Absolutely Yours 39

Arthit’s POV

For the first time,  I felt fear.

Watching him walking away, entertaining the small talk the girl was initiating – I realized as my feelings for him grow stronger so does my fear of losing him.

I saw Kong curved his lips forming a small smile at her while she kept on talking. It was inaudible as they were walking further.

As they strode away and slowly disappearing in my sight, I feel like I was being torn inside. The throbbing pain was difficult to ignore.

I am not afraid that Kong might cheat on me, I am more afraid about the fact that I am not the only person that can make him smile like that.

I wanted to drag him away from that girl but I couldn’t move.

I find myself over analyzing our relationship – am I good enough for him to choose me over everybody else?

I wonder for how long can he ever put up with me?

I believe there will always be someone more deserving to have him than me.

The thought was troubling me.

I can’t believe how insecure I became because of too much affection he showed me.

He made me see no one else but him.

The question  now is,  do I deserve him?

What the hell was I thinking?

I stood up. “Hey,  you’re done ?” Knot asked,  looking at my unfinished food.

“Gotta go,” I grabbed my bag and left. I found myself tracing Kong and that girl’s tracks.

I need Kong,  as long as he chooses to stay with me,  I will until he says otherwise.

I half-run and half-walk to find him but to no avail.

Where could have they gone?

I admit I felt extremely jealous that even if I insinuated him to stay, he opted not to. He ignored my plea and went with that girl.

On the other hand, I know I made a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have said the things I said and he might have thought that I am really in love with Sahit.

I may have liked her but my feelings for Kong was incomparable.

I never had the chance to explain it to him.

And he never gave me an opportunity to clear myself.

He might be mad at me. If it were me,  I would be.

Shit.

How should I apologize?

Why do they have to go far if they just want to talk anyway?

Why did he have to ask her to talk in private?

He could just refused her outright. He didn’t have a qualm doing it last Sunday when he told the girls he belonged to me.

So why did he have to give her false hopes by being nice to her. Or maybe, he likes her?

Maybe, he’s tired of me?

Or done with me?

I am a man with lots of hang ups. Sometimes, I think I am emotionally high maintenance. Kong was always patient with me.

He laughs at my grumpiness. He’s amazed by my hardheadedness. He can handle me with ease during times when I couldn’t even handle me.

I always feel like his love for me is never an ‘if’ nor a ‘because’ but it’s always been ‘in spite of’ and ‘despite of’.

I can never question his love for me because he sees how messy,  how unpredictable and how hard I can be but still he showers me with his love.

But the heart gets tired like a plant not watered – it goes dry.

Maybe that’s where my fear is coming from – I am afraid that someone else might take my place in his heart.

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.

If I knew, how much he loves me. What am I waiting for?

Should I really need to wait for our love to be totally withered?

No.

Certainly never.

My mind might be in chaos right now but I know now what to do.

After failing to find them earlier,  I went to my class but it was useless since my mind was wandering.

I raised my hand.

Everyone looked at me in awe. “Let’s give Arthit a round of applause, he’s the only one raising his hand. He must have reviewed our lecture. ” our professor said. “A role model student” he added.

Everybody clapped. I was left perplexed.

I looked at my friends, giving them a what-is-happening look but they all ganged up on me – they pretended to know nothing.

What are they talking about?

“So, what’s the answer? ” Professor No cheerfully asked. He’s notorious for being so strict. He has no apprehension giving a student a failing grade if the student perform poorly on his subject.

“Ah- Wha-what is the question? ” I stammered as I reluctantly queried.

Everyone laughed in unison.

“Why did you raise your hand? ” his tone changed real quick.

I smiled shyly, still trying to get the gist of the situation. “To ask permission to go to the toilet, ” I answered.

He took a deep breath, I feel like I am in big trouble.

“Go, this instant. ” he muttered between his teeth.

He didn’t have to say it twice, I collect my things and left in no time.

I ran away hastily as if someone was chasing after me.

Where could I possibly find Kong?

I didn’t want to text him because I  am not sure if he’ll respond.

I ran around aimlessly hoping to bump into him but to no avail.

I decided to go to his apartment and hoping he’ll be there.

When I arrived at his doorstep, I heaved a long sigh before knocking. I was about to knock the second time when the door clicked open.

I saw Kong standing behind it. My heart thumped faster as I look at him.

He had his default smile ready for me but it never reached his eyes.

I feel like I swallowed my tongue, I was unable to articulate anything.

He left the door open and walked inside. I followed him in.

I found him in his balcony standing looking nowhere, I know he heard me but he didn’t turn.

I strode towards him silently. “Arthit, ” he whispered.

“Are you mad? ” he asked.

What?

I was so dumbfounded that I wasn’t able to speak before he continued.

“I’m sorry, ” he seized my arms and pulled me closer to him.

I closed my eyes as he slowly close the gap between our lips – he was gentle. He cupped my face with both his palm and deepened it.

Even after he broke it,  I kept my eyes closed – savoring what we just shared.

“If you want to keep us as a secret, it’s okay. If you want me to act like we’re not together when we’re with friends, it’s fine with me. Let’s do this your way, I’ll settle with everything you want. ” I feel like my heart was going to burst.

I opened my eyes and our gaze met. I saw him with a pained expression on his face. “Just as long as I am the only one -the only person in your heart. ”

Kong – my man.

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