A few more days passed before the Lord stepped out of the drawing-room. However, he wasn’t himself. The warm dark eyes that would glitter when he saw me were cold—lifeless, even to Marie. Everything about him now was mechanical. He woke up, ate breakfast, locked himself up in his study for hours and went to bed.
I didn’t go to check up on him at night anymore. I had a feeling that I wasn’t wanted there, and he needed time alone.
“What is all this for?” I asked Marie one afternoon while she was outside with the two women that came to clean the castle occasionally.
“We’re preparing for a trip,” the daughter said, and I rose a brow, still confused.
“What trip?” I asked, looking from Marie was sorting clothes to the older woman who seemed to be choosing between what dry foods to pack.
“The Lord is going to be away for a few months.” The older woman smiled looking up at me. She was kneeling with her daughter by the bags. “For all of the summer months.” My eyes went wide, and my throat felt dry. I wasn’t sure why it caught me off guard. I had known that Lord Evenus went on campaigns around this time.
“He’ll still have to gather the men before moving up north,” Marie said, making me look over to her. She must have sensed my distress. I wasn’t sure how much she knew about me and the Lord, but Lord Evenus didn’t seem to hide things from her.
“That’s true, he still has about a month and a fortnight left before he leaves,” the lady with the rugged arms and tanned face said as she hummed and sorted items. Outside was warm, and spring was coming to an end. The days were hotter and longer. The sun still sat in the sky at half-past seven in the evening. A part of me wondered if Lord Evenus could sense the seasons changing with how lifeless and lost minded he’d seemed for the past few days.
The women left after they were done sorting through dry food and clothes. They took the stuffed bags and stacks to the storage room in the castle. The room also housed equipment and wine as I was told. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had cause to be in it.
“Manfred?”
My head shot up at the sound of Marie calling out to me. We were both in the kitchen now. It was late in the evening, and the bright colors from this afternoon were starting to dull out. The sun was still out, but it would set in the next hour or so. I stared at her, watching as she hummed and drummed a tune on the kitchen slab with the tip of her fingers.
Her grey hair was pulled back, and she had on an apron. We hadn’t been cooking for the past few weeks, but since Lord Evenus started wandering out of the drawing-room she’d made it a mission to get him to eat some bread and soup at least.
“Promise me you’ll check up on Evenus before he leaves,” the older woman said, and I felt my breath hike.
She knew about that.
“He hasn’t been sleeping, and he hasn’t eaten anything but bread and soup. He leaves everything else on his plate,” she muttered, making my sigh before looking down at the floor leveled with clay. “He’s not fit for war. If he goes into it like this he might not come back.”
Marie’s words hit me hard. I couldn’t imagine the Lord not existing again. I’ve known him fully for but two seasons, but so couldn’t imagine it. I hand trembled and I walked to grab a cup from the overhead cupboard to mask my shaking fingers.
“It’s terrible, you know,” Marie muttered opening the cabinet to take down some pots. “He’s stuck in the past. Hasn’t stopped grieving. It’s been eighteen years.”
“Eighteen years,” I whispered under my breath. So that Sawyer person must the dead? My chest felt tight, and I just stood still, holding the cup in my hand with so much force that Marie had to walk up to me and snatch it away from me.
“You too. You’re not yourself,” she claimed, looking at the grass for any damage before putting it away. “If you’re going to help him through this you have to be strong too,” Marie added before walking out of the kitchen.
I blinked, biting my lower lip before looking over at the basin. She was right, I wasn’t myself. The whole situation was stressing me out.
I left the kitchen for my bed-chamber, and I thought of many things while lying down in bed and staring up at the ceiling.
Did what happen to Alister, happen to this Sawyer person? I wondered, swallowing back the spit as I blinked. My heartbeat quickened at the thought that it might have even been worse. When you got caught sodomizing someone down here you got banished. When you were caught sodomizing someone up north you got beheaded. Eighteen years ago. I was a child then, so I don’t remember much about how things were, but Eighteen years ago the Catholic church still had its hold everywhere. The safe zones here in the South were safe, but it was still possible to get caught and dragged off by the church—issues were also not solved locally, and you got dragged off. At least that’s what my mother told me.
A sigh left my lips as I turned my head to the side. I couldn’t sleep. After a few more minutes of thrashing about in bed, I decided to go for a walk in the halls. I took my lamp from the top of my dresser before leaving my bedroom. As I walked through the hallway, I touched the stone walls. They were cool under the tips of my fingers. I went into the main hall, walking about and humming to myself as I looked around.
The castle didn’t have any portraits up. It was something odd I had noticed. All the walls were bare. I wondered if Lord Evenus had a reason for that.
My head snapped towards the hall exit when I heard a piano. The music kept playing but paused. Keys being pressed minutes after each other resonated through the building. Curiosity filled me, and I went into the hallway that led to the stairs upstairs. The music stopped completely, and a few doors creaked and slammed shut by the time I got up to the second floor.
I was making my way to the Lord’s room when I saw Troy laying by the wall on my way. The dog raised its head, whining and tailing behind me when I continue working. I could sense the dog’s frustration. If Lord Evenus has even chased Troy away it meant that he was not in the mood. I bit my bottom lip when I got to his chamber doors. I touched the cool wooden surface of it as I debated if I should go in at all.
Troy whined, walking around me.
“Go away, don’t be a pest.” The Lord said, making the dog whine even more as it tucked its tail between its legs. Its ears were folded against its face.
“Go away.” The Lord’s voice was louder. The dog winced but did as it was told, leaving me alone in the hall.
My heart started to beat faster. If he had that dismissive of his pet, that he loved so much I wondered how he would respond to me knocking on the door. I looked at the lamp in my hands and then at the door’s knocker. I reached for it, rapping a few times on the door. The Lord remained quiet on the other end, even though he’d just spoken up a minute ago. Somehow, the silence felt worse than the scolding he had given to Tory.
“Lord Bennett,” I said, hoping that he would at least reply to me. He liked that name. He had told me to call him that. “Lord Bennett, it’s me, Manfred,” I muttered, resting my forehead on the door. I couldn’t hear anything from the other end. The Lord has gone dead silent. I sighed, leaning off the door before preparing to leave. As I walked in the direction of the stairs, I heard the Lord’s chamber door open.
“Wait!” I turned, holding my lamp up at the sound of his voice, looking to find Lord Evenus looking at me with pleading eyes. “Wait,” he repeated, stepping away from his open door. He was wearing a brown nightshirt over darker brown breeches.
“Come in,” he said after a while of us just staring at each other. He turned, walking into his room. My hands were sweating, and I was nervous, but I pushed back my mixed feelings and walked over to his bedroom door again. I walked into his room, using my Lamp to wade through the darkness. The chandelier has no lights on, and the windows were covered leaving no space for moonlight to shine through.
I spotted the Lord sitting in his armchair. He looked exhausted. His deep-set eyes had darker eye bags beneath them, and his face looked paler. He hadn’t gone outside for a ride or a hunt in weeks. I noticed what Marie meant about him not eating well. The cuffs of his shirt were looser around his wrist. He had lost some weight.
“You can sit on the bed when you’re ready,” the Lord said, making me jump a bit. I hadn’t noticed I had gotten lost in my examination of him.
“Okay,” I said, walking over to the dresser to put down my lamp before heading to sit on the Lord’s bed. I folded my hands in front of me, looking down at them as I waited for the Lord to say something—anything. It was strange. It had been such a long time since we’d say this close to each other.
“I’m sure you’re wondering…” the Lord started before pausing. I looked up, holding his gaze. He looked away from me, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m sure you’re wondering who Sawyer is.”
My heart raced, and my mind exploded with questions. “Yes.” Was all I could manage. The Lord gave me a smile—it was a wary one, filled with worry and pain.
“So, I’ll tell you about him,” he said, and my breathing hiked up as I waited for him to tell me everything.
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