Atlas Toren -38-

Atlas POV

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Arlo wasn’t in the bed when I woke up. But, to be honest, I’m not sure I would have wanted him to be, after last night. I blinked sleepily, before sitting up, and glancing around the empty room.

Empty. As in, no one was there. They had all… left. Gone.

Mhm. I couldn’t find the warm feeling anymore. Glancing around the room once more, at the dim lighting, and messy clothes everywhere, it felt alone. No- maybe not alone. Being alone was fine. I didn’t mind it. It was quiet. But this- this was more… lonely.

Yeah. That’d probably be the word for it. I didn’t bother trying to look surprised at the realisation. My eyes didn’t even widen. I’d never really felt lonely before. More of the point, I had never really been close enough to anybody to feel lonely when they left.

I guess these guys were different. Letting out a small sigh, I lay back down in the bed, just staring at the ceiling, eyes dim. Mhm. This- I guess I could make the best of this… right?

Maybe. I don’t really know. But does it really matter? I mean- one day. One day without them. It’ll be… fine. Maybe two days. Maybe three. They might not ever come back. But how much of a difference does it really make. It’ll only matter to me. 

No one else. It’s just… insignificant. It shouldn’t matter. It’s never mattered before- so why now? Why now does part of me want them to come back? When really nothing matters at all?

Ah. There’s a word for that- isn’t there? Nihilism, maybe. It sounds about right.

But then again- insignificance, emptiness, contemplation. They all sound right.

It’s like- it’s like when you look at the sky. Say, one at the ocean, before a storm hits. When all the dark clouds are brewing, and you can smell that familiar scent of rain in the air. The one that makes you want to just lie down, as the water crashes down around you. The clouds always look so pretty when that happens.

They’re always dark, and condescending. They’re so vast- like they stretch on forever, and whenever I look at them I can’t help but admire, or just- wonder, how much bigger the universe is compared to us.

I blinked a little when I find myself fiddling with the beads I use for my bracelets. Bracelets? Oh. Right. The bracelets. I should probably make another one of those. For…who?

Mhm. Lo? Yeah. Maybe. Dull pink? Okay. Grey? Alright. Muted blue? Sure. Whatever.

I didn’t really pay attention as I made the bracelet. Not noticing as all the charms and beads slipped on. Not noticing how I tied it up. Not noticing when I finished.

I yawned again as I made my way out of the room. Over to mine. Over to my draws. Huh. I didn’t realise the knives had been taken away. But even if they had- what difference would it make?

I felt my eyes dull down a little as I sat on the floor, rubbing the tip on the knife over my fingers. Drawing blood. Blood? On me?

Glancing down, I watched as the small pin prick of the knife drew blood, and gazed, mesmerised as it pooled a little. Huh. Pretty. Just- the red, against my skin. Isn’t it pretty?

Why don’t I make more? The sky is pretty, why can’t I be pretty too?

I’m not really sure what brought this on. I mean, I thought I’d go clean. That I was past all that. That these kind of things wouldn’t tempt or bother me. Didn’t I promise or something? I can’t remember. Will the others care?

Will they care. Huh. Maybe I’m subconsciously assuming, or expecting them to come back. That’s not- that’s not a good idea. Never assume someone’ll come back for you. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

Ah. And here I am. Watching the thin lines of blood create little patterns on my skin. They’re not deep- it’s not like they’ll really matter anyways. Not that I care if they did matter… would I? Would I care if they were deep? Fatal? Would the others care?

Would the others care. Mhm. Maybe I want them to care. I probably do. I think I’ve gotten a little closer than I intended to. They- they were fun. But… do they really matter?

Yes.

Ah. I guess that’s that.

Blinking a little, I look down at the bright red blood trailing down my torso, an artwork that shouldn’t have ever been made. I yawn again, leaning my head back on the end of my bed, before letting the knife fall from my hand.

And the door swings open.

“Atlas!”

“What are you- oh, Atlas,”

“At- Magnus! Come help!”

I scrunched my nose at the loud noises, raising my eyebrows as my mind comes into focus. “What- can you all shut up?”

The noise doesn’t stop. Instead, Cyrus and Niko come down, crouching beside me, worried looks on their faces as they glance at my torso. My torso?

Oh. Right. I caught a glimpse of the cold blood trickling down, my eyebrows raised. “Oh yeah. I kinda… forgot about that.” I mumbled, and everyone fell silent.

“What?”

I narrowed my eyes, before Mags came to kneel in front of me. My eyes scanned over his face, noticing the pitiful and disappointed expression. “Kitten,” He murmured, eyes worried. “Couldn’t you- come to me if you ever feel like this again,” His voice was barely a whisper, and it broke halfway through as Ever handed him some bandages. Shoeing everyone out of the room, Mags focused his attention on me.

“What.” I grumbled, and Magnus’s eyes narrowed.

“No. Don’t go and what me. I care for you! We all do! Please, please don’t go- cutti- doing this! We’re here!”

I glanced down as he began to wrap the small bandages around, before realising the cuts are thin and shallow. He breathed out a small sigh of relief, before looking up at me with distressed eyes.

I averted my eyes. “I- I’m sorry. I just- I didn’t know where you all were. And my mind… wandered. It wasn’t on purpose, I swear.”

His eyebrows raised. “You subconsciously go to self harm?”

Waving my hands in front of my face, I deflected the question, eyes wide. “I- no! That’s not what I meant!”

Eyes narrowed, he wrapped his arms around me, before bringing me over to my bed, and lying down beside me. “We didn’t mean to go, we were just downstairs, I can get someone to wai-“

“No. It’s not- its not that.”

“Hm? Then…”

He left the question unspoken, but I knew what he was asking. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to find the words. “I don’t know… it was just an- an off day. I wasn’t really focusing,”

“An off day?” his voice was soft, and his lips were almost touching my ear. He wasn’t looking at me, instead I was resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around me.

“Mhm. Where everything just seems- I don’t know, it’ll sound stupid!”

I could almost see his eyebrow raise as he chuckled. He shifted a little, before inching towards a jumper, and holding it out to me. “I can’t really explain it. Everything just seems insignificant.”

He nodded, but his eyes were trailing over me as I slipped into the jumper, before I turned away with a blush. He hummed a little, and then pulled me back into his warm arms. “Okay.” He mumbled.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll just make sure we’re always with you in the morning.”

“…mhm.” I acknowledged, and I felt him nod.

“You make a difference to us. You are significant. And we are too. We don’t need to matter or be of any importance to others. Because we have each other.”

I didn’t fully understand his words, but instead I hummed a little, before motioning for him to get up, and wandering over to Colten’s room, where the bracelet lay. I felt Mag’s eyes on me as I bent down to get it, before shying past him in the doorway.

My eyes were fixed on the floor as I came to the bottom of the stairs. “You alright?”

I didn’t respond to Arlo’s question, instead making my way over to Milo. I glanced down at him as I came closer, and his face was full with worry. “Atlas? Are you okay?” His voice was barely a whisper, but the warm feeling came back. 

And it must have shown in my eyes. Milo noticed, because he perked up a bit, before sending me a suspicious glance, and then a suggestive one. My eyes narrowed into a displeased glare, before I reached into the jumper pocket to pull out the bracelet.

Eyes widened, a smile spread across Milo’s face, no doubt everyone else’s, and I slipped it onto him. “There you go Lo,” I hummed, ignoring the silence that surrounded us.

He sent me an overly-happy beam, which I grimaced at. Brushing off the small chuckle behind me, I grabbed his shoulders, and his eyes widened. I pressed our lips together, a slow, warm kiss, and felt myself warm up from his body heat. 

Lo melted into my touch, and my fingers grasped over the back of his head as our tongues pushed together, before I broke off the kiss. A blush coated his cheeks, and I forced down one of my own as I gazed at him. “I- I really like you Atlas,” He mumbled, averting his eyes, and I raised my eyebrows, before turning his face to look at mine. 

“And I really like you too darling,” I whisper, kissing the top of his nose.

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A/N

tysm for reading <3

i kinda want it to be a surprise, so i havent checked the reads or votes yet, but in the notifications there smth around 200

you all mean so much to me, and sorry for the kinda sad chpt hahah

stay safe, and here some tea 

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ê’° ˶• ༝ – ˶꒱
./づ~ 🍵 Kasumi