   A few weeks passed and we soon entered the fall season. The Lord went hunting a lot, and he took me with him. Even though I’d mastered holding a gun, and shooting I was still a bit afraid I would hurt myself doing so. I made that complaint to Bennett, and he had given me a bow and arrow instead. He had joked that maybe one day I would be as good as Lady Agnes.
   “Oh, be quiet Bennett,” I said when the Lord has made a similar joke a few minutes ago.
   That was something else that had happened. After our heartfelt moment in Axminster castle, I had put a lot of effort into addressing the Lord the way he liked. I had to drop all formalities like ‘Sir’ and ‘Lord’, and I did my best to not default to calling him Evenus. I had been hard—like pulling teeth. A lot harder than having to pay attention when the Lord corrected my spelling and taught me to read new words. I still did all those things in my head, but it was easier to just call him Bennett when I spoke now.
   We were on a path back home now. Troy was trailing behind Lord Evenus’ horse, and I was riding Bessa to the left of the Lord. It was cold, since it snowed earlier in the morning, and the ground was muddy from melted snow.
   “I was just joking,” Lord Evenus said, looking away from me. A smile was still on his face. “But we really should get Lady Agnes to hunt with is one of these days.”
With a nod I looked up ahead, letting my grip on the reins tighten as we made our way up a small incline. We didn’t talk for a while, and the sound of nature filled the void. Tory barked, making me look down at the dog with muddy paws before looking up ahead again.
   “You know, a Saint’s feast day is coming soon,” Lord Evenus said, making me turn to look at him. “If you’d like to go home then, that’s fine by me.”
   My lips turned down in a frown. I knew the Lord kept offering me opportunities to go home because he didn’t want me to feel like I was trapped in the castle and obligated to stay with him. The thing was, I didn’t want to go home. My short visit the last time was enough to sustain me for the next year. I wasn’t sure I wanted to deal with my father or feel like I had disappointed my mother anytime I looked at her.
   I wanted to explain all that to Evenus, but I found an excuse instead. “My parents are Protestants, they don’t believe in saints,” I said, and Evenus closed his eyes letting out a low sigh.
   “I don’t know who believes in what anymore,” he said, chuckling a bit. We were quiet again, and the sound of horse hooves throttling on bare ground was the sound that buzzed in the background.
   “I’ve been meaning to ask,” I started, hearing my heart pound in my ears as my head raced with a thousand thoughts. I had something to ask him. No, I wanted assurance that only Evenus could give me.
   “Alright, go ahead,” the Lord said, tightening his hold on his reins. He was wearing a black doublet—same as me—with thought breeches that clung to his muscular thighs.
   I took a deep breath, looking forward before I asked my question. “If your parents were alive when you fell in love with Sawyer, would you have pursued him?”
   The sound of my heart beating flooded my ears. I had thought about it a lot. I had chosen to be with the Lord even before he had told me he loved me. I wondered if I had been stupid, or if it were something reasonable that one would do out of love.
   When Lord Evenus didn’t answer my question right away I looked over at him. He seemed to be deep I thought. His eyes stared at the distance in front of us as his lips pulled themselves into a straight line.
   “I can’t predict what would have happened,” he muttered. “But I’m sure I would have found a way to be with Sawyer. He was my world.”
   I hummed, nodding my head at that. I suppose that was a good answer.
   “I worry,” I started, breaking the silence. “I told my mother I left everything.” Lord Evenus looked over at me. His lips were parted, and his eyes had gone wide.
   “I don’t know if I made a mistake…” I trailed, frowning down at Bessa’s back.
   “When?” the Lord asked.
   “Back when you were away, and I went home.” I shrugged my shoulders.
   The lord looked away, with a confused frown on his face. “You loved me then?”
   “I’ve loved you for five years,” I said with a slight smile.
   His frown deepened as he looked at me. “But—”
   “You might have not known me, but I’ve known you for a while.” My face was starting to warm up at my confession. I never thought I would be telling the Lord about any of this. “I’d see you a lot while you were out hunting, walking, or taking a ride. You could say I was enamored at first sight, but over time the small interactions I had with you solidified my feelings…” I continued, turning to check if Evenus was still paying attention to me.
   He was. He licked his lips and nodded his head. I couldn’t see his features since he was looking away from me. I wondered if his face was red. He seems shocked—taken aback—and I didn’t blame him in the slightest.
   “You gave me meat. You’ve given me animal hides. I remember giving those to my mother and having to tell her I bought it somehow. There was also a time you helped me pick up my things when they had fallen over in my haste to walk away from you. You’ve also helped me get my feet out of a crack on pond ice…” I trailed as my voice became smaller with each word. I was rambling now, and maybe hoping that he remembered me even a little.
   “I do… remember some of that…” he trailed, making my heart skip a beat. “Though, I wasn’t thinking too hard about any of it.”
   I smiled a little. “Yes, you have that oblivious kindness about you,” I said, chuckling a bit.
   “Also, I do wonder why you seemed shocked about me loving you…” Lord Evenus trailer. “I would have thought it was obvious.”
   I shrugged my shoulders, letting out a sigh. “I guess I didn’t want to see it in case I was mistaken,” I said, licking my lips. The weather was cool, and it made my cheeks ache when I moved my face. “Also, a lot of what we did together wasn’t odd for a Lord and his plaything I suppose—”
   “Don’t say that,” Lord Evenus said, cutting me off.
   “But it’s true,” I said, looking up in front of us. The path was getting wider and wider, and the vegetation was sparse. We were getting close to the castle gates. “Aristocrats do keep company, even amongst their servants. Mistresses and male lovers could be picked from the servants,” I muttered, reaching out to touch Bessa’s mane.
   “When Sawyer was alive, he showed me he loved me by teaching me new things and giving me possessions. I do the same,” Lord Evenus said, pausing for a bit. “So that’s my love language,” he added, finishing his sentence with a smile.
   “I see…” I trailed, not knowing what else to say. It was true that I got a lot of presents from Lord Evenus, and it was also true that he taught me a lot of things. My face grew warm, and I let the Lord do the talking to the gatemen before following behind him with Bessa. We dropped out horses off at the stable before heading upstairs together.
   “Bennett…” I trailed when he pulled me into his arms after we got into his bedchamber. He hummed, hugging me tight as he ran his fingers through my hair.
   “I love you, Manfred. I hope you know that,” he told me, and I nodded into his chest, letting my eyes shut as I inhaled his scent. We both smelled like outdoor plants and mist. I could hear his heart beating. The pit of my stomach squeezed up when He pulled away from me. He held my face with one hand before smiling down at me.
   “I do wonder how I never noticed you,” he said, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. “You’re the sweetest looking fellow.”
   My cheeks grew hot as he leaned back in to kiss me. My chest swelled, and my hands shook a bit before I moved to wrap my hands around him.
   He soon moved his hands to my breeches, to undo the buttons before pulling away from me to take off his doublet. I watched him, feeling my face heat up at the sight of his chest. He chuckled, reaching out to touch my hair before helping me out of my own shirt.
   Like most times when it came to matters of lovemaking, Bennett led the situation. He laid me down on my stomach, kissing down my back as he hovered over me.
   “Lift your hips.” His words were soft, and I complied with them without hesitation. I closed my eyes, letting my hands grip the sheets as he touched me. Not looking at him always had me nervous, but there was something about being bent over in front of him that aroused me.
   I was hard and sensitive. Lord Evenus didn’t ignore that. He touched me as he pressed into me with the aid of oil, and I gasped, feeling him fill me.
   He stayed still, leaning forward so that his breath was fanning my neck.
  “I love you.” Were the gentle words he said as he moved to hold my hips before moving. The bed creaked, and low moans and sighs filled the room.
   When we finished, Lord Evenus pulled out of me before laying down beside me and pulling me close to him. I was facing forward, and my eyes were glued to the wardrobe doors. A sick feeling ran through my body when I remembered whose picture was hiding behind the stack of clothes inside. It made me uncomfortable. So much so that I couldn’t concentrate on the sweet words Lord Evenus was saying to me as he kissed my shoulder.
This was what I had always wanted. To be loved and held by Lord Evenus, but why was me a part of me still so nervous about a dead man?Â
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