Behind The Limelight 24: Pink Pikachu Pyjamas

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, Ash,” Tabitha sighed tiredly. “I’m not that dumb and neither are you. There’s no point in lying to me.”

“I’m not lying,” Ashton lied. Again.

“You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to say a word to anyone,” Tabitha said. “Trust me, I know what it’s like to be in your place. When Lee and I started dating… I was scared too. I felt so lonely. So terrified about what the people and media would say. I wouldn’t wish that sort of fear upon anyone.”

“There’s nothing going on between Ryker and I,” Ashton snapped, making Tabitha frown.

Ashton hated the look that she was giving him. It screamed of pity and it was the last thing that he needed.

“Ash, it’s alright to be—”

“Please, just stop now,” Ashton cut her off. “You don’t know anything so please stop.”

“Fine. Be that way,” Tabitha replied. “I’m here if you need anything.”

“Thanks, but I don’t.”

“All right,” Tabitha spoke with a tight lipped smile.

“Yeah,” Ashton whispered. “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”

Ashton didn’t wait to hear anything else that Tabitha had to say, he quickly stood up and rushed to the restroom. He locked the door shut behind him, before going over to the sink and splashing some water on his face.

He looked up in the mirror, his face was completely red and his chest was falling up and down rapidly. Ashton pulled the collar of his shirt, feeling as if the piece of clothing was suffocating him. His throat was beginning to choke up as well, his knees and hands trembling. He had to rest his palms on the counter for support or else he was afraid that he would fall down.

Ashton took his phone out of his pocket, and with shaky hands he tried to find the contact of the one person he knew he could always count on. He put the phone against his ear, the caller tune seemed louder than usual and it felt like it was ringing right inside his head.

“Hello?”

“I need help,” Ashton mumbled, his voice weak.

“What’s wrong, Ash?”

“I feel…I feel like I can’t breathe,” Ashton answered. “My throat and my chest and my head… it’s all too much.”

“Listen, Ash, where are you right now?”

“In the restroom,” Ashton replied.

“Good, good. Take in deep breaths, okay? In and out,” the man said. “Just focus on my voice, alright Ash? In and out. Slowly.”

“Yeah. In and out,” Ashton repeated, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply, holding his breath in for a few seconds before exhaling.

Ashton remained silent, both of them did as he tried to get himself back in order. His head was beginning to pound too, he was still sweating too and his shirt was drenched, but at the very least he didn’t feel like he was suffocating any longer.

“Tell me, what can you see?”

“Bright lights. It’s too bright,” Ashton said. “I see tiles. There’s a… there’s a trash can. A soap dispenser.”

“Good. Now what can you hear?”

“There’s a little ringing in my head. And voices. Outside. People talking.”

“Keep taking deep breaths, you’re going to be okay. Got that? You’re going to be just fine. I’m in London right now or else I would’ve come to you. Are you on the set?” Malcolm asked.

“Yeah,” Ashton muttered.

“Once you start to calm down then go out and tell Erick that you’re not feeling well, okay? Go back home and rest,” Malcolm ordered.

“But I don’t want to be—”

“Ash, son, your well-being is more important than any job. You can go home early one day. It’s completely okay and Erick will understand,” Malcolm said softly. “You’ve got to take care of yourself first.”

“I hate feeling like this, Mal,” Ashton spoke, his voice reeking of vulnerability. “It’s like I— like I can’t do anything. I feel like I’m drowning. Dying. I hate it so much.”

“Oh Ash…” Malcolm sighed. “Did something happen? Did anything trigger this? You’ve been doing so well recently.”

“Nothing happened,” Ashton replied monotonously.

“You know that I can tell when you’re lying, right?” Malcolm retorted. “You can tell me anything.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” Ashton said. “I’ll tell you. Just not on the phone. We’ll talk about it when you get back.”

“Okay. I’m counting on it,” Malcolm spoke. “Look, I’m really sorry but I was in a meeting and—”

“It’s alright, I apologize for—”

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You can call me at any time. You know that you’re like a son to me, Ashton,” Malcolm said sincerely.

“I know,” Ashton whispered. “Go back to your meeting now. I’ll see you once you’re in LA.”

“Alright, take care and keep texting me. Go talk to Erick and tell him you’re going home, okay? I’ll call in an hour to check in on you and if you’re not in your bed then I’m taking the first flight back,” Malcolm commanded sternly.

“Okay.”

“And we need to have a conversation about you getting some help too. And by that I mean professional help,” Malcolm said.

“Right, sir,” Ashton replied dryly. “Bye now.”

“Bye.”

Ashton stayed in the restroom for the next ten minutes, trying to regain some sense of control over his body. Once his legs didn’t feel as wobbly as earlier, he made his way out. He hated having to go to the director and asking him if he could go back home early, but he knew that it was necessary. There was no way in hell that he could work in his current condition.

Thankfully, Erick neither suspected anything nor questioned Ashton too much as to why he was taking the rest of the day off. Ashton didn’t run into any of his co-actors as well, and smoothly left the set.

He exhaled in relief once he was in his car, grateful for his agent.

The first thing Ashton did once he reached back home was jump into his pool. After stripping off his clothes, of course. He swam from one corner to the other, before repeating it over and over again until his body started wrinkling due to being in the water for too long.

Swimming always cleared his mind, which was kind of ironic as he earlier felt like he was drowning. Nonetheless, he finally felt alive again after he washed off the chlorine and changed into some fresh clothes. His chef prepared some hot chocolate for him, and with that in his hand he went inside his study slash office room.

He sat back on his cushioned chair, all comfortable in his fuzzy pyjama pants and shirt. His mind drifted to Ryker, and then to the confrontation he had with Tabitha…but the young actor quickly shook his head, trying to get these thoughts out of it before he fell down the same dark pit. He turned his computer on, going down the rabbit hole of funny animal videos on YouTube instead.

Ashton enjoyed his own company for the next few hours, until he was disturbed by somebody knocking on the door.

“Come in,” Ashton called out. The door opened, and his housekeeper stepped in.

“Mr. Cohen is here to see you,” Vivian said.

Ashton frowned, what the fuck was Ryker doing at his house? Tell him to leave, Ashton thought to say.

“Send him in,” Ashton muttered. His mouth, once again, not obeying his brain.

Vivian nodded before leaving. Ashton stared at the door, hearing the clock tick. After a couple of minutes, his housekeeper entered again, but with Ryker behind her this time.

“Do you want me to get you both anything?” Vivian asked.

“No thanks, Viv. Ryker won’t be staying long. Just close the door behind you, that’ll be all,” Ashton answered with a smile.

Vivian did as told, leaving Ash and Ryker alone. The two men stared at each other wordlessly, making Ash raise a questioning brow. Ryker pursed his lips as he walked towards Ash until he was next to his chair. He looked at the computer screen, a smile forming on his face.

“Cat videos, huh?” Ryker spoke up. “You always did want one.”

“What are you doing here, Ryker?” Ashton asked, ignoring Ryker’s comments.

“Erick said you went back home because you weren’t feeling well. I just came to check up on you,” Ryker answered.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure? Is your stomach bothering you? Don’t tell me you feel nauseous again. What did you eat? Was it—”

“Why does it matter to you?” Ashton cut him off, feeling irritated.

“Because I care.”

“Care about?”

“I care about—” Ryker paused briefly, glancing from Ashton to the computer screen again, “—making sure the shoot is finished on time. We can’t afford a lot of delays.”

“Of course,” Ashton muttered, looking down at his slippers. “Don’t worry. I’ll be at work tomorrow without fail.”

“Good, good. That’s good,” Ryker mumbled.

Neither of them knew what to say next, as the air grew more and more awkward by the second. Ashton was staring at Ryker, who was looking anywhere but at the other man.

“Ahem?” Ashton broke the silence. “You can leave now.”

“Is that what you want?”

“What else would I want?”

“I don’t know,” Ryker shrugged nonchalantly. “We’re both here so…”

“So?”

“Might as well make some good use of the time,” Ryker finished his sentence.

“And pray tell, what do you mean by that?”

Ryker turned to look at Ashton, his eyes moving down to the other actor’s lips as a smirk formed on his own.

“You know what I mean by that,” Ryker said, his voice slow and suggestive. Ashton gulped, caught off-guard by the sudden change in Ryker’s demeanor.

“Jesus Christ, how are you always this horny?” Ashton rolled his eyes.

“What can I say? I’m a hot blooded male and you are…”

“I am what?”

“Kinda cute,” Ryker spoke. “Especially in this pink Pikachu pyjama set.”

“Shut up,” Ashton grunted, his cheeks turning the same shade of pink as his clothes.

“So? What do you say?”

I think you should go back home and we should put a stop to whatever it is that we’re doing. It’s not good for me. You’re not good for me, Ashton thought.

“Eh, what the hell?” Ashton muttered before standing up and kissing Ryker against his better judgment yet again.

***

How do you think Malcolm would react when he learns about Ash and Ryker?