant irises.
“Xavier,” Black said, beaming at him. “You did amazing.”
Xavier’s face was hard, making Black falter a little. His eyes flitted to mine for a moment, softening slightly before they were back on Harold and he spoke, “When can I get my payment?”
“I’ll send it to your place. Would you like cheque or cash?” Black asked.
“Cash,” he replied promptly, drawing a circle with the tip of his left sneaker on the floor, fidgeting nervously. Black nodded.
“Fifty thousand cash?” Black confirmed as Xavier nodded. I did a double-take, gazing at Black from the corner of my eyes.
“Alright, will do.”
He started leaving the room and I trailed after him, apprehending him the moment we stepped outside.
“Fifty thousand?” I asked him in disbelief as he finally turned around to face me, raising an eyebrow. “You and I both know that he deserves much more than that. The kid risked his life for six months-“
“I am not the one deciding on this, Shelby.” He shook his head, not leaving any room for a reply. “We get-“
“That’s unfair, Harold,” I said, feeling repulsed. “You know tha-“
“This isn’t up for debate, Shelby. Let it be,” he spoke firmly, turning around and leaving me in silence. I sighed, feeling a strange heaviness in my chest and turned around to go back to the meeting room. I didn’t know why, but something about Xavier’s hard expression was unnatural.
I stopped in my tracks when I re-entered, feeling a pang in my chest. He was leaning on his side on the metal handrest of the bench, his eyes gazing into the distance at the opposite wall. He looked sad, and somehow, it made me feel the same way.
“Xavier?” I asked softly. His eyes travelled to mine and my heart fluttered unexplainably. He seemed to come out of a trance, a soft pink blush rising up his pale cheeks, his hypnotizing eyes lighting up for just a second before they were back to normal. I tentatively walked closer to him as he sat up straight, gazing at me with an intensity that held me paralyzed somehow. “Are you okay? You seem a little…sad.”
Something flashed behind his eyes.
“I’m just tired. And…hungry,” he lied.
I wasn’t sure what it was that he was hiding and a part of me wondered if he had injured himself in the process and refusing to tell me. Then again, there was the possibility that the entire project had taken a toll on him.
“Would you like to eat something? There’s a nice little restaurant downtown which I think you’ll like.”
His face blazed red and he blinked in surprise. “Would you…take me?”
I shrugged, amused by his reaction. “Sure, like a treat.”
He bit his lip, thinking hard before he rose to his feet and flashed me a dazzling smile. “Let’s go.”
The restaurant I had told him about was just a little further away from the precinct, hence we decided to walk. We walked in comfortable silence. I gazed sideways at him and was surprised to see him staring at me. His cheeks flushed and he quickly glanced away, kicking a pebble at his feet moodily as we walked along the pavement.
I spotted the quaint restaurant a few feet away and led us inside. The restaurant was a cross between a burger joint and a bar. His eyes flitted over to the rows of alcohol and I made a mental note to keep him away from it. The restaurant was thankfully empty, only a few servers and a happy couple sitting at the back end of the restaurant getting extremely cosy. Xavier slid into a seat near the window and gazed up at me. I saw him side closer towards the window, leaving space beside him, as if for me.
I sighed softly and instead sat across from him. His expression fell but he perked up immediately when the waitress arrived with a menu. After much deliberation and extremely specific instructions for a coffee, the waitress left.
“Hazelnut?” I asked raising an eyebrow. “You seem to be really specific about it.”
“I’m a tea person,” he answered. “But yes, I love the roasty kinda taste of the coffee.”
We lapsed into silence again. I wasn’t sure what I should ask him, or even could ask him. I wanted to distract him so he wouldn’t feel sad. It felt like a compulsion. Like someone like him should just never be sad.
“Are you specific about your tea too then?” I asked, hoping it was enough to divert his attention from whatever morosity was plaguing him.Â
He smiled softly, his gaze trained on me before he spoke in a low voice, “You don’t want to ask me about the case?”
I shrugged, feeling suddenly conscious as he continued. “I like that you…ask me about myself, Grayson.”
I felt my ears burning due to some unexplained reason. I felt like him slurring my name was rather intentional. Or maybe his sexy drawl was something that he just usually talked in.
“But yes, I am,” he grinned and leaned back on the seat as I finally managed to meet his eyes. “I have a very particular-” he took a sharp breath, his chest rising ever so gently when he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper, “-taste.”
I felt hot around my collar, unable to understand why he had such an effect on me. On the bright side, he seemed to be enjoying himself, perhaps way too much. The food arrived, my grilled cheese sandwich and a vegetarian burger for him. For a while, we ate in silence. I noticed his gaze kept shifting behind me and I wondered curiously what he was looking at. I turned to follow his gaze and saw a couple engaged in a steamy make out. I shook my head. “It isn’t polite to stare, Xavier.”
He was quiet, his eyes narrowed slightly. He took a sip from the tall glass in front of him and looked at me. “I was observing.”
I scoffed and leaned closer to him. “Yeah? What did you observe?”
He shrugged. “They seem like a couple to me.”
I chuckled. “They probably are.”
“New. Because both of them look pretty well-groomed. So they’re not that comfortable with each other.” He took another sip of his coffee and gazed at me silently before he asked. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
I was taken aback by his sudden question, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. I didn’t know why, but somehow I didn’t want to tell him about Victoria. Perhaps in some pathetic way, I enjoyed the way he made such a big deal out of me. Things with her were already rough and even polite words were hard to come by. I was desperate for validation.
“No,” I answered, I was careful not to lie to him, however. His eyes shone as he asked excitedly.
“Boyfriend?”
I shook my head, grinning at him. “You seem obscenely happy.”
“Or like any special someone?”
I shook my head again, amused. He looked excited as if bouncing on the balls of his feet like a child waiting for his Christmas present.
“You should date me,” he declared, unabashed. “It would be perfect. We could be partners in law and bust crimes and then celebrate with sex.”
I sipped too much of the coffee and started spluttering. I was half horrified, half amused at his words. His face was blazing as he gazed intently at me as if he actually was waiting for an answer.
“You sure are something, Easton,” I said, coughing as I shook my head, looking at him through watery eyes.
“Why was it hilarious to you?” he asked tentatively, sounding almost scared. I was stunned to hear how soft his voice was, how vulnerable he suddenly looked. “I mean I guess I’m not really dating material.”
I gazed at him, an unexplained pain in my heart. “What makes you say that?”
“I’ve sucked too many dicks to be loyal to one,” he said nonchalantly. His eyes were trained on me as if searching for my reaction. “I guess…no one would want to be with someone like that.”
He shrugged and leaned backwards, finishing the rest of his coffee.
“Is that what love is to you?” I asked. “Exclusive dick sucking?”
He was quiet. “I don’t know.”
“Love has a lot more to do with friendship, trust and caring for another person rather than just sex,” I replied. He gazed at me silently, his eyes somehow darker as I continued. “Of course, loyalty is the foundation. But over the years, lust fades away.”
“Have you experienced it?” he asked, peering at me from the top of his glass. “Have you been in love?”
Was I? When I had married Victoria I was sure that I was. Things with her had been wonderful for a while before everything crashed. Now it merely felt like a constant unyielding noose around my neck, strangling me. I sighed softly, “Have you?”
He chuckled sadly. “I’ve never even been in an official relationship, Gray. Do you honestly have to ask that?”
I didn’t answer and we lapsed into silence again. He was uncharacteristically quiet as if mulling over my words. I decided to lower my voice and ask him tentatively. “What happened at the cartel, Xavier? Did…did they hurt you?”
His expression clouded over and he was silent for so long that I wondered if he would answer at all.
“He was…really…rough.”
His voice broke as did my heart. He averted my gaze, fixing it on the table instead as his cheeks burnt. He looked suddenly fragile. Embarrassed. Through everything that he did, it was easy to forget that he was barely nineteen.
Anger flared up inside me at his words. Before I knew what I was doing, I rose to my feet and walked over to sit beside him. He glanced at me, his glistening eyes wide.
“Are you hurt? Are you in pain?”
“I’ll be okay,” he whispered, tearing his gaze away from me. His voice trembled, sounding nothing like his confident, cocky self. “I just…” he sighed, shrinking away from me, perhaps subconsciously.
“You’re…really nice,” he said unexpectedly, turning around to face me. I was taken aback by our closeness, our breaths almost morphing into each other. I couldn’t understand why my stomach was knotting nervously, my heart racing in my chest. I found my gaze on his lips, noticing how perfect, how delicate they seemed. A dark pink hue, a contrast to his pale skin. Our eyes met and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck rising in scintillating tension.
“And…” he blushed adorably, “you smell really nice.”
I smirked, touching his cheek in spite of myself and recoiling immediately, stunned by my behaviour. I slowly became aware of his scent as well, hazelnut mixed with a sweet, seductive something I couldn’t quite place. I was afraid of getting drunk on the fragrance and quickly got to my feet, hoping he wouldn’t see my beet-red face and retook my seat from across him.
We wandered around the city for a while and I got to know that apart from his unapologetic provocativeness, he also had extensive knowledge about the city. When it was time for him to go home, I felt my heart sinking. The entire evening had felt like something forbidden, and somehow, I found myself yearning.
“Thanks…Gray,” he said when we finally stood outside his building. I nodded and gave him an assuring smile, taking a step back lest I did something stupid and touched him again. He kept still for a while, his intense gaze fixed on mine as if waiting for me to say or do something. But I couldn’t. “You can kiss me if you want.”
I smiled at his words. His eyes were earnest, honest. He moved closer to me and I almost found myself leaning in as if magnetically. What the fuck was wrong with me?
His eyelids fluttered shut, his lips parting slightly. I marvelled at the way the golden glow of the sun accentuated his chiselled features. Bouncing off his dark hair and shimmering gaily in-between the soft strands. Soft? Perhaps. They certainly looked so. I marvelled at the way his eyelashes cast shadows on his pale cheeks, slightly ruddy due to some reason. For a moment, I could suddenly understand how he was able to flirt his way into everything. The thought sent a tiny twinge of pain through my heart. His unabashed flirting with me could well be just his nature. Even if it wasn’t, so what?
Did he actually like me? I wasn’t sure. Our dynamics were completely different, apart from our similar profession. Not to say that I was married, and he deserved someone who could give him everything. I sucked in a sharp breath consciously making an effort not to inhale his scent and whispered instead, “You’re Welcome, Xavier.”
He leaned back, his startling eyes opening as he gazed upwards at me. He seemed slightly disappointed but didn’t say anything instead flashing me a bright smile as he turned and walked away. I kept staring at him as his back receded into the narrow door of the building and somewhere deep inside my heart, found myself wishing for more.
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