Behind The Limelight 43: Ache

“Oh fuck, right there!” Ashton groaned.

“Can you stop screaming? Jesus,” Ryker muttered.

“Fuck you, fuck, no no no,” Ashton exhaled deeply as he threw the controller on the couch. “I’m dead! Thanks! And here I thought you’d have my back!”

“I would’ve had your back if you didn’t keep yelling in my ear every five seconds like some lunatic!” Ryker argued.

“I wouldn’t have to yell at you if you knew how to play,” Ashton retorted. “I’m finding new friends to play with me.”

“Oh yeah? That so?” Ryker rose a brow. “Are they gonna play with you like I do?”

“Maybe they will,” Ashton replied with a sickly sweet smile, making the other actor narrow his eyes at the brunette.

“You have a ten second headstart, I’m coming for your ass then,” Ryker warned.

“More like coming in my ass, but sure,” Ashton muttered, scoffing.

“Ten…nine…”

Ashton’s eyes widened at the countdown. He stared at Ryker, who didn’t look like he was playing around. Ashton blinked, his expression blank. And then he bolted. Ryker counted till ten loudly before running after the other man.

Ashton didn’t really know where he was going, it was at that moment that he realized he never quite got a full tour of Ryker’s house. It was actually bigger than he thought it would be, and somehow he ended up in the backyard with Ryker still chasing behind him.

“Come near me and I’ll punch you,” Ashton threatened, obviously not meaning it.

“You already have, babe. If you wanna scare me then you’ll have to fine something new,” Ryker said.

Ashton ran around the pool, a smirk on his face as he got an idea. He took off his shirt, making Ryker almost halt, confused by what Ashton was doing. Ashton slid his shorts and briefs down too, standing completely naked in front of a baffled Ryker. Ashton grinned, he winked cheekily at his fellow actor before diving into the pool.

“Catch me now, loser!”

Ryker laughed as he got rid of his own clothes as quickly as humanly possible. Well, apparently they were skinny dipping now. Ryker jumped into the pool, the two of them swam around, splashing water as they tried to catch each other. They both took turns until they were breathless.

Wide smiles decorated their faces as Ryker wrapped his arms around Ashton’s waist. Ashton’s laugh died down slowly as he looked at Ryker, who was already staring at him with so much adoration and love in his eyes that Ashton felt like a fool for not seeing it earlier.

How was he so blind to Ryker’s feelings? That too for years. Maybe he just never thought it was a possibility, or maybe his own hate had clouded his judgment so much that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him.

Ashton’s lips turned downwards as he thought of how much time he wasted. He could’ve spent years being friends with Ryker, or maybe even more. But instead he was an absolute fool. He was stupid, falling for games that he never wanted to play in the first place.

“What is it, meu amor?” Ryker asked softly, his expression mirroring Ashton’s as he caressed his cheek. Ashton closed his eyes shut, the tenderness with which Ryker spoke to him and touched him was…too much.

It was too much. It was too intimate. It was making Ashton go insane. It was making his heart rate go haywire, and his body felt like it was on fire despite them being in cool water.

They were having such a good moment, and Ashton just had to ruin it by being himself. By being too damn emotional and overthinking and just wrecking everything like he always did.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton whispered. Ryker furrowed his brows, feeling puzzled as his frown deepened. But before he could ask any more questions, Ashton continued. “I’m sorry for wasting so many years hating you. For hurting you constantly and I…I’m just sorry. I’m sorry for being a fuck up.”

“You are not a fuck up, Ash,” Ryker stated. Ashton turned away, but Ryker held his chin to make the man face him again. “No, look at me, baby. Don’t turn away. You are not a fuck up and you did not waste anything. We both hurt each other, it wasn’t just you. But what matters is that everything is out in the open now and we’re moving past it, okay? Would I change a thing or two if I could? Sure. But as long as I end up with you…no matter how I get there, that’s something I’m happy with.”

“You’re happy?” Ashton asked, his voice just a whisper as Ryker smiled, nodding as he leant forward to press a kiss on Ashton’s forehead. “Really? You’re happy with me?”

“More so that you can ever possibly imagine,” Ryker answered. “You make me the happiest man alive, Ash.”

“You make me happy too,” Ashton said. It was true, he had been…much better and happier ever since Ryker came back into his life. Even before they started hooking up.

Ashton didn’t want to admit it then, but just being in Ryker’s presence again was enough. Ryker was like sunlight on a cloudy day. Gray and cloudy was exactly how Ashton would have described his life before Ryker. It was dull, and it left him gloomy all the damn time. But with Ryker…everything was better with him. It always had been.

Was this love? Ashton couldn’t help but wonder.

Ashton had been in love before, or at least that’s what he thought he had with Maria. They were together for a long time, after all. But Ashton had never felt this way, the way that he did with Ryker, before. Not with Maria or any of his other exes. Sure, he cared about them and they seemed to reciprocate. But that was about it. He never felt a flaming hot passion inside of him like he did for Ryker.

Ashton never calmed down by another person simply touching him. He never blamed the day for only being 24 hours because that meant he didn’t have more time with them. He never repeatedly looked at the door, hoping to catch just a single glance of them because that was better than not seeing them at all. His body, his mind and his soul never ached for someone like it did for Ryker.

All of this had intensified after he cleared the past with Ryker, and after they had sex for the first time two weeks ago. It was still there before, but now the feeling was so overwhelming that Ashton felt submerged in it. It was consuming him whole. And he didn’t want it to stop.

He loved how his eyes searched for Ryker and he loved how his body yearned for him. He loved how a single smile from Ryker was enough to make his day and had him blushing like a teenage schoolgirl with a crush. He loved how he kept checking his phone every five minutes when they weren’t together to see if Ryker had texted him. He loved going to sleep next to him and he loved waking up in Ryker’s arms.

He loved arguing with Ryker over stupid shit and he loved it when the other man whispered sweet nothings into his ear as they made love.

Ashton had always loved Ryker. Ever since they were kids. But only now was he realizing that he was in love with Ryker. But it was too soon, right? Or was it too late? At this point, Ashton couldn’t tell anymore.

Fuck. I’m in love with Ryker Cohen, Ashton thought.

Ashton blinked, he parted his lips to say something but no words came out. His throat felt dry. Why was he feeling so scared? He already knew that Ryker loved him. He hadn’t said it again since the day he confessed, but Ashton knew. He just knew.

That was another thing that he loved about Ryker. How Ryker didn’t need to confess his feelings all the damn time or do any grand gestures for Ashton to still be sure that Ryker loved him. He could see it and he could feel it in the little things that the man did. He didn’t need proof, he didn’t need anything but Ryker’s hand in his own.

“Is there anything that I can do? Anything to make you feel better?” Ryker questioned, and Ashton simply shook his head as he gave him a small smile.

“You don’t need to do anything. You already make everything better,” Ashton replied.

“I’m happy to be at your service,” Ryker joked, trying to lighten up the mood. But there was one last thing that was making Ashton worry.

“Shooting ends in two weeks,” Ashton whispered. “What are we going to do after that?”

“What do you mean?” Ryker asked.

“Us. What are we going to do about us?” Ashton clarified. “We have the perfect excuse to spend time together now but…once it’s done we’re both going to be busy with other projects. It’s going to be a struggle to get our schedules to match and then there’s paparazzi and media and what if we become distant and-“

“Sh, Ash, slow down,” Ryker said, leaning forward to peck the other man’s lips. “We’ll figure all of that out when the time comes, okay? We don’t have to rush into anything or stress over things we can work out. And we will. We will work it out. Actors make relationships work all the time.”

Relationship? Ashton gulped. Is that what this is? They haven’t defined anything yet, right? Or was it implied and he somehow missed it?

“Not that-” Ryker’s eyes widened as he realized what he had just said. “-not that I’m saying we’re together. Like together in a relationship. You know, boyfriends or whatever. I just meant…I just meant we will work out, uh, whatever it is that we are.”

“Okay,” Ashton nodded. Ryker’s little rant was adorable, but Ashton was too stunned to say anything. The three words that he did want to speak out loud were at the tip of his tongue, but for some reason it just didn’t feel like the right time.

“Yeah, okay,” Ryker cleared his throat. “So, uh, round two?”

“Of what exactly?” Ashton asked. “Swimming? Gaming? Sex?”

“All three are tempting but…I think I’m in the mood for beating your ass in FIFA now.”

“You’re on. The loser has to cook dinner,” Ashton grinned.

“You mean that if I lose then I have to make dinner and if you lose then you will order take out?” Ryker questioned.

“Yep.”

“Idiot.”

“Yep.”

***

i thought BTL would be 30 chapters max but here we go smh