   My wound healed, and I was soon able to walk. That didn’t mean Lord Evenus didn’t follow me around like a doting mother. He wouldn’t let me return to my duties and made me promise to rest for a few more weeks. I had noticed that I slept through winter, because when I stepped outside for the first time in ages the snow was melting, and ice rain was drizzling.
   It was spring.
   Lord Evenus and I spent a lot of time talking—about our pasts and our future together—about the things we hoped and dreamed of. We took horses out on walks often, and it was at moments like this I found the strength to open to Lord Evenus. Lord Evenus also did a lot of talking on our walks. He would ramble on about his parents with a sad smile, and I would look at him, feeling his pain of their death by mere extension.
   Since I had found out about Sawyer’s remains, he became a frequent topic of discussion. Lord Evenus spoke about him with a glint in his eyes. Sometimes he would be sad, and sometimes he would smile as he recalled a fond memory. Ever since I had that dream where Sawyer asked me to take care of Bennett, I have been a lot better about regulating my jealousy. If someone had to move on, they needed to talk through things. Letting Lord Evenus remember and talk about Sawyer was a good thing.
   At a point, I started to picture the man I had never met. The way Evenus described him gave him a god-like persona in my head. The Lord adored him and respected him, even though he was now gone.
   “I hope gushing over Sawyer at every chance I get hasn’t been a problem.” The lord’s words brought me out of my thoughts. I blinked, tightening my grip on Bessa’s reins as I looked up ahead. My heart was beating fast, and in a fraction of a minute, I had a whole seminar in my head wondering how I should go about answering Bennett.
   I was jealous. Jealousy wasn’t a slight emotion though he could brush aside and pretend wasn’t there, but on the other hand, I didn’t feel it was a problem anymore. I’d learned to hold my tongue and bear with it.
   “I won’t lie and say I’ve been a happy lad for all of it,” I muttered, staring at the road ahead. “But I don’t think you should stop doing it. It helps to talk about him, I suppose,” I said, looking at the Lord from the side of my eyes. He has a frown on his face, and he looked deep in thought.
   He let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair before reaching for his reins again. “What if I never stop talking about Sawyer? What if I don’t want to?”
   His words had caught me off guard. My mouth parted a bit as I tried to search for words to say, but I couldn’t muster any. I licked my lips, staring at Bessa’s brown mane as I thought about his words.
   What if he never stopped talking about Sawyer?
   Could I handle that?
   Unable to find an answer, I said nothing, so the ride became silent—uncomfortable, and tight with tension. I could feel my eyes pick up the sound of every sigh and hum from the Lord. He had more to say, and I would wait for him to finish before letting the confused tears whirling in my eyes flow free.
   “Manfred,” Lord Evenus started, making me look over at him. I licked my lips, feeling my heart skip a bit at the look he was giving me. He looks heartbroken like he was about to relay the worst news possible to me. “I love you. You know that, right?” I frowned, looking away from him.
   “Sometimes I’m not sure…” I answered honestly, wondering why he wouldn’t say what he wanted to. Did he want to send me home? Was he trying to tell me he loved me like a brother? I didn’t know. I just knew the tightness in my chest was itching for me to scratch it.
   “I love you,” he said, and I looked over at him. “But I also love Sawyer. I don’t think I could ever stop loving Sawyer,” he said, and I nodded, looking away, wondering what else he had left to say.
   “I love both of you, differently,” he said. “If a man fell in love with his wife and she died before him, would he just stop loving her when he married a new woman?”
   I didn’t answer his question, and after a while, lord Evenus sighed. I looked over at him, searching his dark eyes with my brown eyes. I wanted to know what was going on in his mind. I wanted to know what was behind his thought process. With his expression, I guess I sort of understood it, but it didn’t line up with my experiences with Alistair. Though we had been kids, and maybe I hadn’t had the time to fully love him the way Lord Evenus loved Sawyer after all these years.
   “I guess what I’m trying to ask you is, are you comfortable with this?” There was a glint in his eyes, and his shouldered seemed less stiff. It seemed like he had been wanting to tell me this for a while.
   “Do you think you can deal with not being the only one?” Lord Evenus asked. For a moment I wanted to laugh. We were talking about a dead man. A dead man was weighing on our relationship. A part of me was upset. I had essentially given up my chance at heaven because I loved him and wanted to love him fully—body and soul, but another part of me understood how he felt and what it meant.
   The dream I had of Sawyer telling me to take care of him, played in the back of my mind as I tried to find the words to say.
   “Manfred—?”
   “Do you really love me?” I asked, cutting the Lord off. “Do you love me, or do you wish you loved me? Those are two different things.” My words were harsh, and out of nowhere, but I needed to know to move forward. I knew it was possible to love multiple people differently. My mother loved God, but not like she loved her husband. It was comparable. Evenus had in a way deified Sawyer. He was the first love of his life. The man that made him everything he was, and I was just Manfred—his right-hand man that he had fallen for along the way.
   “I do,” Lord Evenus said. “I really do.”
   My eyes watered a bit, a part of me still unconvinced. I remembered Stephan saying that Evenus couldn’t have picked me because I reminded him of Sawyer. We looked nothing alike, he said.
   “What is it you love about me?” I asked in a low voice, but Lord Evenus heard me. He moved his horse closer to mine, and soon our legs were touching through our breeches.
   “You’re the sweetest person I know.” Lord Evenus smiled. “I remembered thinking that multiple times, but it never fully clicked until I caught you checking on me for the first time,” he said as I felt my face warming up.
   “Manfred, don’t you think it’s a bit unfair that I’m the only one being interrogated?” he asked when I didn’t reply to his answers. “Would you mind telling me why you love me?” he asked, and my face warmed up as a flood of memories—old and recent—filled my mind.
   “You are very kind, and I don’t think you know it,” I found myself saying, letting out a small chuckle afterward. “How could I not love you? I was smitten from our first encounter.”
   “So, we love each other,” Lord Evenus said, reaching out to hold the hand that was closest. “Let’s not harbor doubt,” he insisted, and I looked down at our joined hands, noticing how he has given me his gloves to wear. My heart warmed up as I thought of all the small ways that he expressed his love. Of course, he loved me, but I didn’t blame myself for being a jealous lover.
   “Okay,” I agreed, and he gave my gloved hand a squeeze.
   “I think I’ll bury Sawyer soon,” Lord Evenus said when we reached the clearing, we often hunted in.
   My head shot up when he stopped his horse and made to come down.
   “I’ll give him a nice casket, and leave him some letters, just like he’d want it,” Lord Evenus continues, moving to take down his equipment from where he has strapped them on the horse. “I might have to take down paintings and give away his clothes—” Lord Evenus paused, and he stood still for a bit, staring out into the woods with his eyes wide open. “Sawyer would want that, I think.”
   When. I noticed the Lord was crying I got down from my horse in alarm before walking over to him. I stood in front of him, licking my lips as I wondered if it would be okay for me to reach out and hug him.
   “I—” the lord started but paused before frowning. “I don’t know why I’m getting paranoid now. It’s the right thing to do—”
   “Do it when you’re ready,” I said, cutting him off. We stared at each other, and even though the slight drizzle of snow made me shiver I didn’t move. “I can wait,” I insisted, as my eyes moved from his eyes to his chest. When he stretched out his hands I walked forward, stumbling into his hug.
   “My apologies, Manfred.” His voice shook, breaking under the weight of the cold air.
   “It’s okay.” I shut my eyes, burying my head in his chest as I took in a deep breath. “It’s okay. When you’re ready,” I insisted and Evenus tightened his hold on me. He started crying, and the sobbing made his chest rise and fall as his hands shook.
   Evenus being so conflicted had me in emotional pain. It broke my heart that he was this sad. I shut my eyes more tightly, deciding to send one more prayer to God.
   Let me love him well.
  I hoped I could provide the sort of emotional support he needed. I would love him the way he needed to be loved—and right now he needed me to understand and bear his trauma and grief with him.
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