Arthit’s POV
I smiled back at him.
He pursed his lips and stared at me intently.
His eyes was filled with so much adoration. It was as if I was very precious in his eyes.
I was unable to look away. We stared at each other, no words were spoken but our heart and mind communicated.
His gaze darted down to my dry lips. I bit it for I felt embarrassed.
His hand move its way to my lips, brushing it with his thumb.
I just stared at him like I was on his spell.
Unable to do anything, I let him be.
When he slowly moved his head closer to mine, I knew he was going to kiss me again.
I knew but I couldn’t stop him.
I knew but I wouldn’t stop him.
I knew but I didn’t want to stop him.
When his lips pressed to mine, it felt like our lips fitted like two puzzle pieces joined together.
His both hands cupped my cheeks, pressing me closer to him.
My mind kept telling me to pull away before I lose myself but I couldn’t seem to.
How could I?
When a need inside me, that I wasn’t aware of in the first place, was satisfied by it.
Filled by him.
Kong’s lips to mine brought intoxicating sensation inside me.
We held the kiss for a few seconds before our lips began to move in perfect harmony, slowly and cautiously.
My body had been taken over by the feeling of euphoria combined with desire.
A desire for him.
I responded to his kisses. I responded until I ran out of breath.
It felt so damn good.
It seemed like it wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t Kongpob.
I was disappointed when he pulled himself away.
But my heart was fluttered after it ended.
It was a kiss with a promise of much more to come.
We stared awkwardly into each others eyes.
I was probably as red as a beet right now because his gaze was seeping through me.
I can’t believe what just happened.
What now?
When it all hit me, I lied down and I put my blanket over my face immediately.
What just happened?
Why did I not stop him?
I couldn’t help but question myself.
More than being shocked, I liked it.
There was a moment there where I could have stopped him but I didn’t.
I don’t want to.
Under the blanket, I touched my lips. I could still feel his on it.
Yes. I felt like I could stop him but I opted not to.
When his lips touched mine, it sent a familiar sensation.
It was all it took for me to throw all my reservations away.
His soft lips wasn’t foreign to me.
It seemed that my body remembered the feeling that my mind couldn’t.
The feeling was so unusual and it extended throughout my whole body. It’s very enthralling and overwhelming, it felt as though I am in a dangerous fire yet I am utterly safe at the same time.
It’s frightening to think how a somewhat complete stranger can make you feel like a hole, that you never knew was there to begin with, has been filled.
It makes me feel strangely complete.
“Arth~,” he whispered.
“Don’t,” I said. I wasn’t sure how to confront myself yet and so the situation itself.
I wasn’t angry but I was at a loss for words.
“I’m sleeping,” I turned my back at him. “Are you sleeping here?” I asked when he wasn’t making any movement.
Why did I ask that? It was like I was hoping for him to sleep here.
“Whatever, if you are going close the tent.”
I don’t know what he was doing after since I had my back on him.
“I am not going to say sorry for it cause I am not sorry at all,” he assented.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Yet.
I felt him moved. The silence was deafening after he settled himself.
“Are you mad?” he asked after a while.
I refrain myself from tossing so he’d thought I was asleep.
“Arthit?”
“Kongpob! I said ‘don’t’, let’s not talk about it.” at least until I sort things out in my mind.
He was quiet and he wasn’t making any move behind me.
I felt guilty at lashing out at him. It wasn’t as if it was entirely his fault. I could have prevented it to happen but deep inside me there was this incomprehensible urge to make and let it happen.
I was very confused but I was thinking of ways to pacify Kong.
I couldn’t look at him, I was afraid he might have this expression I couldn’t bear to see. He might have questions, I don’t know the answers.
On the other hand, the feeling of familiarity was bothering me.
His touch.
His kiss.
His hands on my face.
I kept on recalling why but to no avail.
“Kong?” I called out.
“Hmm?” he quickly responded.
“Why? “
“Why what? ” confused, he asked.
“You know, ” I couldn’t put it into words but I hope I was able to get the message across.
“I meant it, ” I heard him say.
“You meant what? “
“When I said, I like you. ” he murmured clearly.
I chuckled uncomfortably. “Tsk, everybody likes me. ” I knew what he was talking about but I opted to ignore it.
I tried to lighten up the atmosphere by cracking a lame joke but it was futile.
“Arthit, I know you know what I meant. “
I was glad that my face was covered with a blanket, he won’t be able to see my reddened face.
My heart beats pace quickened. My palms are sweating and I was unable to speak.
Hearing him say it, made feel agitated but at the same time I was so happy.
I was so damn happy that my heart might burst.
Despite of it, there was uncertainty. I couldn’t fully embrace the feeling.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it yet.
There were lots of things that was bothering me inside.
Am I ready for this?
Shit.
“I am a man, ” I said softly.
“I know, ”
“Then why? “
“I don’t have an answer to that, Arthit. I am not sure why. “
I sighed deeply.
“But I know for certain that I like you.” he declared.
My body went numb. I didn’t know what to do.
“I like girls, ” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure myself about that anymore.
Women don’t give me an intense feeling like he does.
I was very conflicted inside.
“I know. “
“I don’t think I am ready or I will ever be ready. “
He kept mum for a moment. “I can wait, “
“Until when? “
“Until whenever it takes. ” he replied.
I sighed heavily. I don’t know Kong, ” I pursed my lips. “What do you want me to say? “
“Nothing, just let me stay beside you, I want to take care of you. Anything will do, just don’t ask me to stay away. ” he begged.
My heart broke for him. I couldn’t stand it.
I took the blanket away from my face and I saw him buried his head on his knees.
Like my body has a mind on its own, I sat myself up and I pulled him on an embrace.
Despite my conflicted mind, I hugged him tight.
So tight like my life depended on it.
Kong.
—
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