He Had Never Heard Such Clamorous Cries of Cicadas Ever Since.
The next time Jiang Tian saw Sheng Mingyang again was noon the very same day — in the hospital, full of chaos.
Neither of them wanted to get Jiang Ou involved, but they forgot one single thing: the walls have ears, and the school happens to be the place where rumours are most easily born.
After Jiang Ou went for her parent-teacher meeting, she called Sheng Mingyang, but he didn’t pick up. He only sent a message on WeChat, saying, “Have something going on, will be back late.†Due to Ji Huanyu, she was already in a stage of conflict with Sheng Mingyang, they were on the verge of breaking up. Along with how she wasn’t involved in his business anymore due to her health, she didn’t ask any further upon seeing the message. Instead, she went to Mingli Block with the crowd, wanting to wave Jiang Tian goodbye before leaving.
She ended up catching wind of the rumours circulating along the corridors. Rumours about her son.
Gao Tianyang knew Jiang Ou, and was also the first one to notice that she wasn’t acting quite right. Both Sheng Wang and Jiang Tian’s phones were in their bags in the classroom, so he could only take the more indirect approach, and called the last number……and so the phone call reached Old Man Ding.
And then there was no point of return.
When Jiang Tian rushed back to Fuzhong, it was this exact catastrophe he was welcomed with.
At that point, he felt like someone was playing an absurd trick on him. He was already trying so hard, but he always seemed to be a few seconds behind. He missed the first step, so he was doomed to miss everything else, and then watch with his very own eyes how the carriages on the train crash into each other, one by one. Turning everything upside down, destroyed beyond recognition.
And all he could do was just stand there, watching.
He wasn’t good at speaking up, nor was he good at venting his feelings. He was a mute in name.
Sheng Mingyang had already travelled to the hospital at the fastest speed he could manage. When he exited the lift, he saw Jiang Tian sitting on a random empty bench along the corridor, his body caving in on himself, his elbows on his legs. His head was hanging so low, it almost reached his elbows. His brows and features were still full of the sharpness of youth, but he was absolutely beaten.
He initially wanted to say something — he came to the place with a chest full of anger — but upon seeing a Jiang Tian in this state, whatever he wanted to say instantly vanished to the back of his mind.
For that split second, he abruptly had the realisation that this older boy before him was actually roughly the same age as Sheng Wang……
It seemed that it had never truly clicked for him before that.
But that thought was but a mere fleeting one in his mind before it was suppressed down again. Jiang Tian heard his footsteps, glanced at him, and then behind him on instinct. There was nobody else in the lift, and it closed behind him with a thud.
Sheng Mingyang frowned. A moment later, he spoke, “Sheng Wang isn’t here, I got someone else to take care of him.â€
The feeling of accounting to other people the whereabouts of his son was rather strange, causing him to feel irked. The anger he just suppressed surged up once more. However, he couldn’t manage to speak to Jiang Tian like how he spoke to Sheng Wang; he would subconsciously restrain himself, and speak officiously.
It was at this time then he discovered that he had never treated Jiang Tian as one of his own at all.
Jiang Tian stood up from the chair. He was actually taller than Sheng Mingyang, so despite having the unsubstantial frame unique to teenagers, it was still enough to let people feel the pressure. He said, “The problem is with me, don’t scold him.â€
Sheng Mingyang thought that this was getting absurd — Sheng Wang was clearly his son, but some other person was going out of his lane, like he was a villain bent on causing Sheng Wang to suffer. “Since when have you seen me scold him?â€
He asked in reply. He honestly did not want to continue this conversation anymore, so he hurried inside.
Sheng Mingyang had never seen Jiang Ou this hysterical before; for an instant, he even thought that she might descend into full blown insanity, or do something irreversible. In any case, she was completely different from the person he met at the start. The raw truth was that the feelings between them did not run that deep, actually. It just so happened that there was this person, who coincidentally triggered the cherished feelings he held towards his deceased wife, and she fit nicely. Just like how Jiang Ou’s most passionate feelings did not go to him, but were all given to Ji Huanyu too.
During the winter break, the constantly taut nerves had whittled away whatever traces of feelings he held for her. He only felt for Jiang Ou a few bits of the need to be responsible, some sympathy, and some blame that he was unwilling to admit existed, but couldn’t be ignored anyway.
If there was no Jiang Ou, there wouldn’t be a Jiang Tian, then things wouldn’t have ended up in such a disastrous and embarrassing state today.
But similarly, to Jiang Ou, there wouldn’t be whatever that happened today without Sheng Wang. So as he felt resentful, Sheng Mingyang also felt a little apologetic.
The smell of medicine filled the ward, along with the shrill screams of a broken woman, and the soft whimpers that had never stopped, and also occasional outbursts of sobs of woes. They were various conflicting pitches forcefully mashed together into a dissonant cacophony, so stifling and depressing that nobody could bear to stay.
Sheng Mingyang didn’t know how long had Jiang Tian been in the hospital, but a few minutes was enough to drive him insane. He made several trips downstairs in that period of time — when Old Man Ding rushed to the school, he accidentally fell while tugging back and forth with Jiang Ou due to his absent mind.
Everyone knew that elderly people cannot afford to fall down, and there was an additional rule for Old Man Ding: he couldn’t get too angry or panic. Those upsetting issues in regards to Ji Huanyu was enough to cause him to lose sleep, and become sluggish. Now with this other blow, his entire person had withered away. He leaned against the head of the bed, a bed of snow white hair, his back crooked, watching a random spot outside the window. He spaced out for a long time, like he had aged all at once.
Sheng Mingyang and Jiang Tian were up to their necks in the hospital, and only managed to take a break at night. They rested at the family area; silence and stuffiness slowly spreaded, filling up that corner.
After quite a long time later, Sheng Mingyang glanced towards the direction of the ward, asking, “Do you regret it? Things have ended up like this.â€
Jiang Tian’s gaze was lowered, staring at some empty spot like he was zoning out, or perhaps he was solely silent.
“You’re slightly older, and you’re much more mature,†weariness was in Sheng Mingyang’s tone, he tried to patiently continue, “What are your thoughts, I want to hear them.â€
A while later, Jiang Tian finally spoke. “I don’t owe anyone anything.â€
He grew up with different people, going from person to person. He had never stayed too long with anyone, he had never treated anyone as his pillar. He was used to giving from himself, but he rarely received anything from other people. As long as he took a little, he would return in many times over.
He owed nobody anything at all.
He did what he thought he ought to do, he shouldered what he ought to shoulder. He didn’t need to tiptoe around anyone, he didn’t need to look at anyone at all. He only looked at Sheng Wang.
Sheng Mingyang roughly knew his situation too, and was genuinely unable to find a reply to what he said. He was stunned for a while before he continued, “But Wang-zai is different.â€
Jiang Tian let out a “Mnâ€, and it seemed that any trace of youthfulness had been shed from him at that point. He said, “I know.â€
Sheng Wang was softhearted. He’s sensitive, he kept saying that he has a bad temper, but he was always considerate of other people’s feelings. They were clearly both lonely in their childhoods, but they had two entirely opposite reactions. One gave up and sealed himself away in ice, but the other reached out with countless feelers, searching for any trace of something around him.
But it was because of that that’s why their paths even intersected
It was because of his soft heart, that when he stood beneath the streetlight outside of White Horse Alley late at night, Sheng Wang opened the window and called out to him.
He knew this point all too well, so he spent his morning looking for Sheng Wang all over the world, but did not ask any further in the afternoon. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see him, it was just that he didn’t want for Sheng Wang to come looking for him. He did not want for Sheng Wang to witness the disaster before him.
He knew that Sheng Wang would be hurt. He also knew — the moment he saw Sheng Wang’s pain, he would waver a little.
*
It was already the second day when Sheng Wang visited the hospital.
He didn’t have his bag nor his phone, Sheng Mingyang got someone to watch him for the whole night. In the day, he was in a deep state of agitation and anxiety, all he wanted was to find Jiang Tian and talk to him, even if he was just letting him know where he’s going and to tell him not to worry. At night, the scene of the public cemetery kept repeatedly flashing in his mind. He thought of his mother, smiling at him through the pale white photograph. As for him, his lips pursed as he looked at anywhere but her, unable to say what he wanted to say even until his eyes reddened.
As they say, your loved ones know where to stab you to hurt you the most. Sheng Mingyang knew how to upset him too well. The first day, he was brought to the cemetery, and on the second day, he was brought to the hospital bed. Jiang Tian wasn’t there when he arrived — Sheng Mingyang especially ensured that they would miss each other.
Old people tend to not sleep as much. The nurse said Old Man Ding had already sat on the bed, hunched over and zoning out the entire time before the sun even rose. With that fall, the shock and panic triggered a blood clot, and he became slow-witted. No matter what others said, his reaction was only a grin, causing people to not understand if he didn’t care or if he didn’t understand.
When Sheng Wang entered the ward, he turned to face him, half a beat behind. He stared at Sheng Wang for a while, and suddenly waved at him with a smile.
This was the only senior who would smile after their relationship was exposed. Sheng Wang felt himself tearing up for some inexplicable reason; was he upset, or was it something else? He walked over in hesitation. Old Man Ding’s large shrivelled hand grabbed his, and as he rubbed in a circle, he reached out to bring over the hand peel oranges by the head of the bed.
The old man stuffed the two largest ones to him, and raised his chin. “Eat it, it’s sweet.â€
Sheng Wang lowered his head. Just as he was about to say something, his elbows sandwiching the oranges, he saw the old man also point upstairs, “Bring one to Xiao-Wang too, it’s sweet!â€
He stilled instantly. A moment later, he looked aside, and clenched his jaws. His eyes reddened, bit by bit. He knew sometimes old people would fumble over their words when they get muddle-headed, it was just a moment, it didn’t necessarily mean that he had truly gone senile and couldn’t tell people apart anymore. But the old man used to be spry and lively, he had never been like this before. This was the first time……
This hurt more than receiving a slap on the spot; Sheng Wang basically ran away with his tail between his legs.
Sheng Mingyang then dragged him upstairs, pointing at Jiang Ou who was inside, saying, “I know you’re obstinate, as though if you budge on the issue, you would seem especially weak. But take a look, is this what you wanted to see?â€
Sheng Wang couldn’t recall what he felt the moment he saw Jiang Ou, he only remembered the way he walked in, in a nearly vacant state, wanting to say something to the other person, but finding himself tongue-tied instead. He didn’t know if he should show some concern for her, or apologise. Until. Jiang Ou slowly looked up at him, and suddenly lost control of her emotions.
The nurse and Sheng Mingyang were both trying to console her. As she struggled, she grabbed Sheng Wang, saying, “Auntie is begging you, I’m begging you, okay?â€
Sheng Wang’s face was drained of blood,
Jiang Ou finally calmed down after everyone’s efforts. She looked at Sheng Wang, and curled back under the blanket, her back facing him. She closed her now swollen eyes, refusing to say another word. Sheng Wang stood there, frozen solid and rooted to the ground. He left the ward a while later.
When Jiang Tian turned in from the corner of the stairs, this was what he saw.
He saw a few nurses leaving the ward in a hurry, clearly having just gone through an ordeal. He saw Sheng Wang, leaning against the ghostly white wall of the hospital, standing outside of the hospital ward with his head hung low. His dangling fingers squeezed at his digits subconsciously, both aggrieved and quiet.
For an instant, it suddenly occurred to Jiang Tian: it had been a very, very long time since he saw Sheng Wang with a completely carefree smile.
He suddenly realised that everything he had been shouldering came with spikes, with all of them directly targeting Sheng Wang. Every time the other person came a step closer to him, every time he got more intimate with him, he would be stabbed by those spikes, and then have them pulled out of him again, raw and bloody.
The sun that always revolved around him had ceased to shine. All because of him.
He wanted to press a kiss on the other person’s lowered eyes, to the corner of the lips that no longer held any mirth. Standing there by himself was too lonesome. He wanted to go hug Sheng Wang, but he turned around and saw only the spikes all over him……as long as they weren’t filed down, the day he could go near him would never come.
In the end, all Jiang Tian did was to walk over. He softly called, “Wang-zai.â€
Sheng Wang looked up, his eyes red.
*
Sheng Mingyang was handling Sheng Wang’s transfer procedures amidst his busy work when he received a call from Jiang Tian. He said, “He’s transferred too many times, and hasn’t stayed too long anywhere. Exams are coming soon, don’t transfer him away anymore.â€
Sheng Mingyang said, “Someone has to go.â€
Jiang Tian said, “I’ll go.â€
The luggage he had unpacked for a long time was once again kept away in a suitcase in the end — like he had a rushed and jumbled dream, and then was accidentally startled awake.
*
It was mid-February when Jiang Tian transferred, bringing away with him the cat Sheng Wang had signed for adoption. Jiang Ou and Old Man Ding left with him as well — he left with his spikes, leaving not a single trace behind.
Ever since then, there was an additional empty seat in Class A. Everyone had forgotten to remind the teacher to remove it, just like how Big Mouth Xu casually brought up removing Jiang Tian’s photos from the Wall of Honour twice, but never managing to bring himself to do it in the end.
The minor gaokao in March went on as per normal; time wouldn’t stop just for the separations and unions in some random corner. The collective last minute practice Class A put into had obvious effects, and everyone got four As. They completed He Jin’s target without any suspense, with nobody falling out of line at all.
For quite a long period of time, Sheng Wang became reticent. In some occasional moments, Gao Tianyang and the rest would see a shadow of another person on him, and then they would lament, feeling upset for some inexplicable reason again.
Class A was rather open-minded, the incident only caused the atmosphere to turn awkward for a few days before it was back to normal. Those who were on good terms with Sheng Wang remained on good terms with him. They gathered in all sorts of lively scenarios, making exaggerated jokes and gossiping, trying to cheer him up. They watched him crawl to the first place, staying put there, and gradually throwing the second place behind in the dust. And then they’d howl and cheer like they were trying to get a rise out of him.
The second semester in year two was a busy season. After the minor gaokao, the other classes had entered overall revision. Class A spent all their energy on competitions instead. Sheng Wang managed to snag the semifinals for all mathematics, physics and chemistry. His July and August were thoroughly filled by all sorts of special classes, summer camps, as well as training camps.
Gao Tianyang, as the most steady last place in class, only made it into the semifinals for chemistry. He had an extremely positive attitude, and was plenty happy in his boredom. Every time he saw Sheng Wang’s timetable, he would tsk and shake his head, saying, “This is so so sad.â€
Sheng Wang said, exasperated, “If you really think that this is sad, remember to visit my jail with tributes.â€
It was the first time he cracked a joke like this ever since Jiang Tian left, Gao Tianyang and the rest felt spooked by this show of pleasantry. They immediately swore that they aren’t human if they don’t go.
Ever since that day, Sheng Wang gradually resembled what he was like before; he would step on the chair, rocking back and forth, he would expose Gao Tianyang and SSR’s foolery, he would look up and chug water after he played basketball, and then smile as he chatted with other people, fanning himself with his shirt collar.
Sometimes, he gave people the illusion that everything had returned back to normal, the dust had settled.
Only, when he occasionally walked past the Wall of Honour, he would stop in his steps. He would watch the photographs of him on the wall go from one to two to three, and then multiplying more and more, nearly taking up a small half of the wall……
And the other half of the wall had never changed ever since.
The summer break after year two ended, Sheng Mingyang mentioned that with the help of two seniors in Beijing, Jiang Tian had successfully applied for a school overseas, and thus avoiding the awkwardness of having to face different standards of examinations and progression in syllabus. A hospital suitable for recuperation was even arranged for Jiang Ou and Old Man Ding.
Sheng Mingyang did not mention his role in this, but Sheng Wang thought that it was likely he intervened too.
That period of time, Sheng Wang was in a training camp. Outside Gate #2 of that school was a convenience store, with furnishing extremely alike to Xi Le. Sheng Wang always went to buy things from there, despite it being extremely far from where he stayed. With this and that, he managed to become familiar with the boss there.
When Sheng Wang received Sheng Mingyang’s message, he was buying water in that shop. The boss was gnawing on a cherry, one leg crossed over the other. When Sheng Wang was paying, he generously pushed the glass bowl before him, saying, “Here, have some.â€
Sheng Wang was completely out of it as he stared at the phone screen for a long time. After the boss’ urging, he randomly grabbed one, but tasted nothing but bitterness when he bit into it.
He had just sweat, and his face was a little pale from the cold wind blasting the air conditioning. The boss figured that something was kinda off, and asked what happened.
He turned the screen off, and stuffed the phone back into his pocket. He paid with his head lowered, saying, “There’s something wrong with what you bought, I ate a bitter one.â€
The boss checked around the bowl, saying, “Cherries are in season only for a short while, you luck is pretty bad.â€
Sheng Wang didn’t look up. A while later, he let out a “Mnâ€, and then waved, leaving without looking back.
Perhaps it was the fault of the rotten cherry, he walked only a few steps before his stomach started to hurt. The area where it hurt was too vague, to the point that he had the illusion that his chest was going ice cold too.
He suddenly recalled that day in February, Jiang Tian walked over and softly called out to him, “Wang-zai.â€
Before he spoke, he already knew what the other person wanted to say.
His mind was in disarray, filled with hesitance. He already couldn’t recall what came rambling out of him. He only remembered the way he gripped onto Jiang Tian, saying, “I didn’t let go this time.â€
Jiang Tian was silent for a long time. “It’s my fault, I’m the one who let go first.â€
……
His stomach hurt awfully much, his heart was so cold that it pained him too. Sheng Wang stood on the spot, cold water in his hands for a long time, before he gradually moved forward ahead.
[This school was similar to Fuzhong in its road sheltered by parasol trees, the scorching sun shone through the branches and wide leaves. So bright, that it hurts the eyes. All at once, it’s yet another midsummer; but he had never heard such clamorous cries of cicadas ever since.]
TO BE CONTINUED.
Comment